How can I help my 30 year old son who hates me ?

norman6 · ‎22-04-2014

Sorry I'm new to this, the title seems pretty vicious but true. I love my son but he refuses to communicate with me, his mother, or any other members of our family. He is married and has a 2 month old daughter (who hasn't been seen). He moved to Sydney,from WA 4years ago and kept in contact till about 2 years ago, he then stopped replying to my and my wives e-mails and texts for no apparent reason. He moved back to WA late last year and was in contact with his uncle, cousins, grandmother and mother in law. he has dropped all contact with all in the last 4 months. He texted me a very strongly worded message asking for money to be deposited in his bank account, in his text he said he had been self harming, tried to kill himself, been in hospital, social workers, case workers, psychiatrics, and on the streets. I want to make sure He and his family are safe but I don't know what to do or who to approach. I know the street he lives in but feel that if I was to approach him he might turn violent towards his wife or daughter. I feel so powerless. I can live with him hating me, I just want him to have a good life but I don't know what to do. Please help me to help my son and his family.

JessF · ‎24-04-2014

Hello norman, welcome and what a stressful, terrible situation to be in. It doesn't sound like your son is in a good way at all, and it's very concerning that you think you could turn violent towards his family if you were to show up out of the blue. I think your only option may be to phone the police in this case. Other than that, do you have any contact with his wife? Is there any way you can speak to her and find out what is going on? Or those family members that live closer, can someone go round and check up? I can understand that your son's feelings towards you must be heartbreaking, but it doesn't sound at all like he is himself right now and you would be right to think of his welfare and his family's first and foremost. If he is telling you has attempted suicide and been in hospital then it sounds like he is already known to the local mental health team. Have you replied to his message yet?

norman6 · ‎24-04-2014

Thanks for replying to my post. Yes I have replied to his last post I told him no matter what I love him and will always be here for him.

The police were called to his home today, but because he was not there when he arrived they left without doing anything.

My wife, his mother, and I went round this evening she was allowed in, I was not. She said there was lots of tension and aggression between my son and his wife. They both love their daughter, but blame each other for their predicament.

Are there any agencies or organisations we can alert to their predicament? I think Child protection are aware, but I would hate for this to slip through the net.

Thank You

geoff · ‎25-04-2014

dear Norman, this is such a terrible situation for all involved, and before I read Jess's reply my first instinct was as she suggested and ring the police, but as you say if he is not at home then they are powerless.

There could have been a chance that he was hiding somewhere in the house, but as circumstances are I wouldn't think that this would the case.

Is there any reason, and please don't answer this if you don't want to, I understand, but why does he all of a sudden taken a dislike towards you.

If he needs money then check with the Salvos who can give him a food voucher, and the same with St. Vinnies as well as the local community centre, they will have his name recorded, and there are a couple of reasons for this, firstly someone is only allowed a food voucher every now and then, sorry I have forgotten the time frame for this, but no one can go in a few times a week and get the voucher, and secondly it has to be recorded for reasons that this person may go missing.

I don't know how many people live where he is, but maybe he frequents a soup kitchen, so you could check on this, but to do all of this, especially if you are working full time is a mammoth effort, so have you got any one else, besides you and your wife to help you.

This is a scary situation for his wife, child just as it is for him and this includes you and your wife, and hopefully the police will have their eyes out for him.

If however he does return home his wife will have to notify the police, but only when he is in the shower, or can she go next door and get them to ring the police, but she can't do it when he will know that she is trying, because this will only annoy him.

I hope that you can get back to us. Geoff.