Anxiety rearing it's head after a major interstate move and being alone

Ash07 · ‎09-07-2016

Hi everyone, I'm new here so not sure where to start. I just wanted to find another way to help a little with everything going on.

I'm 26 and moved interstate 2 weeks ago for work. My parter of 4 years came with me and we drove all of my stuff over to get me settled for work in my new centre. While the first week went well because he was here with me, unfortunately he had to go back to organise our house. We have a lease until October and with only 2 weeks to get interstate to begin work, the priority was getting me over here. So now he has gone back to our house and is trying to get everything packed so that he can get back here. Hopefully within 4-5 weeks. I'm currently staying with his mum but unfortunately she isn't here most nights so I'm here alone. Although this will only be my 4th night alone, it's been a rollercoaster of emotional exhaustion and nausea.

I have been working about 6 hours a day for the past week which has been great, and when I'm at work I know we've made the right decision in making the move and taking the opportunity as it has come up. From Monday, I will be taking on a new role at work which is a promotion to a leadership role. The workload and responsibility will increase which I anticipate will create some more anxiety, but will also be a nice distraction with an 8 hour day plus possible work to do at home. I found out about getting the position once my partner had left which was hard because he wasn't here to cheer me on, although he was there via the phone and Skype. During the days at work, I'm distracted and fine.

The problem is on the drive home from work if I know his mum won't be around. I start to feel anxious as I'm driving and not wanting to really come back here. Once home I'm finding it hard to do much other than sit around. Although my external uni semester has started, I feel no motivation or encouragement to do any work on that in the evening. I love studying but I just can't bring myself to it at the moment. I feel so anxious that I feel sick in my stomach. I find I'm unable to eat much, if anything in the evening which worries me because I don't want to get ill.

I found a new GP yesterday to get my anxiety medication re-prescribed as I had come off that some years ago, so hoping that will kick in in a few days properly and I'll be able to function at home alone, and eat in the evening!

I know this is a long post, I just want to know if anyone else has experienced similar and what they did to help.

Fairywings · ‎10-07-2016

Hi there sweety and welcome thanks for joining us. I can empathize with you to some extent. I used to work locally to home hence life found me moving into the country which meant i was traveling about 3 hrs a day just to go to and from work. It meant that my pooch and hubby were left alone for most of the day when i would come home they're was no real motivation in our relationship we felt so isolated and alone we just wanted to come back to suburbs about 12mths later we did. You just have to keep telling urself this is only temporary u will soon be able to start the life you have always wanted. That's fantastic news about ur job u should be very proud of urself well done. On my nights at home i too felt like no one was around and I was alone even tho my poochy and hubby were home but bc they were upset by the move they rarely came to me spoke to me so really i felt like in was home alone too. Went to bed anxious and woke up anxious that was a way of life for me for nearly 12mths until we sold up and moved to the suburbs. I used to find watching movies was a good distraction for me or i would just curl up in bed and listen to am radio lol that would help me to go to sleep. In that time i felt like i couldn't function either sleeping eating etc but i got thru my point to u you will get thru this time will fly past you and the fact that u r enjoying ur studies is a huge bonus. When u find urself getting really anxious sit and concentrate on ur breathing. Breathe in for 5 to 10 seconds thru ur mouth and then breathe out thru ur nose slowly until u feel less anxious and the feelings have gone away. This method works great i used to use it alot in my times of acute anxiety very helpful tool. Great to hear ur in contact with a gp again this will definitely help yes. Nice to have met you please keep in touch with us xx Venessa

geoff · ‎10-07-2016

hi Ash, I know what being home-sick feels like and as the time approaches when your partner will be there with you it suddenly goes away, but that may not happen for a few weeks.
I wonder if you can sub-let or re-let your house if you go to the real estate and tell that's what you hoped could happen, or maybe tell the r/estate that your partner is going over to live with you and the house will be vacant and could they try and find another tenant.
Most r/estate agents will do this if they and the landlord are reasonable people so you be together sooner rather than later.
If he moves over to live with you at his mum's house then you may still be paying rent for the old house but living rent free at your mum's house, and once the lease has finished then you could offer to pay his mum some retribution catch up payment.
With your uni do you have to do this because of your work commitments, and if not then maybe put it on hold until you feel as though you want to do it otherwise it's just another stress.
Let us know what you think. Geoff x

hope4joy · ‎10-07-2016

Hi Ash,

I've been in a similar situation when I moved to Alice Springs a few years ago, and I had constant anxiety for two weeks. But then as my job and home became more familiar the anxiety dropped off again. I guess a big thing is that anxiety following a move is really normal, and to trust that in time it will come back to normal levels. How has your medication gone, have you felt any change yet? It might still be too soon.

Regarding your evenings, I know that when I feel anxious I feel like staying in and hardly moving and will even be breathing shallowly. I've found it helpful at times to do the opposite action - go for a swim at my indoor pool, or go to a yoga class, or maybe give a friend a call. Sometimes that activity can help calm me down. Re the not eating much, are there any more gentle foods you can eat to keep your energy up? Like things that are easier to stomach. You're right that its good to keep eating to help your physical health and energy.

And a huge congratulations on your job - it sounds like you're taken a big risk in moving - and been rewarded now with a promotion. Good on you! That is something to be proud of. It takes courage to move, and it is scary, but you're doing it. And soon you'll feel local. And have your partner there with you.

Kind wishes, Christina

Ash07 · ‎11-07-2016

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding. I find it difficult to talk to people about it in depth if I'm unsure of their awareness of anxiety or mental health in general. I think I'm feeling a little better, it's hard to say. I'm less panicky and have cried less over the last few days. I even got through yesterday and last night without crying which was an accomplishment because I didn't have work to distract me. I think the medication is working already in the calming aspect, and it makes me drowsy so I sleep. It also helps that the new position I have taken on is longer hours so I'm pretty exhausted getting home.

My partner actually has an aunty, uncle and cousins that live around here and are lovely. I'm going there for the weekend but they've told me I can stay as long as I want. So if I decided I really needed to be around people, that's an option, but I don't want to impose for possibly 4-5 weeks. I'm hoping everything in Adelaide will come together sooner, but there's no guarantee. Part of me wants to figure it out myself, but the other part yearns to be with other people and take the easier path.

The plan is just to empty the house, clean it and have it ready for us to 'move out' when the lease ends. We worked it out to be a better option to pay the rent on the empty house rather than breaking the lease with the added costs.

Taking the job was a huge gamble and even though I know it was the right thing, it's always hard to get rid of doubts. Just tonight I spoke to a friend who told me the centre I came from interstate was struggling and there wasn't a lot of work. So not only have I come over to a permanent position, I'm now full-time with a promotion which is incredible. I'm trying to remind myself of this every day, and remind myself of how much better off we'll be as a family, and how much happier we'll be if I can just get through this hurdle.

I'm going to the gym most days which is a good distraction and an excuse to form a healthy habit. Eating is getting a little easier in that I'm eating in the evening, but it has to be pretty plain food and I'm not eating a lot. I do make sure to eat in the morning and I eat a lot at work during the day because I feel okay then.

As for study, I'm working toward more promotions at work so it's important. I'm thinking I might just drop my load so I do maybe 1 subject just to keep me busy and feeling like I'm working toward something else.

Thank you so much, Ash.

Fairywings · ‎11-07-2016

hi hunny i'm so happy to hear things have started to fall into place they will, they always work out in the end and im happy to hear you are feeling a little better about the whole situation. thank you for coming back to us xx

hope4joy · ‎11-07-2016

Hi Ash,

yes like fairywings has said, thanks for posting again and letting us know how you're doing. It sounds like you're doing a great job in self care and managing your anxiety... and are doing so well with your promotion at work and further study. And please be easy on yourself, anxiety is normal given your big changes. It is okay to feel anxious and it will get less and less as you settle. It might also fluctuate up and down sometimes - so know you can use these forums anytime you need some extra support. It sounds like you have lots of strengths to share too. And it is good you have the medication to help you out too.

I feel a bit worried when you say you kind of want to do it all yourself and not burden your partner's relatives. I'm also very independent - too much so at times - so please trust that it is okay to ask for help/ support / company when you need it. Who knows, they might really need some good company too. And you deserve to be helped/ supported.

Kind wishes, Christina