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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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CSmith depression - what to do?
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone. My boyfriend was diagnosed with a chronic condition at the beginning of the year that has drastically changed his outlook and quality of life. We have been together for two years now, but during this past year we have struggled to mainta... View more

Hi everyone. My boyfriend was diagnosed with a chronic condition at the beginning of the year that has drastically changed his outlook and quality of life. We have been together for two years now, but during this past year we have struggled to maintain the perfect relationship we once had. Despite my many suggestions for him to seek professional help in coping with his condition, he outright refuses to speak to anyone about it. It has become very difficult to stay positive and hopeful that he will get better and this has taken its toll. We love each other very much, and I understand that his condition is extremely frustrating and debilitating, but at times it is difficult to know whether he has given up on our relationship or whether he is just frustrated with his condition. I understand that we all hurt the ones who love us most, but his poor health has completely changed his personality. He was once a very caring and considerate guy who always loved to be outdoors, spending his time doing fun things, but now he has become quite depressed, often taking his frustrations out on me and no longer wanting to go on adventures or even let me know that he cares. The whole experience has made me become very anxious and at times depressed. I often feel that his now distant personality is somehow my fault and that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with my anymore. It makes me feel very lonely and heartbroken. I guess the reason behind this post is to find out if anyone is or has been in a similar situation and if so, how did you cope? Thanks.

WorriedSister Help getting through to a stubborn male
  • replies: 1

Hi all. I am looking for some tips as a concerned sister. My older brother (40 y.o) is going through a really difficult time. Around 6 months ago he lost his business and everything he had worked hard to build up for 20 years, was involved in legal p... View more

Hi all. I am looking for some tips as a concerned sister. My older brother (40 y.o) is going through a really difficult time. Around 6 months ago he lost his business and everything he had worked hard to build up for 20 years, was involved in legal proceedings, and had to sell his two properties. He is an extremely proud and stubborn person by nature. I suspect that he is suffering from depression after eveything he has been through, just based on how he is behaving. However he won't seek any professional help, he won't talk to any of his family or friends. He has now almost completely shut himself off from his entire family (I have two other brothers as well). He only rings or makes contact when he is asking to borrow money. He is refusing to look for a job and seems to just be relying on loans from people. He doesnt seem to have accepted that he can no longer work in the industry in which he has worked (and run his own business) for nearly 20 years. He has left his girlfriend and is not speaking to the family about her, or where he is living. I am really really concerned about his mental health, and believe he can be prone to some manic behaviour at times. We have a family history of bi-polar. Does anyone have any advice about to deal with a stubborn male, or convince him that he at least needs to see a GP? Thanks, any advice appreciated.

Bereal Spouse with Generalised Anxiety Disorder
  • replies: 33

I am a new mum (LO is 8.5 mnths old) who has a husband that has just been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. I am interested in hearing from husbands who has been suffering from this as a result of the birth of their chid. I believe that th... View more

I am a new mum (LO is 8.5 mnths old) who has a husband that has just been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. I am interested in hearing from husbands who has been suffering from this as a result of the birth of their chid. I believe that the birth of our daughter has been a major trigger for my husband. He is feeling overwhelmed by financial stress and job security.He is generally a nervous person and has always felt uncomfortable in others people's company due to his own insecurities. It took him 8 months to acknowledge that he needs help and has been seeing a psychologist for a month now. What can I do as a spouse to help him, even though I do not have much energy too as I my daughter is my priority ? How long will it take before I see an improvement? I feel very resentful for the fact that I feel cheated on the precious quality time that I should of had with my daughter due to the fact that I have spent the last 7.5 months worrying about him and not her. My mat leave is nearly over and my husband does not realise that when I go back to work things are going to get harder as I will need more help from him.

Anonymous_88 Short-term reacurring depression?
  • replies: 2

My and my boyfriend of 5 years have just split due to what I think might be depression on his part. He is normally a caring and supportive partner but for the last 3-4 months of our relationship he became distant from me, he didn't want to go away fo... View more

My and my boyfriend of 5 years have just split due to what I think might be depression on his part. He is normally a caring and supportive partner but for the last 3-4 months of our relationship he became distant from me, he didn't want to go away for the weekend, go out for dinner or to the movies. All affection and intimacy stopped. When I brought this up with him he told me he wasn't stoked on life in general. When I would suggest he go away for a week with his friends he didn't want to do that either. When I told him I was going to leave he didn't try and stop me, it was as though he had shut down emotionally. He would watch me cry and walk out of the room, it didn't effect him. Its been 2 months since we have split and he seems to be back to normal now, he told me that he is frustrated with himself for acting the way he did and he had no idea why he was feeling that way but at the time he couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. This isn't the first time its happened, it happens about once a year for usually about 1 month to 2 months max and then it goes away but it seems the older he gets the longer this trance he gets himself into lasts. When he is in these trances he always emotionally shuts down from me and ends our relationship and then ends up coming back to me feeling frustrated and angry with himself. My question is: is there a short term state of depression that some people can be susceptible to on and off periodically throughout their lives? It seems to sometimes be triggered by responsibility or commitment so I'm not sure whether its a commitment problem... something is not right and I wish to help him. Thanks..

purp hart broken
  • replies: 6

Hi My husband attempted suicide 10weeks ago and I am truly hart broken and not coping very well. I feel so sad and unhappy that he felt this was his only option and that he couldn't talk to me or any one. I cry on and off all the time and feel so ter... View more

Hi My husband attempted suicide 10weeks ago and I am truly hart broken and not coping very well. I feel so sad and unhappy that he felt this was his only option and that he couldn't talk to me or any one. I cry on and off all the time and feel so terrible as I know that how I am feeling is effecting him but the grief just keeps hitting me . He is seeking help as am I and we are also seeing some one together but it is such a struggle and I just wonder if a marriage can survive some thing like this. I just don't know what to do has any one been through this.

LukeJM Wanting to help my wife
  • replies: 4

I am a 37 year old that has been married for 7 years. My wife and I have 2 kids together but over the last 12 months we have drifted apart. I moved out of the family home for a week to have some time apart. In this week by myself, I realized how much... View more

I am a 37 year old that has been married for 7 years. My wife and I have 2 kids together but over the last 12 months we have drifted apart. I moved out of the family home for a week to have some time apart. In this week by myself, I realized how much I love her and we made a team decision to move back in. Six weeks ago she told me she was on medication for anxiety, I initially thought "you'll be right" but unfortunately things are not. I read about the disorder and have come to the conclusion that it is all my fault. I am happy to help with absolutely everything around the house, kids and work but am struggling to deal with the love of my wife. She seems so much happier away from me and anything we have planned as a family. I even said to her that there would be no hard feelings if she wanted time away. All I want to do is hold her in my arms but most of the time that seems so far away.

jodes76 what to do
  • replies: 1

I'm a full time carer for my husband. It is becoming very hard as I pretty much have to do everything. We have two kids as well. I'm very torn about what I should do. I feel trapped here. My depression and anxiety really affecting me. I'm sick of get... View more

I'm a full time carer for my husband. It is becoming very hard as I pretty much have to do everything. We have two kids as well. I'm very torn about what I should do. I feel trapped here. My depression and anxiety really affecting me. I'm sick of getting grief from hubby no matter what I do

Melcat Tas teens
  • replies: 1

Currently trying to get psychiatric care for my teen but tasmania appears to have a small number practicing and they have closed their books. While we have done CBT teens are now after a quick fix in a tablet. Given a bad experience with antidepressa... View more

Currently trying to get psychiatric care for my teen but tasmania appears to have a small number practicing and they have closed their books. While we have done CBT teens are now after a quick fix in a tablet. Given a bad experience with antidepressant & what we now know is a genetic inability to metabolize many antidepressants, I am now extremely wary of teen taking new prescription handed over yesterday. Teen psych care in Hobart is a disaster.

danceawhile help with my girlfriend
  • replies: 1

Good morning all I really don't know where to start... I live with my 24 year old girlfriend who was diagnosed with GAD and Clinical Depression about 5 or 5 years ago. Over the last 2 years we've been together she has been taking medication and seein... View more

Good morning all I really don't know where to start... I live with my 24 year old girlfriend who was diagnosed with GAD and Clinical Depression about 5 or 5 years ago. Over the last 2 years we've been together she has been taking medication and seeing a psychiatrist on and off. A few months ago her new doctor changed the medication she was on and started well taking her tablets and attending her appointments but after a few weeks stopped taking the new medication because she didn't like the side effects. She doesn't seem to be suffering from the depression as much as I used to see in her but the anxiety has gotten much, much worse. She used to deal with it fairly okay. Out of a month we would have 3 'good' weeks and then 1 really bad. The last 6 weeks or so have been terrible for her. Non stop anxiety, fixating on issues from years ago - some of the smallest things can turn into crippling stomach pains and hours spent on the floor crying - an email from 3 years ago, somebody she met at the shops, did so-and-so from her old job delete that old text about so-and-so... These are the types of issues she has always dealt with and I do have some understanding as to why but recently instead of dealing with just one issue, she is dealing with multiple and the effects of these are worse than I've ever seen before. I convinced her to start taking her medication again and she has been back on it for a week or so but as yet there hasn't been much of an improvement. She is going to start seeing her psychologist again (who is currently on leave) which I believe will be once a month. To be honest, the sessions seems to make her worse for a few days afterward. Nothing has really changed for us lately. Same jobs, same house, no major family issues (she is majorly concerned about her mother who is dealing with the death of her own mother and quite depressed), no financial issues or typical triggers I've read about. I recently told her that I want to marry her and it seems since we've spoken about these things, marriage, kids, buying a house it has gotten worse. She tried to explain to me that the happier she gets the worse her anxiety is. Something from her past is going to come back and ruin it all for her. She doesn't deserve to be happy. She's going to mess up somehow resulting in me hating her for the rest of my life etc. She seems to be forever looking for a reason that something just around the corner is going to pop up and destroy her life or the life of those around her. She is so exhausted, I can see it in her face. She is so, so tired. She often says (and I truly believe she wouldn't act on it) that she just wishes she could die because she can't see how there is any other way out of it all. I'm slowly helping her take positive steps - back on her medication, visiting her doctor, eating healthier... when she has a good day I'm going to try and get her outside, in the sun for some physical activity, hopefully get her back to the gym and so on. Obviously I can't rush these things because if she isn't ready, she isn't ready. I understand that. Please, is there anything else I can do? Is there something I'm not doing that I should be? What am I doing wrong? What else could be triggering these anxieties? Why have these last few weeks been so intolerable for her? She's been off her medication before and it never got this bad. I would appreciate any advice you have at all, please help me help my beautiful girl. She is such a lovely human being she deserves all the happiness in the world and it is so horrible to see her like this. Thank you.

Luke-G My Girlfriend has Depression and its ruining us.
  • replies: 2

My Girlfriend is suffering from depression and its ruining our relationship. She is always upset and angry at me and i have found her balling her eyes out in the middle of the night. She told me she needs some space from me and told me she doesn't wa... View more

My Girlfriend is suffering from depression and its ruining our relationship. She is always upset and angry at me and i have found her balling her eyes out in the middle of the night. She told me she needs some space from me and told me she doesn't want to talk to anyone, but i find her talking to other boys. I really don't want to give up on her because i love her and i want to help her. She has self harmed before and is getting counselling that isn't helping. I really need advice on what i can possibly do to help her and make her feel better. Please anyone help Luke - age 19. Interested in replying to this thread and not already a member of our forums? Join up here. SIMILAR THREADS My girlfriend has depression, dealing with it I don't know how to help my girlfriend Girlfriend support Girlfriend with depression has left me Please help me understand what my girlfriend is feeling If you love someone with depression, you need to watch this