Hi Kad,
Last year (2018) was not the best year for me. Putting aside the weeks I not working for stress related reasons, there was also the possibility of prostate cancer, and then haemochromatosis, plus eye problems it was not ideal. I remember having blood tests, MRI, etc. Nothing was visible in the MRI, but my scores were higher than normal for someone my age. I was told that if the next result was the same as the last two, they would consider a biopsy. It would be wrong to say that I did not worry about it. In the waiting room, I was certain of the result. But after I went in, I was told the result was better than the prev. two and will only require yearly check-ups for the next while. Also keep in mind that for each issue I had I was also dealing with specialists. (One time when I was getting a venesection for haemochromatosis, the doctor said to me that if was concerned about the possibilities, getting a biopsy if it would put your mind at ease, would make sense. I decided to wait it out...) There are no right or wrong decisions here.
As hard as it is, I have to put my trust in these professionals and their opinions. And it is also perfectly normal for anyone (such as yourself) to be thinking of all the possibilities, and thinking the worst. But I also know/knew there was little I could do between each test to "make it better". You would have probably been given similar advice from your doctors, but something my urologist said to me was to try to the compartmentalize it away between visits. And like you, this is easier said than done. and fwiw, my urologist was also aware of my mental health issues as well.
Do you have distraction tools you can use when these thoughts come to you? Something to take your mind away from the worst case possibilities. You could use apps on your phone with guided meditations?
Peace and comforting thoughts,
Tim
