Anxiety related to feelings of isolation

buddy27 · ‎23-02-2017

I've been suffering anxiety over the past 10 years related to a very specific senario; feelings/fears of isolation when my friends/partner are away traveling. I believe it's related to an event that happened about 10 years ago when I was living in a country that had a summer vacation shut down in August...everyone goes on vacation and businesses, shops, restaurants close for 3-4 weeks. I decided I would stay in the city and work from home in that period and vacation in another period. My office was closed, friends away, neighbors gone, gym closed, etc... I thought it would be relaxing but instead felt like I was trapped in a Stephen King novel! I'd go days without talking to or seeing anyone I new. I was single at the time and had no family in the country to turn to. I started getting serve anxiety and panic attacks which I had never really experienced before. I lasted about a week and I couldn't take it anymore; I booked a flight and went back to my home country to stay with family until the summer holiday season was over. When I did go back the anxiety was still there for a few weeks but less intense and no panic attacks.

Problem is that now everytime I'm in a similar situation the anxiety and panic attacks come back. If I'm going to be on my own for a few days or weeks I start to get anxiety leading up to the event. I some cases I've avoided the event by going away but other times I've just needed to suffer through it. It is getting better, now it's mainly the anxiety before the event and once I'm on my own I start to calm down...but I'm always afraid this will be the time I won't calm down and it will be bad again.

My partner is going away for 3 weeks and I'm been a wreck the last week leading up to it. I'm not sure if it's better to push myself through it or avoid it by going away myself. Strangely I can travel on my own with no problem . I'd like to get rid of this anxiety once and for all. Just wondering if anyone else has a similar experience?

Vegetarian Marshmallow · ‎23-02-2017

I think trying to power through it is unnecessary and wouldn't really be helpful.

I think that one thing that helps us cope with situations we don't like, is actually the knowledge that we can change them. So teaching yourself through experience that, when you feel alone, you can just go somewhere else where people are; that empowers you.

I was acquainted with a girl who had OCD related to the number 3. She was anxious when e.g. taking three steps in a room, or seeing three similar items. Her anxiety was much-improved in time simply by the realisation that, if she was upset by some 3-occurrence, she could very easily change it by e.g. taking one more step (making it 4), or moving one of the items away, etc. Just that knowledge that you CAN fix something, releases the pressure to actually do it, even, because you know "It's okay, I can fix it later anyway".

Vegetarian Marshmallow · ‎23-02-2017

So, rather than calling it "avoiding", going away yourself (or otherwise finding some people to be un-lonely with) can be framed as "dealing with it".

buddy27 · ‎24-02-2017

thanks I've been starting to take the approach of instead of going away staying home and scheduling my time in a way to minimize time spent alone. Feels less like avoiding and more as you say "dealing with it". Hoping that it will also strengthen friendship here so I feel less alone if my partner is away.