Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Wanting to help my wife

replies: 4

I am a 37 year old that has been married for 7 years. My wife and I have 2 kids together but over the last 12 months we have drifted apart. I moved out of the family home for a week to have some time apart. In this week by myself, I realized how much I love her and we made a team decision to move back in. Six weeks ago she told me she was on medication for anxiety, I initially thought "you'll be right" but unfortunately things are not. I read about the disorder and have come to the conclusion that it is all my fault. I am happy to help with absolutely everything around the house, kids and work but am struggling to deal with the love of my wife. She seems so much happier away from me and anything we have planned as a family. I even said to her that there would be no hard feelings if she wanted time away. All I want to do is hold her in my arms but most of the time that seems so far away.

what to do

replies: 1

I'm a full time carer for my husband. It is becoming very hard as I pretty much have to do everything. We have two kids as well. I'm very torn about what I should do. I feel trapped here. My depression and anxiety really affecting me. I'm sick of get... View more

Tas teens

replies: 1

Currently trying to get psychiatric care for my teen but tasmania appears to have a small number practicing and they have closed their books. While we have done CBT teens are now after a quick fix in a tablet. Given a bad experience with antidepressant & what we now know is a genetic inability to metabolize many antidepressants, I am now extremely wary of teen taking new prescription handed over yesterday. Teen psych care in Hobart is a disaster.

help with my girlfriend

replies: 1

Good morning all I really don't know where to start... I live with my 24 year old girlfriend who was diagnosed with GAD and Clinical Depression about 5 or 5 years ago. Over the last 2 years we've been together she has been taking medication and seeing a psychiatrist on and off. A few months ago her new doctor changed the medication she was on and started well taking her tablets and attending her appointments but after a few weeks stopped taking the new medication because she didn't like the side effects. She doesn't seem to be suffering from the depression as much as I used to see in her but the anxiety has gotten much, much worse. She used to deal with it fairly okay. Out of a month we would have 3 'good' weeks and then 1 really bad. The last 6 weeks or so have been terrible for her. Non stop anxiety, fixating on issues from years ago - some of the smallest things can turn into crippling stomach pains and hours spent on the floor crying - an email from 3 years ago, somebody she met at the shops, did so-and-so from her old job delete that old text about so-and-so... These are the types of issues she has always dealt with and I do have some understanding as to why but recently instead of dealing with just one issue, she is dealing with multiple and the effects of these are worse than I've ever seen before. I convinced her to start taking her medication again and she has been back on it for a week or so but as yet there hasn't been much of an improvement. She is going to start seeing her psychologist again (who is currently on leave) which I believe will be once a month. To be honest, the sessions seems to make her worse for a few days afterward. Nothing has really changed for us lately. Same jobs, same house, no major family issues (she is majorly concerned about her mother who is dealing with the death of her own mother and quite depressed), no financial issues or typical triggers I've read about. I recently told her that I want to marry her and it seems since we've spoken about these things, marriage, kids, buying a house it has gotten worse. She tried to explain to me that the happier she gets the worse her anxiety is. Something from her past is going to come back and ruin it all for her. She doesn't deserve to be happy. She's going to mess up somehow resulting in me hating her for the rest of my life etc. She seems to be forever looking for a reason that something just around the corner is going to pop up and destroy her life or the life of those around her. She is so exhausted, I can see it in her face. She is so, so tired. She often says (and I truly believe she wouldn't act on it) that she just wishes she could die because she can't see how there is any other way out of it all. I'm slowly helping her take positive steps - back on her medication, visiting her doctor, eating healthier... when she has a good day I'm going to try and get her outside, in the sun for some physical activity, hopefully get her back to the gym and so on. Obviously I can't rush these things because if she isn't ready, she isn't ready. I understand that. Please, is there anything else I can do? Is there something I'm not doing that I should be? What am I doing wrong? What else could be triggering these anxieties? Why have these last few weeks been so intolerable for her? She's been off her medication before and it never got this bad. I would appreciate any advice you have at all, please help me help my beautiful girl. She is such a lovely human being she deserves all the happiness in the world and it is so horrible to see her like this. Thank you.

My Girlfriend has Depression and its ruining us.

replies: 2

My Girlfriend is suffering from depression and its ruining our relationship. She is always upset and angry at me and i have found her balling her eyes out in the middle of the night. She told me she needs some space from me and told me she doesn't want to talk to anyone, but i find her talking to other boys. I really don't want to give up on her because i love her and i want to help her. She has self harmed before and is getting counselling that isn't helping. I really need advice on what i can possibly do to help her and make her feel better. Please anyone help Luke - age 19. Interested in replying to this thread and not already a member of our forums? Join up here. SIMILAR THREADS My girlfriend has depression, dealing with it I don't know how to help my girlfriend Girlfriend support Girlfriend with depression has left me Please help me understand what my girlfriend is feeling If you love someone with depression, you need to watch this

help mum

replies: 9

my son is 29 he is depressed and has anxiety, however wont admit it. I have anxiety and am on meds, i have suggested he go to a doctor etc but he states i am the one with a mental illness.He big notes himself, is behind with rent constantly then has to pay a large sum, he is argumentive speaks over me very loud, hates everyone, has thought of ending his life, hates his job serving drunks alcohol. Dosnt want a girlfriend, the world is full of hate, religion wars, he watches who knows what on his computer, negative. Makes me feel im going crazy, how can he be like this, whatever i say is wrong. Things i say trigger him off, if i look at him the wrong way or laugh he has something to say about it. I told him he is hard to live with and he went right off. He thinks i want to stand over him and be in control. Yes he is spoilt, too late now, i did snap today and told him to just shut up he went to his room untill he went to work. My partner says thats what i need to do and not let him over power me he does it cos he can. Im sure he takes his frustrations out being argumentive over silly things including if i forget something at the supermarket. He needs to move out but when i mention this he states he gets tight in the chest and knots in his stomach and asked me not to speak of it again as it makes him ill. I need peace, i work in aged care and dont need this at home, i even notice that i look to see if his car is there when im approaching my gate which isnt normal.

Partner with Depression irrational and blaming me

replies: 6

Hi guys, My wife has had undiagnosed depression for years and in the last few months, has began treatment and has generally improved. But I'm going through a gut wretching period of my wife not wanting to be with me, go out with me and completely resenting me for very little that happened years ago (I went surfing for a few hours when one of our baby boys was 3 days old - yes I regret it and have apologised who heartedly but apparently 'what's done is done') We were an amazing couple and still are most of the time, but that has become worse since she has undergone treatment. I hate this because on one hand it is great to see her getting on track but it appears it will be at the expense of distroying an amazing marriage. What I find hardest is in my eyes I've done nothing wrong. Her mother died when she was 18 and our oldest son is low functioning autistic. I feel like all the sadness and anger has somehow transfered to me surfing (I average a surf once a fortnight at the best, maybe every 3 weeks. She says we dont have any common hobbies. We never have but that never stopped each other loving each other's company or each other until now. I really tried to become involved in her dancing classes but she doesn't want me there because it's her escape, her thing and her social group and I'm not welcome. I grew suspicious that she was seeing someone due to the fact that she resented me and was always looking to get out of the house. Now she wants space and has asked me to leave the house, her and our 3 boys for a few days so she can find herself and what she really wants in life on the advice of the psychologist. The psych seems to be helping get my wife on track, but it's ripping apart mine in the process. I've seen a doctor who has diagnosed me with depression and has got me on sleeping pills and arranging psych appointments. It feels like this can't come soon enough. We've also got some marrage councilling coming up. I had some difficult moments but never considered myself depressed until a few weeks ago. One thing that is so difficult is trying not to talk about it. All it seems to do is upset us and she finds something new to blame me for. THe strange thing is that people who have done much less for her and havent helped her in past times of need now seem to be on a pedistool whilst I'm the bad guy. It is seriously like all logic is out the window and what I thought was the best marriage in the world is falling appart and the more I carefully try to discuss it, be romantic, care for her and be supportive, the more it pushes her away. It's like the best thing I can do is nothing and leave it in the hands of her psychologist and the evil, irrational beast called depression. My life with my wife and kids is at stake My story is very mild compared to most on this forum, I almost feel rediculous discussing this when I look at the issues people have been dealing with for years. I hope you find piece with your partner or elsewhere. Stay strong and look after youself. I never knew how terribleand distructive this illness could be

My son has been diagnosed with severe depression

replies: 3

Hi everyone, my 18 year old son has recently told me that he has depression after me basically having to drag it out of him. He came to this realisation after breaking up with his girlfriend and talking to some trusted adults. He was given the name of a doctor and received the diagnosis and is beginning anti-depressants. I have noticed changes in him for some time but didn't put it down to depression. What I noticed was an increase in anger and anxiety. Because the changes seemed to coincide with beginning his relationship with his girlfriend, I put the mood changes down to problems with the relationship and them maybe not being suited to each other. Anyway at this point in time my son has pretty much stopped communicating and is very easily angered and defensive with me and my husband. I had some initial concerns about him being put on medication so quickly and without any counselling. He was told by the doctor that he isn't ready for counselling. On top of all of this I've just found out that I may have an inflammatory bowel disease. It just feels like life is piling one thing on top of the other. I worry about my son which causes my symptoms to worsen. There has been multiple stresses put on the family over the last year, but the problems go back several years. I've mentioned a few on other posts. Basically the reason I'm posting here is to get some advice on how to support my son but to also give him the space he needs. It is so difficult feeling like the enemy when all you want to do is help. It just seems that everything I say to him is the wrong thing. Is it normal for an eighteen year old with depression to alienate himself from family and shut them out as part of their depression? The one bright spark is that he has others that he can talk to and he continues to work and socialise. It is just hard for me being shut out. I want my boy back.

Partner with depression and I don't know what to do

replies: 1

My husband was diagnosed with depression roughly 18 months ago. He takes medication and saw a psychologist for a while in the beginning, but he didn't find it helpful. He self medicates as well with ********* and alcohol. The carers handbook says try to discourage him from doing that. But how? sometimes I think that's the only thing keeping him together. I hate it when he drinks, he turns into a belligerent loud mouth ****. I prefer it when he smokes, at least that way he's calmer. He's angry most of the time unless he's self medicating, he's not physically dangerous, but I don't feel emotionally safe around him any more. This last month he's been a lot worse. His family don't know about his depression and he refuses to tell them. He says it's none of their business and I can't help but agree. Only my mother knows out of my family because I broke down in front of her. He doesn't consider the friends we made together as friends anymore, he says he has none. This makes socialising very difficult as he just doesn't want to. I tend to take the kids out to gatherings without him. It's easier for me and him. We eat fairly healthily and he exercises because he knows this helps. I can't talk to him about it, he constantly asks me what I'm thinking and I won't say because I'm terrified of confrontation. (my parents constantly fought until they got divorced so I'd rather say nothing than start an argument.) Plus I don't want to make him feel worse, I'm starting to realise this is not healthy for us but I just can't bring myself to discuss it. I'm so afraid of making it worse as he suffers so much already. Do those suffering with depression or who have partners with depression have any ideas about how I can make it better for him? I hate seeing him suffer so much, I understand that these things take time but I'm starting to lose hope that we'll ever get past this. Should I becoming to terms with the idea that we will always be managing this, is depression a life sentence? Thanks for reading Kathryn

I don't know what to do

replies: 3

Please forgive me, this is all new to me so I will try not to ramble. About 4 months ago my husband took voluntary redundancy from work, a decision made because he was unhappy with the job and working away every other week. He wanted to be home more and more engaged with the family. Since then he has only picked up little bits of agency work but ironically it has meant that he away from home even more. He has been incredibly stressed over the lack of work and his need to earn money, but I work part time and we are not destitute. I am trying to be supportive but everything I say ends in an argument. He is so defensive that everything is an attack and its starting to wear me down. I am trying to not let this affect family life, but I am tired of trying to hold everything together. When he is away I am normal mum and when he comes home, he isn't engaging with the children. He just goes on his computer or xbox and hides. And when I try to talk to him we end up having a massive argument and i cant protect the children from hearing it. Yesterday was a crunch day, another outside issue pushed him to breaking point and he snapped. He just walked out, no phone, no word of where he was going and for the first time I was afraid he wasn't going to come back. When I eventually found him, he started screaming at me which reduced me tears, in front of the children, but I couldn't leave him. He then just burst into tears and we were able to talk a little bit about it. He seems ok today, not angry just uninterested and unengaged and has now gone back to bed. I have never doubted the strength of my marriage until now and I wont give on without a fight, but I wonder. I feel that I am drowning at the moment, I cant save myself never mind anyone else. How do I help him? Thanks for listening/reading

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Wanting to help my wife replies: 4

what to do replies: 1

Tas teens replies: 1

help with my girlfriend replies: 1

My Girlfriend has Depression and its ruining us. replies: 2

help mum replies: 9

Partner with Depression irrational and blaming me replies: 6

My son has been diagnosed with severe depression replies: 3

Partner with depression and I don't know what to do replies: 1

I don't know what to do replies: 3