Anxious at work because of a fall out with work colleague

[Snoopy88]

Hi everyone.

i wanted to know if anyone else has been in the same suituation and what did you do to try and overcome it.

the story goes like this. I had a fall out with my work colleague. We were really good friends. Now she doesn’t want to talk to me. She blocked me on Facebook and on her phone. She doesn’t even look at me anymore. I dunno why she has done that as I tired to speak with her she said she doesn’t have an issue with me. But if I keeping asking her she said she doesn’t want to be my friend. I told her I’m scared to come to work. She said it’s not her problem that’s my problem and I shouldn’t try to get her in trouble as she works hard. I asked her can we atleast be normal at work. She said yes that’s what I am doing right now. Since that conversation occurred we haven’t spoken at all. And I had a really bad anxiety attack which started at 12:30PM I kept thinking about her couldn’t get her out of mind. Her name kept popping in my head and I would visual her face. It’s really distressing me. Even when I’m not at work I think about her. Wishing we could just be civil at work. It’s like I have an obsession about her and can’t seem to get her out of my mind. My partner picked me up from work because I was so anxious. I told him what I’m going through. He said try to think of a white wall and tell your mind shut up. When I tired doing that it got more intense. Her name would constantly repeat in my mind and I would see an image of her. I dunno what to do. Has anyone else been in the same suituation before and how did you deal with it. I’m really frightened of that girl. I wish it wouldn’t effect me soo much.

[Alexlisa]

Hello Snoopy,

That sounds like a really difficult situation to be in. I’m glad you reached out here for support.

Since you’ve already spoken to her, if you’re not willing to go to your manager, I’m not sure what else you’ll be able to do. It sounds like she won’t be willing to change at this point, which must be so hard to accept. It sounds like maybe it has very little to do with you and she’s got her own issues going on that’s causing her to act in this way towards you. Unfortunately that makes it hard for you to be able to do anything to change it.

It might be best at this point to focus on your own mental health so that you can get some relief from the anxiety you’re feeling. The brain is a funny thing sometimes. The more we try not to think about something the more it will come into our head. Struggling against our thoughts to make them go away only brings more suffering as we feel like we can’t escape them. I’m sure your partner had the best of intentions, but that’s probably why imagining a white wall and ordering your thoughts away wouldn’t work.

There’s a way of approaching your troubling thoughts that you might find useful. It’s called ‘defusion’ (google for more info). It basically lets you take a step back from them. The brain is made to make thoughts and sometimes they can get relentless. You might try to think “gee, thanks brain for that information, but it’s really not helpful right now”. Or you could imagine your brain as a squawking parrot being noisy or a radio in the background. It sounds strange, but the goal is for you to notice when you’re having the troubling thoughts, accept them as being there, and not getting hooked on them.

There are a couple of good resources you might also find helpful for the rumination and anxiety:

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Worry-and-Rumination

and

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Anxiety

I hope this helps a little. It’s so tough being in a situation like this, but it really sounds like you’ve done nothing wrong and have been doing your best to find a solution. Please take care of yourself.

Alexlisa

[LesDave]

Strange behaviour. Methinks someone has given her gossip about you. Just move on. You have no idea what is going on inside the bubble in which she lives. Just try to be professional and try not to mourn the loss of the friendship. Try to fill that void with others.

[gloria10]

Hi Snoopy88,

I'm sorry to hear that you are in a difficult situation and it is definitely something I can relate to. I have recently had this issue with a neighbour. I have no idea what I did wrong, but they just stopped talking to me or looking at me.

One of the things I found helpful was distractions. Using headphones when they come home, focusing on something like housework so I'm not worried about what they are doing.

Is there anything you find soothing outside of work? Even to try and enjoy some down-time.

Also, has anxiety been an issue for you before? It could be worth consulting a GP if it is interfering with life. Therapy can help work though these situations too.

I hope things improve for you soon.

Gloria10

[gloria10]

PS Alexlisa thanks for the links very helpful

[Snoopy88]

hi #gloria10

i don’t know what’s soothing technique I could use. I listen to instrumental music. which helps at times.

yes I do suffer from anxiety and I have been counselling for a year it has not helped me at all. So I’m going to try out a clinical psycologist I hope it helps. I struggle a lot with anxiety and the first day of the week when I’m at work I get an anxiety attack and it’s hard to maintain my focus luckily I’m on the checkouts at a store so I don’t need to use much focus but I’m planing eventually to work in an office environment I’m scared I’m going to make mistakes and end up being fired. I only work 3 days at the moment and 5 hours shifts.

do you have anxiety? Do you work? If so how many days do you work? I want to eventually work 5 days. I’m currently on medication it’s helped with my psychosis and depression just not my Abe .org. In July I’ll be starting a new medication I really hope it works for my anxiety.

[gloria10]

Thanks for your response Snoopy88.

Instrumental music is a great idea, very calming. There are also some meditation apps online, you can try out for free first, and I have found it very helpful for falling asleep at night.

That's great you've been going to counseling, but it can take a few tries to get the right help (been to a few myself). Good luck with the clinical psychologist, I hope it helps. GPs can be great at recommending psychologists too if they aren't helping.

At the moment I'm not working, though keen too. I think my anxiety has been building over the last few months due to a health issue so work has been a challenge. I am working through it to try and get it right, eventually 🙂

[Snoopy88]

Thank you for your reply.

do you know of any good meditations apps?

may ask do you also have people who support you while your not working? Have you just took sick leave from work? Or just not working at all?

Im only working 3 days. I want to eventually work 5 days in an office environment but my dream would be to have my own business if I can manage it. What did you work in before?

[gloria10]

Yes, I use Relax Melodies but there is another popular one which is Calm. I guess it depends on the phone you have as certain apps are on specific phones.

Um, I don't really have a lot of support unfortunately so being out of work is tough. I'm not working as along with anxiety there was an injury, so I did have to take a break. Luckily, the injury is on the mend 🙂

It sounds like you have great goals for work and I have found goals to be great with keeping focused. 3 days is a great place to start and I'm hoping to get part-time as well. I've done a few things, but mostly office work, which is good, just trying to find what is suitable for me.

[Snoopy88]

Hi Gloria, I need a chat.

i like relax medlodies. The music is really good in there. I have been playing the rivers, flute and birds sounds. It’s relaxing.

the chat I need is I had a really bad anxiety attack today at work it wasn’t so intense to began with but got more intense later in the hour I thought I was going to have a breakdown. The fall out I had with a friend is what’s triggering the anxiety like her name kept popping up in my mind and her face image I can’t get over it it kept going round and round in circles and was quiet intense. I hadn’t been thinking about her much during the week. But today it was so bad I kept thinking how will I talk to her what will her reaction be what will she say. I wish I didn’t have this anxiety about her I just want it to go away I feel like crying