Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Does anyone on here have a parent with Narcissistic personality disorder?

replies: 2

After a life of torment and wondering what I did so wrong to cause my father to despise me and my siblings - I finally get a answer at 29! My brother called me a couple of weeks ago and told me my father had been diagnosed by a psych with NPD. This has been a life changing event for me and I just wanted to hear from anyone else who was raised by a parent with NPD. Any memories or insights anyone wanted to share? Thanks everyone

Living with adult daughter with anxiety and depression

replies: 3

Never having experienced serious depression I am struggling to cope with my 29 year old daughters anxiety/depression. She had "the man of her dreams" but was so insecure from a previous bad emotionally abusive relationship in her late teens. She avoided dating for six years because of her trust issues. She has had two short relationships since but never got upset like this when they ended. This time I think the depth of her feelings scared her and she would get anxious and break up with him but they would always work it out until she had a meltdown from long work shifts and broke up with him over something stupid and he finally had enough three months ago. She just can't accept that he won't work things out. I am angry with her as I don't understand why she kept pushing him away when she cared so much about him. He told me he really loved her but just couldn't take it anymore. I have tried to be kind but being menopausal I get easily irritated. Her friends that she has always been there for are not being there for her now and the responsibility has fallen entirely on me and I am struggling. She sees no reason to get better. She tries to manipulate me by saying she won't take her medication or try to get better unless I get him back for her and I have told her I can't do that. I have tried to gently tell her he isn't coming back but that never ends well. She quit her job and spends all day home alone as I work during the day. When I get home she just starts on how much she misses him and how much better she would be if she could just talk to him. She needs to get out of the house but nobody invites her anywhere anymore even when I have spoken to her best friend of 16 years how important this is for her to get better but I feel this is falling on deaf ears. I have looked for a local support group for her but we live in a regional area which doesn't seem to have these resources. I can't keep doing this alone.

How should I respond to being pushed away by someone with depression?

replies: 2

I've just recently discovered that a guy I've been dating has suffered from major depression for many years. We were developing what I thought was a great relationship when he began to be quite distant, not initiating contact with me and alternating between being enthusiastic or slow to respond when I contacted him. Eventually after me asking several times where things were at he opened up about his depression including that this time last year he had attempted to end his life. He was already receiving help at that time but since has been more closely managed and he is very aware of his situation. He has described the past year as him really just focussing on surviving, and has realised that he's not yet ready to get involved with anyone. He described having lost self esteem and confidence and not wanting to hurt me. My question is - as the person who he has been cut loose from a developing relationship, do I still try and keep in touch? I feel that we had begun to get quite close, and knowing that only a few people are aware of what he went though it makes me feel a sense of responsibility now that he has shared something so personal with me. I'm more than happy to be there in anyway that he needs, but I'm conscious of not wanting to make him feel pressured if really he would rather not have me around. I would like to hear based on other people experiences - how do you generally hope people you care about will respond when you push them away? Thanks

Supporting a boyfriend suffering depression long distance

replies: 7

Hi Everyone I have just joined and am hoping you can all help me. My boyfriend and I live 1000km apart. We see each other monthly but may only be for a couple of days or a week at the most. We have only been dating for 5 months. We spent an amazing Christmas together and then bang the day after I left he went off the radar for four days. When he eventually returned my calls and texts he said he was depressed and that he is getting help. I am very pleased as I had picked up on some signs and we had spoken about him needing to see a dr. My problem is because we are so far apart it is difficult to gauge how he is feeling. I'm uncertain as to when I should message or call. I have grown up with a mother that suffers from depression and she knows her signals as I do but as he has just been diagnosed and I can't physically see him it makes it so much more difficult. I know sometimes space is needed, I just need to know what I do from so far away.

Helping my Husband with Depression

replies: 4

Hi Four months ago my husband came to me suffering server anxiety attacks and said that he was struggling with them. I helped him to our GP and he was prescribed medication for this and depression and given a prescription to see a psychologist. This was the beginning of our journey so far. Since then he has made 1 suicide attempt and I'm certain thought about it a lot. He was taking an antidepressant that wasn't working for him then suddenly stopped which resulted in him fainting and feeling awful and he really took a kick with his mental state during this time. It all came to an end when he left home and no one could find him for hours, we ended up calling the police and when we found him he was taken to hospital only to be sent home after being assessed by a psychologist, I feel like the system let him down that night as he came home and told me they did nothing, but tell him to continue taking the AD that he was struggling with. I've since taken him back to our GP and he has agreed to go on another antidepressant however he has decided that in 2 weeks if his symptoms persist he will stop taking them again (getting him back to the GP proves to be difficult). I don't know what to do to help now I don't believe he tells his psychologist the whole story and I feel that we will be back in the same place as the other night before long if he doesn't get the help he needs. I'm struggling with this at the moment however I have a strong network of family and friends (who are also there for him) that have been amazing so far. I just don't know what else I can do I don't want to loose him, for me and our daughter, I can see him screaming for help but so far everything seems lacking.If anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Advice Needed

replies: 5

Hi Everyone, New to all this and a first time poster hoping to get some help from anyone who has experienced similar. My girlfriend has recently told me she is suffering from depression. We have been together 2 years and she says she has tried everything to beat her depression and her only choice now is to break things off with me. She suffered depression a few years before we met but I don't know a great deal about it (we only briefly touched on it). I know when we are together I can see her happiness and I know that we both leave each other very much. I don't know what do, she wants to do this without telling anyone but I do not want her to do this alone. Am I being selfish by trying to keep things going? Is she making this choice because it is the right decision for her? Please help

">Mum of a 16yr old with mental health issues. Hoping to connect with other Mums

replies: 2

I have a 16 yr old daughter who was diagnosed 2 yrs ago with an eating disorder known as EDNOS, she has self harmed and has excessive scarring on her arms and upper thighs. Her psych is pretty certain that she has borderline personality disorder but is reluctant to officially diagnose her until she is 18. Five months ago she tried to OD and ended up in hospital for 3 days. It has been very difficult for me to come to terms with what she tried to do. Can anybody relate? I don't know anyone who's teen has mental health issues and there are times when I just wish I could talk to someone who can relate. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU JA X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:107%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Struggling family -- need advice.

replies: 3

800x600 800x600 Hello,I am the youngest member of my family and am seeking some advice on what to do to help my family who are all struggling with my sister's depression. My older sister has been living with anxiety and depression for a little over three years however she only sought help a few months ago. She has gone through three different doctors and has now been put on medication. She doesn't get up anymore out of bed, despite everyone's best efforts and she rarely speaks to anyone anymore as she finds conversations 'pointless' - much like she has now decided life is.I am a teenager myself and I am seriously struggling. I have no idea how to help her or how to handle this situation as I have tried many different things to help her and encourage her. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";} 800x600 I am seeking advice as I am completely out of my depth and do not know how to help my family who are currently falling apart. My mother and father have both suffered from depression earlier in their lives and I worry for them now too. My mother is so stressed, she is going out of her mind trying to do every possible thing to help my sister, however, she is forgetting to look after herself and is not sleeping and cries a lot of the time. My father has taken a liking to sitting on a computer and not engaging with the family anymore. My sister has maintained a job doing over night shifts and so whenever she is out the house there is a big fight behind her back as we tip toe around her. The nights in my household now consist of screaming fights and tears that occur from the smallest thing. My older sister (the middle child) has become resentful and constantly argues and tells my parents they no longer care for her and that has been forgotten. My family never used to be like this. We are so broken at the moment, we are all trying to cope best we can but it seems impossible at this moment.Everyone is tiptoeing around my sister and her condition because we are afraid of what will happen. I just don't have anyone to talk to about any of this. I feel like my family is drowning. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";}

How to best help my husband

replies: 1

Hi, Would like to know how to best approach my husband who I believe is depressed. I would love him to seek some help but how do I tell him this? Many Thanks

So Tired - Anxiety Depressed Hubby

replies: 2

For the last 2.5 years I have been doing everything that I can to help my Husband . ..I just feel like he is constantly taking one step forward and two back, I have a 1yo and 4yo and everything is getting harder, it is like I have 3 children and no support, his Psych (psychologist and psychiatrist) just keep telling me that it will all take time . . .What do I do? If I leave I know that he will self harm again and staying is becoming more and more soul destroying - he is an amazing man and our kids adore him, what right do I have to take him away from them. We are happy some times but then there are the times that I just get so frustrated with him. He only works 3 days a week and cannot on his off days seem to do anything without me nagging him . . .most days he does not get out of bed and on the weekend when he comes to the kids play area hefalls asleep and then I get a look of disappointment when they make noise or scream . . . I just tell him to go back to bed most of the time just to make it easy. The hard thing is that I love him, I want him to be well but his anger is starting to take its toll . . .what do I do?

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Does anyone on here have a parent with Narcissistic personality disorder? replies: 2

Living with adult daughter with anxiety and depression replies: 3

How should I respond to being pushed away by someone with depression? replies: 2

Supporting a boyfriend suffering depression long distance replies: 7

Helping my Husband with Depression replies: 4

Advice Needed replies: 5

">Mum of a 16yr old with mental health issues. Hoping to connect with other Mums replies: 2

Struggling family -- need advice. replies: 3

How to best help my husband replies: 1

So Tired - Anxiety Depressed Hubby replies: 2