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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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Ally_Mcbeal56 How do I get a loved one the help he needs?
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend has withdrawn from our relationship gradually over the last 6-8 weeks saying he is feeling unhappy as a result of the job he is acting in and it is making him feel unhappy in himself. He has slowly stopped socialising with friends/family... View more

My boyfriend has withdrawn from our relationship gradually over the last 6-8 weeks saying he is feeling unhappy as a result of the job he is acting in and it is making him feel unhappy in himself. He has slowly stopped socialising with friends/family, sitting in his bedroom where he lives, works 12-14 hour days, doesn't eat properly if at all. I suggested he get some assistance to which he replied he wouldn't be comfortable doing so. I fear he is suffering depression and needs some help and don't know how to best encourage him to do so....

One_of_Many Positive encouragements / actions
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone! This is my first post. First of all thanks to those who have shared their experience and advise here on this forum. They have been very useful to me, and I'm sure to many others as well. In fact just by knowing that we are not alone deal... View more

Hi everyone! This is my first post. First of all thanks to those who have shared their experience and advise here on this forum. They have been very useful to me, and I'm sure to many others as well. In fact just by knowing that we are not alone dealing with the depression is already a big encouragement. Inspired by another thread 'List of the Worst Family Comments re: Depression', I would also love to hear some inputs for someone who has a family member or friend with depression. What are some positive comments / things do you think they can say or do that would be encouraging? Thanks!

Bulletin_Board_Archive My beautiful daughter
  • replies: 22

Originally posted by: Angie on 26 April 2012My 14yo daughter is really worrying me. Lately she has been crying all the time without any reason. She has kept it to herself until yesterday when she finally told me. She doesn't know what's wrong or why ... View more

Originally posted by: Angie on 26 April 2012My 14yo daughter is really worrying me. Lately she has been crying all the time without any reason. She has kept it to herself until yesterday when she finally told me. She doesn't know what's wrong or why she is sad. She always has friends around and appears really happy. She told me externally she shows she's happy but inside she doesn't feel right. I know what she means - I do the same thing but I'm an adult and responsible for myself. She's my child and I'm responsible for her. I don't want to let this go without fixing it. I'm making an appointment with our GP today but I'm wondering if she is put on medication will she be on them forever? Is this my fault for not dealing with my issues properly? Is it my fault because I don't cuddle her enough? Will we get through this?

Rach Depressed Partners and PTSD
  • replies: 2

Hi all im a newbie to the site I thought ild start off by introducing myself. Ive been struggling with depression for 15 years, i had my first case of it when I was 12. Nobody realised i had it at that age and when i tried to end my own life they all... View more

Hi all im a newbie to the site I thought ild start off by introducing myself. Ive been struggling with depression for 15 years, i had my first case of it when I was 12. Nobody realised i had it at that age and when i tried to end my own life they all thought it was a mistake. Ive been on and off meds for awhile now and last year i was finally diagnosed with PTSD. Having a diagnosis made me somehow feel whole, i dont know how to describe it but i finally felt like someone could 'fix' me by actually knowing what was wrong and what caused these problems for the majority of my life. This time last year I was a total wreck and I didnt want to live. I was seeing a psychologist weekly and paying a fortune (seriously i think medicare needs to provide more sessions) but eventually i got through those dark times.. With the help of my psychologist i realised that unfortunately PTSD is something that i must live with every day, it wont ever go away and the things of my past wont either but i have found ways to cope. I recently left my job as a full time pharmacist and decided to give myself a break because all my energy was being spent on my patients rather than getting myself better.. Since then im now off my medication its only been 2 weeks and some days are better then others but im getting there The last few days have been pretty bad in my household, as i said above ive just left my job which was night shift work so i havent spent much time with my partner. But now that i am home i have noticed a massive shift in his mood, he speaks in monotone, always playing his computer, he cant even hold a conversation with me and there has been no physical intimacy for over a month. It has been bringing me down as im starting to feel like im not deserving of attention no matter how hard i try. Tonight he went to bed without me, I walked into the bedroom and asked him straightforward if he still loves me. He told me hes depressed and started to cry.. I feel so helpless and I dont know what I can do to help him, he was there for me at my worst but now I dont know how to help him. Im so scared that I am going to have to be the strong one, and feel like im barely holding on but I have to be there for him. He refuses to talk to a doctor and told me he didnt believe in psychologists or counseling even though he knows how much it helped me. So my question is to everyone, how do I help him? I tell him I love him every day and go out of my way to try to make him happy but i dont know what else to do

Sarah131 Dealing with the undiagnosed depression of a loved one
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I am new to this forum, and I'm really grateful for the opportunity to discuss these topics. I believe my partner of 7 years has struggled with clinical depression since a teenager, and medicates himself with marijuana abuse. I've always... View more

Hi everyone, I am new to this forum, and I'm really grateful for the opportunity to discuss these topics. I believe my partner of 7 years has struggled with clinical depression since a teenager, and medicates himself with marijuana abuse. I've always tried to offer my love, support, and encouragement, but over the past 10 months, things are particularly bad. He has completely lost interest in everyone and everything - his dog, work, friends, hobbies. He says he has no happiness in his life and thoughts. He doesn't eat, can't sleep, and talks about feelings of helplessness and anxiety. About 3 years ago, he went to see a doctor about his undiagnosed depressive state. He was in and out of her office in under 10 minutes. He was prescribed a blood test to check hormone levels, and received a call a few days later saying he was 'fine'. That was his chance to get help, and the system let him down. A few days ago we separated, initiated by him. The following day he was so angry and volatile, and caused damage to our property. But then he left a note for me: 'I should have fixed myself sooner, but I didn't. My pain is not for you, my burden is not yours. My burden is not for your family... You will thank me one day when you understand.' I am so frightened for his wellbeing and safety - not as a partner, but as a friend. Any advice as to how I encourage him to recognize what may be going on, and to unlock his mind to seek professional help?

kellie70 Being a teenager's Mum
  • replies: 17

Hi everyone, I have mild depression and anxiety. It comes in waves. This week it has enveloped me in it's cloud. For years, I have just let it wash over, tried to ignore it, and that seemed to work. My son is now 15. And I am having the "normal" issu... View more

Hi everyone, I have mild depression and anxiety. It comes in waves. This week it has enveloped me in it's cloud. For years, I have just let it wash over, tried to ignore it, and that seemed to work. My son is now 15. And I am having the "normal" issues with being the Mum of a teen, the attitude from him etc. My friends all say he is acting like a "normal" teen, and they all have the same issues with their children. My question is, how do I know if he is being "naughtier" than other teens, or if I am just reacting worse than other Mums due to my own demons? I am having trouble knowing how hard to discipline him, as I am finding it a bit blurred as to whether I am being more sensitive due to my demons, or whether he is being naughtier than a "normal" teen Does that make sense? Any advice would help. Any stories of your own would help Thanks

Pixie15 I am afraid of sharing my fear
  • replies: 6

Hi, I am tired of sleepless nights and I do not know what to do. A few years back I pushed my partner into seeking help for his mental state by threatening to leave him if he did not see a doctor. He saw a doctor and is on a medication for depression... View more

Hi, I am tired of sleepless nights and I do not know what to do. A few years back I pushed my partner into seeking help for his mental state by threatening to leave him if he did not see a doctor. He saw a doctor and is on a medication for depression but I am not sure that his condition has been properly diagnosed and he is unwilling to seek any additional help. He can be very angry and bitter with me. I want to continue to support him but I have lost trust and am even quite fearful of him. I do not know if my fear is reasonable or just a feature of my own stress responses. When there are reports in the media of women being abused by their partners it seems to heighten my concern. When I raised the issue with my doctor she said that if I was really fearful she would have to report it. I do not really know who she was going to report to and what the consequences may be. It may be an irrational fear and I do not want an irrational fear to be escalated into a life destroying event for every one concerned. I am seeing a psychologist for help in dealing with my stress but am unsure whether to raise this issue because they also have some mandatory reporting obligations. I would appreciate any insights anybody might have. Chris.

Beth_t Depressed best friend.
  • replies: 6

Hi, firstly I'll start off by saying I'm 18 years and currently in year 12 doing my VCE. I am not depressed, but someone I'm really close to is, so here goes. So, in 2010 I was in year 9 and started talking to a guy towards the end of the year. I lat... View more

Hi, firstly I'll start off by saying I'm 18 years and currently in year 12 doing my VCE. I am not depressed, but someone I'm really close to is, so here goes. So, in 2010 I was in year 9 and started talking to a guy towards the end of the year. I later discover was depressed but had not told anyone. First of all we talked about non meaningful things like what we did on the weekend, how much we liked school etc. Anyway a few months in and things started getting a bit more serious with his depression and as I started to like him as more than a friend I began to get worried. It was then the end of year holidays and he still talked to me but tried to avoid anything to do with talking about depression. When school got back he was kinda different, it was around March that his depression got worse he still hasn't told anyone about it apart from myself and another girl. He began self harming and eventually was scaring me by saying that he wanted to die and hated himself, I knew he had told me that he didn't want anyone else to know but I was worried for his safety so I told the school nurse, who told his mum and he went to the doctors and started getting the help he needed and began taking medication. He started liking me as more than a friend back and we began going out in May of 2011 and broke up in August. We worked things out and began dating again in October and he had been fine ever since until a month ago. Around a couple of weeks before his birthday, which was May the 18th he began feeling depressed again. He started fighting with me and telling me to 'find someone better' and that 'I don't need him'. Of course I argued back saying that I loved him and needed him. He began self harming again and did not tell anyone. He started to get worse and the fighting between us became more frequent and through this he started talking to another girl in our year and did not tell me and I found out by seeing his messages to her on her phone. I became angry and frustrated at this and was jealous thinking he liked her although he said he didn't. It was then his birthday and I thought everything was fine, we were In love and had kinda stopped fighting. He then became even more down on himself and all the depressive thoughts really kicked in. He started to push me away and began saying once again that 'I didn't need him' and to 'find someone better' but he then started saying that I didn't love him. He kept arguing and never told anyone how bad he was this time. On the Wednesday the 29th of May, two days after our 17th month anniversary he dumped me. Before he did it he kept telling me to dump him, so I told him if he wanted to break up he would have to do it. Not thinking he would do it, he then dumped me. At the time i dont think he was thinking straight and just did it not realising the consequences. I was heartbroken, this guy was my best friend and I was in love with him, he had told me he wouldn't leave me and he did. For the past few weeks I have been a mess, not only because he has broken up with me but because he has completely changed, he is so much more worse with his depression than last time, they have changed his medication to something much stronger and it still hasn't had an effect on him. I seriously miss him more than anything and would do anything in my power to get him back. Although he did say to the psychiatrist that he most likely broke up with me because of his depression. He says he doesn't feel any love towards anyone and doesn't think he will get better this time round. He also says he cant find his heart because his thoughts and brain is too strong. I guess what I really want to know is, whether anyone could try and explain to me how he would feel towards the people he loves right now? Will the person I fell in love with get his feeling back for me once he has recovered or will he completely change and never feel the same way again Please the people who have gone through this please help me out, I'm lost without him and he's pushed me so far away that there is little hope that he will ever love me or want to be with me again. Thanks so much!

Em_22 Unsure of the next step...
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I am new to this whole thing so I'm hoping everyone can bare with me. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year, we have known each other for a much longer time, we have lived together for about six months. I still stand by that my boy... View more

Hi there, I am new to this whole thing so I'm hoping everyone can bare with me. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year, we have known each other for a much longer time, we have lived together for about six months. I still stand by that my boyfriend is the most kind person I have ever met, however I know he has a bit of a past, and is incredibly prone to these anger fits, not aimed at me, but at himself, to the point he starts smacking his head against walls etc. he picks fights with me over nothing, then goes crazy at himself, once again, these fits are never aimed at me. Last night it was over something as trivial as the tv show we were watching, said it made him scared I was going to cheat on him. He suffers ridiculous paranoia over us and he cannot go more than a few hours without me. If I'm at work and he's at home by himself, he falls into deep depression and drinks until he passes out. He cannot be alone. His family has a strong history of manic depression, and he will openly admit he is depressed. Before we dated he was constantly intoxicated or on drugs, and I'm guessing this is the first time he has actually had to deal with things and it's all coming out. I have suffered sever depression, anxiety and suicide attempts earlier, I know what he is going through, but I cannot help him myself, I don't know what the next step is here. His paranoia is getting very extreme and his anger fits are becoming increasingly commen and his depression is deepening. I've asked him to seek help but he said the only thing he was going to do would be to get anti depressants from a doctor, but now, he even refuses to go to the appointments. I know his best bet would be to find a therapist, but financially it would be a strain, and I don't even know how I'd get him there. I don't really know what I'm looking for here, I guess just some help, or guidance of where I go to now. I'm exhausted trying to look after both of us and I know if it keeps going like this I'm going to get worse or relapse. I'm at a loss, and I'm tired. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

CHE Learner's Licence
  • replies: 3

I have a generalised anxiety disorder, my Mother has gained strength with her mental illness watching me go to counseling for the last couple of years and slowly pushing myself to recover. I've found in my family because she was diagnosed with Schizo... View more

I have a generalised anxiety disorder, my Mother has gained strength with her mental illness watching me go to counseling for the last couple of years and slowly pushing myself to recover. I've found in my family because she was diagnosed with Schizophrenia she's been greatly mistreated - so from a young age I fully defended her and became her biggest cheerleader. I couldn't understand how people could mistreat someone who is sick like she is worthless. She has spoken to me about getting her learner's, I am all excited for her saying why not start studying and then we can speak with the doctors about getting you signed off. When I shared this with other family members immediate negativity and pessimistic responses like "what's the point?" "she shouldn't even bother". Which okay I get there's rules, restrictions, guidelines for the health and safety of herself and other drivers. But let's find out and why not rejoice in the fact that she's even putting self worth in herself to want to try to achieve something? Let's see where she fits in the equation!? So my question is does anybody know - what steps I'd need to take to make this happen or even who I should be speaking to about this? Has anybody else with a similar medical condition scenario been through the whole having to get your license situation. Any help is greatly appreciated.