Anxiety and starting something new / big

LLMat · ‎29-04-2015

Hi everyone,

I am so grateful for this forum, just reading others posts is a little comforting in that I can get through my struggles like you all.

I have been focusing on being a parent for 4 years now - I suffered quite badly with post natal anxiety, was medicated and recovered quite well. I have had minor bouts of anxiety since, related to stressful events (stressful in my view). After being made redundant from part time work a few years back and needing something stimulating, I started studying teaching to become a teacher.

Well, this week i started teaching rounds.. It's only been 3 days so far, but the anxiety has been getting worse and worse with everyday - and I am not even required to do much!!

iunderstand and accept it is normal to feel nervous when starting something new, different, challenging... But I feel this is beyond a 'normal' reaction - this morning I felt glimpses of what I did back after I gave birth - nausea, shaking, unable to eat. I am constantly worried/thinking about the rest of week, the next round of experience, when I have to do my huge final block and then when I am teaching. Nagging, constant self doubt, always thinking "I can't do this" "I don't want to do this" I am trying to be mindful and narrowing my focus to what just this day brings, but I always end up back there.

During the day it subsides somewhat, I am guessing via distraction...and I can put on a brave face at the school.

I am worried this will effect my little one (I am a single parent) as I really have to be able to focus to enjoy spending time with her while trying not to shake, or think about everything.

is it time to visit a gp? I am quite time poor and impatient with this at the moment.

Thanks everyone.

JessF · ‎30-04-2015

Hello LLMat, congratulations on becoming a teacher! I think it would be a good idea for you to go back to the GP, you've recognised the symptoms early and it would be good to start getting things under control.

It sounds from what you're saying about mindfulness that you have been to see a therapist or counsellor before? It might be good to get some sessions referred through your GP, you could probably do with some extra support to talk through what's triggering your anxiety in this new setting.

It sounds to me like you are doing very well, the only thing I would suggest is what I find helpful, that is if the narrowing the focus doesn't work, then keep on narrowing. You mention sticking to the day ahead, break it down even further. What's happening this hour, or in the worst times, what's happening in the next few minutes, or even right in front of you.

I would hazard a guess that the reason it dissipates a bit at school is because you're caught up in the flow of what you're doing, which is a good thing.i wonder also if there any other new teachers you can talk to, not necesarily about how extreme your anxiety is if you don't feel comfortable, but just about your general worries about what's coming up.

I know that a lot of my anxiety in new situations stems from a thought that I am the only person feeling like this, the only person who won't cope, and that everyone else is so much better and more competent than me. It's amazing when you speak to people in as imilar situation to you you often find that they're thinking exactly the same thing and it can be a huge weight off your shoulders.

LLMat · ‎30-04-2015

Thank you so much for your reply. That is exactly what I feel plus worrying about my worrying and the effect it will have on my daughter & my ability to take care of her.

Lsdt night things took a turn for worse, I woke at 11.30, starting shaking, hyperventilating and all that fun stuff, couldn't bring myself back for more than a few minutes & tried many distraction techniques. Called parents at 3am and my dad came and sat with me.

Took me to the gp, who was great and has prescribed benzodiazepines (which I have often resisted due to its addictive nature, so he suggested just try it for a couple of days), and also an antidepressant. He's also encouraged me to join a breathing/meditation course and suggests I come back for a mental health plan.

I just am really disappointed in myself at the moment, which I know doesn't help!

Thanks again.

Pixie15 · ‎30-04-2015

Hi LLMat,

I am wondering if you have ever tried challenging your negative thoughts. When I undertook CBT a couple of years ago I was given a process of noticing negative thoughts like your having and writing them down during the day and letting them go. Then at the end of the day have a look at what you have written and challenge your thinking. If you have managed to study for 3 years to get to the point you are at then it seems like you really do want to do it and you really are able to.

Also as Jess as already suggested it might be a good idea to go and see your doctor.

cheers

Pixie

LLMat · ‎01-05-2015

Hello and thanks for your reply. I've started medication and do intend on getting psyc help for the long term. I have fine a few CBT sessions before but not sure I gdined much from them. Right now I feel like I am trying to get through the day and the nights which are worse. I Feel my symptoms are progressing and it's not just about that anymore, I'm worrying about everything.