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Sophie_M Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents... View more

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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KIWIINWA My husband tried to kill himself
  • replies: 1

Hi, my husband tried to commit suicide 12 days ago, and the 12 days following have been and still are nightmare. He is 45 years old, we have 4 children. They are not enough to make him happy. I feel like I am drowning.

Hi, my husband tried to commit suicide 12 days ago, and the 12 days following have been and still are nightmare. He is 45 years old, we have 4 children. They are not enough to make him happy. I feel like I am drowning.

JoshB My girlfriend. Need some serious advice/help asap. Im getting desperate, depressed as well, and getting into bad habits..
  • replies: 4

My girlfriend has had depression for a couple years now. She see's a councillor and such. However that does not seem to be helping, at all. She is now having one of the worst depressive 'attacks' I guess, I have ever seen. We live at distance so it o... View more

My girlfriend has had depression for a couple years now. She see's a councillor and such. However that does not seem to be helping, at all. She is now having one of the worst depressive 'attacks' I guess, I have ever seen. We live at distance so it only makes things harder. She has been thinking about suicide all week, and has started growing insensitive to my feelings for her, and my compliments.. She feels fat, not worth it, ugly, calls herself a monster.. She sends me ppictures of awfully underweight girls telling me thats how she wants to look. Telling me that it is beautiful, not her. I tell her that isnt healthy, that she is perfect the way she is. I've followed every bit of advice I could possibly find but It just doesn't help.. I tell her everyday that im here for her. Only a phone/skype call away. But she's always busy with her schoolwork, only on weekends is she free to call me or skype me but even then we never have the chance because either she or I has something on. She says 'One day, I will kill myself. It might not be today but I know I'll end my life on my own terms.' as you can imagine this is probably the most upsetting thing I've ever had to read. She keeps telling me to just go and find some skinny girl.. She's not fat, a little on the chubby/curvy side but honestly she's more beautiful to me than any girl. I can't handle it. So I turned to smoking, It's a hhorrible habit, and I hate it already, but I just cannot do this anymore without something to calm my nerves. She self harms writes 'fat' and 'ugly' on her legs. It's so upsetting. I always say im here for here for her, she's cried to me over the phone before, and on skype, but she doesnt like to anymore because she 'doesnt want to hurt me'. Im confused.. Tired.. Angry.. Depressed and sad.. I really need some advice. Oh and before anyone tells me to tell her to speak to a doctor or open up to her councillor more, I tried. It makes her angry, she says im pushing her away and it becomes a fight. I tried asking her friends to maybe suggest somethings but she tears me a new one for telling her friends about her depression.. I haven't done anything like that for months now. Im really, really scared.. And I could do with any help or suggestions, please. And thankyou.

sweet_tooth I want my husband to be happy again
  • replies: 1

Hi, My name is Nat. I am very aware of what depression is, I have had it for many years, as too has my husband. I have managed to come through mine. But not without consequences. I know what its like to feel no hope and no way out, to feel everyone w... View more

Hi, My name is Nat. I am very aware of what depression is, I have had it for many years, as too has my husband. I have managed to come through mine. But not without consequences. I know what its like to feel no hope and no way out, to feel everyone would be better off without my issues burdening them. I ended up in ICU because of that thinking. I have been through a lot to get where I am today and I absolutely refuse to allow my husband to go through that!! My husbands depression was and still is a result of mine. Now, for the past several yrs I have been battling other health issues and it has caused my husband to fall back into the depression spiral. He works hard, his job is highly stressful, we have 3 young children who keep us on our feet too. He takes on positions in the community that adds more stress, He is constantly running around getting things done. He takes our kids to their after school sports every day, if I cant. He takes them to school and picks them up, also if I cant...which is often these days. He does the washing now too. my in-laws come over to help out once or twice a week with the house work. I am predictably unpredictable you would say. I have lack of mobility in my muscles some days and not in others, I have chronic RA and am on treatment that makes it difficult to fight off any germs. I am having tests to see if it may be a neuro problem too. I was just in hospital this Christmas, with meningitis...two yrs in row now. My immune system is very low. On the days I can function, I do all I can to take the load off my husbands shoulders, but I cant fix the problem and so he feels like he is always doing everything! He gets mad at me, blames me when hes angry. I understand the anger, its hell frustrating!!! but I have no control over it! It gets to my husband a lot!! Tonight he told me (after seeing the news about Charlotte Dawsons death), that it hit home for him. he is feeling overwhelmed and beyond stressed. he doesn't sleep well, he hasn't for yrs. he takes anti depression meds, but our situation isn't getting easier and so the load gets heavier. I want my husband to be happy again! He has no friends outside of the family. He sits at his computer and games day in day out when hes not working or driving kids around or doing house work or taking me to my appointments. He doesn't enjoy spending time around people. he doesn't like to go anywhere. He does the bare minimum and that's even become a chore. My husband is bored, tired and sees no light at the end of the tunnel and I cant guarantee one either. he has put on 60kgs and i constantly worry that he may have a heart attack. he eats a lot of sweets and sometimes that's all he eats for every meal of the day. He's not himself anymore. I try to stay out of his way, but he flies off the handle all the time..he's become like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. I never know who I'm going to get. My family say I shouldn't put up with this anymore and that I should leave him, but I just don't see that as the answer. He needs help, but wont ask for it. he is extremely stubborn, obstinate and obnoxious, all lawyers are. He's always right and sees things black or white, all or nothing. Right now I fear he will give up if something doesn't change soon. I am hoping I can get him to join a mens group where he can vent his frustrations. I just have no idea how to do that. no one can make my hubby do anything he doesn't want to. We have been married 14 years this yr and we have had a 1 yr separation 4 yrs ago now. When things get too hard for him lately, he just wants to give up. He's rude to me, gets nasty and is highly sarcastic and pessimistic. We have come so far and have learnt so much, together, I cant watch us go back to where we once were and that's what I'm seeing. I am on eggshells again, the kids are aware of daddys moods and how he speaks to mummy. He's a good man, a good dad, he works hard and has been through more than any man should be put through in a life time...I need him to come through this! I love him, he's my best friend. he deserves to be happy! We deserve to be happy!

T81 My Partner Has Depression.
  • replies: 3

Hello, I'm at a loss and don't know what to do. My beautiful parter has depression and he is in a pretty bad place at the moment (it only happens a few of times a year) and I don't know how to act. What to do, say etc. and I am feeling completely cra... View more

Hello, I'm at a loss and don't know what to do. My beautiful parter has depression and he is in a pretty bad place at the moment (it only happens a few of times a year) and I don't know how to act. What to do, say etc. and I am feeling completely crap. I know that what he says/ does when he is in his hole is not him but to be honest it is weighing me right down and I don't know how I am meant to hold it together when he makes me feel like I am worthless. our relationship is probably like most relationships, with its ups and downs. It is just a lot harder when the depression hits. My question is, how am I to act? Do I ignore his nasty mood and be normal and happy and wait for it to pass? Or do I leave him alone to deal with it himself? Or do I mollycoddle him? I am so very confused, sad and hurt and really don't know what to do. Any help Would be much appreciated. Thanks

cbella Anxiety in Young Children
  • replies: 6

Hello, I have an 8 year old daughter who has had separation anxiety since she was 3 years old. This was only apparent at school/kindy drop off and completely isolated to that event so was manageable, and seemed like a normal and small issue. This yea... View more

Hello, I have an 8 year old daughter who has had separation anxiety since she was 3 years old. This was only apparent at school/kindy drop off and completely isolated to that event so was manageable, and seemed like a normal and small issue. This year her anxiety has escalated to general anxiety about a whole range of issues such as homework, eating out, food in general, social situations, and more. She is supported through her school, at home, and by a psychologist and GP. My questions are: Does anyone have any recommendations for me as her mother as to how I can best help her. It seems to be getting worse despite the above mentioned help, and I am worried that I am not helping her in the right ways. Are there any cognitive therapy courses/groups/sessions that are available to people her age? Something we can go to once a week so that we don't regress in the therapy i.e. regular reminders of these positive thought patterns. Can anyone recommend a particular type of guided relaxation meditation for young children. Or a place we could go to do this with a professional to get us started at home. I am open to hearing all advice. Thanks in advance to all who reply. It is much appreciated.

Peony New to this and not sure where I stand
  • replies: 3

Hello, I'm new here, and I'm hoping that there might be some people here who can offer me some advice and support. About a month ago my husband of 15 years and I were going out to lunch together, all was fine - we'd had a good morning, and everything... View more

Hello, I'm new here, and I'm hoping that there might be some people here who can offer me some advice and support. About a month ago my husband of 15 years and I were going out to lunch together, all was fine - we'd had a good morning, and everything was normal. When we got in the car he shocked me by saying he was really unhappy in our marriage and didn't see a future with me. It was completely out of the blue as from my perspective there are no big issues in our relationship and we're happy. The next hour in the car was horrible with him listing all the reasons why I make him unhappy - the things I do, the things I don't do, why his unhappiness is my fault. The conversation was cold and so unlike him that I was in disbelief and still now a month later I can't understand it. Some of the things he mentioned were blown out of proportion in a huge way and some were really ridiculous. He was shocked that I reacted so badly to the conversation because he thought I felt the same and was ready to leave our marriage. This shows how far his perception is from reality because I'm totally happy. He also said some things that made me think he's paranoid about be leaving him - things that were really strange and again, out of the blue. The next day he broke down and was very upset so I had my first inkling that something wasn't right. The past two years at around this time of year he has had similar but less intense episodes of believing that I want a divorce so something clicked and I made him go to our GP. At the GP he revealed that he had been having suicidal thoughts and felt empty and disconnected from life. He's been on antidepressants for 3 weeks and I've noticed some changes, especially in the way he interacts with the kids. He's more talkative and engaged. We talked about how he thinks he's going on Sat night and it seems that the only thing that hasn't changed since he started taking the medication are his feelings towards me. He blames me for any feelings of unhappiness he feels and sees me as a person that I'm not. He said I'm always stressed out and the kids and I are yelling at each other all the time but this isn't the case at all. I'm not stressed and there are very rarely any raised voices in our home. He says he feels no love from me and thinks we're like flatmates rather than husband and wife. These things are so hurtful for me to hear because I love my husband so much, and I know that I treat him well and show my love to him. Over the last month I've been trying even harder than usual to make sure things are calm and to be extra loving and kind to him to show him that I do love him, even if he can't feel it. Since the first conversation in the car I feel like I'm on shaky ground and that he could just decide to leave me and my children at any moment. He gets very business-like and cold and it's like I don't know the person I'm married to. I have known and loved him since I was 16 years old and suddenly everything has changed and I don't understand any of it. On Sat night was really upset that he still didn't know if he wanted to be with me and I was crying. He didn't comfort me or say anything I needed to hear - like that he does still love me - he just lay there. The man I know is warm, kind, and extremely compassionate. It's like he was a stranger. I don't know what to do. If he feels these things, even if they're not reality - how can I change that? He is holding all the power and I feel like I'm lost. I'm walking on eggshells around him because I don't want any of the things he said about me to have any grain of truth to them, because he'll latch on to it and use it as ammunition. I feel like his happiness is my burden and I don't know how much longer I can take the pressure. If you have any advice on how to navigate this I'd really appreciate it.

inloveandconfused I'm in love with someone suffering depression he's called it off looking for perspective
  • replies: 1

I've been dating a man for 10 months. About 4 months into our relationship he just shut down and went silent. We had arranged for our children to meet each other for the first time which obviously stressed him out & he didn't know how to express it s... View more

I've been dating a man for 10 months. About 4 months into our relationship he just shut down and went silent. We had arranged for our children to meet each other for the first time which obviously stressed him out & he didn't know how to express it so he just shut down. Silence. We broke up for 3 weeks, then finally when he was drunk he called and reached out to me. Telling me horrible stories of childhood abuse. I told him I'd like to talk ,but, not like this in person not drunk. He asked me to have my children watched so we could meet up when he was sober. As I was heading to his home I got a familiar text, don't bother coming I won't be home. I had no idea why he was shutting down again & said no sorry not good enough I've rearranged myself to talk you need to get home & talk. He was not pleased, but, did come back. It was very painful & hard ,but, he was very open about his childhood past & admitted that he suffers depression had gone off medication (because he felt great in his life being with me) and was making another appointment to see his "doctor". We got back together. All I kept thinking was WOW we have had a break through this must have been so hard to open up & tell me about. We had many happy great months after that. Then he is told his father needs heart surgery. He is still seeing me & still present ,but, I can feel a little distance building between us. I don't push him ,but, maintain contact until 3 weeks ago he just brushes me off with "I'm going to see Dad this weekend so I can't see you" no ,but I'll make time to see you soon nothing. I've always tried to keep our relationship with low pressure, yes I love you I wan't you in my life, but, you come & see me when youre ready, just let me know I matter to you. I sent him a long text (this has always been our main source of communication) saying I love him & miss him ,but, he hurts me sometimes & makes me feel low priority in his life. I told him I have no problem with him focussing on his father ,but, he needs to remember I matter too & being blown off again hurts. I get an angry text saying "did I want a relationship?" etc. I say take all the time you need to really be sure what you want consentrate on your Dad & when you are feeling ready to talk we meet in person. He very quickly responds. He comes down to see me, he's a stranger a blank look no compassion says "I don't love you I haven't for sometime" I give him back significant gifts he's given me like a charm bracelet. He tries to tell me to keep it, I say no it's too painful to me it's a reminder that we should have more special times together to add charms he looks surprised. He tells me he only ever repeated nice things I said to him, he meant nothing nice he said to me. I say no I never said I NEED you I never said you give me self confidence & make me feel better about myself & are so good for me. I told you I love you & I want you and that was true. I tell him I'm confused if this is him, or, his illness being so cruel. As he's leaving he says "can we still be friends" I say "no sorry, my friends don't treat me the way you've just treated me" he mutters "maybe in a few months" I say "no". 1 hour later he befriends me & my friends on FB. 1 hour later he sends me a nasty text saying you don't like the word no & I didn't like how you demanded I meet you last time this happend. when I don't respond he sends me another 2 hours later making comment on our sex life & making me feel like crap. I respond sometime later with a long message saying I hate to point out the obvious I'm not still texting you I let you leave you have been awful to someone who has offered you love support compassion and honesty. Yes I still love you ,but, let me be if you don't want me it'll hurt but I'll move on. How sad this has come to his. Please see your "doctor" and get help. I'll be ok. Next day I get a text saying " I know I'll regret what I've done , I have to live with it". I send him back you shouldn't live life with regrets ever. Please take the time I told you to in the first place, focus on your other issues, see your doctor sort out what you want & if you are going to be kind only then message me back. He sends me another text thanking me, then one saying I know I do love you I don't know what's wrong with me I just get negative on everything. I'm getting help . I sent him another message saying that's good but think about what you are saying are willing to offer do you know why you are texting me, because you feel bad or you don't want us to be over? He sends back I don't want us to be over. I know I've broken your trust and it will take a long time to get it back. I've been reading like crazy about this awful illness. I'm trying to get perspective from people who understand more (friends try to help, but, they all just say things like you don't need that cut him loose) I love this man so much. I'm trying to get my head around if he loves me too, or the cold man who came here one night intent on being so nasty & cruel is the real him. I have sent him a few light messages to say hi yesterday and he has responded in a positive way asking about friends etc. So, please help, do I let it go & move on, or do I believe every other thing he's ever said, how much he loves me etc, which is what I'm getting now, mind you no "sorry I've treated you like this" ?? Any advise would be appreciated. PS I'm seeing a counsellor to help me with the hurt this has caused.

KaraArtist Does anyone relate? I am so lost
  • replies: 6

I am a strong woman who has suffered chronic depression most of my life. I have come through some extremely dark times and survived. My family are well aware of my situation but often expect me to be super human.We are a very close family. We help ea... View more

I am a strong woman who has suffered chronic depression most of my life. I have come through some extremely dark times and survived. My family are well aware of my situation but often expect me to be super human.We are a very close family. We help each other all the time in whatever way we can. However it often falls to me to take on the motherly role due to our mother’s own mental health issues often rendering her unable to cope with high levels of stress (unfortunately she does not realise she has a problem).In November my younger brother (20 years old) attempted suicide. Since then it has been absolute hell within my family circle. He has played us off each other, shown disrespect, neglect and only has judgmental and hurtful things to say to us. He and I finally had a massive fight. He told me to never speak to him again.All I could think about was how I held him in my arms after he attempted suicide, for hours, all the way to the hospital. How he leaned on me and asked me to save him. I am beyond hurt at the things he has said to me, the accusations he flung in my face and the complete disregard for all I have done.I feel completely betrayed, alone and broken. How can I keep my heart from braking? I still want to be there for him but he is killing me.The stress put on myself and my partner has reached a peak and I am suffering mentally and physically.Is it ok to take a step back? Can I help myself and ask my brother to seek help from someone else for a time? I am open to any insights that anyone might have on this issue.

RM How to help a partner though anxiety when not living with them?
  • replies: 1

I have been in relationship for a while but my partner has hit that point where university exams, interviews and future has all hit them at once. Over the last few weeks they have become less and less social and we talk a lot less. As we don't live t... View more

I have been in relationship for a while but my partner has hit that point where university exams, interviews and future has all hit them at once. Over the last few weeks they have become less and less social and we talk a lot less. As we don't live together it is hard to see them but when we do they sometimes act distant and other times the open up to me and seek comfort. They have had anxiety/depression in the past but it would last a few days at most. This recent increase of stressors seems to have made it worse. I make sure I offer my support and try to make them feel more confided and powerful over their future (not buy saying it will pass etc.. but by saying 'you are a strong person and i believe in you) but I am not sure how best to help them when I am not with them Should I just visit them even though they say they dont want to see people? Or could this make them feel worse? Most of the advice I find for helping is based on people living together and expects you to have constant interaction with the person. Is there anyone who can give some advice?

Shazej teenager struggling with anxiety and school
  • replies: 3

My 14 year old son has been diagnosed with situational type anxiety disorder ~ he struggles with anxiety in groups of people, especially numbers over 5 or 6. He started high school just before the anxiety started, and after a number of months of many... View more

My 14 year old son has been diagnosed with situational type anxiety disorder ~ he struggles with anxiety in groups of people, especially numbers over 5 or 6. He started high school just before the anxiety started, and after a number of months of many absences, full blown anxiety attacks, tears and stress, we made the decision to try distance education, which he has done for 18 months. This was a relief in some ways as we didn't have the anxiety to deal with each and every day, and were able to use the strategies given to us by his psychologist. He has been able to go into shopping centres, walk the streets of a major city at peak time, still feeling some anxiety but coping with it. Late last year he decided he wanted to return to his high school, so we started to transition him just one day a week for a couple of hours. Some times we had success, other days we didn't. Again he wanted to try returning to school this year, so met with his school and they have advocated with a flexible timetable to support. First two days he pushed through those barriers, which for him the major hurdle is the nausea, but this week he has not attended for any time at all. Dad thinks he is putting it all on to get out of school, and has called him retarded and told him he's going to send him to the army. Very supportive. I have tried to talk to my son about building his resilience and pushing thru those barriers as I have seen him do successfully. I have removed some privileges to try and get some buy in from him also, and set some expectations that I think are reasonable in relation to attending school. The expectations are that he attends school for at least 2 periods 3~ 4 days a week but obviously that is going to be hard to support if his dad is angry and feeling frustrated that things aren't changing. A lot has changed in that he can go down the street, or go to a friends house for a few hours, and I can normally get him to open up to me or do some form of school work. He disclosed to me that he thinks that we would be better off without him because he just causes the family problems. I ask him if he was having thoughts around ending his life and he said no. But obviously I'm worried. He has been previously medicated for a short period but became aggressive and kept running off. His dad now wants him medicated again. I'm stressed, I feel like I'm forever in crisis mode, having to react when things blow up between them and smooth things over again. My health suffers because of this and I know I need to stay strong both mentally and physically for my son. But I can feel myself becoming anxious, worrying about what is going to happen from day to day.