Immediate support
Immediate support

Supporting family and friends

Share tips on supporting a partner, family member or friend with a mental health condition, and seeking support for your own wellbeing.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

All discussions

Start a discussion

CathyH Support from extended family
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I am new to this site and desperately needing some advice/support. My husband was diagnosed with depression/anxiety over 15 months ago with many hurdles needing to be made and still the medication levels are not right. While this has been fru... View more

Hi all, I am new to this site and desperately needing some advice/support. My husband was diagnosed with depression/anxiety over 15 months ago with many hurdles needing to be made and still the medication levels are not right. While this has been frustrating my bigger current issue is that my husband has been adamant not to inform his family about his health and yet we struggling on a week to week basis. A while back during some very difficult times I decided I would inform them of his condition, without telling my husband of this. However this has then somehow become more of a personal issue rather than being a combined effort for the sake of my 2 year old and his father. My husband's family are not forthcoming in their support and almost blame me in "not letting' them talk to their son/brother. This has been particularly hurtful when I am trying all I can to keep my immediate family from falling completely apart. I feel accused in 'making up' stories as they don't see what is being presented each week behind our closed doors, with the burden of supporting them on top of trying to support my husband and self, almost being too much. If there is any advise in how to move things forward I would be greatly appreciate. Many thanks Cathy

Joeyjoe Being strong
  • replies: 2

Hubby has depression, anxiety & stress. He is seeing a doctor, but I seem to be struggling dealing with all of this plz help

Hubby has depression, anxiety & stress. He is seeing a doctor, but I seem to be struggling dealing with all of this plz help

Familymember Boyfriend - How to cope
  • replies: 4

I am a 22 year old female. I have lived with my 24 year old partner for 2 years. He has suffered from depression since his mid teens. He has medication to treat his depression which has helped him in the past. The past year or so has been characteris... View more

I am a 22 year old female. I have lived with my 24 year old partner for 2 years. He has suffered from depression since his mid teens. He has medication to treat his depression which has helped him in the past. The past year or so has been characteristed by deep periods of depression. He began self medicating with Marijuana about a year ago and this perpetuated the cycle of depressive periods. He has ceased smoking cannibas and is seeing a Psychologist. He has also recently been diagnosed with Sleep Apnoea and is recieving treatment. I want to support him through these dark times. I am finding it hard being told by everyone close to me to give up my relationship with him because " I am young and dont need a project". The past few weeks my boyfriend has suffered from a particularly depressive episode and I feel myself struggling to remain supportive. Its hard to continue to trust that someone loves you when they distance themselves from you, stop helping, cease communicating, shows no interest in your relationship and has no sexual interest in you. He says things such as " We do nothing fun anymore because you dont like doing the things we use to", " You need to stop telling me what to do", " I feel miserable and there is nothing good in my life". He only says these things when he is very depressed. I am a social person and quite sensible. I dont drink or party as a result of growing up with an alcoholic parent. I have a very positive outlook in life and my boyfriend and I have always thrived in each others company. He is a kind, generous person with a playful disposition. I feel very hurt at his suggestions that I am the problem. I feel anxious that he is not sexually attracted to me and that I am the reason he feels so lost. I can logically recognise that he loves me and the things he says and does are a result of the depression, however, emotionally it is very difficult not to succumb to the suggestions, negativity, criticism and ride the rollercoaster with him. I sometimes think about jumping off and living my life free of depression and perhaps finding a partner who doesnt suffer from depression, however I always come back to the fact that I can play quite a significant role in his life and have previously helped him through prolonged periods of depression. When things are good they are wonderful - I am trying to keep up my hope for these times. Any tips on how to find the emotional stregnth living with a depressed person? Any tips on ways to articulate effectivly to a depressed family member how their actions and words can make others feel? Em

Ally_Mcbeal56 How do I get a loved one the help he needs?
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend has withdrawn from our relationship gradually over the last 6-8 weeks saying he is feeling unhappy as a result of the job he is acting in and it is making him feel unhappy in himself. He has slowly stopped socialising with friends/family... View more

My boyfriend has withdrawn from our relationship gradually over the last 6-8 weeks saying he is feeling unhappy as a result of the job he is acting in and it is making him feel unhappy in himself. He has slowly stopped socialising with friends/family, sitting in his bedroom where he lives, works 12-14 hour days, doesn't eat properly if at all. I suggested he get some assistance to which he replied he wouldn't be comfortable doing so. I fear he is suffering depression and needs some help and don't know how to best encourage him to do so....

One_of_Many Positive encouragements / actions
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone! This is my first post. First of all thanks to those who have shared their experience and advise here on this forum. They have been very useful to me, and I'm sure to many others as well. In fact just by knowing that we are not alone deal... View more

Hi everyone! This is my first post. First of all thanks to those who have shared their experience and advise here on this forum. They have been very useful to me, and I'm sure to many others as well. In fact just by knowing that we are not alone dealing with the depression is already a big encouragement. Inspired by another thread 'List of the Worst Family Comments re: Depression', I would also love to hear some inputs for someone who has a family member or friend with depression. What are some positive comments / things do you think they can say or do that would be encouraging? Thanks!

Bulletin_Board_Archive My beautiful daughter
  • replies: 22

Originally posted by: Angie on 26 April 2012My 14yo daughter is really worrying me. Lately she has been crying all the time without any reason. She has kept it to herself until yesterday when she finally told me. She doesn't know what's wrong or why ... View more

Originally posted by: Angie on 26 April 2012My 14yo daughter is really worrying me. Lately she has been crying all the time without any reason. She has kept it to herself until yesterday when she finally told me. She doesn't know what's wrong or why she is sad. She always has friends around and appears really happy. She told me externally she shows she's happy but inside she doesn't feel right. I know what she means - I do the same thing but I'm an adult and responsible for myself. She's my child and I'm responsible for her. I don't want to let this go without fixing it. I'm making an appointment with our GP today but I'm wondering if she is put on medication will she be on them forever? Is this my fault for not dealing with my issues properly? Is it my fault because I don't cuddle her enough? Will we get through this?

Rach Depressed Partners and PTSD
  • replies: 2

Hi all im a newbie to the site I thought ild start off by introducing myself. Ive been struggling with depression for 15 years, i had my first case of it when I was 12. Nobody realised i had it at that age and when i tried to end my own life they all... View more

Hi all im a newbie to the site I thought ild start off by introducing myself. Ive been struggling with depression for 15 years, i had my first case of it when I was 12. Nobody realised i had it at that age and when i tried to end my own life they all thought it was a mistake. Ive been on and off meds for awhile now and last year i was finally diagnosed with PTSD. Having a diagnosis made me somehow feel whole, i dont know how to describe it but i finally felt like someone could 'fix' me by actually knowing what was wrong and what caused these problems for the majority of my life. This time last year I was a total wreck and I didnt want to live. I was seeing a psychologist weekly and paying a fortune (seriously i think medicare needs to provide more sessions) but eventually i got through those dark times.. With the help of my psychologist i realised that unfortunately PTSD is something that i must live with every day, it wont ever go away and the things of my past wont either but i have found ways to cope. I recently left my job as a full time pharmacist and decided to give myself a break because all my energy was being spent on my patients rather than getting myself better.. Since then im now off my medication its only been 2 weeks and some days are better then others but im getting there The last few days have been pretty bad in my household, as i said above ive just left my job which was night shift work so i havent spent much time with my partner. But now that i am home i have noticed a massive shift in his mood, he speaks in monotone, always playing his computer, he cant even hold a conversation with me and there has been no physical intimacy for over a month. It has been bringing me down as im starting to feel like im not deserving of attention no matter how hard i try. Tonight he went to bed without me, I walked into the bedroom and asked him straightforward if he still loves me. He told me hes depressed and started to cry.. I feel so helpless and I dont know what I can do to help him, he was there for me at my worst but now I dont know how to help him. Im so scared that I am going to have to be the strong one, and feel like im barely holding on but I have to be there for him. He refuses to talk to a doctor and told me he didnt believe in psychologists or counseling even though he knows how much it helped me. So my question is to everyone, how do I help him? I tell him I love him every day and go out of my way to try to make him happy but i dont know what else to do

Sarah131 Dealing with the undiagnosed depression of a loved one
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I am new to this forum, and I'm really grateful for the opportunity to discuss these topics. I believe my partner of 7 years has struggled with clinical depression since a teenager, and medicates himself with marijuana abuse. I've always... View more

Hi everyone, I am new to this forum, and I'm really grateful for the opportunity to discuss these topics. I believe my partner of 7 years has struggled with clinical depression since a teenager, and medicates himself with marijuana abuse. I've always tried to offer my love, support, and encouragement, but over the past 10 months, things are particularly bad. He has completely lost interest in everyone and everything - his dog, work, friends, hobbies. He says he has no happiness in his life and thoughts. He doesn't eat, can't sleep, and talks about feelings of helplessness and anxiety. About 3 years ago, he went to see a doctor about his undiagnosed depressive state. He was in and out of her office in under 10 minutes. He was prescribed a blood test to check hormone levels, and received a call a few days later saying he was 'fine'. That was his chance to get help, and the system let him down. A few days ago we separated, initiated by him. The following day he was so angry and volatile, and caused damage to our property. But then he left a note for me: 'I should have fixed myself sooner, but I didn't. My pain is not for you, my burden is not yours. My burden is not for your family... You will thank me one day when you understand.' I am so frightened for his wellbeing and safety - not as a partner, but as a friend. Any advice as to how I encourage him to recognize what may be going on, and to unlock his mind to seek professional help?

kellie70 Being a teenager's Mum
  • replies: 17

Hi everyone, I have mild depression and anxiety. It comes in waves. This week it has enveloped me in it's cloud. For years, I have just let it wash over, tried to ignore it, and that seemed to work. My son is now 15. And I am having the "normal" issu... View more

Hi everyone, I have mild depression and anxiety. It comes in waves. This week it has enveloped me in it's cloud. For years, I have just let it wash over, tried to ignore it, and that seemed to work. My son is now 15. And I am having the "normal" issues with being the Mum of a teen, the attitude from him etc. My friends all say he is acting like a "normal" teen, and they all have the same issues with their children. My question is, how do I know if he is being "naughtier" than other teens, or if I am just reacting worse than other Mums due to my own demons? I am having trouble knowing how hard to discipline him, as I am finding it a bit blurred as to whether I am being more sensitive due to my demons, or whether he is being naughtier than a "normal" teen Does that make sense? Any advice would help. Any stories of your own would help Thanks

Pixie15 I am afraid of sharing my fear
  • replies: 6

Hi, I am tired of sleepless nights and I do not know what to do. A few years back I pushed my partner into seeking help for his mental state by threatening to leave him if he did not see a doctor. He saw a doctor and is on a medication for depression... View more

Hi, I am tired of sleepless nights and I do not know what to do. A few years back I pushed my partner into seeking help for his mental state by threatening to leave him if he did not see a doctor. He saw a doctor and is on a medication for depression but I am not sure that his condition has been properly diagnosed and he is unwilling to seek any additional help. He can be very angry and bitter with me. I want to continue to support him but I have lost trust and am even quite fearful of him. I do not know if my fear is reasonable or just a feature of my own stress responses. When there are reports in the media of women being abused by their partners it seems to heighten my concern. When I raised the issue with my doctor she said that if I was really fearful she would have to report it. I do not really know who she was going to report to and what the consequences may be. It may be an irrational fear and I do not want an irrational fear to be escalated into a life destroying event for every one concerned. I am seeing a psychologist for help in dealing with my stress but am unsure whether to raise this issue because they also have some mandatory reporting obligations. I would appreciate any insights anybody might have. Chris.