Confident but can't speak, Selective Mutism

[YarrBee]

Does/has anyone else experience/d this?
I can speak in some situations but not others. In after school activities I couldn't speak to anyone. At school I couldn't speak in classes I didn't already have friends in. Now I'm at university and was determined to start speaking so I could let out my personality and make new friends. But I quickly went back into my shell and soon everyone expected me not to speak.
I don't understand why this happens. I am very confident in myself. I think I'm an awesome person and I don't care if someone doesn't like me. So why can't I speak? I recently found out about selective mutism which really resonates with me, except for the part where you feel anxiety. I do feel anxiety if I get put on the spot but that's about it.
Maybe I'm really out of touch with my feelings? I find whenever I try to tell someone what I'm experiencing, I start to cry and I can't let out a word. I've realised I don't like crying in front of people, I try hard to hold it in or hide. I want to tell my best friend, who I live with, and my family but I can't.
My best friend is going through anxiety and depression but she's able to tell people. She told her friends at university (and not me until recently) and she writes things on social media. She said she's never been worried about me since I never seem to experience anxiety or depression, that I'm really happy. I genuinely am happy (but far less than I was before) and am comfortable being alone. But lately I've been sad as it's nearing the end of the year and I still haven't made friends at university. I'm good at hiding my feelings and I guess from myself as well. I need her to ask if I'm okay too because we're both going through something. Her bringing up what's going on in her life hasn't been enough to get me talking no matter how hard I try.

[quirkywords]

Yarrbee,

Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your story. It is hard if what you are struggling with does not fit into a certain category.

It must be difficult for you not to be able to tell people how you are feeling.

You can express yourself clearly with the written word . Have you ever tried writing down your thoughts and showing them to your friend.

It is interesting how you are confident yet find it hard to speak in front of others and I can talk a lot to people to hide my lack of confidence. In some situations and sometimes I find it hard to talk and people then say "why are you so quiet" which makes me even quieter.

I think we tend to assume someone who talks a lot is confident and someone who is quiet is shy but as you have shown that is not always the case.

I am sure other people here will have more experience and more advice for you.

I just wanted to thank you for reaching out and welcome you.

Quirky

[Starwolf]

Welcome to the forums, YarrBee.

Well done for reaching out to share your thoughts and concerns. These forums are a safe place to do so. A good space to practice opening up about your deeper feelings. Acknowledging something is not right and needs attention is a courageous first step.

Being confronted with an inner brick wall is not easy to cope with. The origins for such blockages are often hidden in a past that remains below the consciousness line. The mind is an intricate maze, a chunk of it lies outside our everyday awareness. It is easy to wander around and bump against one dead end after the other. This is why a professional guide is often needed to help us get to the bottom of what is troubling us. Have you thought of seeking counseling to help you find out what it is you are up against ?

Copying your post or writing down your thoughts like you have done here, then handing this over to a GP or counselor could help you start the process.

This issue is obviously troubling you and hiding your true feelings from yourself is a genuine concern. Communication is the essence of every relationship. You deserve a lot better than social isolation. So please take good care of your inner well being.

Good to have you on board.

[mars00]

I know exactly how you feel, I have the very same problem you do. I can feel really confident to do a speech in front of my whole school and I know exactly what to say, but once I start talking my voice sounds really nervous and I'm always stuffing up my words even though I don't actually feel nervous. I can only speak to one of my friends comfortably, but every time I try to talk to someone else hardly any words come out and I never understood why. I have never really gotten depressed over it but it really annoys me that I can't talk properly to people at school. Everyone keeps trying to force me to talk to more people but it has never worked. No matter how much I tell myself to talk, I just can't do it. I keep trying to tell everyone that there is something actually wrong with me but they won't listen and just say that I'm shy. I find it so hard to explain to everyone.

[white knight]

Hi YB, welcome

Great replies here.

We cant diagnose but I could have what you have.

At 12yo my older bro 15 and I were swimming in our above ground pool when he suffered a diabetic fit. I pushed him over the side and he staggered to our back door where my parents administered jam. I was in shock and walked to a playground. I didnt speak for 3 months...not a word.

For some reason i never connected not speaking to that near drowning incident but from then on I was highly sensitive and had bouts of mutism.

In 2009 at 53yo I met an amazing psych. He made the connection. Diagnosis was dysthymia, bipolar, depression and dwindling anxiety. A very low dose of ADs and not much more just meds for bipolar.

It demonstrates the ease of treatment so I urge you to seek professional medical help. It will change your life.

When Ive gone into my shell its like a defence, a place I cant get hurt by anyone. But it isnt a good way to live.

Sometimes we need a person to steer our boat so its direction is within normal parameters. Start with your GP.

Tony WK