Insomnia help please!

[Dontknowhow2help]

Hello everybody!

I am new to this and am seeking help for my partner.

Over the last 2 months, my partner has developed severe insomnia, which is secondary to anxiety I believe.

I am really desperate for any feedback or advise as my partner has lost all hope of recovering from this and is now constantly thinking of suicide as the only option out of how she feels. She is struggling to work and continue to do her normal activities that she loves. 

She has been assessed by GPs and given sleeping medications (strong type) but this not really giving any relief. She has no faith in the GPs as nothing they do helps her and she is very reluctant to see a psychologist as she has had negative experiences in the past with them.

I am trying to coax her into seeing a sleep disorder physician but am finding it hard to agree to that. I am really fearful that if she continues like this, she will cross the line of thoughts to actual harm.

Thanks for listening

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Don't,

It's nearly summer - clocks go forward on Oct 7th.   Get out the house later in the evening a WALK, TALK AND SWALK.    The fresh air and opening up with conversation might just trigger some relaxation.  I'm out with my dog at 1am or 3am if I'm obsessed with suicide.   It's seems crazy but just the change of venue and slightly exciting atmosphere is enough of a distraction.

The "nothing they do helps her" attitude is kind of a mirror to the "nothing I do helps me sleep" situation, don't you think ?    Why let an external control me when I can't control an internal ?  Almost as bad as "What do they know ?  They just read books ?".    I am reluctant to visit my mother in law due to past "negative experiences" but sometimes I manage to overcome this and I put on my mother in law defense mindset and plod on over to help with some task involving digging a hole or sticking an old washing machine on the verge for the Council Clean Up.

I find that the attitude of my partner is at it's most unhelpful when they do the same "I'm desparate to help David" bit.  It's like your concern actually drives any openess and acceptability of help away even further.    When I read something like "I am trying to coax her" it just seems way off target.   What are you coaxing ?  Her help or your own desire for her to get help ?  Two completely different things.

This is a bit harsh but your anxiety seems very strong.  You could be a bit more predictable and just tread water.  Wait in the wings a bit and see if your partner enjoys the unruffled manner and gets to put her toe in the water too.    Most lullabies are about gently lulling someone to sleep.  With an over observant and almost strict partner's manner (yes, unfortunately it reads like that) there's no chance for lulling.  Only reaction.   Being "fearful" of your partner crossing "the line of thoughts to actual harm" is way too much half expectation.  Put some positive thoughts out there - something supportive.   Be approachable.

Adios, David.

[ariel]

i first would like to start off by saying i think you are a wonderful person for even caring so much about your partner, to want to help.

i too suffer from insomnia d, but due to varying episodes of bpd. i have read many a book on insomnia and sleep, and i have been on countless medications to alleviate it. however, it didnt take long for me to realise that medications especially for sleep are not the answer.

yyou say you think that the insomnia is a result of anxiety? have you seen your gp and actually had a diagnosis of anxiety, or depression? depression can present in a number of ways, and sleep interference is one of them. it may be worthwhile seeing your gp for a mental health assessment to see if perhaps your partner is depressed, and the anxiety and insomnia are a part of that. no, this wont solve anything. but if depressed, antidepressants can have effects on a number of depression and anxiety symptoms..

also, i ask you whether the bedroom is a restful place. like no external stimulants like tv, or music. a place where you rest for the night. have you looked into sleep hygiene? it can have many benefits to know how to clean up your sleep habits. i would say, that given your partners anxiety is making her day to day life difficult, to see a dr would be wise. maybe evenm take some time off work to alleviate some of the anxiety and hook up with a therapist to help you both through this.

another thing you may wish to try is blt; bright light therapy. prior to going to bed, yousit in a very well lit area, which has your brain beleieving its daytime and you should be awake.

then after 20 minutes, you retire to your bedroom, in pitch black, where your mind will then tell your body its night and time to sleep.  its really is a case of tiral and error. what works for one may not work for others, but thats not to say there isnt something out there that will help.

i wish you every success in coming to a workable situation for both yourself and your partner. just always remember, anxiety and depression can be trested, and with the right help, you both can enjoy a more relaxed and fulfilling life.

take care. ariel

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Ariel,

Probably the other sleep technique for insomnia is to give up after 15 or 20 mins if sleep just isn't happening.   The natural thing is to stay in semi-slumber and think that sleep will come eventually.  However, a lot of specialists recommend breaking from the bedroom and returning after a chill out period.

Getting heaps of daylight into your eyes to help manufacture the seretonum will assist with the daily clock and circadian rhythm.    Breaking the restless, frustrated, pointless, churning of ground hog day living.    I was probably a bit too critical of your desire to help your partner but sometimes the high expectations of partners do more harm than good.  As Ariel [the lady in CAPITALS]  says, "Medications especially for sleep are not the answer". 

Our brains can copy the same bad sleeping habit forever.  It's a mixed bag.  How wonderful that we can adjust our routines but how crazy that we can adjust our routines.    Has your partner been losing weight too ?

Adios, David.

PS  Severe antipsychotic drugs to balance mania / sleep leave one with a gated walk as if one is a geriatric with Parkinsons.  Not the best side effect.   I still ocassionaly walk lopsided as a result of my muscle memory and I haven't been treated with those kind of drugs since the 90's.   Most are banned nowadays.

[lostinside]

what is the anxiety secondary too? some chemist will make up some natural melatonin capsules (need a script and can be made to a strength that her doc requests). She needs to work out what the insomnia is connected to. Bad dreams, unable to unwind, worry about tomorrow? just thoughts to ponder. take care

[lostinside]

hi The real david charle's. Please don't forget that sometimes - keeping it simple - may be better tolerated by those that are in need! just a thought to ponder. take care

[DonnaM]

Hi there. I don't know if this will be of any help to your partner, but it's definitely worth a try. If you have an iPad, iPod or iPhone, or probably any 'smart' device (sorry, I'm not all the up-to-date on current technology!) there's an app called Brainwave Sleep Cycle Tuner. I used it during my last period of insomnia and it was immensely helpful.

If your partner's sleep troubles are caused by a racing mind, one thing that usually works for me is going to sleep while listening to an audiobook. This won't work for everyone by any means, but for me the voice of the narrator drowns out my racing mind's constant chatter, reducing the time it takes to get to sleep from (potentially) a couple of hours to less than fifteen minutes.

Someone else mentioned sunlight and melatonin. Very important. Make sure your partner is exposed to sunlight for at least ten to fifteen minutes during the day, and then in the evenings keep the lights dim so that her brain understands that it's dark now and time for sleep.

If she's interested in any alternative therapies, there's a Bach Flower Remedy specifically for racing minds, if that's her problem. If you go to your local health food store or whatever they're called in your area, you should be able to find them easily enough.

I have personally never found a single 'sleep' remedy, natural or otherwise, that was any help to me whatsoever, and that's really because the insomnia is a symptom of a problem, not the problem itself. I, too, don't have much luck with doctors, but it sounds like your partner is really in need of some serious help. Try and make her understand that you love her very much and you want to do anything you can to help her, try to convince her that even if it takes a few tries, a few visits to a few different doctors, the inconvenience will be worth it if you guys can get a handle on the problem. As bad as things are now, believe me, they can get a hell of a lot worse. I have spent a large portion of the past 12 years dealing with suicidal thoughts. I'm doing it right now. It doesn't take long to get there, but it can take a bloody long time to get back from it. So tell her you love her, tell her you're going to help her whether she likes it or not, and follow through.

Bless you for caring.

[dare2diva]

Hi There

I too understand insomnia. I have bipolar and at the moment insomnia is so incredibly exillerating, amazing, exciting its wonderful (yep I need my meds checked) but I understand the stress, anxiety and frustration that insomnia does cause.

Firstly, your partner needs to see a really good GP or psychiatrist, General sleeping pills just won't work for insomnia caused by anxiety, depression etc. They are great for the odd bout but this sounds serious now. There are some amazing drugs out there, one in particular is used in large doses for mood stabilisation and an antipsychotic but in small doeses it is used for anxiety and as a side effect, insomnia. It is the go to drug for all things anxiety related including insomnia for my local private nut house 🙂

Then there are things you can do. Set up a strict bedtime routine. Same time every night, have a shower, give your partner a massage with lavender oil, have a warm drink like milk and honey or chamomile tea and go to bed and turn the clocks around so you can't see them at night. If she can't sleep in 20mins, get up, go and sit in a quiet room with soft lighting and perhaps some calming music and read a magazine or do some find a word puzzles, something non stimulating and go back to bed when she is tired. Always wake up at the same time each day no matter how much sleep she has had and don't nap. It takes a while but it can help. I personally have to sleep with the radio or TV on to drown out the voices that love to have conversations while I am trying to go to sleep.

I really do wish you luck and please know that things do get better.

T