Supporting family and friends

Pinned discussions

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

•

41 unread

All discussions

Sorted by:

Start a conversation

Brisbane support groups for loved ones

replies: 3

Hi, I live in Brisbane and I am looking for other people who live with someone suffering depression. My boyfriend of 3 years suffers depression and I would really like to connect with someone who is in a similar situation. Does anyone know of any sup... View more

What to do when family doesn't care about depression?

replies: 6

My family doesn't only care about depression (not mine, but in general), but if the suffer from it (which is that they do, they have relapses, but they don't know about it), they ignore it, they strongly agressively refuse it. My depression is partly related to them. My psych told me that now when she found out about my childhood, she understands part of my disorder. I am writing this mostly because today I met them again and they stepped again on my willing and decisions and on what I love and want. They don't trust me and they don't care more and more of what I like or want and mostly they don't care of the support I need from them. What to do to make these guys understand? Or should I give up and find help somewhere else? What to do so that I can give up?...

Stay or Go? Desperately Need Help!

replies: 6

Hi All, I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years. (His 26, im 24) He is one of the most amazing people i have ever met. In February this year he told me he has been very happy with himself & life, so i told him to see a doctor. He did this that day and told me he had been diagnosed with depression & mild OCD & said he had been feeling this way for the last 5 years but it seems to be getting worse now. He also uses weed heavily and i could never get him to stop as i shouldn't be "changing who he is". The doctor gave him a referral to see a therapist for CBT but he could never take that next step. He also only took his medication for two weeks and said he was fine and the feelings were getting less. He broke up with me at the start of April, but we got back together at the start of May. I didn't relate this to the depression as he said he was ok and the feelings arent as bad etc. I guess i didnt realise how bad it was and didn't do to much research into his condition. But last week he broke up with me again, saying its not working, doesnt see a future, his head is all over the place etc and went to stay at his mates that night. The next morning he came home and started crying saying he finally realised he has an addiction to weed and a real problem with depression and needs to see someone, his so sorry he has dragged me through this, i deserve better etc etc. I have done a lot more research this time, i dont want to leave him alone and i dont want things with us to be over. I want to support him through this and help him get better but he said he needs to work out how his feeling himself. Only problem is we live together (renting) and i don't know whether to move out, stay and wait till he has had a few sessions with the therapist or just leave and move on. The 4 years I've been with him, we have always had a great relationship and have so much fun together and only in Feb this year has our relationship been rocky which i can now see is do to the depression. Any feedback would be appreciated, or anyone who has been through the same thing and their outcomes?? xx

Desperate to help my 31-year-old Son who has gone off the rails

replies: 1

I never thought this could happen to one of my children. My eldest child has always been difficult. He didn't do well at school but stayed through Year 12 and managed a low score. He did some study but didn't finish. He worked for a big company then just didn't turn up for work one day and abandoned his job because it was "just too hard". He has always blamed us his parents for his life, even though we have loved him unconditionally, been there for him always, fed/clothed him and picked up the pieces when he has fallen in a heap. We have bailed him out financially so many times I have lost count. When he abused us for "interfering" in his life we cut the financial cords and let him take the reins of his life, trying to get him to stand on his own two feet. Unfortunately this didn't seem to have the required result and he defaulted on many payments on his car and rent. He then begged us to bail him out yet again. Last year he met a wonderful girl and he seemed to improve for a while while she was around. After a year she isn't around any more and so he has spiralled into a pit even worse than he was before. He has started to cut himself off from us and his brother and sister, not returning calls and only texting us when he wants something. We have often suggested he seek counselling but he absolutely refuses. How do you help someone who doesn't want to be helped? I'm so worried he may harm himself or one of us if we visit him. His father and I cannot sleep for the worry of it all and this affects us so much as a family. How on earth can we help him?beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Husband with depression

replies: 2

Hi all, signed up in a moment of desperation. I didn't know where else to turn. My sweet husband of nearly 3 years is spiralling. He never had any problems with depression til 3 years ago when he had a massive falling out with his mother and then family. He has had problems at work, he had post natal depression after our precious daughter was born in 2010, she was very sick and had a lengthy hospital stay. He does see a counsellor, and that helps so much. But, what am I supposed to do when he relapses and sits and cries about wanting to die? How do I support him through this? Its so hard trying to keep it all together.

I'm so over my mum

replies: 21

Hi everyone A lot of you know my story - memories of childhood sexual abuse, PSTD, anxiety and BPD. Parents abandoned me for 4 yrs and I just started talking to them in Jan this year after my grandma passed away. So the relationship between me and my parents is not that great, although I am so so happy that I can get to see my dad. I feel that he is caught in the middle of a very domineering and controlling wife and their children. I had no contact with my dad because of her. Now I have changed, I don't phone her every day like I used up until 4 yrs ago. I would come home and first tyhing I would phone mum. Now I couldn't care less if I don't phone her, so I only call her when I feel like it and it could be days or a week between calls, Tonight I came home from the hospital outpatient program (which was good today but a bit confronting and I was teary). But I had the support from the therapist and I was okay. I phoned my mum when I got home while cooking tea. Mum answered the phone and the conversation was over in 2 mins. She was so cold towards me, very very short conversation with me and then she said oh well i better let you go, and she hung up. I thought what the hell have I done to deserve this? I am so over her and her behavioiur, I am not taking it anymore from her. I am not going to call her now and wait and see what she does. I have done nothing wrong so if she wants to be like a child, well let her. I am over it. I have my own issues to sort out and it is affecting me so much, trying to deal with the abuse, the people involved, relationship problems and communication problems with hubby and my self esteem, my confidence, just everything. I don't need an extra crap from her. She apparently is annoyed that I am talking to my sister (who supported and spoke to for the 4 yrs) because she doesn't like it when we are close. How can a mother not be happy for her 2 daughters to be close. I just don't get it. The only person I feel sorry for is my poor dad - yet again caught in the middle of family crap and he never speaks out. Actually I just thought - I don't care now if we don't speak again because they didn't speak to me for 4 yrs - so now it doesn't matter if it happens again. Why does my mum have to be like this? Jo

Who can I turn to get help when my partner has Bipolar

replies: 2

My partner was diagnosed with bipolar in early April this year. While she was on a real low she was fine (just wanting to feel normal) unfortunately she went from a low to being manic in early June. She has since packed and left and now living with one of her son's, She recognises that she is high which is a 1st but cannot seem to control anything. After being with her for 9 1/2 years I thought that we were actually starting to get somewhere what with now knowing that she has not been suffering depression all this time but bipolar. She has 4 grown up kids who to put it bluntly as long as she is safe they really do not seem to care or understand nor willing to try and understand what she is going through. They either laugh about when she is manic or say things like get out and go for a walk sort your stuff out. I feel like I am alienated and have no idea what I can do to try and help her. We have had some really difficult and trying times over the last 4 years we started a business and had to fold that last year when she had a manic attack and as a result we have both had to declare bankruptcy, she has not been able to keep a job for more than a month and this has put a lot of strain on us financially, I wonder sometimes if I am doing and have done the right thing for us. There are a lot of post on here about people who have bipolar and lots of good advice but really struggling to find find anything about where family members can talk or get advice about there situations. Please anybody reading this please do not think that I am being selfish or ignorant because I cannot imagine what it would be like to be a person that has bipolar dealing with this condition must be horrific. Some friends who I can open up to not having known or associated with people that have biploar simply say I would not put up with it. I feel like I do not have a choice and try keep a positive attitude in handling this issue I have to treat this the same as you would if the person you love and care for deeply had an illness that is more common and people understand more about that problem.

BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE WITH THE DEPRESSED GIRL I LOVE. NEED SOME HELP/ADVICE/THOUGHTS

replies: 9

I’ve been in a relationship with my ex girlfriend since February 2013. It was great, she even told me I was one of the best things that had happened in her life. In the end of March this year however, we kind of broke up, because of her not feel well due to mental issues. The reasons she gave me at the give were quite vague, but she didn’t even know herself what was going on. She said she still didn’t want to lose me, and we remained in contact. I tried my best to be as understanding as possible, telling her that I will always be there for her. She appreciated it very much, and she still said that I was one of the finest persons she has ever known. Although, I can be a little needy sometimes, and at some point I felt that I couldn’t take it anymore. For about two months I tried to hide how difficult it really was for me. I would tell her it was difficult, but not in what extent. We saw each other only one time during those two months, which resulted in that the longing and the missing after her was too much for me to take. So when she asked me one day how I was, I told her that I felt worse than I would admit to myself or anyone else. She really cared about me, and during the weekend we talked about it and she really tried to cheer me up. Everything seemed reasonably fine. I made what I right now feel to be the biggest mistake of my life. With nothing but the best of intentions, I ordered some D-vitamins to her over the internet. We had spoken before about her illness condition maybe was seasonal defective disorder (SAD), even though she was skeptical. At the moment, I didn’t think it was that harmful, or that big of a deal. But she became very hurt. She lashed out at me, that she wanted me to never contact her again and other mean things. I panicked. Tried to apologize several times, and wrote her an email trying to explain that I didn’t meant to hurt her. She told me to just leave her alone. That was now over a week ago. When she lashed out at me she said she was depressed. I’ve read a lot about depression since then, and I can see now that I’ve done most things totally wrong. I beat myself up for being so uncomprehending. I really don’t know what to do right now. I feel awful and am under so much stress. I guess the best thing to do is to give her the space she needs, but it’s really difficult for me. I really do want to do what’s best for her at the moment, but at the same time I am really afraid that I might lose her for good.

I Want My BPD Ex Back

replies: 2

Honestly, I'm feeling frustrated and constrained right now.I want my BPD ex back, and I'm not sure if she's gone for good.

My partner left me.

replies: 1

My partner suffers from depression but wont get help, he blames me everything and left me today. I didn't see it coming and I'm shocked and hurt, he seems so cold and distant,I feel like my whole world has been turned upside down, this is all new to ... View more

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Brisbane support groups for loved ones replies: 3

What to do when family doesn't care about depression? replies: 6

Stay or Go? Desperately Need Help! replies: 6

Desperate to help my 31-year-old Son who has gone off the rails replies: 1

Husband with depression replies: 2

I'm so over my mum replies: 21

Who can I turn to get help when my partner has Bipolar replies: 2

BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE WITH THE DEPRESSED GIRL I LOVE. NEED SOME HELP/ADVICE/THOUGHTS replies: 9

I Want My BPD Ex Back replies: 2

My partner left me. replies: 1