Constantly living in fear

[Andthen8]

I left my husband 4 years ago today. I left in the middle of the night with 6 kids. 4 kids didn’t even have shoes on and none of us clothes to change into. I didn’t know what to do or where to go but I can tell you I had never been more scared for my life or for my kids life. 
I barley had any money but I managed to rent a one bedroom cabin in a town far away from home, nobody knew where we were.  I managed to get a job and a small house closer to my work, and i started again from scratch, I slowly bought furniture and everything we needed to live with no help from anyone. I’m proud of the fact that I done this on my own. I’m struggling but I have my kids food on the table and a roof over our heads.

I have always had the fear that my ex would find us but lately that fear is deeper and I’m terrified. I don’t know what to do and how to get help, I know he is looking for us but what can I do if he finds us

[ecomama]

Dear AT8, welcome to the forums. 

You call the Police if he turns up. 

If you have previously reported to Police, then you can contact Victim's Services in your State or Territory. 
These marvellous organisations can offer help for you in different forms. 
For us they installed CCTV cameras around our property. 
For us they allocated funds for Psychologists and Counsellors. 

They were willing to discuss anything at all I was terrified of at the time and did all they could to support us through our most horrific of times. 

Today, right now, 24/7 you can phone 1800RESPECT. 
I suggest you call them now to become "linked in" with them. 
I called anonymously to begin with then found it VERY beneficial to give them my name so they could make notes on our situation and cases. 
This way the Counsellors who answer my call would be able to put me straight through to a Psychologist I could talk with further. 

Via my own Counsellor we created "Safety Plans" for all the kids and myself. She was right in forcing me to do this (I didn't want to create more fear in them by doing this) as they helped empower us. 
She helped us create a plan for IF the kids were on the bus home from school. 
IF they were on the train. 
If they were at school when he turned up. 
Wherever we were, we had a Plan. 

We practiced these a few times, like an "Evacuation Drill". We did have to use them a number of times. 
They WORKED! 

You took your power back by leaving. 
Fear takes our power away. 
Empower yourself by linking in with supports now. They are there for YOU and your kids because you are all precious. 

Love EMxxxx

[Croix]

Dear Andthen8~

Welcome back, it has been a while, and at that time you ex had become complexly controlling. You got away!

I can't improve on the information Ecomama has given you, it's spot on, from call the police to becoming known to 1800RESPECT (my apologies if you already are).

Fear is not really helped by logic, and although I will point out you have already done something many simply can't - start  new life  - I doubt that will be much help. It still overwhelms.

Perhaps if you think of the effect on your kids if he ever did turn up (you have no reason you have set out to suppose it is likely) that will give you the anger and strength to deal with it if he ever did.

Anger can be so useful, it has allowed me to do thngs I never would otherwise, and rather than being paralyzed I've acted (in this case hit speed dial for 000)

It is a truly horrible time for you - may I ask how are your kids getting on?

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Andthen8, this must have been such a traumatic event trying to get six kids plus yourself out of the house and it may be wish to get an AVO preventing him from being anywhere near you or the kids, and if he provokes this, then there is a chance he may go to jail.

I knowthat Anglicare help people in these types of situations, so it may be worth contacting them.

Geoff.

Life Member.