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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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ConcernedSon2013 Concerned for a parent who is depressed
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I am looking for some advice about my Mum, she lives at the Goldcoast I live in the UK so I have no idea what to do about her situation. She is in her late 60s, my Dad died a few years ago and she now lives with my younger brother but he igno... View more

Hi all, I am looking for some advice about my Mum, she lives at the Goldcoast I live in the UK so I have no idea what to do about her situation. She is in her late 60s, my Dad died a few years ago and she now lives with my younger brother but he ignores her situation and hopes for the best. My older brother is going to visit her soon and try to help her but he doesnt really know the best course of action. Is the best advice to give him that he takes her to a GP and gets her treatment for depression? What kind of activities could she get involved in at her age that would be good for her e.g. can she volunteer at a hospital?

Saska Pushing friends and loved ones away
  • replies: 5

Hi All I am new here.I joined because I have severe anxiety and have some family members and friends with depression and I want to learn how to support them. My question is ------Just met a really nice guy. Over the past few weeks we have had some ch... View more

Hi All I am new here.I joined because I have severe anxiety and have some family members and friends with depression and I want to learn how to support them. My question is ------Just met a really nice guy. Over the past few weeks we have had some chats and he confessed he has severe depression and has for a long time. He told me he has lost a few very important relationships over the time, including a girl he thought he was going to marry, due to his depression. He explained that he gets down and pushes people away from him. I told him I wasn't going anywhere and asked that he please try not to push me away. Anyway all was good up until last Thursday night. We had a few laughs via sms and I've only received one sms since explaining that he was feeling down and was going to keep to himself for a while. I really want to be his friend (would love to be more than friends) and support him. How do I support him when he's pushed me away? Do I keep sending him the odd sms and letting him know I am still around? Or do I give him his time out?? Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you

alethea Husband's Depression & Anxiety Getting To Me
  • replies: 3

My husband was diagnosed with depression with psychotic tendencies about 4 years ago. Since then he's been on medication. Even with the medication, he's paranoid, defensive and often aggressive towards the wrong people, which is evident in his inabil... View more

My husband was diagnosed with depression with psychotic tendencies about 4 years ago. Since then he's been on medication. Even with the medication, he's paranoid, defensive and often aggressive towards the wrong people, which is evident in his inability to hold a job for longer than 6 months. He's a qualified and experienced IT programmer and his skills are in high demand, but he can never get along with people and always ends up at the losing end. He's always worrying about something, makes mountains out of molehills and what's worse, believes the entire world is conspiring against him. He believes that everyone around him and known to him are in some grand scheme to make him the centre of the universe! After 7 years of marriage, dream after dream shattering into millions of pieces, I'm at breaking point myself. I feel I'm headed for a life of depression too. I've seen two counsellors so far, who have said I just need to keep talking to him and support him, that communication is key. I've tried, but he always says I don't understand him and that I don't see his point of view. He has even accused me of not knowing how the world works. I'm so sick of it now, what do I do?

danniman How to help someone i love
  • replies: 4

Hi Everyone, Someone i love more then anything in the world is suffering from depression. Hes my ex partner who i love dearly and is the most important person in the world to me even though we are seperated. Hes pulled away from me saying that we are... View more

Hi Everyone, Someone i love more then anything in the world is suffering from depression. Hes my ex partner who i love dearly and is the most important person in the world to me even though we are seperated. Hes pulled away from me saying that we are not close anymore and i feel like he picks at me about issues when really its his depression talking. I really want to help him but i dont know how. Ive told him i love him and im here for him and i hope one day he can talk to me about all the things he has festering away inside himself. I just dont know what i can do to help him. Any advice would be great.

Leeboi33 My dads is not doing great
  • replies: 4

Hi guys , long story short I'm 24 dads 53 and he had a heart attack about a year and a half ago , since then he's saying that he wakes up everyday expecting to die and that he feels worthless, now that I'm grown up and he's on the verge of retiring ,... View more

Hi guys , long story short I'm 24 dads 53 and he had a heart attack about a year and a half ago , since then he's saying that he wakes up everyday expecting to die and that he feels worthless, now that I'm grown up and he's on the verge of retiring , mum can't help much she doesn't know what to do or say and either do I , he's been so strong and motivated my whole life and now he's a different person , he would never ask for help so I've come here to see if anyone has an idea on what I can say or things I can suggest to try to get him to feel abit more happy about life . Ps sorry if there is any typos I'm on my iPhone

giggles Estranged from family member
  • replies: 10

Hello I have had this dilemma hanging around for a long time now but would like to know if others would take the same approach or perhaps leave it. It is about a family member that I have always had a connection with while the relationship was on the... View more

Hello I have had this dilemma hanging around for a long time now but would like to know if others would take the same approach or perhaps leave it. It is about a family member that I have always had a connection with while the relationship was on the phone because of distance it was important to hear from that member over the years. We now live in the same place but the relationship is none existent. While I can accept that we have our lives to live and we are busy with other things I can not seem to move past the fact that I would like to be seeing him more and have the relationship we use to have. For me I am having alot of trouble just letting them go because I miss them and wonder why I have been treated like this and other people are having more time with them.I have made a time to be with him and am wondering if I should bring up how I have been feeling because I believe it will not change anything in the situation but it gets annoying for me when I keep hearing things about him through family grapevine and I use to be in the grapevine. It is consistently doing my head in because my heart is hurting and I keep wondering is it me or is it him.Why has this happened with this family member? Righto throw some stuff at me with your thoughts please. This is really about me finding a happy place to move onto instead of having these feelings comeup it almost feels like he has died but keeps coming back to haunt me. There might be a few grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... in this one. Not giggling over this one. Giggles.

DanniR Seeing a GP
  • replies: 6

My partner had a breakdown last week. He was advised that he is suffering from depression by a CAT team. It has been 5 days since the breakdown. Myself, his mum & brother are trying to get him to go & see his GP. We have not said he must go but asked... View more

My partner had a breakdown last week. He was advised that he is suffering from depression by a CAT team. It has been 5 days since the breakdown. Myself, his mum & brother are trying to get him to go & see his GP. We have not said he must go but asked him. He doesn't want to, he doesn't believe is ill. I understand that he needs to want to go but I would appreciate some advise on how to get him to realize he needs some help before he has another break down.

Nic_Nic Supporting my partner who refuses professional help
  • replies: 5

Hi, My long term boyfriend is suffering from depression and anxiety and has been for about 6-12 months. Until last night, I thought it was relatively mild but he has now admitted (via letter) that he has contemplated "ending it all" and thought about... View more

Hi, My long term boyfriend is suffering from depression and anxiety and has been for about 6-12 months. Until last night, I thought it was relatively mild but he has now admitted (via letter) that he has contemplated "ending it all" and thought about the letters he would write to people and what he would leave to everyone. I have been trying to get him to seek professional help for a while now and he refuses and thinks that they can't fix the problems, only drown them out for a while. No matter how much I try to explain how valuable this help is and how it could help his thought processes and coping mechanisms, he just won't go. He has visited this website, which is a plus and I guess taking that step to admitting his suicidal thoughts was a big step too. We currently are going through some relationship problems as well which I put down to his depression and feeling unhappy all the time. But now I'm wondering if our relationship is contributing to the depression and making him worse. I talked to him about this and he said he doesn't know how he is feeling about it all and doesn't know what he wants. Obviously I don't want to leave him if he's unwell, but I'm worried sick that I'm only making his depression worse. I want to stick by his side and help him through this so badly, but what if I'm making it worse?! I feel sick to my stomach about this and no matter what I do, I feel I'll be responsible for the outcome. I've made the decision to go to a GP tomorrow and discuss this and see what he suggests but has anyone been through a similar thing and can give me some advice? I'm completely lost!

LovingMum My daughter has anxiety and OCD
  • replies: 4

My 16yo daughter has suffered from anxiety since the onset of puberty. Some small OCD indicators have presented since that time, but you know, everyone has their "things" don't they? They like to use a certain fork, they like to make their bed just s... View more

My 16yo daughter has suffered from anxiety since the onset of puberty. Some small OCD indicators have presented since that time, but you know, everyone has their "things" don't they? They like to use a certain fork, they like to make their bed just so. So we didn't worry. Last year after a series of health problems it manifested as mild OCD. She had to wash her cutlery and crockery and used sanitiser somewhat obsessively. Or so we thought at the time. Compared to now, it seems pretty normal! Now she cleans her hands obsessively, showers at least 3 times a day, can only wear clothes once (even a coat or scarf) before washing. Everything has to be wiped with antibacterial wipes. Even the packet of wipes. She can't touch anyone and she can only touch us if we have changed from our outside clothes. Us being her parents and her beloved little brother. Her routines are elaborate, such as for going to bed, and any detour from them brings on panic attacks. Being at school is torture for her. She cannot hug her friends anymore or explain to them why. She can't sit down outside, so she stands all day, unable to eat properly, unable to join in chatting with her friends, leaving her exhausted at the end of the day. She is so consumed with the dirtyness of the classroom and trying to prevent a panic attack that she can barely concentrate on her lessons. I receive constant texts from her all day. She also worries about us as soon as we are out of her sight. I have to text her when I get to work so she knows I'm OK. THe last couple of days it has affected her eating. She doesn't know why but she feels bad about eating. She doesn't want to eat and when she does she feels bad. It's still another week until we get in to see her new psychologist. She won't go back to the old one, another inexplicable "thing", and she would only go and see one in the same building as her dentist, as she feels less anxious about that, being familiar with the building. She's so sick of it, it is exhausting, and she doesn't understand why she does it, and it embarrasses her. She is worried it's affecting us all and that makes her feel worse. I am exhausted too, emotionally it takes everything to keep her calm and to give her brother and father the attention they need. Her Dad is the typical male Mr Fix it and is frustrated and heartbroken that he can't fix this, guilty because the anxiety runs in his family (his Mum, his sister and niece all on meds). I'm stuck in the middle, trying to do the right thing for everyone and keep the peace and keep my daughter and the rest of us sane. The GP suggested yoga, st johns wort and exercise but she is afraid of anything that will stop her doing the "things" that lessen her anxiety so it's even thought she agrees she should do these things, and wants to, the OCD seems to stop her. Please, please if anyone has some tips on how to deal with this I would greatly appreciate it. Mostly, I just need others to talk to who know what we're going through. Tell me there is light at the end of the tunnel

Concerned_Daughter1 Support for Coping with a Parent with Mental Issues
  • replies: 2

Hi i am new to the pages and after a support forum for people dealing with parents with mental issues. Without pouring the whole story out my mum has recently had a relapse and tried to kill herself and only got help due to me begging her to get help... View more

Hi i am new to the pages and after a support forum for people dealing with parents with mental issues. Without pouring the whole story out my mum has recently had a relapse and tried to kill herself and only got help due to me begging her to get help. I am an adult child married with a child of my own. I am currently finding her extremely consuming and it's getting to the point where I don't enjoy being with her and I don't want to be like this as I treasure her. Hence this post as I'd love to connect with others in the same boat to get coping skills and de brief with someone who understands many thanks