Anxiety about life- breakup, job search, future etc...

[livm88]

I've always had a very negative outlook on life, even when things usually work out in the end.

My main worries at the moment are about my current employment situation, recent break up and how I generally can't stop putting myself down!

I recently (a week ago!) ended a 6 month relationship that wasn't going well (I felt we weren't putting in the same effort...I felt like a low priority, even though I still had strong feelings for him, and i'm sure he did me). Breaking up was hard, but I knew it had to be done. It's just got me feeling like a horrible person, when before that I always kind of had the problem of never really liking myself, I really don't like myself at the moment.

The second thing is my job situation, I gave up a job of 2 solid days a week (16hrs) to be available for another (big supermarket chain), only to feel really used there- i've had about 4 whole weeks with no work in just over 2 months, and when I do get a shift....it's 3 hrs. Other people who started the same position as me at the same time, are always on the roster, at least 8 hrs a week. I'm starting to wonder if it's me...What makes me feel worse is, my ex bf used to work there (he got me the job), and that's where I met him (I was working for a merchandising company and visited the store prior to being an actual employee). So being there connects me to him, I keep thinking back to when we met (fantasising about better times I guess).

If I do see hope for more opportunities (like I have an interview on Monday for another retail position), I always find ways to be pessimistic about it (such as...the job i'm interviewing for is a uni bookshop, so it will be a temporary position, and might not lead to permanent work). I can't seem to think positively about anything in the future, or that anything good will come to me.

Another example, I kept thinking i'd never meet someone, but then it happened out of the blue (but ended...ex I mentioned above!), so now i'm back to thinking the same thing again, i'll never meet someone compatible, and be alone forever.

This is how I end up thinking about everything, I just don't believe good things will happen to me. And the other bad thing is, family and friends are trying to help me, offer advice and I just get angry at them, turn them away.

I took the step of going to the doctor and getting a referral to see a counsellor, which i'm looking forward to but it's not for 3 weeks (very popular guy).

Will I always be like this?!?

Olivia

[james1]

Hey Liv,

I was following your other thread before about the break up and I'm sorry to hear about it, but it didn't sound like that was the best thing for you, even if it is very hard.

It makes complete sense to feel like you might be alone forever and never meet anyone compatible. Coming straight out of another relationship that ended the way it did, those thoughts will come and invade. But don't forget, that relationship was not indicative of how future relationships will be. Sometimes love falls into our laps when we least expect. The key thing is that you focus on your own well being. You are an independent and valuable person on your own - you don't need a relationship, much as you want one, to be worthy. For now, there is a lot of emotional hurt and you need time to grieve for the recent loss.

About your work situation, it sounds like finding another place will be a good way to not only get away from reminders of your past relationship, but also to find a place that actually gives you the shifts you want. I hate to say it, but I think it's a waiting game now. You're doing the right thing by looking for another position and congratulations on getting the interview on the coming Monday.

Do you have any friends or family who you can speak to in the coming three weeks while you wait for the psychologist appointment? There is also the BeyondBlue support line on 1300 22 4636 to speak to. Otherwise we're always here of course, to support you in a super difficult time.

James

[livm88]

Hi James,

Thanks for your insight. I guess you're right, i've only just come out of the relationship. I suppose in my mind, i'm hung up on remembering the beginning of the relationship, and especially when we first met (I think of him when I go to work, the way we met and so on....). I'm sure i'll find someone one day, but I don't want to go through a bunch of relationships like this; I guess i'll be a bit wary next time I meet someone.

I'm definitely looking for something else, I can't stand not knowing whether i'll have money each week! Another problem I feel is....the jobs I can go for are all customer focused.....I was going to hand my resume in to a shop here (advertised online as 'hand in your resume in person'), but reading the description (as with many of these jobs), I don't feel I have the energy or state of happiness to fake being all bubbly and outgoing for customers! Can't wait for my counselling session, but i'm wondering if I should take the GP's advice and go on some medication. The way i've been thinking on and off for 10+ years can't be normal...I haven't had one completely happy year (in my mind!).

Thankfully i've got a few people I can talk to, all with different perspectives (and ages).

Thanks for your tips 🙂

Olivia

[james1]

Hey Liv,

I came out of a relationship last year in June so I understand what you mean when you say you feel hung up on remembering the beginning of the relationship. The hurt is part of the healing process. Remembering the good times for what they were - good times - is just as important as recognising that it didn't work out for a bunch of reasons. Relationships are full of ups and downs so it is okay to be sad and hurt when it doesn't work out. The future will come and when someone else comes your way, you'll have this experience under your belt 🙂

Oh yes the uncertainty sounds rough about the money. It's amazing how we can put on a face but I think it's good to also recognise your limits. Quite possibly, you may not know your limits yet, but definitely put your health first. If you think certain jobs are too much at the moment, they can wait. About the medication... have you tried before? If not, I think it's worth trying but you sound uncertain. Those thoughts would be good to share with your doctor to see what they say. I am on antidepressants and have swapped because I didn't like the old ones. I'd just say that the side effects can be quite scary so it's good to make sure you have a review scheduled with your GP when you start.

No worries. We're all just wading our way slowly through this wonderful but crazy thing called life, and hoping that it turns out okay in the end 🙂

James

[livm88]

Hi James,

I guess also, it gets harder usually at night....especially when i'm alone in the house (family members are away at the moment). I fantasise I suppose about when it stared....if I could go back in time (but I know this wouldn't help, we'd still be the same people). I just wonder, will I ever have this instant attraction again? It felt so intense....from day one...not like the crushes i'd had before in the past. I know this will sound cheesy and cliche...but he really used to look hard into my eyes, guess something faded. But still, I have to keep remembering all the negative things, why it didn't work out.

The money thing is horrible (as i'm 28, and have never lived out of home!), but I believe the fact i've gone the last 12 months from having no money, having occasional money, a small chunk of money, then back to none has made me almost immune now (like i've come to accept what I can't buy/spend on).

I briefly shared with my doc how I feel about the idea of medication, and he then explained in more detail what they actually do. Can't remember the name, but he suggested one starting with 'C', which he reckons has a good track record. But i'm still hesitant, I'm worried about side effects (I remember years ago, I tried some out for only 3 days....and each night....well, incontinence!!! Don't want to deal with that! Can't afford a new mattress haha 😛 )

Haha....the last line reminds me of a Prince song

Olivia