Partner has undergone 8 week mental health program and won't come home

[Ang82]

My partner has a history of social anxiety, we have been together for 15 years and have 2 children together a 2 year old and a 7 month old baby. Last year, his struggles with social anxiety worsened after deciding to go off his medication. The turning point however was in January this year when he went to visit family in NSW with our 2 year old son, all was going well until the day before he was supposed to return home to Tas. He called to say he had a breakdown, panic attacks and would remain in NSW to undertake an 8 week mental health program and live with his parents during that time (our son was flown home to be with me). That's all the information I was able to get from my partner and his parents. His parents have mental health issues themselves and have blamed me for their son's anxiety/depression among other things. I have had no progress updates from anyone on my partner's health progress over this 8 weeks. This 8 weeks has now expired and he would be due to come home, except he isn't coming home, saying that his doctor has deemed him unfit for work. I am still continuing to do all the hard work on the home front with 2 children and my partner won't come home and has suggested our relationship is over but won't give me any idea of this future intentions and timeline for further treatment. He has however, requested to fly down to Tas and take our 2 year old son back with him to NSW. I requested a doctor certificate to state he is fit to care for our 2 year old son, I got a copy of this, but I have not got a certificate to state he is unfit for work, which seems like conflicting information from a GP if it were true. What am I to do? I do not wish for my 2 year old son to be taken away from me in this situation, I want to know why my partner cannot return home and fulfil his responsibility to me and his children and if he needs further treatment why he can't come home and undertake it? What information am I privy to from his doctor(s) about his current mental health state?  I am utterly confused and saddened by this outcome and especially in that his family have not encouraged him to come home and be with his family. I have been very supportive of my partner's mental health issues over the years. I am seeking some legal advice next week, however, welcome any comments feedback from this community.

[White_Rose]

Dear Ang

Welcome to Beyond Blue. This is a tricky situation you are in. My suggestion is that you consult a lawyer and leave it to him/her to find out the truth of the situation.

Clearly you are not being told the whole truth about your partner's possible illness, progress and why he wants your son to live with him. Being of a suspicious mind, in your situation I would presume he wants custody of the boy. Not interested in the baby at this stage because it's too much hard work. How much his parents have contributed to the situation you cannot know.

I would not allow him to take the child away for any reason which is why I suggest you consult a lawyer skilled in family cases. This is an imperative first step. And it's probably going to be the only way to find out any information about your partner and his intentions. If the child is living with his father he has a stronger case to keep him.

Keep all correspondence about this matter and write down all the conversations you have with him, with dates. I know this sounds a bit paranoid but I have seen this sort of thing go horribly wrong.

He chose to go off his medication and his doctor can verify this. This does not sound like a reasonable action for someone best able to care for a child. If you are managing and have no problems, other than the obvious ones, then it appears you are the most suitable parent.

Please get the best legal advice you can and go from there. Keep your children at home.

Mary