Helping boyfriend with depression

[Michelle25]

Hi guys.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. Recently he and I returned home from a 4 month overseas trip. While away I began to notice severe signs of sadness as well as an un enthusiasm towards meeting and engaging with new people and being in social situations.

While abroad, I enquired about this kind of behaviour and he opened up, letting me know that he did have severe feelings of sadness and that it was something he had been dealing with for a little while. He also mentioned a few other things which struck me as very worrying. In the spirit of keeping our trip positive I decided to forget about this until we returned home.

Having been home for about 2 months I have noticed that he is suffering severely from depression, stress and anxiety. He takes on a lot in his life which I understand is contributing heavily to his stress levels. I have also noticed a huge sense of isolation from him and his friends, he has no interest in being in social situations and when he is cannot engage properly with people. I fear that our relationship is a comfort zone for him, a safe place, that he chooses to confide in. I have asked him to get help numerous times, he is not interested in going to a doctor, despite my efforts to convince him otherwise.

I am very worried about our relationship on a few levels, as I feel if it goes on any longer I also will become very unhappy. I know I need to be there for him, and I am trying. I'm afraid to leave him on his own in fear of what his feelings may lead to, yet I don't really like being around him when he is like this. When we first met his attitude was entirely different (or so it seemed) he was very close with his friends, loved having a laugh etc. now I dont really see this, only on occasion and with me only. 

 I have sat him down, lovingly and discussed it with him, and he does open up. I just feel like each time we discuss he spirals further into depression. I am very lost on what I should do next and am starting to stress about the future. Please help x

[white knight]

Hi Michelle, welcome to beyond Blue forums

A while ago I wrote an article in these pages called "Deos stubbornness have a place". You might find it in Google.  But it describes the point you are approaching, the erosion of your relationship from your partners determination not to seek help.

It could be pure stubbornness or it could be that he doesnt feel his issues are a mental health issue serious enough to be concerned about. Mental health issues are apparent, clear- in front of our eyes and even less clear to the sufferer.

My concern with your situation is your own mental health. And its fallout like a breakup. He is lucky. He has a devoted partner with love and care and he'll only realise this upon you walking out. You need to sit him down and tell him your need for him to seek help and do it NOW!. That his love for you should extend to giving you all the security and care he can muster and that attending a doctor is under that umbrella.

Take care.  Tony WK

[geoff]

dear Michelle, thanks for posting a comment and that article which Tony has mentioned sounds to be very interesting, although I haven't read it as yet, but I will.

He is lucky to have someone like you, but unless he seeks help then the relationship is going to become different to what it has been.

He does need to see his doctor, but perhaps you could offer to go with him, and if he is given a script for medication then go to the pharmacy and cash it in.

Now he maybe hesitant in taking anything, but try and convince him to see how it goes, but I forgot to say, while you are at the doctors ask him/her about the side-effects so that your partner will know about them.

Hope to hear back from you. L Geoff. x