Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Needing the patience of a saint right now!

replies: 5

First post, so hello to everyone! I have spent a fair amount of time on the BB website & reading the various forums to better educate myself on various mental health issues. Finding the input from all perspectives is a huge help in developing a better understanding for myself & my experience, so thank you to you all! The reason I do this is because the man I love and adore is constantly battling his demons & isn't in a great place right now. Unfortunately, I am the one who wears it & at the moment, his self-destruction has shattered us both & all but destroyed what was a great relationship. I guess I probably just need to vent & have my experience validated by those who understand what this roller-coaster ride is like. The hurt, the frustrations & resentment you feel but then also that moment when you realise this is a real illness & try to look on with a set of more compassionate & caring eyes. Right now, I have a million questions of "why" after yet again being on the other side of that wall that he has built between us but I also know that adding any pressure will not a smart move! I am trying not to get attached to any outcome with our relationship right now but am trying to sit peacefully in the knowledge that we have ridden this wave before & managed to survive. Long term battles with depression, anxiety & PTSD are monumental & I hate the fact that he thinks he needs to face these alone & without support because he feels the need that he has to "protect" me. Men can be so stubborn. Right now I am giving him the space he needs to rest & repair & to hopefully find the courage to seek the help he needs. There are days when I am so frustrated, I just want to confront him so we can "fix" everything (but this is not a real solution, just a pipe dream!) other days I just want to fall apart & cry. Knowing that I am not alone & that there are others who can appreciate where I am coming from gives me great comfort & strength. Thanks for listening & letting me vent! Spreading love & light to all xxx

Partners depression is getting worse and rippling

replies: 3

My girlfriend has been struggling with depression for a year or so now but the last month or so she's gotten much worse. She needs help and admits it when she's having a good day or a moment of clarity, but then it's an uphill battle to get her to attend anything. Recently saw the gp and now we're booked in for the psychologist. She's deteriorating rapidly, hasn't hone to her university classes other than the mandatory ones but has started to miss those as well. Her depression and anxiety are keeping her from class and often calling me home from work early to comfort her. If I don't come home early or skip work for her she turns all her frustrations at me and spirals further. She hates our roommate, my friend, I try to maintain that once our lease is out we can find a place just the two of us which does cheer her up for a while until even the smallest thing sends her back down again. Am I doing the right things to help her? Should I take some time from work to spend with her? Should I continue to try and encourage her attending class which is a huge trigger for her anxiety or should I see about her deferring her course till a later date while she sorts herself out? I can afford to support her but she's worried about losing student benefits and she may want to move back home which is 300km away from me and her university. Should I continue to encourage her to attend the psychologist? She's not on antidepressant s currently but I do think she will be put in them very soon I just need to know that I'm doing the right things. Thanks to anyone who actually read my whole post, I know it's a bit long winded

A thank you to all carers supporting a loved one or friend with mental illness....

replies: 5

I was wondering if anyone took the time to say thank you. Thank you for giving, forgiving, being patient and understanding. For being a friend, a partner, a confidante in times of need. Being true to the relationship that fights a battle of the dark and for providing a light that keeps the path possible to see. Thank you for your strength to support a sometimes seemingly hopeless situation, and admit that at times that you don't always have the answers. Thank you for being strong even though you get hurt and your heart breaks, but you still extend your hand and heart anyway and accept the pain when it comes. Thank you for carrying the burden of two and sometimes with tears, but you always hold your head up high and see the dawn of a brighter day. But most of all, never forget how much you are admired and loved for who you are and what you do. You are remarkable, a treasure to the world. Thank you for being you. ~ Author: Carmela Pollock (Caring for a Depressed Husband)

As a carer, can you tell your partner how you're feeling?

replies: 3

Hi all I've posted a couple times here as my partner has depression and is working his way through. I can see how hard he's trying to feel better, he's seeing a psychologist, GPs and we're exercising regularly. He's tackling this head on. He's appreciative of my support and care and I'm thankful for that. I do find though that in order to make things easier for him, to not stress him or make him feel guilty, i have to act like I'm totally fine and that this is not affecting me at all. Truthfully i feel stressed, exhausted and worn out. Along with this situation, we have recently moved cities, I've started a new job (so has he), and I'm still dealing with the death of an immediate family member. This is also compounded by the fact that he needs a lot of space and our current appartement is so small, so I'm mostly living in hotels. I'm so aware that i need to be settled and to feel good to be able to support him, so currently l'm currently looking for a bigger place to live, which is adding to my stress levels. I feel like i can see small improvements in him everyday, so i feel if I'm honest with him about how stressed i am it will set him back. I have support from my parents (they're the only ones who know what's happening, his family don't know) but they don't live where i do. As I'm not had the opportunity to settle in, I've not met a lot of people here. Anyone else in this situation have thoughts about how to express or if i even can be honest about how hard I'm finding things? I mean, he is the one person who i should (and normally would) be able to be honest too. Xx

Need help with finding the right things to say..

replies: 11

I have had a lot of one on one experience with depression, watching my father deal with it for the past 10 years. Not long ago, my partner pushed me away due to his severe depression - Saying things like he couldn't see a future and didn't know why he was feeling this way. He also feels guilt becasue he doesn't want me to go though what I had to go through with my father again.I am very supportive of him and would never leave his side. He is still very loving towards me even though i'm at the sideline. Its not until recently he asked for my help and guidance to get better. He is now in hospital and I wanted to write him some little letters for him to help. Things like "on a bad day, on a good day, when things are tough" etc or anything you think that will help him and to help him realise Im not going anywhere and I love him very much no matter what. Any help will be greatly appreciated. I want to do anything I possibly can to support him. Sometimes its the small things that matter too. Thank you

Breaking through to sister

replies: 3

Hi all, thank you in advance for any advice and I hope this is the right section. I want to share about my sisters recent severe panic attack and hospitalisation, please note it could be distressing to read. I was with my sister in our hotel room with my 1yo bub when she had her second major panic attack. It was extreme with screaming, kicking etc. I called 000 and she is now in hospital. I know there are a few major stressors and specific fears that I think trigger this and one of them being the fear of being back in hospital again and "locked in" because she's crazy. There is a family history of schizophrenia and bipolar but she has had testing and only been diagnosed with anxiety. She is mid 40s. I have had personal experience with anxiety but not to this level. I have tried to visit and call but she does not want to talk. I respect this completely. I am now back interstate where I live and am wondering what I do next? Is there any ideas on what I could do to "breakthrough to her" or do I just keep calling every day and allow it to take as long as it takes? I did think about writing a letter so it could be on her terms to communicate back to me? thanks donna

What to do?

replies: 3

My husband has been battling depression for the past 8 years. We've seen a psych who has given him medication but unfortunately he says what the psych wants to hear during the session and ignores it by the time he’s got to the car. During this time, we as a family have been on a roller coaster ride. Each time he's been on a down slide, it has been due to stopping the medication; drinking to excess or having a personal meltdown. Although he has been great with the kids, he's been verbally abusive to me. On top of this at the end of each downer, he's tried / suggested that he's not worthy to live anymore, should end it all etc. Each time I've panicked, talked him out of it etc. and walked on eggshells until he's come good. This time, he's hit the 'drink'; stopped his meds and gone off at me and I’ve had enough. I have tried my best to keep the marriage /family together.He is well aware of the problems with alcohol; that depression affects not just him but all of us. He seems to have abandoned all thoughts of trying to get better. Instead, setting himself a path of destruction etc. Does anyone know of a good counsellor in QLD who is able to 'cut through the crap' I'm tired of being the 'strong one' in the marriage and don't know how much more I can cope with. Has anyone had any experience with this -- I’ve run out of ideas.

Feeling Hopeless

replies: 3

My husband suffers from depression/anxiety. We have been together and it has gradually got worse. We moved to Australia his home country after 6 years of marriage with 8 month in tow. Back home the episodes wouldn't be as frequent and now we can't go 3/4 months without a major breakdown of some sort. He is seeing someone but I feel helpless to the point today I called the local hospital as I couldn't get in touch with him! I have no real network here even though been here 5 yrs. I don't tell any family back home as I don't wont to burden them speak to his mother but finding it harder and harder as deep down I blame his parents for his condition. I am so scared of losing my husband and being on my own with our son. I know I need help so will go and see gp tomorrow as "being strong" can take its toll!

Husband reluctant to get help and I'm no longer happy

replies: 6

Hi, My husband was diagnosed with extreme severe depression, extreme severe anxiety and severe stress 2 years ago. Since then he has seen a psychologist 6 times, which was in the first couple of months after being diagnosed, and only periodically takes his antidepressants. He is reluctant to find and see a new psychologist or a dr to continue treatment, he believes he can do it himself. We have 2 small daughters under 6 and all they see of their dad is a stressed out, tired man who plays the PlayStation constantly and doesn't pick up after himself. We have had numerous conversations about how it's the illness and it's not him. How the illness is effecting us all and how he can fix it. But he won't. I don't know why. I see a psychologist myself originally for PND but now it's just to cope as a carer, but I feel I'm slowly losing hope. We've not been sexually intimate for months, that's what he says he wants so that he can feel that we're ok, but due to our lives now not what it used to be I'm not feeling as attracted to him as I once was. I'm finding myself turning to mimicking him and his withdrawals to see if he notices the housework not being done and the kids running wild, it's not working. I feel guilty for not keeping a lovely home, which is what I've always done, and I feel heartbroken for our daughters. I want to talk to him about the way I feel, which is unhappy, unappreciated, helpless, lost and lonely. I have made and taken him to numerous appointments, he doesn't want me to do it any more. He gets angered when I check if he's had his medication, and he won't listen to his mother. I really don't know how much more I can take, especially for my girls. He used to be a cutter and suicidal and I'm terrified if I even mention a break that we will lose him. I love him, his daughters love him, what can I do to help him seek the help he needs to get back to his healthy happy self. Thank you for listening to my ramblings. Much love x

Struggling to keep caring

replies: 2

I have been caring and living with someone for the last 17 years who suffers with bipolar.her last major breakdown was ten years ago and is currently going thru a minor one but has a lot of physical problems occuring due to this. After repeditive visits have lost faith in our medical services and getting very frustrated and tiered while running out of options,while having no friends and semi interested family for help not sure what my next move is,i now this is a brief description but any suggestions of any sought would be welcome

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Needing the patience of a saint right now! replies: 5

Partners depression is getting worse and rippling replies: 3

A thank you to all carers supporting a loved one or friend with mental illness.... replies: 5

As a carer, can you tell your partner how you're feeling? replies: 3

Need help with finding the right things to say.. replies: 11

Breaking through to sister replies: 3

What to do? replies: 3

Feeling Hopeless replies: 3

Husband reluctant to get help and I'm no longer happy replies: 6

Struggling to keep caring replies: 2