Agoraphobia Terror

[blondguy]

Hey Everyone! (New Posters are more than welcome to post too!)

I just wish to clear the air on 'agoraphobia'. This condition is an 'extension' of Anxiety disorder that some people suffer and some that dont. I have noticed that there is some confusion about this illness on the forums.

Agoraphobia is not only a fear of leaving one's home it can be a fear of walking 100 meters down an ocean beach from your car knowing its a 'safe place' and have difficulty walking any further as the need to return to your 'safe' place is very real and very powerful.

This is not an anxiety state but sometimes can bring on an anxiety attack or even worse 'hyperventilation' if a sufferer is too far from their safe 'place'.....It is not a fear of leaving one's home.

I carry a paper bag 'just in case' I hyperventilate which I have only done once about 40 meters from my home in 1997. It takes 20 minutes for me to walk around the block with my dog. I can only get half way and have to turn around around as the 'fear' of getting to the point of no return scares me like a person would fear being stuck in an elevator. So I walk my dog (Prince) in straight lines everywhere so I get 45 minutes a day

I can drive to Perth from Melbourne without a problem. My agoraphobia prevents me from being too far away from my safe place whether its my home or a vehicle.

I have a crackerjack therapist and GP that have been helping me with my 'minor' agoraphobia. They have said that because I refused meds from 1983 to 1997 I actually exacerbated my anxiety levels to the point where I actually laid the foundation for the agoraphobia that I have now.

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated as this really gives me the 'sads'

Thankyou for reading my post 🙂

Paul

[blondguy]

Hey Tony

Lunch with wild parrots ....that would be wonderful.

Your point about the traffic, crowds and shops is definitely a major issue with 'being away from a safe place' Its sort of like way too much happening around us to process with a tired mind. Thanks mate

[Emma77]

Paul, I’m sorry to hear that you struggled so much with posting this, and have had so much regret. I am so, SO glad that you did post it though, as it was exactly what I needed when I discovered this forum on Tuesday night. And if it wasn’t for people like you having courage to post things like this, then none of us would be able to say “me too, I’m glad someone understands”. Your description of a ‘safe place’ is just perfect. I tried to buy a radio at k-mart the other night and just couldn’t do it. I got into the store, and walked through the book section, but could still see the exit which meant I was ok. Not comfortable, not happy, but I felt ‘safe’. But I knew if I took just one more step into the electronics section then I wouldn’t be able to see the exit and I’d have to panic and leave. I’m not sure what’s worse, thinking that something bad was going to happen, or KNOWING that nothing was going to happen, and yet not being able to do it anyway. It was really really hard for me on Tuesday to know that my anxiety has become that bad, but your post (and the comments after) really did help. I hope you don’t still regret it.

[blondguy]

Hi Emma

Thankyou for replying to my 'awkward' thread and understanding where I was coming from 🙂

You and I (and several others that havent posted) are on the same page. Even if I leave my car at a parking space I really dont want to be too far away from it. Its a pain.

I really feel for you at Kmart. I would have felt exactly the same. Its painful as in wearing 'invisable crutches' that no one can see. I have done well with my career but the exhaustion of this 'safe place' phobia has left me puzzled even after years of counseling.

You have been very kind and understanding Emma.....and thankyou big time. You have made my day today 🙂

You are no 'Novice' Emma....you are a smart girl who has the courage to post and speak from your heart.

If I can ask you....how long have you had anxiety....or how long have you have had this phobic safe place ?

When I read your post I felt like I was reading my own...

It would be great if you could post back....Have a good weekend too!

My Best

Paulx

[Starwolf]

Hey Paul,

First of all, I don't have agoraphobia or anything related. As a matter of fact, I was for much of my life at the opposite end of the issue. My home was the road and I felt hemmed in whenever I settled in anywhere too long.

The homing instinct is part of Nature. All creatures have a den or a nest to return to and feel safe. Some even push this to the extreme by carrying/being attached to their home. Human babies and toddlers often need a favorite blanket or stuffed toy to help them feel comfortable. It has to do with a necessary sense of security. I believe that the reason why this natural instinct is pushed to the extreme in some of us is an inflated sense of vulnerability. This may have been caused by circumstances or events in our life when stepping into unfamiliar territory has led us into danger or distress. Crowds in particular can be overwhelming, a related but somewhat different issue ?

It makes sense that this feeling of vulnerability is the root cause. Paul, you strike me as a very sensitive person. I have observed that the hyper-sensitives among us seem to be more easily affected.

Would it help to have a portable "comforter" when you go out ? Something strongly associated with feeling protected ? Having a personal inner haven to retreat to has also been beneficial to many anxiety sufferers. It is a created head space, visualized as containing all that makes us feel safe and happy. The more often we return to this place, the more it will feel like home. It can be decorated, re-arranged, maintained...just like a house would be. Being an inner space, it is portable. Worth a try ?

Paul, I know you have been through a lot. It is also obvious to me that you are way stronger than you think. But it is what YOU think of yourself which matters here. Something else that may be worth a thought...A couple of people I know have issues stepping out of their comfort zone. Both have a therapy dog, who goes everywhere with them. They never looked back and now enjoy life with fewer limitations. Would it help you to have Prince registered as assistance dog ? Or is he too nervous himself ? Would the sheer bulk of him be an obstacle ? Not every K9 can provide this feeling of safety and be taken along anywhere without creating more problems than they solve.

Just a few thoughts on my mind that I wish to share with you. May be not helpful, but offering support anyway.

Have a peaceful week-end.

[blondguy]

Hi Starwolf. Thankyou for a really insightful reply. There are so many things you have mentioned that have opened the door for me I am really appreciative. If I can quote you..."it is what YOU think of yourself which matters here"

Deep down I dont really think that much of myself. I am proud of what I achieved in my life but I dont really have a super strong opinion of myself. You have nailed it.

Assistance dog....good idea...Prince isnt nervous...Even if I did have an assistance dog it wouldnt help me get around the block. I am just too scared. The mega isolated anxiety attack come in 1997 after spending 7 years in the family court. I froze about 50 meters from my home. There was no breathing even with all the cognitive re-adjustment/breathing techniques that I had mastered since 1983.Its left a big scar than I cant seem to heal.

I really do think that low self worth/esteem is the root of this particular tree.

I choose not to socialize a great deal anymore as I am worn out from just stabilizing/healing the old acute anxiety in 1983 and depression that followed in 1997. My mental strength has been used in maintaining a career.

This agoraphobia I feel is scarring from 14 years of acute anxiety using 'natural health remedies' which did nothing as I always eat well and am physically fit.

Thankyou for caring Star...very much..Paulx

[Starwolf]

Thanks Paul for sharing more insight into your situation. Having the legal system fail you is a big blow. I know how this feels. Being denied justice does leave its mark. Realizing the system is flawed does nothing for our sense of safety and confidence. Usually, legal battles are an extremely demanding, long-term struggle, the reason why they easily exhaust inner resources. It is the reason why many of us refuse to go that way. I know I wouldn't go through it again. The battle left me feeling like a limp vegetable way too long. But we must realize that the flaw lies with the system...not us. No matter how much we exert ourselves, little can be done about de-humanization (and even corruption).

The fact that you were able to maintain a career regardless is a credit to you. We all have limited resources and this must have taken a lot of strength and courage.

My wish for you is that you could see in yourself the capable, strong, caring, courageous man who is so obvious to all of us here at BB. He may be invisible to you right now but it doesn't mean he doesn't exist. We can't all be wrong...or blind (I'm usually considered a rather stern person, certainly not the flattering kind !). I have had enough harshness, low-mindedness and lack of empathy in my life to spot their opposite instantly. You consistently advise people to be kind to themselves. You obviously know how important this is. Where do you think THAT could come from...if not from a super kind/caring person ?

As for assistance dogs for anxiety, not all dogs can take charge when we go to pieces. It takes a special K9 not to be affected by his/her human's distress and be able to take control when it happens. I know you love dogs, so you may find a visit to the mindDog website interesting/entertaining...even if it is not for you.

I hope this week treats you as kindly as you deserve.

[Emma77]

Hi Paul, while I am a novice when it comes to posting here, I’m definitely not a novice to anxiety. I had my first panic attack when I was about 18 or 19 (I’m 38 now). I didn’t know it at the time, but I made things so much harder for myself because I avoided the things that I thought were triggering me until eventually I couldn’t leave my house. I hit what felt like rock bottom about 3 or 4 years later, and then about 2 or 3 years after that, with a great psych and lots of CBT, I felt like I had it beaten. Then 10 years later, when life was feeling good, it all came back. It feels ridiculously like déjà vu, but also so very very new because I should know better this time around. I know it’s not helpful to be so hard on myself, but I just can’t help it. I did all the work, and I KNOW this stuff, so why is it still beating me? But I am pretty determined and resilient, and I know that as soon as I want to feel better again, I will. But the people on this site have been great, and I’m glad to know that you feel better about this thread, which wasn’t awkward at all 🙂 I hope you have a terrific week, and please know that if I don't post here, it's because I'm feeling kind of wiped out. I haven't been able to reply anywhere near as much as I'd like to, but I'm able to read a lot of comments, and that helps

[blondguy]

Hello Starwolf, thanks for being the bright ray of light you are. You have brought up about 'being kind' and thats a good point as I have mentioned it many times....I may re-visit being 'kinder' to myself. The court case was to stop my ex taking my 5 year old daughter to Tasmania. I actually succeeded in preventing my ex take her across state lines which was a huge surprise as freedom of movement is part of our civil rights. Even my lawyer was surprised. Within a week after the result that mega anxiety attack came when I was walking a Malamute.

You also said what my GP has said about working through all these years with having an illness. He said exactly the same that it is a credit to me 🙂 He also said many people with severe anxiety/depression dont have the success I have where a career is concerned. Bless your kind heart Star. Paul x

Hey Emma, you are no Novice on the forums, your experience and help to others is a huge bonus to the forums.You can post replies to posts whenever you wish...and thanks for post on mine:-) It is frustrating when anxiety returns and bites us again. Its a real pain. I know it seems 'over easy' but when we are trained enough to use calm and true acceptance of anxiety it does take the fear away thus making the anxiety nearly boring

Some docs call it 'desensitising' ourselves. Heaps of practice and regular therapy, but does work 🙂

I am really glad you are on the forums and the help you have given others Emma. Paulx