Mum of young adult suffering feom anxiety

[mum_of_young_adult]

Hi there, new to the forum.

I have suffered with depression for 20 years and just round out my 20 year old daughter is suffering from anxiety and depression.

How do i help her.

I am at a loss

She is seeking help from headspace but not sure what else i can do as im not strong myself.

Any tips?

Thanks

[White_Rose]

Dear MYA

Welcome to the Beyond Blue community. Somehow it is more difficult when a child becomes unwell and has an illness that you know well.

First of all can I ask you a couple questions? Have you ever had any professional mental health help? Talked to your GP/psychologist/psychiatrist? Do you take antidepressants?

These are the conventional paths for help and I wonder if you have found them helpful. If so then you can recommend your daughter tries the same thing.

I have just had a quick look at Headspace which as you say is a web site for 18-25 yo. There is information for parents and carers which you may like to read/download. There are also links to other organisations.

Beyond Blue also has excellent information on depression and anxiety. There is information for families and caring for a young adult. Look under the tabs above. You can download this information or BB will send it to you on request.

You say your daughter has depression and anxiety. Has she been formally diagnosed? I ask because it is important to have a full diagnosis. My suggestion is to take her to your GP as a starting point and have a discussion the available options. If your daughter is willing for you to be in on the conversation that's fine. She may prefer to talk to the doctor on her own.

Online support is useful. People who post here say it helps a great deal. It's not a substitute for medical intervention, so if Headspace is the only help your daughter is receiving you can encourage her to add your GP to the mix.

I am interested in what help you are receiving for your depression. Supporting another person, especially a family member can be stressful so you need a back up for yourself.

I would like to know more about you so that any suggestions I offer are not those you are already using.

Regards

Mary

[Pixie15]

Hi mum of young adult,

I would also like to welcome you to the beyondblue forums.

My son was diagnosed with bipolar when he was about the same age. He has since had the diagnosis changed because the medication he was given had actually caused the behavior which was attributed to mania. I have seen some information on another site the Black Dog Institute which supports this.

When he was first diagnosed I really encouraged him to follow his doctors suggestion and just take the medication and he would be okay. I regret this now because although this may be the case I think the best thing that a sufferer and carer can do is find out all they can about what they have been diagnosed with and seek a second, third or fourth opinion if it does not make sense. 

You may have already accumulated a lot of knowledge about depression because of your own experience. I think things have changed a lot since you would have been first diagnosed. There are a lot more therapy choice and understanding of depression and anxiety as a chronic illness. Encourage your daughter to engage positively with the therapy opportunities available to her.

Also I think it is important that you do not beat yourself up with feelings of responsibility for your daughters illness. This is something that I think it is easy for parents to do. I know it was easy for me. It is not helpful.

Try and be a person of hope. You will find there are a lot of people who contribute to the forums on a regular basis who have experience with anxiety and depression and still have a full life.

cheers,

Grateful.

[Beeme74]

Hi Mum of Young Adult,

It is particularly difficult when you have had a similar condition to watch someone you love go through it too.  My son who at the time was 14 became quite unwell, and after suffering from anxiety and depression myself, I became extremely concerned and worried about his health.  The best thing I did was to see his Dr separately.  This enabled me to work though my own feelings and also have someone who was central to my son's treatment also advising me on how to best handle things and situations.  I can't recommend this approach highly enough.

While the Dr would obviously never disclose anything I said or he said, he did help us find a way to cope.

I hope this helps,

Take care, Beeme

[mum_of_young_adult]

Hi Mary

Thank you for your response.

I am thinking that she may need to 're visit the GP for formal diagnosis and maybe medication. 

She has no friends so no support apart from myself and my husband.

I am struggling with coping especially as my husband is fifo as I try to be strong around her but he mood swings can be heartbreaking.

I'll keep you updated on our progress. Thx again.

Worried mum x

[mum_of_young_adult]

Thank you grateful.

It's so easy to blame myself and wonder if my depression has caused it?

Is it my fault, did I not love her enough, did I do something wrong??

I am trying to be strong but her mood swings can be heartbreaking.

Hubby is fifo so makes it even more difficult when he is away.

Oh well China up. Be strong.

Xx

[White_Rose]

Dear MYA

Thanks for your post. Be assured you are not to blame for your daughter's illness. Depression is no respector of persons.

Have you tried the Kids Helpline? They help with people aged 12-25 and have heaps of information for parents, not just the kids. Have a look at their web site. It may also be useful to phone them for suggestions. You can always phone the 24/7 BB helpline on 1300 22 4636.

You did not say what help you are getting for your depression. It is important that you look after yourself. You say you are struggling and it is particularly hard when your husband is not always available because of his job. So it's even more important that you take care of yourself as it will not help your daughter if you collapse.

If your daughter has not been seen by her GP this would also be a good idea. The doctor may recommend a referring her to a psychologist and possibly give her an antidepressant. Medication these days is so much better than 20 years ago. These would be good steps for both of you.

Let us know how you are going.

Mary