Boyfriend broke up with me because of his mental health

[JodyB]

My boyfriend of 6 months suddenly ended our relationship nearly 2 weeks ago. He told me he wasn't in a good head space and couldn't be in a relationship right now because he needs to focus on himself and his mentality. He had been telling me for a few weeks that he wasn't feeling happy within himself and wasn't in the best frame of mind. We haven't really spoken too much since the break up. I'm hurting a lot and finding it really hard to accept. I have these thoughts that maybe he just didn't think I was good enough and didn't have feelings for me. 

[quirkywords]

Jody. I do not know what was happening tou your partner but sometimes when people have depression the thought of burdening amother person with their struggle is too much. They can dislike themselves so much they can not bear dragging a loved one.

I can see how much his decision has affected you as you love him and want to help.

could you maybe write a letter to him expressing how you feel 

[JodyB]

Hi quirkywords,

I've been thinking that also because he did say he doesn't want to keep upsetting me because he can't give me what I need right now and it weighs heavily on his mind daily. 

I have tried reaching out on the weekend but yeah he didn't really reply. He told me on Tuesday he didn't reply because he doesn't want to upset me more.  

[Guest_1584]

Hi op.

Quirky's right l'm afraid and it prob is something like that . My partner , well now ex , gave me almost the same things a few mths ago.

We have talked a bit since but basically she says she's just too sick , as in MH wise , to cope with a relationship and being a gf and also in that she just feels she could be of no use to me or fair to me bc of the sate she's in. She also says she just couldn't cope with the burden and guilt of just knowing she'd be just dragging me down with her.

l've tried to talk about and suggest that if we were together again and in the one place one house- bc we've been apart on and off 18mths now, being together again properly could actually pick her up and help butttt, she just doesn't think she could.

l'm sorry about your sitch.

rx

[ecomama]

Welcome to the forums JodyB. 

You could replace "accept" with respect. 
IE respecting his decision. 

I think it's awesome that he realised where he's at and didn't want to bring you down. 
If that's the truth. Whatever the truth is, he's ended things and is demonstrating his commitment to the relationship being over. 
So with respect it's important for YOU right now to recover, learn from this and grow stronger. 

It's not fun feeling broken hearted, big hugs! 
Being kind to yourself with tons of self-care, connecting with friends and family, sitting with your feelings for x long, will help you heal from this. 

Any unanswered questions you have, in the absence of answers from him that make sense to you, you can make up your OWN mind now. 
EG it wasn't that he thought you weren't "good enough" no, pfft that's not helpful for you to think! 
You can replace this thought with "he thought I was TOO GOOD for him" which is probably far closer to the truth. 

You're awesome. 
You now know you have the capacity to LOVE.
The pain of unrequited love is an experience shared with so many of us here and around the world! 

You're part of a group of AMAZING people. 

If you're having difficulty focusing on your future, the 180 strategy is a great one to look up! 
You've got this. 

Love EM

[JodyB]

Thank you so much, I really needed to read this today. 

This morning he replied to my text and he said there are definitely no hard feelings, He still cares for me and wishes me all the happiness in the world but unfortunately he can't fulfil my needs atm. He said things have been tough (I'm assuming since he ended the relationship) then he said all the best. I went into that fight mode because I panicked this could be the last time we ever speak and I replied basically implying that I didn't think he was being 100% honest with the reason he gave me to end it and I pretty much asked again for the reasonings and sure enough no reply. Now I just feel 100 times worse and I'm embarrassed. I shouldn't have replied. 

[Guest_1584]

So sorry to hear that op and l actually meant to mention to actually that l was only talking more so about my own personal situation and l more than anyone do know what she's been through this last few yrs. So in my case l do know where she's been at a long time now and none of what she's been saying was any surprise tbh.

But , not to say your bf is in the same place though butttt, sometimes it's not even about very bad times or life, sometimes its just MH itself.

lf you think there's more to it then there might well be but unfortunately whatever the truth is on his side, he does sound like for now anyway, that he's made his decision l'm sorry to say.

rx

[JodyB]

My boyfriend broke up with me 3.5 weeks ago and told me it was because he couldn't be in a relationship right now due to his mental health and that he was struggling. Said he needed to get his head right. It's been 1 week since we have had any contact and It's been really hard. I feel like I have completely lost him and he has forgotten about me. 

[livi_mivi]

Hey JodyB, 

Thank you for sharing, I can imagine it would be incredibly hard to see your partner struggling and not knowing what to do to help. It's also really hard to have to try and deal with how you are feeling now too. I have been on both ends of this kind of situation before. And honestly, as hopeless as you might feel right now, it's could be really helpful to remind yourself that this isn't because of anything you did or how he feels about you but rather, his need to heal. As someone who has struggled with this before, it was so emotionally draining. I often felt I was burdening and letting my partner down because I couldn't be there for him in the way that he needed or the way that I wanted to. I would put any last effort into trying to sustain the relationship but would quickly burn out because I wasn't putting care into myself. This wasn't my partners fault and it isn't your fault either. 

On the flip side, it was so hard to not know how to help my partner and be stuck in this limbo. I knew he loved me and I had to respect his decision, but it didn't make it any less heartbreaking. 

In both instances, I found it helpful to direct my attention to how I was feeling, what I needed and how I could help myself get what I needed. It was very hard to do this at first but with some support, it slowly became easier. For now, I encourage you to focus and care for yourself. Do you think you could share how you are feeling with a friend or family member?

No matter what the outcome is, I really hope you can find peace and healing. All the best 😊

[JodyB]

My boyfriend broke up with me close to 4 weeks ago and said it was due to his mental health, can't be in a relationship right now and needs to focus on getting his head right. I was extremely blindsided by it as things have been good between us and our relationship. He went pretty cold after. We have had no contact in 9 days. The last message he sent me he said he didn't feel like being around anymore. I replied and offered him support and if he needed someone to speak to I would be here and he never replied. Completely ignored me. I'm struggling to try move forward as I am so confused.