Anxiety in relationships

[PeterLeo]

Im at a loss of how to reconcile things at home with my partner of 11 years (married 7 years).

I am suffering anxiety at home as I feel as if my wife does not care about me anymore. She doesn't like me looking at her or touching her and when I try to talk with her about how to improve things she says that its not about me and says she doesn't want to talk about it. We are both working for home still and she spends most of her time in her bedroom and I feel like I am being treated like I have done something wrong. She doesn't want me in the bedroom at all at the moment and says that she needs personal time and space.

I am seeing a councillor for the first time on Monday to try and deal with my anxiety and depression but I cannot begin to understand how to make things better at home.

[james1]

Hello PeterLeo,

I'm really sad to hear about how things are going with your wife. It sounds like you're really being pushed out and I can understand how that is making you feel really anxious, especially since you don't know what is happening.

It's a good thing that you're seeing a counsellor, as they can give you some support and advice, whatever it is your partner wants.

To some extent, it sounds like there's not much you can do if your wife is saying she needs personal time and space. It's a horrible place to be in, as you feel like you can only wait and have no control over things. Do you have anything to keep you busy and distracted in the meantime?

James

[S_D]

Hi Peterleo,

Thanks for sharing this with us. I can see how this situation would leave many people feeling anxious, very understandable that you're feeling this way given the circumstances you've described. Working from home has taken a toll on many people over the last couple of years, especially when the bedroom which used to be a space for relaxation and intimacy is now also being used as a work space. You're partner mentioned that it's not you and I hope you are able to not take her actions personally as it sounds like she is going through something that she's not ready to share just yet. I can only imagine that would be difficult for you though because it would be hard to be supportive when you're not sure exactly whats making her feel this way and when she needs space. I really admire that you care enough to make this post and have been brave enough to book in with a counsellor. I wonder if working from home is a big factor in this change you've noticed in your relationship and whether potentially returning to work one day would alleviate some pressure and help to restore the connection between you both. I really hope your session with your counsellor helps with the anxiety and that you can take things one step at a time and know that things can and will get better soon enough - please feel free to let us know how the appointment goes and if you have any questions or need anymore support on this please do reach out! I have been in a similar situation to the one you have described and want to let you know eventually the loved one was able to open up to me when they were ready and with some time and communication we were able to restore things to a point that they were better then they'd ever been! I remember how scary it was though when I wasn't sure what was going on or how to help, seeing a professional to support myself during this uncertainty was one of the best decisions and I really hope the same goes for you.

[SJR]

I am going through a similar situation, I was diagnosed with mild anxiety about 10 years ago tried some meds but wasnt happy with them a did a few sessions with a therapist that improved things.

Has been a very stressful 18months for us, fires that saw wife evacuated while kids and I fought to save the farm not knowing if we still had a home or business while she was worrying about if we were even alive. Big down turn in the business for a few months with the fires but not enough to qualify for any financial help, then covid and another downturn but as we were classed as essential we kept trading and again didnt qualify for any help. Open and trading 7 days a week with wife working another full time job plus 2 casual jobs, while I would do 10-11 hrs a day in the shop, weekends at the farm and pick up the odd casual day when she had holidays from her other employment.

Virtually no social life and the little we did seemed to revolve around alcohol, I dont know if it just happened or if wife steered it that way using alcohol as a temporary escape. While I was happy to have 2 or 3 drinks she rarely was and I would often leave her where we were and head home alone. She usually made it home but on a few occasions she never even made it home stopping her drinking session to go straight to our business on a Sunday morning. Any attempt to suggest she might need help with her drinking or there could be something behind it invariably ended in an argument. All came to a head last Saturday, night we had another farewell dinner at the local pub, after 5 hours I suggested it might be time to head home. She decided she was staying for one more so I headed home alone again. Woke at 2.30am tossed and turned and then it started the negative thoughts, thinking the worst, what if something has happened, what if she isnt coming home, why, what have I done. By 4 I had convinced myself out 20+ year marriage was over and feeling total helpless and everything out of my control. Trying to regain some or any control I tossed a heap of her cloths onto the lawn, at least if she was leaving it was my dicision. Well she did picked up her cloths somewhere between 4 and 6 and I havent seen or spoken to her since. She did text me to apologize and say she needed a few days, we have exchanged a few more texts and she is sleeping in the shop, has seen the GP and diagnosed with server anxiety, seeing a counselor this week but doesnt want any help or to see me until she sorts herself out.