Destroying my life

[RoadToRecovery1001]

I'm currently sitting here reeling over my decision from yesterday. I was all set to start a new and exciting role in a great company but became overwhelmed with fear, insecurity and self-doubt and backed out at the last moment. I worked so hard to get to the point of being offered the role too.

I interviewed long and hard over several months for what I thought was the perfect role. Now I've resigned from my old job and have no new job to go to. This isn't a reversible decision either. I was a good performer in my old role but didn't get along with my manager and certainly can’t go back there. I’ve disappointed my new employer, my family and most importantly myself.

I see so much wasted potential when I look at mysel. A degree that I squandered because I acted to late, failed relationships and failure to develop into the person I want to be. I'm in my early 30's now and am changing jobs every couple of years. I have no clear goals, no direction and am just drifting around aimlessly. I'm currently alone and have no one to talk to. I'm genuinely terrified that I have destroyed my life. I feel so upset. I can’t get a grip on my extreme anxiety around change and keep self-sabotaging myself. I have completely missed the boat of life’s opportunities. Career, marriage, friendships are all rapidly disappearing from me.

[Sophie_M]

Hi RoadToRecovery1001,

We are sorry to hear that things have been so overwhelming for you recently, especially having to make such a big decision without any extra support. We can hear just how much you are doubting yourself and so we want to remind you that you do have significant strength and that you are important too. It takes a lot of courage to reach out to our online community and we’re really glad that you have.

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

[smallwolf]

Oh man! That really sucks. It takes a lot of courage to talk about what you have gone through in a space like this. Except what I can say is this... you have the talent and skills that others are looking for and that counts for something.

I also think that whatever made you take the decision of not taking the offer must have been something really important.

If you want to talk about what happened I will listen to you.

[geoff]

Hello RoadToRecovery, trying to cope with anxiety can be so tormenting and can affect people, like yourself, in so many different ways, that eventually you have a goal to achieve but are unable to do because there is something in the background that holds you back.

I'm really sorry this has happened and hope you feel comfortable coming back to us.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Petal22]

Hi RoadToRecovery1001,

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

Can you go back to the company and advise that you have now reconsidered and want the role?

Im sorry your anxiety is heightened have you ever seeked professional help for your anxiety?

Its not too late for you, good things will still come your way.

Have you ever really been able to set goals that you really want to achieve?

It sometimes takes a little time to really know who we are as a person and what we really want to achieve in our lives.. sometimes this happens later in life..

When in comes to marriage I know of people who met in their early 30 s and are married now with kids… your time will come.

What is meant for you will always find it’s way to you.

[Banksy92]

Hello RoadToRecovery,

Sorry to hear you're dealing with so much right now, changing jobs is a huge step and can be really difficult. I know myself, (currently just resigned to go to a new employer) I have been so incredibly anxious and filled with self-doubt, waking up in the middle of the night, constantly thinking and worrying. Change is scary.

Something I'm trying at the moment is changing the narrative in my mind - and out loud! Rather than saying 'I'm nervous' I say 'I'm excited'. It's a small step but powerful - apparently, nerves and excitement are pretty similar on the inside, we just label them differently.

Maybe you could take this break in between jobs to consider working on yourself and your mental health? Have you considered talking to a doctor about your anxiety? With some professional support, I'm sure you can build the strength to get yourself back out there and find your true passion.