Welcome and Orientation

Pinned discussions

Meet your community champions!

replies: 12

Hi everyone, We wanted to share with you the way that our wonderful Community Champions are here to support you. You may have noticed that a few of our Forums members are labelled ‘Community Champion’. Community Champions are volunteers within the Beyond Blue Forums who: have the time, skills and empathy to support other members regularly; help to welcome new members; are actively engaged members that help set the tone of our community. Our Community Champions are regular contributors to many conversations across the forums. They are a consistent and friendly voice that have committed to sharing their experience and expertise with this community. They are not health care professionals or clinicians. Like you, they have an experience with a mental health challenge or diagnosis – either for themselves or someone they care for. This forum is for people who understand what it feels like and have a lived and living experience of mental health challenges. Our Community Champions help everyone feel comfortable and confident by demonstrating what excellent peer support is all about. Click here to find out more about how you can become a Community Champion! This incredible team are excited to introduce themselves below, and we are sure you’ll see them around the forums in conversations important to you.

HELP..Am I posting in the right section?

replies: 10

Welcome to those who are considering posting for the very first time, welcome. Thought I would repost part of the words that Chris B posted awhile ago, (2014) as I can hear that people are unsure if they are posting in the right section or worried that they are posting "the wrong thing". 1.A good title makes the difference Just like a headline in a newspaper, when scanning the dozens of threads to click into, it’s only natural that people will choose the ones that resonate with them most. A title that entices the reader, or asks a question, is likely to get a better result than something non-descriptive like “Depression” or “I don't know what to do”. If you think you’re not good at choosing titles, leave it till last. Spend time writing your post, then perhaps choose a sentence from what you’ve written as the title. 2.Join in threads that have already been posted We all have our own unique stories, but part of the reason for joining a forum like this one is because you know that you will have a lot in common with others who are posting. Before starting a new thread, have a look through the current topics being discussed and see if there’s a conversation you can join in with. It can be quite common to have a handful of very similar threads happening at any one time, with members seemingly unaware that there are others right there who are going through the same thing. Talking to other members on their threads is a great way of getting yourself known so that when you post a thread of your own, people may respond quicker because they recognize your name. 3.Choose the most appropriate section for your post Many people browse the forums looking for stories specifically to do with pregnancy and parenting, employment, grief, loss, separation etc. Going straight for the “Depression” section may seem like the easiest option, but this section is often the busiest, so your post is more likely to get lost among the threads. Making good use of the different forum sections not only helps keep the forum relevant, but you’re more likely to find others who are going through the same experiences as you. Also, if you're wanting to discuss issues of trauma, abuse, suicidal thoughts or self-harm, it's really important you post in the designated section to avoid triggering others who may not wish to read about these topics. Mostly..just come and chat, we are here for you. Our amazing wizards in the background will see your message ends up in the right spot. Sarah

All discussions

Sorted by:

Start a conversation

rejected again by adult daughter

replies: 11

I have 2 adult daughters. Eight years ago the younger was diagnosed with a cancer that is usually curable but hers was too advanced. The night before her surgery she told me she didn't want me to visit her in hospital. When I asked her why she said she didn't want anyone to visit her in hospital. I was puzzled and distressed but accepted and respected her wishes. The day after her surgery I took flowers up to the ward and asked the nurses to give them to her. A nurse asked why I didn't give them to her myself. When I said that my daughter did not want visitors she said, "She's got 2 there now". That's how my daughter ended our relationship for 4 heart-breaking years. Over that time I wrote 2 or 3 letters asking her what I had done wrong to make her cut me off like that. On one occasion I sat down and apologised to her for every individual mistake I could possibly remember that might have hurt her, even for divorcing her father, but each time she wrote back long incredibly angry letters about all the terrible things she is convinced that I think about her or imputing the most amazing, horrific cruel motives for everything I've ever done. These pages of invective were unanswerable. I lived that 4 years in an agony of the soul because I loved her dearly and was scared she was going to die. I tried 3 different counsellors over time but they couldn't help. They didn't get it. One of them blamed me. About every 3 months I bought my daughter a small gift and drove an hour across town to put it in her letter box with a blank card saying 'Love Mum' while she was at work. Never acknowledged. She still 'lives with' her cancer and works full time. Nearly 4 years ago I was diagnosed with cancer. My elder daughter told her sister and this brought her back to me; but it was always 'eggshells' with many topics off the agenda. 18 months ago I was diagnosed with another more serious primary cancer. This brought her a bit closer. Three weeks ago I rang her for a chat but she didn't pick up. I rang same day later but still she didn't pick up. I have done nothing more. 4 days later I received a scathing email asking me why I rang since I hate her so much. I wrote a careful email back but have heard nothing. I have no tears this time, just a self-protective heart of stone and detached anger. Last time was so disempowering; this time I feel stronger but I need contact with other rejected parents. We are everywhere and our hearts break in silence.

My partner of 14 years is making my life very difficult and unhappy and sad.

replies: 7

My partner is 68 yrs old and for many yrs now has become a curmudgeon, which concerns me deeply. He is retreating from social activities, he is not affectionate, not romantic. He is argumentative, and pursues relentlessly his opions and modus operandi without taking any prisoners, figuratively speaking, and without any consideration of my feelings. I am the collateral damage to his means. I have for many years let him do this without challenge as I care for him deeply and hoped that these traits would be few and far between therefore giving-in, with forgiveness, and just let him express himself. But now these traits are continuous and he never lets up, making me stressed and disappointed in his attitude towards me. The expression "That he must kill in order to eat", defines his attitude towards me precisely. He will risk our relationship by emotionally and mentally treating me cruelly so he can force his opinions upon me and ultimately force me to follow his ideas on how we should run our lives. i.e. the ultimate daily events that we follow are more important than the preservation of our long relationship. He cross-examines me constantly and I am not skilled enough to be able to resist his unreasonable force feeding of his insensitive strategies for his method of how our lives should operate. If I don't capitulate to his way of running our lives and his ideas he will badger & entrap me until I admit I'm wrong and he's got me to admit, that what I want to do is without merit or credibility. He will even humiliate me in front of acquaintances or strangers by forcing me to admit in their presence and declare that I defere to his accusation that I made a bad choice in overfilling the kettle or something as miniscule and trivial as that. He displays an arrogant opinion of himself and his ideas without consideration that we are a 50/50 partnership. It concerns me greatly as he is isolating himself from what can be a mutally beautiful respectful and loving kind relationship, something we all aspire to as we age. He is bullying me in order to dominate the relationship and never lets up on his inflexible way of how our lives should be run. He suffers from OCD, and this is escalating with age. Does the loss of testosterone cause aging men to become curmudgeons? I feel like I am in mourning at the loss of his affection and any generosity to respect me as a 50/50 partner. He holds grudges for a very long time if anyone defies his opinions or challenges him.

Mr Beau

replies: 2

Hi I'm 26 years old, i'm suffering Anxiety to the point that at random times i choose a substance to escape the uncontrollable thoughts and to escape a hole in the soul that i feel needs to be filled. I live in Australia. In Victoria. I want out from this prison. I really want out. Im on medication atm. Plus a mood stabliser. But it's not enough. And my stubborness refuses to go to rehab. What do i do????

New here....don't know what to expect

replies: 2

Good evening, all. Obviously, I'm new here. Very unsure about this. I'm sure, like a lot of people here, talking about the issues I'm dealing/struggling with is not easy. It feels strange "saying" it out loud. I've been struggling with depression/anxiety all my adult life. I've tried a couple of medications but really didn't like the effect they had on me in the long run, left me feeling just, flat and indifferent to everything. Although I don't deliberately use alcohol to self medicate, I can't say that it doesn't help sometimes. I don't have much of a support network as I've always struggled to maintain or even build friendships. Not particularly close to family but I am lucky to have a supportive Wife, however my issues do place a lot of stress and pressure on her. She loves people and socializing, where I desperately try to avoid any type of interaction with other people. I can do it occasionally but if I can't avoid it, get so worked up and edgy and am always desperate to leave as soon as possible. I love her dearly and feel so guilty about the negative impact I have on her but it is so hard to be "normal". Dark thoughts have been a bit more prevalent recently. Really struggling with just going to work or even leaving the house some days. Simply feel like I just don't want to be involved in anything anymore. I have recently, finally, spoken to my doctor about this and am about to try to start some positive, proactive steps to try to deal with whats going on in my head....a long road ahead, I think! As I said in the title, I don't know what I expect here. But thought I'd reach out and see how I go.... Cheers, all

Sad,lost,lonely,depressed.

replies: 2

Hi so about a year ago my mother left my dad for another man. Our lives were turned upside down,from moving houses so dad could move in with me to having to deal with the emotions and be a mum to my 1 and 6 year old. Putting on a brave face didnt last long. I didnt speak to my mum for 9 months and it was the hardest time of my life as we were so close. We began speaking slowly but I dont have anything to do with her bf. Court orders are in place re house selling etc and my dads very hard to live with. I feel like I have no purpose in life. My mum.was my best friend and now I'm lucky to speak or see her once a month as I'm now second best to a man. I understand relationships end but I'm her daughter. I should.come before a man. She is of living her life and I'm stuck. I'm.depreased,on edge ,habe really bad anxiety and have none to talk to. I have a partner but sometime.thwre way of caring is to.l not.ask. how do I get through this heart ache. I'm sick of not looking forward to every day.

New and Blue ;)

replies: 3

Hey everyone, I live with severe depression. Diagnosed as a teen. Medicated however also a heavy drinker, doesn’t help. Experienced family abandonment by a narcissistic mother and although I don’t play the victim, I just feel so lost at the moment. I receive intensive help through a psychologist which helps but I still need to find a way to live with this depression. I have lovely friends but I can only seem to see the rainbow in black and white still... any advice or help with this particular topic would be appreciated.. I think unless you know depression and have lived it, it’s very hard to give the right advice.. that’s why I’m turning to this community because we totally get it x

Not sure what to say...

replies: 8

Hi i'm new to this, I experienced my first ever panic attack over a month ago. Just this night I hade another one. I have no history of panic attacks and have been paranoid it might be caused by some underlying illness. All i think about these days is that I might have some sort of cancer or tumor. I search up symptoms which definitely doesn't help. I've seen my GP had a general blood test everything was fine. Though I'm still not reassured but i'm to afraid to go to my GP then have to take other test which may just confirm my suspicion. Not sure exactly what I'm asking you guys. I just had to get it out their. It feels like I'm dieing and i'm so afraid.

Dealing with cheating partner

replies: 2

Hi, first time poster. Recently separated from girlfriend of 2.5 years. She denies but i know she was being intimate with one of my best mates wife. My mate n wife had recently split up and she was helping to comfort her and i think it lead to something else. She was previously in a lesbian relationship, that obviously didn't bother me and i actually didn't click until it was too late. It's crushed me n I'm struggling to cope. Makes it harder because our circle of friends are the same n its difficult to not hear her name or even run into her or the other girl.

I'm broken

replies: 2

I have survived the most horrific 10 year bout of spousal abuse I know live in a house with a granny flat my parents live there and they way they are treating me is 1000% worse than the beatings I suffered the mentally abuse they are giving me is beyond words I can explain I don't think I can make it through this I'm dying. We jointly own the property with a bank lone which in 3 names mean they can take money out and loans against the house which they have done i am poor due to my diagnosesd anxiety ptsd agoraphobia and depression I can't leave then my children will have no home as I can't afford one I have to choose between homelessness or my sanity I would get no money through the sale of the house due to the fact of the loans they took at. Put it this way they have so much control I have not checked my own letter box in years nor can I walk from my car from my house without verbal abuse he was screaming so badly today I had uncontrollable vomiting I'm sad I'm sacred I'm broken help

Feeling run down & not motivated.

replies: 2

Lately Ive had a lot of medical illness & lacking motivation for day to day rourine. Im sleepy & find I have to push myself to get motivated. Ive stopped socialising lately & havent had antidepressant meds for over a year now. I do have a very supportive man in my life & he keeps me going. My 2nd son is in jail, Ive had no contact for nearly 3 years, he tried to assault me with a knife in my old residence, when he was on Ice. His girlfriend has tried contacting me recently through FB as they have a girl 2years old, my grandaughter Ive never met. I think this may have sparked my recent sadness & feeling lost. Feedback welcomed.

Meet your community champions! replies: 12

HELP..Am I posting in the right section? replies: 10

rejected again by adult daughter replies: 11

My partner of 14 years is making my life very difficult and unhappy and sad. replies: 7

Mr Beau replies: 2

New here....don't know what to expect replies: 2

Sad,lost,lonely,depressed. replies: 2

New and Blue ;) replies: 3

Not sure what to say... replies: 8

Dealing with cheating partner replies: 2

I'm broken replies: 2

Feeling run down & not motivated. replies: 2