Feel frustrated after first psychologist session

[bman42]

I have just come home from my first psychologist session and feel terrible. Even tho she was a nice lady I feel I didn't really connect with her and am now wondering if I would connect with anyone I went to see. She told me I had extreme depression and mild anxiety. My anxiety really got in the way of letting her know how I feel(same old story).  Couldn't give her any distinctive answers about feeling worthless or worthwhile, ugly or attractive ect. Even after watching the lights go from left to right I couldn't tell her anything, my mind was blank 😞

I am so bloody mad at myself. How can I get help if I cant help her??? I really want help and to change but cant see how this is going to work if my mind keeps going blank or cant give her defined answers

Have to end this post as my mind is racing and haven given myself a headache.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[Ethereal]

Hi bman,

I have only recently been to a new psychologist and I know it can feel like you are getting nowhere after the first session.  It can take a bit of time for you and the psychologist to get to know each other and for you to start to feel like you can open up.  Trust takes time to build and hopefully after a session or 2 you will start feeling a bit better.  If not, it's not your fault.  It's a 2 way thing and not every psychologist is right for every person.  I am still deciding if the one I have chosen is right for me and it will take a few more sessions.

If you feel you can't give answers or there is more you want to discuss in a session, I often used to do a brain dump and make notes in a book that I could take along.  It also let me control my sessions by discussing the things that had bothered me most during the preceding fortnight.  You can pass your notes to your psychologist or read them out in your session.

I hope this helps just a little.

[S_A_D_]

Persist!

Connections are based on many thing, a significant proportion of which is trust. Trust is earned, and therefore almost always takes time. There is no psychologist in the world that can help a patient with anxiety in one 1 hour session.

You've done fantastically to have reached this point, because the first step to recovery is always the hardest. All you've gotta do now is what you've done before, and repeat. All psychology patients are expected to hold back at first, so don't worry about not helping her help you, and for now just leave it all up to her to help you. When she needs your help in guiding your treatment, she will ask for it.

You are your own worst critic right now. I know because I've been there myself only a few days ago. This is typical of anxiety. moodgym dot com may be helpful for this.

[giggles]

Hi

Sounds like you are giving yourself a hard time simply because you could not answer questions but its normal because you need to connect to what is going on for you and how you got where you are. it is ok not to know.

So when there is nothing that comes to mind then thats because you have not let it come through yet. But you will as it has been suggested start writing you mentioned your mind is racing so this is where you start. The writing slows you down helps with organising and brings out things that you would normally keep inside.It is by no means a quick fix but can be very effective for some.

Or if you could explain it in just a few words what would they be.

As for not getting on with the counselor you may be right but this is a common problem one I have come across too. I have had some useless ones actually.I do no know if they have actually dealt with this one in a practical sense yet.Therefore we are left with choosing or going on recommendations from others.

Time is the teacher here unfortunately the kindest thing you could do for yourself is allow it and have patience for your life.

all the best.

[Mel_D_1978]

My first psychologist was when I was a child and it went quite badly, when I went back as an adult, even I like my psychologist I never really clicked with him, I saw him for two year's and even though it helped a little I was still left feeling "broken", my new psychologist I really like and I feel miles better and feel like I am making more progress with in only about 7 sessions, even though in that time I had a major depressive episode and a suicide attempt, but I trusted my new psychologist enough to tell him straight away and he got me help really quickly, which took the pressure off and got me back on my feet quickly.

[geoff]

dear Bman, don't be so hard on yourself, it's never easy talking about your deep problems to someone sitting across the room, someone you have no idea of how they will be able to handle you.

Goodness me I remember my first visit to my psychologist, all I did was cry and couldn't get a word out, but 20 years on I was still seeing her.

You can do as the others have said, but it takes a few session to feel comfortable.

Psychologists understand and know how you are feeling, they appreciate that you you are nervous, and also know that you not going to tell them everything on the first couple of visits.

Let's go back years ago, and that person across the room that you are madly in love with, your only 15 years old, how long does it take for you to have the nerve to ask her/him out.

Seeing your psychologist is slightly different, but the analogy is basically the same.

Please don't give up, they know how you feel. Geoff.

[Murphy]

I know that feeling. I have seen so many different doctors, mental health professionals and psychologist and psychiatrists... I am yet to find one I have connected with. Trusting someone with the deepest darkest secrets you have and  your fears and memories is probably the hardest thing you can do. Getting help is one step, but the hardest thing i found to do is trust. It does take time and first sessions suck, no matter who you see. If you seriously feel and see no future with that doctor, id get referred to another one soon. The faster you get the help you need, the better. Waiting on someone you don't get on with to understand you isnt going to help you out very well. 

[Ambs]

One of the hardest things is getting there, so give yourself a pat on the back for that!! The first time I went to see my psychologist I hated her, she kept telling me I was in crisis and I would come home and say if she tells me I'm in crisis one more time I am going to punch her in the face!!  Looking back now I can see that I was in crisis and she was so right, I went on to develop a fantastic relationship with her and credit her with putting me on the right path and giving me the tools to manage my anxiety and depression.  if you find after a few sessions you still feel no connection, try a new psychologist, that was the advice my GP gave me, it is a very personal journey and you need to be able to feel that you can share your thoughts and feelings.  It is often difficult to verbalise our deepest worries, thoughts and feelings, I found writing things down helps and I had a worry diary for a while which really helped me.  I have since shared my initial frustration of my psychologists words with her and we have had a good laugh about it.  

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear bman,

"I'm so bloody mad at myself"

Fantastic result - be a very rewarding 2nd session.     Did you book one yet ?    These are very common feelings re: depression / counsellor.     I would stick with it as anything can happen, discussions can reveal many levels and it's YOUR session.     You can ask the psychiatrist not to ask you specific questions and put you on the spot.  The communication could be about Ice Skating and still portray your thoughts and mind status.

Trust is only part of it.     What I like to do is ask the counselor to put down all the forms and  paperwork so that two people can just talk and get to know each other.    The most natural meeting points - a bus stop, the street, the park, buying something do not come with blurb and a diligent professional is gonna write notes afterwards anyway.  Oh, and bill you or Bulk Bill.      I'm not sure telling someone their diagnosis on a first visit is that constructive. Maybe the next session will offer advice on triggers or who will win the Melbourne Cup.

Once my counselor talked about not going off on tangents...........for 20 mins.  But it's all good.  You just have to turn up.

Adios, David.

[bman42]

Cheers everyone for your responses. Gives me some comfort to know that this is quite normal.

After reflecting on the session(over.over,over,over,over and over again!) I feel I tried too hard to tell her EVERYTHING that was going on in my head and got myself all worked up and lost all direction. I will write down the things that are bothering me the most at the moment and maybe try to concentrate on just these things first then go on to other things later. I'll see what she thinks about this idea anyway

And you are all right about the trust issue. Basically i'm scared. Scared to open a door that has been closed for 30 years. Scared of what might be on the other side of the door. Scared that when I do open it that I wont be able to stop the emotions. Scared I wont have control of the situation. So yes when I do open this door it will have to be with someone I trust and I will try to give my current psychologist a chance.

Had a quick look at moodgym and it looks very interesting, will definitely give it a go.

Thankyou again everyone for your help. You are a great bunch of people 🙂

Bman