Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Need some advice please

replies: 3

I started seeing my new boyfriend about six weeks ago and for the first month all was great. There were frequent texts and we were talking about the future and me eventually meeting his two kids from a previous relationship. It was a very happy time. About two weeks ago, I started to notice he was withdrawing from the relationship and I wasn't sure why. I questioned him and he just said he was stressed at work and busy with the kids but he would try to see me soon. Then a week ago he told me via text message that he suffered from depression and that he found it very difficult to talk about. He said he was angry with himself because he had finally found a great girl in me and that he liked me a lot but asked if I would "bear with him" while he overcame this "blip". He said he is getting help but sometimes he goes "into his shell". This was one week ago today. I texted back to say I was here to support him no matter what and that this didn't change my feelings for him and I cared about him a lot. He didn't reply which is OK because I am not sure exactly how bad things are for him. I checked in again on Sunday with a voicemail and also sent an email on Monday just asking if he was OK. I told him I knew he had difficulty talking so he could just let me know he was OK via email. I have not heard from him. I was just wondering if anyone could provide any insight into what I should do next? I am confident he is being honest with me about the issues he is currently facing and I know he is going through a tough time but am I wrong for wanting him to just let me know he's OK? I don't expect him to have a full-on conversation with me if he isn't comfortable but I would like to know how he is doing. I don't want to pressure him into contacting me but given the fact he felt he could tell me about these issues, I thought me might want my support? Obviously this is a new relationship so unfortunately I am yet to meet his family or any of his friends so I am unable to contact them. I also don't really have any history of dealing with people with depression so I am not sure how much I should be contacting him. I like him a lot and want to help but I can't do that if he won't communicate with me. I think he was being honest when he said he likes me too and I assume he does want to pursue a relationship with me in the future but I am just not sure how to proceed. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

How do I help my Husband?

replies: 2

Hi everyone As I write this my husband is in bed asleep, as he has been for the majority of the last two days. He was diagnosed with depression years ago and has been medicated since. He's now on some pretty heavy meds, but the problem is he tries something, it works for a while, then stops working. He then gets so despondent, and, because he's so depressed, can't muster any enthusiasm to try something new. Last night he told me I should divorce him so he can go and commit suicide, that he didn't want to be alive any more. It's not the first time he's said something like this. He's been referred to a psychiatrist, but now feels like she's not worth seeing and won't go back. I suggested seeing a different GP but he just asked me 'what do you expect from a GP?' and told me to let him sleep. To make matters worse, I'm due to travel overseas for a month from next Friday, and I'm terrified of leaving him alone. He tells me he feels guilty for 'ruining my life' - I don't know how to respond to that, because the truth is that his illness is stopping us from doing so much, including having children. I know the cruel irony of depression is that you don't want to help yourself, that you don't have the motivation to get out of bed, let alone anything else. I don't know what to do?

Please help...

replies: 1

I'm at the end of my rope. My Mum has severe depression and has essentially lost the will to live. She has been going through close to extreme stress nearly all of her life. She has admitted that she had extreme postpartum depression after she gave birth to me And her current job as a clerk at a prison is putting a lot of stress on her, to the point that she has simply stopped going to work. She is also suffering from constant migraines which she needs strong painkillers for, which I am worried that she is becoming addicted to. She used to be actually happy but now it takes everything she has just to get out of bed. She has also put on several kilos and as she was already obese, it is now affecting her sleep apneia. And as if that wasn't bad enough, her GP has diagnosed her with early onset dementia. But honestly, I think all of these problems are being caused by her depression, as it is making her just give up on doing anything and I am worried that she may try and commit suicide. I don't want to lose my Mum but I don't know how to help her. Please help me.

The Beginning Stages of Depression

replies: 1

I have the most incredible boyfriend. He is 27 and so am I. We live together in a share house and he is going through a really difficult time. It seems to me that his depression, his constant crying and devastating mood swings are borne from 3 very demanding and intense things that have happened to him all at once. Its not for me to explain them, despite my anonymity. Imagine if he trawled this place and found me laying it all out. He would feel betrayed and I feel him on that. He loves me. He cares for me. But he cant give any of himself and he is pushing me away. He imagines its out of protection, he thinks he is poisonous. I think that I want to be closer to him, to help him, but I cant. I feel rejected and I am being emotionally drained. I feel alone, even though we live together. He feels alone. But I dream we could be helping him to alleviate him of what is pulling him down, but I dont think this is possible. What I want to know is how to best support someone who is beginning to spiral into depression. Can you soften the landing? Do you give them space because of how intensely personal it all is? Is it possible to do more damage to your loved one by being there all the time? Please answer, people who have cared for someone with depression or people who have suffered through the black dog themselves with someone who wanted to be by their side.

DEPRESSION

replies: 6

I have had depression all of my life. Now I am being tested by my son who has had 20 years of depression. I don.t know what to do any more. He has sought medical attention, but I am at my wit's end about what to do for both for him and myself. I keep... View more

I just don't know what to do.

replies: 1

I don't even know where to start... About 3 weeks ago my DH was diagnosed with heart disease... This has become a massive blow to his mental health (he has had severe depression issues for many years). So apart from it being a shock for him which has sent him spirally downwards my own mental health has taken a huge hit too. I don't know what to do to help him. He has closed himself off and won't communicate, he hasn't been to work in 2 weeks and I am trying to ensure that his life at home is as pleasant as possible but I am having trouble processing this and have become severely depressed myself which is affecting work and our home life (we have a 20mth DS). Sometimes I just feel like I wish he would die and then that would solve all of our problems. I know I don't mean this, but it seems like the only viable solution. I have been to see the GP and have gotten a referral to a psychologist. Personally I am not open to taking meds. I have been receiving a lot of flack from his mother (who I usually get along with stupendously) about his health and lifestyle choices which is making me feel guilty. I have told her that I am his partner and not his keeper. He has been to see a psychologist and has been referred to a psychiatrist. I don't know if I can help him if he goes further down hill. I guess what I am asking is does anyone have any suggestions or comments Thanks, Z's Mumma

My girlfriend has depression, dealing with it.

replies: 2

I just wanted to share our story, I have been in a relationship with (not real name) Sally for about 17 months, she was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and recently bi polar. I have exams that will affect my whole life in about a month, her illnesses make it hard for me to concentrate and even though we've talked about this she doesn't understand that the nearly nightly arguments are hurting and distracting me. I love her and I want to be with her but she cant afford professional help and the NHS waiting list is nearly six months long. She blames me for the illness and we've nearly broken up several times. I would end it and finish my exams in the hope that we could get back together after but im scared for her safety and I cant bear the thought of leaving her. everything is going wrong and i feel totally out of control and i cant help or support her because i say the wrong thing or i do the wrong thing and every time i just make things worse. The worst thing is is that she's alone all day, she has no job or school and although shes starting uni in September im still at college and if i do badly in these exams im going to blame her for them, i know i shouldnt but i will.

Newly Diagnosed

replies: 1

Hi My husband has recently (this week) been diagnosed with depression. Things have been pretty bad for the last 5 months. He came to me in October and said that he wanted out of our relationship, he wasn't happy, couldn't imagine being happy etc etc. I fought against this as I didn't want to lose him. We have 2 young girls and I didn't want them to come from a broken home. I feel like I've been in no mans land for the last 5 months not knowing what he was thinking or doing. He finally went to the doctor on Tuesday who diagnosed his depression. It actually feels like a relief for me as it explains a lot. Although he's struggling with the diagnosis. He hasn't been prescribed any drugs at this stage as the doc wanted him to see the psychologist first. Who he is going to tomorrow. The hard part for me now is knowing what happens next. He still feels like he doesn't know if he wants us to be in a relationship. I found out yesterday that he's formed a 'bond' with another woman and has been talking about everything that's been going on with her. He has also slept with her so that's another thing I'm trying to deal with. He said that he didn't feel like he was getting what he needed from me so sought it elsewhere. I just don't want to walk away from our relationship but if he doesn't want me there, I don't know what else to do. I'm hoping the psychologist session will help him work out in his head where he wants to go but I'd love to hear from anyone who's been through or is going through something similar. Thanks

What do you do when your family just doesnt get it?

replies: 4

I've had a mental health variety pack of depression, chronic fatigue and hallucinations for about seven years now that has so far eluded a proper diagnosis. More than anything else after all this time I think the part that hurts the most is that my family still seems to think that it's all my fault, I'm not trying hard enough or even that I'm faking it. I still live at home with my parents so it's not like they never see my daily struggle, or maybe it's because they've seen too much of it and they're sick of it, but it seems like they hate me a little more every day. It stings just that tiny bit more when I also consider that my family has a long history of depression and other mental illnesses but they're so intolerant of mine and can never offer me words more comforting than "You just need to push yourself harder!" How does everyone else out there cope with it?

Supporting my wife and at the end of my rope

replies: 1

Hi, i am a carer to my wife and have been so for 10 years, she suffers severe depression, agoraphobia and polycystic ovary disease and suffers with periods of being bedridden every couple of weeks for a week at a time, her depression is so bad that me and our 4 kids have lived our lives around her, we have 2 autistic kids under 12 who are a full time job for me and a 8 year old with an intellectual disability. I have supported my family happily but lately feel worn out and out of options, my wife's medication stopped working recently which drove me to breakdown point, with a medication change i saw better moods etc fora short period but within 2 months the roller coaster came back, i feel like im selfish as she has these conditions but also wonder why she wont seek help recommended by GP like a psychiatrist or psychologist, and does she see how stressed and hopeless i feel why she refuses, i have several times threatened to leave and the promiseses made are never kept... I am truly stumped... Jay

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Need some advice please replies: 3

How do I help my Husband? replies: 2

Please help... replies: 1

The Beginning Stages of Depression replies: 1

DEPRESSION replies: 6

I just don't know what to do. replies: 1

My girlfriend has depression, dealing with it. replies: 2

Newly Diagnosed replies: 1

What do you do when your family just doesnt get it? replies: 4

Supporting my wife and at the end of my rope replies: 1