Help getting through to a stubborn male

WorriedSister · ‎06-01-2014

Hi all. I am looking for some tips as a concerned sister. My older brother (40 y.o) is going through a really difficult time. Around 6 months ago he lost his business and everything he had worked hard to build up for 20 years, was involved in legal proceedings, and had to sell his two properties. He is an extremely proud and stubborn person by nature. I suspect that he is suffering from depression after eveything he has been through, just based on how he is behaving. However he won't seek any professional help, he won't talk to any of his family or friends. He has now almost completely shut himself off from his entire family (I have two other brothers as well). He only rings or makes contact when he is asking to borrow money. He is refusing to look for a job and seems to just be relying on loans from people. He doesnt seem to have accepted that he can no longer work in the industry in which he has worked (and run his own business) for nearly 20 years. He has left his girlfriend and is not speaking to the family about her, or where he is living. I am really really concerned about his mental health, and believe he can be prone to some manic behaviour at times. We have a family history of bi-polar. Does anyone have any advice about to deal with a stubborn male, or convince him that he at least needs to see a GP? Thanks, any advice appreciated.

Neil_1 · ‎06-01-2014

Hi WorriedSister

It's fantastic that you are reaching out to try and find help for your brother. Just speaks so highly for what kind of wonderful person you are.

It's a really tough situation, as I'm sure you're aware ... how to coax him to seek his own assistance?

You mentioned that he is not speaking to the family or about where he is living? This makes it even more difficult. Does that mean that you aren't sure where he is at the moment or that you aren't able to contact him? Did you meet up with him at Christmas time?

If you do know where he is, do you think he'd be ok if you went to visit him ... just for a short while? If this is possible, maybe over a lunch or a coffee, could you have a chat with him and let him know how concerned you are ... and at that stage, I'm sorry WorriedSister, but at that stage, it would be then to possibly broach the subject of whether he could get himself along to a possible GP visit? If he's half ok with that, perhaps you could offer to go along with him?

But honestly by the sound of it, maybe my last paragraph won't be any use, as he's a 40yo, who would be incredibly set in his ways ...

I'm kind of painted into a corner with this one ... it's a very difficult situation ... I hope there might be others out there who might be able to provide something of more use to you than I was able to.

Kind regards

Neil