Am I making the right decision or running away?

ac1991 · ‎15-05-2016

So I have about a year and a half left of school. I have always hated it, as it plays a huge part in my anxiety and depression. The people there are horrible, there are some very immature and popularity consumed people that make it hard to enjoy. I have never been a sporty kid, (I'm an artistic person) and have a hard time in social settings. Last year my mother suggested getting me enrolled at a place like TAFE, because I told her moving to another school was not going to fix the problem. Now I know moving to TAFE will not come without its own problems, there are always going to be people that will make things difficult wherever I go and thats something I need to learn to deal with. But I truly feel that this is the right step forward for me. My mum called the alternative schooling campuses, and none of them would accept me because I was too young at the time. I am now halfway through the year and of age. I told mum I would try push through the year and see how I go, because it's the first year at school that I can choose every subject I'm doing and was hoping it would make a difference - although the subjects were never really the problem, it has always been the people. I was doing as best I could for a while, but in recent weeks I have become a wreck and I am finding it so hard to cope. My anxiety is through the roof and my depression has taken me to a new kind of low. So again, I told Mum I was ready to leave school. She arranged a few things, and the chances of me going to tafe are now high. Thing is, my best friend and I have this kind of pact at school, and I feel terrible about leaving her because it has always been just us. If she was leaving me, I would be devastated. I told her the news and she told me she would 'hate me' and 'never speak to me again', telling me it was selfish to leave and that she couldn't cope without me. I understand her frustration, but it is making me feel terrible. I want to be happy and get on with my life, but I dont want her to suffer. She basically told me I need to suffer the rest of high school so she wouldn't be alone, but if I leave then she will suffer. I can't win. I asked Mum if she thought I was doing the right thing, and she made me feel bad about it too, saying she's only letting me do this because shes tired of taking me to psychologists and is hoping this will solve the problem, which it wont entirely. I feel that I will be able to start fresh at TAFE and can be myself, but others dont. What should i do?

pipsy · ‎15-05-2016

Hi ac1991. I hate to say this, but your best friend is not really your friend. She's being rather selfish in view of knowing your anxiety is what's causing you to wish to leave your present school. Can't you continue the friendship even though you're going to tafe? I had loads of friends who attended different schools when I was at school. Going to tafe won't change you, it could be the makings of you. I think perhaps you should have a talk with your friend, explain why you feel the need to enroll at tafe. Perhaps your friend just overreacted when you first told her, now she's had a chance to 'digest' the news, she may be in a better place emotionally. Telling you to 'suffer' while she finishes is not a nice thing to do. I understand when you say you would be equally 'devastated' if she were the one leaving, but knowing why, would help you understand. Is your friend experiencing difficulty at school, perhaps she could enroll at the same tafe, then you could share some classes. All through life, you're going to make friends, then lose them when they explore other avenues. I wish you every success at tafe, I feel you and your friend will overcome this hurdle and your friendship will be as strong as ever. Either that, or you will make new friends, so will she, and your friendship will remain a fond memory.

Lynda.

caitie0 · ‎15-05-2016

Hi,

I was like you during high school I really struggled was depressed didn't really fit in, was really shy etc, I was going to move schools ( my mum was willing to put me private school ), but in the end decided to stay at my current school as it had a great art subjects and that's what I really loved and I finished. I know it is really hard, but now that I am older (24yo) I feel like all the thingy I worried about and cared about were silly and changing to tafe wont really be that different too school ( done high school and tafe and uni and really it is just yourself ) nothing in life makes you or gives you a (fresh start) you just have to be yourself and not care what others think too much as someone who thought when I'd start uni/tafe it would be a fresh start but there are always new things (which i know is easier said then done) and I know everyone say this but that's because it is true it's more of a battle with yourself.

Though you may feel slightly better at tafe you never know, from what I learnt for myself is that it wasn't a whole lot different (or maybe i perceived it that way ) I still had my insecurities.

I think at your age it's really hard with your friend as she probably feels similar to you in having her friend leave ( maybe she could go to tafe too?) it's unlikely that she will hate you, she is most likely saying these things out of feeling upset, scared and hurt, maybe she wont talk to you for a while, if not so be it, it is up to her if she decided she still wants to be your friend or not if you choose to go. Maybe try and talk to her about it with how you feel as pipsy said.

This probably doesn't help you a lot, I think you should pick based on what you feel could help you move forward for the future. 🙂

Do you want to go onto study arts at all?

ac1991 · ‎15-05-2016

Thank you for the helpful advice and reassuring words. I told her that school is taking it's toll on me, to which she told me it takes it's toll on everyone - which is true, but I told her she didn't understand the extent of the impact school has on me. I understand that she's upset, I would be too, but she views it differently and sees me leaving school as me 'giving up' and letting school 'win'. Hopefully you're right, and we can move forward from this rough patch. I appreciate your support.

ac1991 · ‎15-05-2016

Thankyou for the advice, it is reassuring to know that there are people who can somewhat relate. Chances are you could be right, and I know I have to brace myself to deal with other people and be in other situations that will be uncomfortable or nerve racking, but hopefully it gives me a chance to come back as the person I really am, rather than the person I have been pretending to be for all these years at my current high school. I am grateful that you are able to share some similar experiences, and I'm glad you're able to think about the problems you had as a teenager as minor now. Yes, I am looking into a TAFE course in the arts category, a friend of mine studied the same as a TAFE course and enjoyed it, so I am hoping to do the same.

Elizabeth CP · ‎16-05-2016

I think you need to be clear about what you want to achieve. If going to Tafe is a way of avoiding school I think it may not work as you will still have the anxiety etc so may struggle. If you are passionate about the course you want to do then focusing on the course will work & you may find it easier to meet people with similar interests which will help you. He was being bullied & struggling at school. I took him to an open day at Tafe & he found a course he really liked. After applying & being accepted into Tafe he left school early. After completing the course (a pre-apprenticeship) he got a job as an apprentice which he loved. For him choosing Tafe was a way of pursuing his dream/goal rather than running away from school.

pipsy · ‎16-05-2016

Hi ac1991. Your friend is right about the impact school/studying has. You're right too about how the impact affects everyone differently. You being a person interested in arts, possibly comes under a bit of flak. If you are the type of person who is sensitive, easily upset, as a lot of arty type people are, other students, not as passionate as you would tend to give you a hard time. It's sad your friend doesn't really understand how upsetting it is for you. I think people who attend tafe, are probably looking at the long term goals they wish to attain. Also with tafe, you possibly wouldn't be 'at school' every day, as you are only studying a couple or one subject, therefore, you might have to look at a part time job (if possible). I'm hoping things work out for you and you and your friend can 'patch up' your differences.

Lynda.