Partners depression is getting worse and rippling

[legebo]

My girlfriend has been struggling with depression for a year or so now but the last month or so she's gotten much worse.

She needs help and admits it when she's having a good day or a moment of clarity, but then it's an uphill battle to get her to attend anything. Recently saw the gp and now we're booked in for the psychologist.

She's deteriorating rapidly, hasn't hone to her university classes other than the mandatory ones but has started to miss those as well. Her depression and anxiety are keeping her from class and often calling me home from work early to comfort her. If I don't come home early or skip work for her she turns all her frustrations at me and spirals further.

She hates our roommate, my friend, I try to maintain that once our lease is out we can find a place just the two of us which does cheer her up for a while until even the smallest thing sends her back down again.

Am I doing the right things to help her?

Should I take some time from work to spend with her?

Should I continue to try and encourage her attending class which is a huge trigger for her anxiety or should I see about her deferring her course till a later date while she sorts herself out? I can afford to support her but she's worried about losing student benefits and she may want to move back home which is 300km away from me and her university.

Should I continue to encourage her to attend the psychologist? She's not on antidepressant s currently but I do think she will be put in them very soon

I just need to know that I'm doing the right things. Thanks to anyone who actually read my whole post, I know it's a bit long winded

[Zeal]

Hi Legebo,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend's depression and anxiety. Has the anxiety been an issue for about a year too? I'm a girlfriend who has anxiety, though it's been long term and is manageable now. Like you, my boyfriend is very supportive. You are being very caring and compassionate 😄

Definitely keep encouraging her to see a psychologist. She could be put on antidepressants, but psychologists generally can't prescribe medication. Her doctor (GP) can though, and it is worth her going back to her GP also. Perhaps suggest to your girlfriend that she keep a written record of her treatment. Just keeping an exercise book with jotted notes about how she's feeling, how appointments went, what websites have been recommended, handy tips given by the psychologist etc. is a good idea. I did this while I was in the midst of an eating disorder fuelled by OCD (anxiety) four years ago. I am on medication for my anxiety because I biologically have a deficiency in serotonin (a brain neurotransmitter) which is responsible for mood & sleep regulation etc.
I had mild depression in my teens (along with more severe OCD), in large part due to this deficiency.

If your girlfriend's depression is quite severe, deferring university may be a good idea. When I was really ill with an eating disorder in 2012, I pulled out of both semesters of uni. This was a very good decision for me, as mentally I was unable to process and keep up with the academic expectations. I needed time dedicated to recovery. However, being severely underweight was affecting my overall cognitive abilities in a very direct way, and that was a large factor in postponing uni. Hopefully your girlfriend (along with advice from her psychologist) can make the decision.

Moving back home is often a good idea for people struggling with mental health issues. However, as she is in a supportive relationship with you, that is only one of two good options. I personally don't feel that taking time off work is a great idea, as this could lead to further problems, such as your job being jeopardised and possibly even frustration in your relationship. In saying that, I think it is amazing that you are that supportive and committed 😄

I'm sorry I can't help make your decisions clearer. It's a complex situation, and I really hope you can make decisions you're happy with.

Hopefully I'll hear back from you 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[Carmela]

Hi Legebo, SM has provided you with some great advice and l just wanted to confirm that you are doing a great job in supporting your girlfriend. She is very fortunate to have you by her side. I can see from your post that you deeply care for her and her wellbeing.

It is so important that she see a GP and mental health professional to get her back on track. I attended most of my husband's appointments to be his support which is a lovely way to show that I cared and it also gave me insight into his feelings as the professionals ask the right questions to draw emotions out.

As SM recommended, do not stop work. It does lead to other issues and possibly add additional strain on your relationship that doesn't need to be there. Don't forget to look after yourself as it is easy for our partners moods to bring their loved ones down and of course this is not deliberate. It occurs because we care and want to help.

All the best SM and always have hope in your heart.

Carmela

[pipsy]

Hi Legebo. I fully concur with all that's been said before. I was in a situation a few years ago, slightly different to yours, in that it was a volatile neighbourhood. We managed by sheer fluke to sell our house. You mentioned that when your lease is up, you will be relocating. One thing I found helpful for me, while waiting for the time to go till we moved, was I kept a calendar and every day I would mark the calendar. This also gave me the courage to 'hang on' as I knew that once the time was up, we were moving. Depending on how long till your lease is up, perhaps this would help her, knowing there's only a short time to go till you relocate. Also, toward the end of your lease, if you could start looking for somewhere else, this may let her know you intend moving. Maybe even pencil in a date when you can start looking.

Lynda.