Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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So Tired - Anxiety Depressed Hubby

replies: 2

For the last 2.5 years I have been doing everything that I can to help my Husband . ..I just feel like he is constantly taking one step forward and two back, I have a 1yo and 4yo and everything is getting harder, it is like I have 3 children and no support, his Psych (psychologist and psychiatrist) just keep telling me that it will all take time . . .What do I do? If I leave I know that he will self harm again and staying is becoming more and more soul destroying - he is an amazing man and our kids adore him, what right do I have to take him away from them. We are happy some times but then there are the times that I just get so frustrated with him. He only works 3 days a week and cannot on his off days seem to do anything without me nagging him . . .most days he does not get out of bed and on the weekend when he comes to the kids play area hefalls asleep and then I get a look of disappointment when they make noise or scream . . . I just tell him to go back to bed most of the time just to make it easy. The hard thing is that I love him, I want him to be well but his anger is starting to take its toll . . .what do I do?

Depressed/anxious partner seems to be getting worse.

replies: 13

I've posted before, though I feel that my situation hasn't improved, it's gotten worse and I just don't know what to do. Long story short, my partner asked me to move out of our home after a particularly bad fight/breakdown (on his part) about 3 months ago. I did and we are living separately. This isn't what I want, but it wasn't an option. Since moving out he has sort help for depression/anxiety/self esteem issues which is great. Over the last couple of weeks I thought he had been making progress. I haven't seen him much though. He wants to be on his own a lot. I'm trying to come to terms with this. He texted me yesterday morning and let me know he was feeling pretty bad but had made an appointment to see his psychologist that evening. Again, I thought great, he is identifying when he needs support and seeking it. It seemed like a good sign. Later on that night, I texted him, just to say hello, I never ask about his appointments. He didn't respond. A couple of hours later, I texted again to say goodnight and he didn't respond. As he has self harmed before, I was worried, I tried to call him but he had blocked my number. Several hours later he texted back saying he had a bad night with his psychologist and needed to be alone. He said he had been drinking, which he doesn't usually do. We had a short conversation following, which consisted of him telling me he isn't worthy, he is sorry for who he is and that I deserve better. My responses were only to say that I was there for him, I loved him and I believed in him. I wanted to see him tonight but he refuses, he says he can't be around people. I don't know if that is just limited to me Or everyone but it hurts a lot. I know better than to respond negatively as all that achieves is making him feel ashamed and guilty. He's pushing me away. We have gone from seeing each other 1-2 times per week to none. Though he says he loves me, doesn't want to break up etc. having a partner who doesn't want to see you is hard hard work. Are these signs he is worse? Will he getting better? Is he just going to keep pushing me away? What can I do?

mum needs advice

replies: 4

Hi I have a 16 year old daughter with severe social anxiety, school refusal. We have been to Headspace they sent us on to Mental Health. then 3 weeks in child/adolescent mental health unit , more appointments then they do an assessment on her understanding etc and say there is nothing they can do . She will only talk to me. no friends, no interest in anything, won't leave the house, sleeps to avoid contact, hates being touched or looked at. please, there must be something out there that can help . She sees no one atm .

Mum of teenager with depression...need advice

replies: 5

Hi, this is the first time I've been involved in any forum. I have a 14 year old son with mild depression. He has seen a councilor and psychiatrist but is no longer seeing either of these. He is a typical teenage boy that doesn't talk much - although every now and then he does open up. I don't want to be on his back and always ask him how he is, I have made it clear that we - his mum, dad and older brother are always here for him. Day to day life seems to be fine but every now and then he comes home from school and says his day was a bad one and that's all he'll say. I guess I just want to know how other mums handle this? On the one hand, I want to give him his space and let him come to me when he needs to, but that never seems to happen until I ask...and on the other hand I don't want to nag him. After all, we all need our own space. It just gets me down when I see he is unhappy :-(. Thanks for reading...

How do I cope with my mum's depression and the breakdown of our relationship?

replies: 5

I am desperately seeking advice about how to cope with my mum's depression and anxiety and the impact this is having on our relationship. My mum had depression when I was 10 years old and was on a psychiatric ward for 6 months, she seemed better for about 12 years but 18 months ago seemingly became unwell overnight. She is still in the deep dark hold of depression and I feel that our once close relationship has completely broken down. When she became ill it all came out that she had been having affairs with other men despite still being married to my father. I am struggling with getting over this and forgiving her, but also the total lack of interest she has in me, my life and our relationship. When I talk about my life I feel as thought she is just jealous (which she admits she is), but I have worked really hard to achieve a happy relationship, a good circle of friends and a promising career. All she wants to do is talk about her marriage problems and her ill-health but these conversations are such a strain on my own mental well-being. I really am at my wits end, it is really getting me down. When I try to talk to my dad about it he doesn't listen to me and will interrupt telling me how terrible it is for him as he is her main carer and I live away, but this situation is affecting me deeply and I think about it all the time. I am currently having my own health problems and feel completely unsupported by my parents, yesterday I realised that I am not getting anything positive from my relationship with either of them at the moment. I feel very lonely from the loss of these relationships. Perhaps sound very self-pitying here but I am desperate to improve this situation. I have been having counselling but I still feel very hopeless about the whole thing.

Partner has undergone 8 week mental health program and won't come home

replies: 1

My partner has a history of social anxiety, we have been together for 15 years and have 2 children together a 2 year old and a 7 month old baby. Last year, his struggles with social anxiety worsened after deciding to go off his medication. The turning point however was in January this year when he went to visit family in NSW with our 2 year old son, all was going well until the day before he was supposed to return home to Tas. He called to say he had a breakdown, panic attacks and would remain in NSW to undertake an 8 week mental health program and live with his parents during that time (our son was flown home to be with me). That's all the information I was able to get from my partner and his parents. His parents have mental health issues themselves and have blamed me for their son's anxiety/depression among other things. I have had no progress updates from anyone on my partner's health progress over this 8 weeks. This 8 weeks has now expired and he would be due to come home, except he isn't coming home, saying that his doctor has deemed him unfit for work. I am still continuing to do all the hard work on the home front with 2 children and my partner won't come home and has suggested our relationship is over but won't give me any idea of this future intentions and timeline for further treatment. He has however, requested to fly down to Tas and take our 2 year old son back with him to NSW. I requested a doctor certificate to state he is fit to care for our 2 year old son, I got a copy of this, but I have not got a certificate to state he is unfit for work, which seems like conflicting information from a GP if it were true. What am I to do? I do not wish for my 2 year old son to be taken away from me in this situation, I want to know why my partner cannot return home and fulfil his responsibility to me and his children and if he needs further treatment why he can't come home and undertake it? What information am I privy to from his doctor(s) about his current mental health state? I am utterly confused and saddened by this outcome and especially in that his family have not encouraged him to come home and be with his family. I have been very supportive of my partner's mental health issues over the years. I am seeking some legal advice next week, however, welcome any comments feedback from this community.

Mum of young adult suffering feom anxiety

replies: 6

Hi there, new to the forum.I have suffered with depression for 20 years and just round out my 20 year old daughter is suffering from anxiety and depression.How do i help her.I am at a lossShe is seeking help from headspace but not sure what else i ca... View more

Helping boyfriend with depression

replies: 2

Hi guys. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. Recently he and I returned home from a 4 month overseas trip. While away I began to notice severe signs of sadness as well as an un enthusiasm towards meeting and engaging with new people and being in social situations. While abroad, I enquired about this kind of behaviour and he opened up, letting me know that he did have severe feelings of sadness and that it was something he had been dealing with for a little while. He also mentioned a few other things which struck me as very worrying. In the spirit of keeping our trip positive I decided to forget about this until we returned home. Having been home for about 2 months I have noticed that he is suffering severely from depression, stress and anxiety. He takes on a lot in his life which I understand is contributing heavily to his stress levels. I have also noticed a huge sense of isolation from him and his friends, he has no interest in being in social situations and when he is cannot engage properly with people. I fear that our relationship is a comfort zone for him, a safe place, that he chooses to confide in. I have asked him to get help numerous times, he is not interested in going to a doctor, despite my efforts to convince him otherwise. I am very worried about our relationship on a few levels, as I feel if it goes on any longer I also will become very unhappy. I know I need to be there for him, and I am trying. I'm afraid to leave him on his own in fear of what his feelings may lead to, yet I don't really like being around him when he is like this. When we first met his attitude was entirely different (or so it seemed) he was very close with his friends, loved having a laugh etc. now I dont really see this, only on occasion and with me only. I have sat him down, lovingly and discussed it with him, and he does open up. I just feel like each time we discuss he spirals further into depression. I am very lost on what I should do next and am starting to stress about the future. Please help x

At a loss....

replies: 2

Hi, my husband suffers with depression and lately I have been at a loss as to what to do. He knows the symptoms and is on medication for it. I have seen him slip for the past year. He doesn't like himself and every chance I get I tell him how loved and appreciated he is I do. Our sex life is practically non existent and I appreciate this is not the end of the world but intimacy is something that is important to me. He has always enjoyed a drink (as have I) but lately it has been to excess and the cause of a few fights. i have tried talking to him before only to be snapped at so I was internalizing my own feelings. Right now I am paying for this as I am feeling lost. It is consuming my thoughts and I feel sick to the pit of my stomache. I had no idea what to do so I let him know I was feeling via text this morning. I needed to get it off my chest without being shut down. I wasn't being critical just assuring him that I was here and that I love him and how important communication is to our marriage. I also told him that I won't be drinking and that I would hope he would consider at the very least cutting down. I also explained the fact that I feel like I am treading on egg shells so that's why I sent my feelings via text. he is at work and has a high pressured job so it is no surprise I haven't heard back. I'm just hoping it opens up the communication lines and doesn't do more harm than good. Has anyone got any other ideas as to how to help? I just want to be a good wife but don't want to become someone's emotional punching bag. I saw this my whole life with my mum and dad and I want differently for myself. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks.

My ex is now talking about leaving his kids behind

replies: 4

My husband has been depressed for over 5 years. He did try anti-depressant a few years ago then stopped as he was in denial of his condition. Two years ago, I left him for 3 months and during that time he slowly talk me into giving him another chance. We stayed in the same house at the time . About 10 months ago, it came crashing down again and I told him I could not do it anymore: his general behaviour, his selfishness and his laziness. I am working full time with two children and was holding the family together without his help (or very little of it). He told me if I wanted to leave it was fine with him but I had to move out this time. I am Canadian and have no family here by the way. I took this on board and went to find a place for me and the kids. In the last 10 months we have shared the children custody 50/50. He has started anti-depressant in Nov. last year. He has become obsessive with getting me back, texting me large messages numerous time a day and missing work. He is not listening to me when I ask him to give me some space. He is completely ignoring any of my request to respect my boundaries, constantly trying to touch me and hug me. I have started the “low contact” approach (we have kids so I can’t do no contact) and he is now saying if he cannot have me back he will leave and move away. Saying he can’t be for the children if we are not a family. Also, he keeps saying if I would only take him back he would be fine and would be the best husband/father. It makes me feel his current mental health could be fix if only I could give him another chance. I am borderline drowning myself with the pressure of the separation and grieving of the failure of my 17 years marriage. I don’t think me letting him back in my life will solve the problem. I feel he needs help but I have no more energy to be the one doing this for him. He has burned all his relationship with friends as he is so self centered with his own problems that he is ignoring any advice from other, constantly talking about himself. He is admitting his depression has caused our problems but not admitting he is still in it. He wants to move away and stop the medication. Everyone is telling me to let him go. EVERYONE even his mum! I don’t know what to do anymore. If I help him he will think there is hope for us while I don’t believe in it although I still care deeply for him. If I don’t I am afraid he will sink even further.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

So Tired - Anxiety Depressed Hubby replies: 2

Depressed/anxious partner seems to be getting worse. replies: 13

mum needs advice replies: 4

Mum of teenager with depression...need advice replies: 5

How do I cope with my mum's depression and the breakdown of our relationship? replies: 5

Partner has undergone 8 week mental health program and won't come home replies: 1

Mum of young adult suffering feom anxiety replies: 6

Helping boyfriend with depression replies: 2

At a loss.... replies: 2

My ex is now talking about leaving his kids behind replies: 4