Hi, welcome
This might help.
A long time ago I worked for a Govt body. I was told to accept what was mini corruption. It favoured a Local politician as he was friends with my bosses. I refused. I continued to treat him like everyone else in society.
Eventually I went off after a panic attack that was initially misread as a heart attack. I was off work for 10 months and during that time I fought the Govt body bosses in the media and push for inquiries that I was successful at getting. I had all the evidence. Regardless, I lost my job. I was going to therapy.
Therapy helped as I finally got clarity.
- It was honorable my actions but not realistic. I over reacted. I should have accepted such grey areas exist and distanced myself from the corruption
- I could have easily told my supervisor to handle the situation and cut me loose from it
- It took me 22 years to recover from anxiety from that situation.
So, without knowing the circumstances depends whether a similar dodging of responsibility is just, however, the first thing to realise is that only humans make mistakes. Mistakes are ok as long as you learn from them. If they are criminal in nature then you'll need to swallow the consequences.
So intrusive thoughts are also interesting. My therapist at the time trained me to reject unrealistic thoughts. Consider if they are a real possibility if not keep busy with activities and they will disappear. An idle mind is filled with a wandering mind getting filled with these.
The most important thing about serious life events like this is- that in one year or so it will be resolved one way or the other. Then you'll look back and realise it is a mistake and you'll be optimistic about the future. Be more gentle with yourself, even the most intelligent of all people make mistakes.
Does that help?
TonyWK
