Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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needing a bit of help. Fiancee' depressed and I need help

replies: 4

Hello all My partner has been diagnosed with depression a little over a month ago. He has been put on medication, the first lot was not helpful so he was moved to different medication. The questions I have to ask is how do other people cope when there partner is so rude, nasty and then don't talk to you for days and then the opposite go to being so nice and you can't discuss what happened as then you would be living in the past. I want to be supportive and helpful but at this time I am feeling as though I am getting treated like his punching bag, we have counselling next week which will hopefully help. All I do is cry all the time and that gets him angry however I know its an illness and I know its not him so how do I not get so heart broken every time he treats me like that. Please help me

Could my husband be depressed?

replies: 6

Hi, This is my first post here, and I just wanted to seek some advice from people who have some experience (personally or otherwise) of depression. My husband and are in our early 30s and have been happily married for almost 10 years. We've always been a very loving and caring couple. About six months ago I noticed a change in my husband, he seemed tired, withdrawn and not able to enjoy things. But he had been a very stressful job for the past two years and I had just managed to convince him to leave that job, and I thought he was just dealing with work stress and that it would soon be over. But things got worse and when I pushed him to talk about it, he said he'd been unhappy for sometime with his life and even our relationship. Since then I've talked to him about his feelings, how I am always there for him, but he has continued to be withdrawn and very different. He doesn't want to talk to friends or family, doesn't enjoy most things, is down on himself, says I deserve better than someone like him, has lost interest in food and our pets, is now very absent minded and forgetful, is always tired, sleeping more. He says his feelings for me have changed and that he doesn't see that improving, and basically that I should go and start a new life. It's all come so suddenly and he hasn't really given me a reason. He reluctantly agreed to couples counselling which I got with a clinical psychologist. We went to 2 sessions, and he said he was just unhappy in our marriage and that he doesn't love me anymore. He didn't raise any of the other behavioural changes, and I only mentioned one or two things as I didn't want to seem like I was criticising him. He keeps saying he needs to be on his own and sort out his life on his own. I don't know what to do. It's been 4 months now. Last week I finally moved out to give him space and he's pretty sure he doesn't want me to come back. But I'm really worried about him. It's really hard when he says there's nothing wrong and that he just doesn't love me anymore, I feel he's just saying this to move me on so he can be alone. He was the most loving husband so it just doesn't make sense. Does this sound like it could be depression? I'd hoped the sessions with the psychologist would've delved in to this but he didn't show his feelings there. I don't know whether I should just respect his decision to be left alone or whether I should push him to seek help. He doesn't have any close friends (only one mutual friend who he has pulled away from) and I'm really the only person he shared his inner feelings with for a long time. I've spoken to his dad and asked him to talk to him, but they are not that close, and I fear my husband will just push him away too. Is depression something the sufferer needs to acknowledge on their own? Or can I do more to help?

Anxiety/depression unable to find an end of the cloud

replies: 1

My mother has had anxiety/depression for 2 years now and still no light at the end of the tunnel. Mum sits in her chair and unable to see a way to motivate herself and believe that the nausea is a major symptom of her anxiety/depression. Mum is been in numerous hospitals to find out what can be causing the nausea but the doctors are coming back saying that the anxiety is a major contributor. Mum did have a stroke 4 years ago and this is when the anxiety was mild which they believe was caused from the stroke. But for the past 2 years other medical issues have happening which has resulted in the nausea/anxiety/depression to increase. Mum is seeing a psychologist but I find it hard to understand how mum isn't pushing herself more as per doctors instructions when this could improve her condition. Does anyone have suggestions on how to motivate someone to at least try? Mum is getting home care to help my father at this time as he is the primary carer. Mum relies so much on Dad and it is taking it out of him at the moment. Mum was improving last December but she had to get a pace make inserted and after this she went backward again. Hopefully this new antidepressant medication might start working for her and then mentally she might be able to cope better with this. At present the new medication that she is on isn't providing any help for her.

looking for advice to support my husband

replies: 2

hi, my husband has been going a really rough time, been out of work for over 2 years and money has been tight, he has recently lost interest in a lot of things that used to make him happy, including sex. He's having trouble sleeping, can't concentrate and has very little energy for anything. My biggest problem is that he has a fear of doctors and anyone associated with them, so the odds of him going to see anyone for help are slim to none. I'm looking for advice on how I can help to support him at home, without the help of a professional or any medications. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated

Unwell wife

replies: 1

First time on this board so bear with me. My wife was diagnosed with OCD and post natal depression after the birth of our boy 3 years ago. She went onto medication, which appeared to help her. About 2 years ago we decided to try for our second baby. 2 miscarriages and 3 very challenging IVF cycles later (while not being on her medication) we have still not had any success. The challenges of the last couple of years seemed to have culminated with a significant 'episode' which started about a week ago. Her OCD went into overdrive resulting her accusing me of something (which is horrifying to me and completely untrue). She realizes this is her illness but can't get it under control. She slipped into a pretty dark place a couple of days ago, so we decided to go to the GP. He prescribed some anti-anxiety medication but said it will take 5-7 days to kick in with things most likely to get worse before they get better. She is seeing a counsellor at the moment (with very little improvement from where I stand). I feel we need to see an actual psychiatrist for some more help. We have an incredibly supportive family and fantastic child - so I think we are trying to do the right things to get on top of it. However, I am really struggling myself (particularly after the miscarriage which really knocked me around) and don't know where to turn. Her thought which triggered the recent episode, while being completely illogical, untrue and ridiculous involved me and is quite sensitive - to the point were feel I can't talk about it to anyone about it. I want to be strong for my wife and son but feel this is also eating me up inside too.

Husband with depression and anxiety

replies: 2

Hi. My husband is suffering from depression and anxiety. This isn't a new thing for myself or my family as we have supported our daughter through depression and anxiety over the last year and a half. She has come through it now and she is looking forward to starting university despite the fact that she has recently been diagnosed with ocd and receiving treatment for this. We celebrate 25 wonderful years of marriage this year which wasn't without its ups and downs but we got through them and we have three lovely children, two teenagers and one young adult. I had my suspicions that he was suffering from depression and anxiety before Christmas when he started to get irritable and very aggressive. He would say things to me that were very hurtful and lash out at anything that was within his reach but he never hit me. It was very difficult to have a conversation through fear of saying something that would set him off so in the end we just wouldn't communicate and when we did it wasn't a good conversation at all and usually ended with him telling me to leave. It all came to a head in late January this year when he became particularly aggressive and kicked in our wardrobe door. This was enough for me so I told him to get help or I will leave. I didn't want to leave neither had I planned to, I love him too much to leave and I believed that the marriage would be able to carry on through this as long as we had support and he got the help he needed. He immediately sought help through our gp who then referred him to a psychologist and put him on medication. We now take every day as it comes for both of us, my husband with his depression and anxiety and myself as his wife and his carer. It sometimes gets very hard to carry the whole family, my husband and run the household as well and I find myself getting very tired. When I get up some mornings the day looks long and bleak, and I can tell right from the beginning it is going to be a struggle. We have both found ourselves in a lonely position in our own individual ways but I know we will get through this I just can't see the end at the moment. I am seeking counseling myself and seeking out ways in which I can support my husband one of which is going for a walk with him in a park, something he enjoys doing. So that's my story. Thank you for reading it.

Resources for partners

replies: 2

Hi all, Does anyone know of any good resources for the partners of people with depression. My husband is having a hard time understanding my illness and had said to me he doesn't know how to handle the situation. I have looked at the bb resources but they seem to be aimed at partners who are acting as carers. My hubby isn't my carer (i'm still working, talking care of myself ect) but I need him to understand what I'm going though (as much as someone who has never experienced depression can) I need him to be more supportive but I don't think this can happen till he has some empathy for my situation. I am doing my very best to get better but feel that he is hindering me. Yesterday we had a fight (over something really silly) and I told him he is supposed to be on my side and his reply was that I'm not even on my side. This upset me as I had just have my first session with my psychologist so yes, I am on my side. I left the house for a while and when I came back he apologized and we are fine now but I know it will happen again sooner or later if he doesn't have any insight into depression. He has been to the GP with me and maybe it would be useful for him to come to one of my counseling sessions in the future Till I'm ready for that I'm hoping someone knows of some good literature that could help. Thanks

How to get information across to my husband

replies: 53

Hi there, If someone can give me some advice pls on how to get my husband to read up on information on depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder. I have been suffering these mental illnesses for 3 yrs now and my husband just doesn't get it. He doesn't understand what it's like for me to be depressed and to behave in a negative way because of BPD. I have tried to get him to read on line information but he would be in it. I found a BB booklet that I had from last year and he looked at the cover and that was it. I don't know what else to do apart from dragging him to my GP or psych, which I don't think he will be happy about coming. Ive tried explaining it to him a while ago and he turned around and said it's my problem and that was it. I feel so lonely without my husbands support, just wish he could understand. If he just sat down and read some information on depression and borderline personality disorder he may understand how I am feeling/coping. Hope someone can give me some advice. Thanks Jo

Isolation is fueling my friend’s depression and anxiety to dangerous levels

replies: 2

Hi, my friend has suffered from anxiety and depression for 12 years. She has not worked for 10 years and the consistent isolation throughout the day has really taken its toll. She has fallen so low we cannot get her to engage in community groups to fill her dayShe is suicidal and near house bound but is currently in a public hospital psych ward.She lives in a share house with one other, but obviously people have their daily lives to live (work etc) so there is no avoiding the 8-10 hours in the day that she is alone. The hospital has arranged for her to be put on the a waiting list of a women’s rooming house but I am concerned for her safety there as each other resident potentially brings problems with violet partners or drugs.My question is. Is there some kind of rooming house or accommodation services in Melbourne that cater for a more select group (eg, those with depression that need company). Or, does anyone know of a service to link similar people together to look at living together in a share house.If there are no specific services and the rooming house proves too dangerous or unstable I thought perhaps finding another person who similarly needs company to share house with her.Any suggestions would really be appreciated. She really resists community groups and has withdrawn so much I’m just not sure what to try next. She has great friends and family but after 12 years we are all exhausted and what we can provide is not enough (none can be with her 24/7 or even close to).

My husband tried to kill himself

replies: 1

Hi, my husband tried to commit suicide 12 days ago, and the 12 days following have been and still are nightmare. He is 45 years old, we have 4 children. They are not enough to make him happy. I feel like I am drowning.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

needing a bit of help. Fiancee' depressed and I need help replies: 4

Could my husband be depressed? replies: 6

Anxiety/depression unable to find an end of the cloud replies: 1

looking for advice to support my husband replies: 2

Unwell wife replies: 1

Husband with depression and anxiety replies: 2

Resources for partners replies: 2

How to get information across to my husband replies: 53

Isolation is fueling my friend’s depression and anxiety to dangerous levels replies: 2

My husband tried to kill himself replies: 1