Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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feeling confused: partner is depressed and so am i

replies: 1

My partner has suffered from depression and anxiety for the past 4 years and in the last few months I'm struggling to cope. He goes through periods of not showering or leaving the house for days. I know its not his fault but I find it frustrating when I work and he doesn't yet I still have to do everything around the house. He also has anger problems and is recently finding everything I do frustrating and annoying. I try everything to help but nothing does. I try anything to increase his confidence or do anything that I can think of to make him happy but its always short lived. I am finding it more and more difficult to be happy in this relationship. I feel upset and down all the time and am worried that I may be suffering from depression too. I have read that family members suffering from depression can increase your chances of having depression and am scared this is happening to me. I have lost all motivation for uni and work I sleep at least 14 hours a day and feel like everyday is a struggle and what is the point in trying anymore. We have stopped having sex because I just don't feel like it anymore and my confidence has significantly decreased. I never go and see my friends or family. I don't know what to do I love him but how it is at the moment isn't working. Any advice?

Boyfriend of Depression Sufferer - Need Advice!

replies: 1

Hi there,My Girlfriend and I met in the uk whilst I was on a working holiday Visa. From the first date she was clear and upfront with me about her suffering from depression which she had been diagnosed with just a few months prior to us meeting. But right from the start I was smitten with her and we've been together for 8 months now. I've fallen head over heals for her and as far as I know she has for me too. Her depression stemmed from lack of support from peers during her probationary year as a teacher. She has lost all self confidence in what she does, and avoids almost all social interaction with people that she doesn't already know, i.e if I go to the pub with my friends, she'll try almost any excuse to avoid coming. Also she is always fatigued and sleeps in my opinion way too much. She is currently taking medication, and the main side affects I see are fatigue, unfulfilling sleep, and complete loss of sex drive. The lack of sex is not an issue for me because I know its not forever, but I know she's worried that it may not return. I am now unable to live in the UK full time with her as my visa has expired, the plan is to return on an irish permit, work in Ireland and go back and forth to see her as much as I'm allowed by the uk, i.e 6months in a 12 month period on a tourist visa. My concern is going to be obviously the long distance, and I now that is a concern for her as well. She has gotten to rely on me being there when things get tough and she's told me that even on the tough days at work she knows she has me to come home to which makes her feel better. I'm trying to only be away in Ireland for max 2 weeks between visits to her, with the occasional 2 or 3 weekly stay with her. I know this next 12 months will be tough, and that hopefully by then we'll still be strong together, and we'll have decided to move somewhere together. Just worried that if shes having a low day whilst I'm not there. I don't think she'd contemplate hurting herself but it still scares me that she'll take a backward step in her progress to get better. Just need some advice mainly that I'm doing the right thing at this stage and Is there more I should be helping her to do. At the moment she's relying on medication alone, she's tried mindfulness courses and CBT but she just says they're a waste of time. Not sure what else I can do, and how I get her motivated to get more help?? Sorry about the length of the thread!

Privacy vs support

replies: 3

Hello, My partner of 8 months recently ended our relationship due to her severe depression. I am the only person in her life who is aware of the extent to which she is struggling (apart from her therapist), and thus I am wondering whether it would be a good idea to contact her sister to describe what has been going on. I am worried that in ending our relationship she has lost her one support person, and although I know that she would prefer to keep her depression private I also feel that perhaps it is my responsibility to ensure that someone in her life is able to monitor and take care of her. She only sees her therapist once a week and does not seem really committed to it. Any thoughts would be much appreciated. Thanks

Trying to understand depression

replies: 1

I have been going out with a guy for about 8 months now who has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. He has been suffering from it for many years and is on medication that he takes daily. His illness is so bad that he is unable to work. I really like him but i am struggling to deal with his mood swings. Sometimes when i see him he is this amazing, warm, passionate guy who makes me feel so loved and wanted. Other times, he will be like ice, i can't read him, he makes me feel like i'm getting in the way and he will hardly acknowledge me. I have tried talking to him about it but he just says it's not a reflection of how he feels about me, it's just part of his depression. Lately, he has been in these cold icy moods more often and it's been a few weeks now since i've seen him in one of his warmer moods. I never know what to expect when I see him, but am always really disappointed when i am greeted by his coldness. Do these sound like symptoms of his depression? When he is in these moods i lose my confidence around him, I feel like he doesn't want me there and then it becomes awkward between us because i don't know what to do. I don't want to give up on him and i'm hoping that if i can find a way to understand him better, i might be able to cope with these moods a little more easily.. To anyone who suffers depression/anxiety, or is in a relationship with someone who suffers - any advice?

How to i help my mum?

replies: 3

Im new to this forum and definitely new to helping with anyone close to me diagnosed with depression. My mum had breast cancer earlier this year and had a mastectomy. She underwent radiotherapy and about two weeks to go of that my dad got sick. Mum was trying to do everything and then it hit her in the last month, lethargy, no interest in anyone and anxiety and feeling nauseous all the time. She went to the dr and they have given her medication.I would like some advice on how to help her more. None of us live with her - she is 76. My dad is still in hospital so she doesnt have to look after him.She knows she has an illness but what other methods can help her to recover or at least deal with it as the fact she feels this way gets her down as well. Thanks for any advice....

Boyfriend pushing me away

replies: 2

Hi. My boyfriend is going through a really bad patch with his depression. He has seen the doctor and been given meds and has had a session with the psych. However I am really struggling to support him and he is shutting me out and he is ignoring his ... View more

Can family pets be early warning system?

replies: 4

Hi, I am just wondering if family pets can detect changes in mood. I have been woken in the night recently by the partner's dog barking beside my side of the bed at my partner who was standing next to it. I am not sure how to explain this and if I should be worried by it. My partner said he had not done anything and could not understand the dog's reactions. I am wondering if the dog could have reacted to my partner's moodiness. Does this sound unusual to anyone else? Am I just overreacting? thanks Grateful.

Can anyone recommend a good Brisbane based psychologist & GP who specialise in men's depression?

replies: 0

Hi, please help, looking for recommendations for a good psychologist and/or doctor in Brisbane specializing in men's depression. All the GPs and Psychologists on the Beyond Blue directory had to do was register their details. They didn't need to specialise in depression & anxiety or have been highly recommended to make it to this list. I'm desperately seeking a good psychologist for my partner who is my carer & primary caregiver for our 1yr old son. I was diagnosed with prenatal & postnatal depression & about 4 months ago have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. My partner has been doing everything around our house for months, plus taking care of our son so I can rest. He has lost 15kg in the past month, can't sleep at night, has poor appetite. He saw a female psychologist in Spring Hill 6 months ago twice & he didn't like her. He used to be a very gentle and calm, quiet person. But now he gets frustrated and angry with me, to the point where he bangs his fists on the table and throws things & has loud outbursts of anger in public. He has agreed he needs to speak to someone but I'm afraid he will get referred to another dud psychologist. His current GP is obviously a did as he has run a few tests to determine the cause of this dramatic weightloss & hasn't done one of those depression scale tests - the dr said come back if you lose another 5. My partner is 6 foot & now weighs 70kgs. Not healthy, his bones are sticking out. I phoned Beyond Blue this afternoon & they can't guarantee anyone in their directory is specialized in men's depression. So I'm hoping someone out there reading this in Brisbane can recommend a good GP and/or psychologist and help us please!

Even I'm now feeling the strain..

replies: 1

Hi all.. hopefully someone has an insight/recommendation that I've overlooked. my wife has severe depression/anxiety (medication prescribed) and has periods of not leaving the house etc. she is currently employed and takes a lot of time off. I understand that a business cannot sustain this type of employee and believe that it won't be long before she loses her job. i earn "good money" and will be able to sustain the house (and dogs), but if she loses her job, I will also be responsible for "the extra person", her financed car etc. it may sound "selfish" but I work 70-80hrs a week and the extra responsibility will "stretch me". It will mean that the hobbies etc that I do - will need to stop and each $ will be carefully analyzed Obviously a depressed partner is "not easy" but the extra financial bourdon and ceasing of my "fun stuff" is something I'm struggling to prepare for. I already deal with "feeling like a flat mate/being unable to actually help etc" and it's now starting to "annoy" me. The illness has relegated me to a "housemate" feeling and I have plenty of "bad days" where I am unable to go home for support because the wife's illness is the focus..I can deal with myself but the extra baggage is sometimes tiring. is is there any form of "financial assistance" for "carers/partners" etc that can ease the bourdon? Anything that can alleviate a little pressure from a partner "in for the long haul"? I'm looking to "prepare" for the worst..

Brisbane support groups for loved ones

replies: 3

Hi, I live in Brisbane and I am looking for other people who live with someone suffering depression. My boyfriend of 3 years suffers depression and I would really like to connect with someone who is in a similar situation. Does anyone know of any sup... View more

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

feeling confused: partner is depressed and so am i replies: 1

Boyfriend of Depression Sufferer - Need Advice! replies: 1

Privacy vs support replies: 3

Trying to understand depression replies: 1

How to i help my mum? replies: 3

Boyfriend pushing me away replies: 2

Can family pets be early warning system? replies: 4

Can anyone recommend a good Brisbane based psychologist & GP who specialise in men's depression? replies: 0

Even I'm now feeling the strain.. replies: 1

Brisbane support groups for loved ones replies: 3