Hello dear reader, I have a complex internal conflict which needs to be
resolved. To do this I will attempt to describe the conflict in general
terms instead of specifics. My mother and father are very different
people. They see the world different, ...
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Hello dear reader, I have a complex internal conflict which needs to be
resolved. To do this I will attempt to describe the conflict in general
terms instead of specifics. My mother and father are very different
people. They see the world different, react to it different, behave
different, and have drastically different attitudes about it. When I was
growing up I had these 2 polar opposite perspectives being presented to
me as models of behaviour that I could choose to imitate and learn. Each
model had pros and cons and each parent prefdd to see me learning their
model, so I was motivated to learn both. However, due to their polarity,
my behaviour became erratic and inconsistent as I switched between the
models. Over the years of internal wrestling I have found myself
critiquing both models as inferior to the most commonly used/learned
model displayed by both parents in a nurturing, enriched developmental
environment for the child to imitate, however the adoption of this model
now would alienate both my parents and would be an extremely challenging
long term task in behavioural modification to break habituation. I have
long thought much of my problems originate from this inner conflict, and
the unilateral adoption of one model over another would provide the
consistency I crave, however I find myself unwilling to give either up.
One provides a sense of protection, security and safety, but requires
immoral attitudes; the other provides a sense of freedom, acceptance and
closure, but requires disrespectful ideation. The third, better model,
which I'm unfamiliar with, offers a sense of trust, cooperation and
respect. It's better because with trust and cooperation comes safety in
numbers, and with respect and cooperation comes the peer support which
encourages freedom, autonomy, acceptance and closure. However I do not
have a strong relationship with anyone living this model, and has
sufficient time to teach me, so I lack the ability to take such a person
on as my mentor to learn to apply this model. I have tried seeking a
professional mentoring program for people with mental illnesses as
severe as mine, and they do exist, but do not service my area. My
psychologist charges $200/hr, being the best psychologist in the state
for dealing with complex comorbid psychological cases, but asking him to
mentor me would run into thousands. My treatment would also need to be
flexible enough to blend in with my university studies schedule. Can
anyone offer any suggestions?
Can voracious appetite that comes with antidepressants be tamed?
