Adjustment Disorder and Quit Job After 1 Week

[Nicole73]

Hi,

Thanks for taking the time to read my post. I'm a newbie and feeling very lost, anxious and down at the moment. I will be making an appointment to see the GP but to be honest I get as much from hearing other peoples stories and knowing that I'm not alone. I don't really want to go back on medication as I find it doesn't do much for me, but I get more out of talking about my situation with people who understand.

About 3 months ago we moved 300klm (back to where I grew up) and I'm find adjusting WAY harder than I ever expected. I didn't know that an Adjustment Disorder even existed until I stumbled across the meaning of it lately and I feel this disorder was named after me. I'm extremely overwhelmed, I can't settle, my stomach is in constant knots, I don't want to leave the house or talk to anyone, I've lost my appetite, I cry at the drop of a hat...and I even quit my new job just 1 week after starting (to which I am highly embarrassed). I have always suffered from Anxiety but never had anything hit me quite this hard (again to which I am highly embarrassed). I seem to have lost all confidence and I'm actually scared to even apply for another job in case I find it is all too much again (I wish I could put on my application...'high anxiety sufferer on board but once settled will be the perfect employee'...lol). I am still applying as bills need to get paid, but I'm hoping that I might be able to get something casual or part time instead of full time hours. Although my husband is supportive, he doesn't know what to say or how to handle the situation and his advice is to drink more beer (said tongue in cheek as I don't really drink). He doesn't really mean this, but he just doesn't know what to say. Although I have a couple of good friends, I find it too hard and embarrassing to talk to them about it all in detail. I know I shouldn't, but I feel like I'm being a big waa-waa sook and need to toughen up. Plus I honestly don't feel people completely understand unless they have been through it. And although they listen, I feel like I'm being laughed at behind my back...ah, the joys of that anxiety showing it's ugly head again (I worry immensely of what others think. Worst still, I'm in my 40's and I still cry if someone says something horrible to me at work).

Anyhow, long story short...I was hoping that someone here may have been in a similar situation to mine and has came through the other end unscathed?

Thanks for reading.

Nicole.

[Guest_2496]

Hi Nicole

Change is hard isn't it. Whether it's moving environment, or life events it takes adjustment. I don't think there is anything wrong with the way you're feeling, and if the bills could wait I'd say take a little time before jumping into another job. Part time or casual sounds perfect though 🙂 Is there anywhere you can volunteer in the meantime - just a day or so a week - to gain some of your confidence back, meet people, and potentially volunteer positions lead to work. (I'm talking to myself as well here ha ha)

Although I haven't moved I've been through so much change the last few years and definitely struggled with it. Just up your self care, whatever that looks like for you - baths, meditation, walks, writing and perhaps try to increase your social circle. Try not to worry about what others think of you - my mother always used to say everyone is thinking about themselves, they're not looking at you... AND just maybe if you do open up to those existing friends you'll find that they a)understand and/or b)want someone to talk to as well!

I hope you found a dr that you're comfortable with and that things are looking up soon.

[bluehorseshoes]

Hey Nicole,

I can really relate to your experience feeling very lost, anxious and down after your job didn’t work out. I was in a similar situation to you not long ago. If you’d like to find out, please go to the top of the page and search ‘Seeing red flags’.

My new job caused problems with anxiety that I was already working on. Like you I have/had the stomach upset, crying, and lost appetite. Looking back on your week at that job (I’m not sure how long it’s been since then?) it might help you to now look at the situation objectively like I did in my red flags post to understand what happened, as factually as possible, both with your actions and events happening around you and with others at work that led to your decision to quit. It helped me to process events and not be so hard on myself, letting go of the anger and pain.

In my case, that post helped me to realise that yes my anxiety was very high then (not sleeping and having to psych myself up every morning) but there were things happening that even a non-anxious person would be reacting to. I only recently learned after comparing notes, that my despair then was because the whole reason for getting that job was to get in a better environment, not as negative/toxic as in the past, somewhere where I could really settle and be productive and valued unlike past jobs, and once starting I was tremendously sad that this was going to be the same/worse than my last job. And from there the anxiety grew thinking either ‘how am I going to cope here all day every day?’ or ‘where else will I go? How can I search again?’

Like you I’m now hoping to get something part time/casual just because I feel burnt by my last experience, and also lost confidence in my abilities. My family’s very similar to your husband and often don’t understand. You’re definitely not alone.

Talking to your GP is certainly a good idea, as is joining the forums here to connect with others in the same boat. I was also embarrassed but now I’m accepting of it and remind myself that stuff happens. No one is perfect.

Thank you for sharing your story,
Bluey

[Hppyf33t]

Hi Nicole73,

I feel your post could have been written by me. I’m also in my 40s and moved 600km 7 months ago. I have a job which I have to return to next week and it’s freaking me out.

I know exactly what you are going through. I don’t know if you have read my post from a couple of weeks ago. Separation Anxiety.

Its still early days for me but I think I’m doing all the right things. I have been to my GP and I’m now seeing a psychologist. I’m not on any medication as I want to try other options first. I speak openly to my close family and friends about how I’m feeling.

My husband has also been amazing, but he also doesn’t know what to say when I’m having a real bad day.

Here is hoping that we both come out the other end much happier.

H@ppyf33t

[Nicole73]

Thank you Annie for taking the time to reply. I appreciate your kind words and advice. Funnily enough I was looking at volunteering in my area just yesterday. It is also a good reminder to give myself a little more self care too. Thank you.

Thank you Bluey for also taking the time to reply. I love your advice about looking at my job factually and the details that led to me leaving so promptly. I've only been on the forums for a couple of day and haven't yet seen your 'Seeing red flags' post, but I will definitely check it out, thank you. In hindsight, my biggest drive to get the job was that 'I needed one' and I used to do that type of work before. Funnily enough 'red flags' were flying before I even started because I was aware that the company wasn't a particularly good one to work for. I know I can't blame everything on the company because ultimately I'm the one who decided to apply for the job and then leave, but it does help somewhat when I stop to think of how much pressure and actually how I was treated by management in that first week (as well as my mental state at the time). Thank you.

H@ppyf33t, I must admit that it was very nice to read your story and to hear that someone similar to my age is going through something similar....really makes me feel not so alone. I'm very sorry to hear you feel the same, but hopefully together we can get there through support forums like this. I was on Long Service Leave for 6 months before I started my new job, so I fully understand how you feel about going back to work. I haven't yet read your post 'Separation Anxiety' but I hunt it down and have a read, thank you. If you lived close by I would have you over for a cuppa and we could compare notes...hehehe. Good luck with your job next week. I will be thinking of you. Please report back how you go. And I know that I need to start taking some of my own advice, but you can do it. One foot after the other and remember to breathe. 🙂

[bluehorseshoes]

Good on you Nicole. ‘Rebalancing’ the amount of accountability we have in these situations is important because as you know, anxiety has a habit of making us take on an unfair amount of responsibility. For example, “X event happened and it is ALL MY FAULT. Why am I so useless?” - That kind of thinking. Not that it’s all one way or the other, as you said but recognising what is and is not within our control can help us to move on and to learn.

In my case, it is a fact that at the job I started --- my boss sat at their desk holding their head in their hands, not answering their phone whenever their family called, didn’t take breaks, started complaining to me about work/management on my second day, during presentations the CEO would make calls and text even though it was rude and distracted presenters, there were literally 100s of queries unanswered for months and management weren’t concerned, they couldn’t afford to pay and had to pretend that I worked at a different company on my contract to budget for me. And someone I barely knew made a dumb joke about spiking my drink. Just some of the things that influenced my anxiety and eventual decision that it was all wrong.

I hope you’re starting to feel less alone seeing the similar stories here and can start to forgive yourself and take some time for self compassion as Annie says. As you noticed with Happyfeet, you often find yourself giving the advice and support you really need to listen to yourself, and that’s true for me too. In supporting others here I also benefit.

Let us know how it’s all going when you’re able,
Bluey

[Nicole73]

I just thought I would report back here, even though it has only been a few days since my first post. I have had a few days of reflection and to absorb many things.

I have previously been to very nice and understanding doctors with my anxiety and depression woes (the first time I heard a Dr say to me that 'it is not all in my head and I'm brave to get help' was like nothing I have ever experienced before and this was a major turning point in my life). I have previously been on medication (which to me personally did nothing except heartache trying to come off them. But I know medication does help many people). I have previously been to psychologists which I've had good and bad. But I have never felt so supported until I have reached out on these forums. I know different things work for different people and I urge anyone who is struggling to find what is best for them. We don't all fit into the same mould. We don't all respond to the same therapies. I've taken advice from amazing people on here and finally reached out and told my close friends how I am feeling. Most have responded wonderfully - some have given acknowledgment but not much more. And this is good. I also now know who my true friends are and who I can turn to when I need a little more support along this bumpy road we call 'life'. But most, of all, I can't thank all those who have taken the time to leave messages on my forum post. You guys are incredible...and I sincerely mean that. Everyone is fighting their own battles and yet you give so much to others in need. If you are reading this, please don't ever underestimate how much a few words of encouragement can help another human being when they are at their darkest, even though you are struggling with your own internal demons as well. I know I've still a long way until I'm feeling 100% again, but I'm already feeling better than I was before I first posted here. Thank you everyone, you are all amazing!

[Guest_2496]

Such a nice post / message Nicole - you’ve helped me. Thank you.

[bluehorseshoes]

So good to hear things are slowly improving Nicole. Your message is so kind and I can’t read it without smiling.

You’re absolutely right. I’ve often felt so isolated and forced myself to turn here and am so glad I did.

I hope your confidence continues to grow in your new home, and feel free to post your progress.

Rock on,
Bluey

[Nicole73]

Hi H@ppyf33t,

If you read this message in time, I just want to wish you well for your job next week and to let you know that I'm thinking about you. I would sincerely love to know how you go.

Nicole.