Anxiety, depression, family issues....I don't even know where to begin

[lueybelle]

Hi all

I am sitting here looking outside at the sunshine and hearing the birds singing and thinking my life is just the pits. I don't even know where to begin as this is a long story and I am at my wit's end as I have no help or care from anyone.

I am 54 with a teenage son and no partner. My son sees his dad for 5 hours once a fortnight. I know...appalling.

My son is a good lad but he is lazy and addicted to his computer. I try to get him interested in other things but no..that is all he cares about. I have been really ill the last four months and nobody cares or does anything to help me. I have been to so many doctors and been fobbed off over and over and given tablets to take; that I did try but made things worse so I stopped the tablets. I feel like rubbish every day..I never sleep well and I still think there is something really wrong with me but all tests negative. I did suffer major health anxiety over all of that but I am at the point now where I don't even care. I obviously am not worthy of anyone's attention..hence my being here in the hope that somebody might 'listen'.

I have put on heaps of weight and feel so fat, ugly and useless. I am supposed to bring my son up as the perfect mother yet I have no life or any positive models in my life so why would he? I get blamed for his weight issues and so on yet not one person does zip to help? I am constantly judged and ridiculed by my own family members! I am surrounded by people who like to tell me all about their lives and their holidays, outings, new clothes...I have no money and a large mortgage; a large house and yard that is falling down around me...I truly only get up everyday for my son. I don't want to hear 'oh well in 3 years he will be an adult and then your life can begin' and other such ridiculous platitudes. So insulting. Insulting to my dear boy and then insulting to me.

Please any advice will be greatly appreciated. Please know that my beloved boy knows NOTHING about this and is safe. I will do whatever it takes to get to a place I need to be to continue to be there for him. He didn't ask for any of this! It breaks my heart! I left his dad because he was violent and alcoholic and awful. I certainly did not expect to be here at this age and in this appalling situation. I did not expect to feel such absolute hatred towards people who are supposed to care about my son - and me for that matter.

thankyou for reading.

l

[JimmyRecard347]

Hi lueybelle

Sounds like you're having quite a rough time. I can relate with the feeling useless and ugly and lots of other bad self esteem things. I still have it a little bit these days, but nowhere near as bad.

If you haven't seen a councillor or psychologist, I highly recommend that you do. One of the best things I have done is talk to people who are trained to deal with these things. It took me a while to finally make myself do it, and also went through about 4 of them before I found someone more... I guess suited to me. We could talk so much about good and bad things, and then always try and find ways to tackle my problems and do better.

A GREAT thing that has helped me also, is having Turmeric every day. When I started having it, it wasn't as popular as it is these days. I have it in a latte style drink with cinnamon and ginger and honey. It's such a great drink, and is sooo good for you. You can get them in capsules these days, turmeric or curcumin it's called. It helped just pick me up, be happier, calm, concentrate better, and helps with pain also.

I am still working on my anxiety and depression problems quite a bit, I haven't found any magical cures yet, dammit haha, but I felt like when I read your post, I've made a bit of progress on my outlook, because I used to sound very similar to you. I don't mean that in a bad way at all so I hope it doesn't come across like that. I also think you've made a great step in working on your problems by posting on here and seeking help.

Hope I helped a little, I'm kinda new on here also, but am always happy to chat and share if you need.

[lueybelle]

Thankyou so much for replying. I really appreciate it. I will definitely try the turmeric and I will try a psychologist again..unfortunately I have never felt they helped in the past but I promise I will give it another shot.

It certainly helps coming here and having lovely people such as yourself reach out to help. I am really sorry you know what it feels like but am also very glad to hear what great strides you are making! Thanks again.