A failure - too anxious to get a job

[cadd97]

Hi. I'm new here, and I don't really know what to write but I need some help. I guess I'll start by saying that I've always been quite a shy, introverted, insecure and anxious person, with little to no friends. I've accepted that that's just my personality, even though I'm not all that happy with it.

I'm here today though because I feel like a failure. At 17, I haven't done anything my peers are doing or have already done, such as getting my drivers license, a job, going to parties or sorting out my future. I stay at home all day because it's where I feel most comfortable.

As much as I so badly want to get a job, I feel like I literally can't. I know nerves are normal when confronted with new things and that it probably won't be as bad as I think it will be, but I feel anxious to the point where I feel like I'll be sick and I can't even get myself to apply to places, and when I do I find myself worrying that I'll actually get the job.

I beat myself up everyday over this, and having my parents lecturing and fighting with me over it doesn't make me feel any better. As much as I know they love me, I feel like I'm a disappointment to them. My mum constantly compares me to other people my age and what they've achieved. They think I'm lazy, that I'm a quitter and that I have no goals. But the truth is, I'm just too anxious to do anything, even though I want to so badly. I've tried explaining this to them, but they're convinced it's just natural nerves and that I'm making up excuses.

I used to see a psychologist a few years ago for my anxiety, but stopped after a year as I seemed to be getting better. She gave me tactics to use that I still use to this day. I don't know whether I should go back, or if this is just something I'm over-analysing.

I feel ridiculous, but I graduate high school this year and I don't know what to do. I feel like some traits of my personality and my anxiety are consuming me and stopping me from doing what I need and want to do in life.

[caitie0]

Hi cadd97,

sounds like you have social anxiety ( not that I am a doctor) have you thought about taking yourself to the doctor maybe to get a referral to see a pyschologist again, maybe your mum can go with you and they pyschologist can better explain or doctor to your mum, or even go alone?

do you know what you are afraid of about getting a job? Is it just talking to people?

Trust me everyone does embarrassing things! We all have our fare share of silly things and that's the experience of life.

i get nervous talking to people and overthink it, have trouble meeting people in the eye and wonder if I am all awkward, probably am, get my words all jumbled. I have learnt to Just stop thinking about it afterwards cos what's the point.

What are you afraid of happening if you go out and do these things? What are you passionate about Or enjoy?

[cadd97]

In general, I think I'm just afraid of social rejection, or that people will think I'm weird. I'm afraid of having anxiety attacks in front of people I don't really know, stuttering and not being able to get my words out, or that I just won't be able to socialise like a human being at all. I'm scared to step out of my comfort zone and do different things, even though it's silly and everyone needs to do it. I don't really like letting my guard down and showing people who I really am, in fear of judgement and criticism. Which is why I'm already a bit of a social outcast, feeling as though I don't really fit in anywhere, but I suppose I don't truly know that as I rarely socialise or leave my room. It all just makes me too anxious.

With my interests, I enjoy writing, drawing/painting, reading books and watching films. Definitely things to do alone.

Thanks for your help, I'll definitely be taking your words into consideration! 🙂

[caitie0]

Sounds like you are quiet upset about it all, I too don't really have friends and struggle with it, I am sure there is someone on here who can help maybe with some other ideas that can help with improving your people skills!

I used to draw lots at school studied lots art subjects, what kind of art of you do like to draw? Have you thought about what or if you want to go study of course you don't have too.

[Nic16]

Hi Cadd97

I definitely understand where your coming from as I'm a lot like you in being quite and a shy person with little friends. But remember it doesn't matter how many friends you have its the kind of friends they are to you that matters. Try not to be so hard on yourself or feel like a failure you have your whole life in front of you to do something you don't need to rush into anything take your time. You are graduating soon thats impressive! you should be proud of yourself you are definitely not a failure. Going to the doctors with your mum could be a good idea getting someone else to explain what you are going through is ok and she doesn't need to compare you to other people no one is the same. As for setting goals maybe start out quite small something you think you can manage and that you enjoy doing like finishing a drawing or reading a book before a certain time and then when you do it you might feel better and talking to other people take a deep breath before you start and try speaking a little slower if they think you are a bit strange thats their problem, maybe try practising in the mirror beforehand make up a conversation. You can also find a local support group to go to if you wanted to no one would judge you there (or on here).

Hope this helps a bit and remember you have people that care about you on here and that are your friend.

Take care, Nic16