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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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missmuppet Lonely Christian Lesbian & depression
  • replies: 8

I feel like i'm in between a rock & a hard place. Trying to find my purpose in life. i spend lots of time alone because ive become so unsure of myself. Bipolar depression & chronic health concerns. i'm.just not happy.i think about cutting my life sho... View more

I feel like i'm in between a rock & a hard place. Trying to find my purpose in life. i spend lots of time alone because ive become so unsure of myself. Bipolar depression & chronic health concerns. i'm.just not happy.i think about cutting my life short quite a lot. i hsve councelor & psychiatrist. they cant seem to give me the right tools to keep me well & i've discovered recently that most of the work must come from me anyway. but i'm.tired of trying to make something of my life. i'm 38 & often the 3rd wheel where my family is concerned. i have no family of my own.Just dont have a reason to keep going. tried to find a partner but it went very badly. i feel flawed.have life threatening disease which at the moment cause great anxiety. cant keep doing this on my own. but find it hard to get out there & make some friends. & my christian beliefs tend to haunt me. it's all just a bit overwhelming.beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

abbeydawn Importance of a label
  • replies: 2

I am in my early 20s, and recently discovered the term 'demisexual'. For majority of my teenage years I wondered whether I was a lesbian, bi or perhaps just straight and those questioning thoughts were due to my constant contact with only girls (I we... View more

I am in my early 20s, and recently discovered the term 'demisexual'. For majority of my teenage years I wondered whether I was a lesbian, bi or perhaps just straight and those questioning thoughts were due to my constant contact with only girls (I went to an all girl's high school. In my late teens I realized that it was not as easy for me to be intimate with someone, which made me feel even more alienated among my fellow peers who seemed to have no problem in identifying how they felt physically about someone else. There is only one person I have ever felt the urge to be emotionally and physically involved, and that happens to be one of my close friends (girl). I developed a crush, or feelings for her after we shared quite a lot of our problems. I have worked very hard and long to diminish my feelings as I value our friendship more and know that she doesn't see me the same way. After doing so I felt more free and let my brain explore "other fish in the sea" and I did happen to like a guy recently, which made me question everything once again. That is what brings me to understand demisexuality as this term describes someone who does not experience sexual attraction unless there is an emotional bond present. From the endless forums I have explored it seems that majority of demisexuals feel confused about their sexuality initially, tend to fall for their friends (and the love is one-sided), tend to feel an emptiness when the topic comes to sex and/or find it hard to be sexually intimate on a casual basis - all of these apply to me very accurately. The small instances that I have experienced in liking someone/being involved with someone have revolved around either not feeling anything due to lack of connection or feeling too much due to the deep bond, and currently the issue of understanding whether I like guys or girls or both. Finding this term helped me figure myself out a bit, and this is just the tip of the iceberg in comparison to the heap of questions, theories and assumptions that are circling in my head. Does anyone feel completely confused about their need for emotional bond? And how does one certainly know which sex they are attracted to? Do my concerns even rely on attraction or purely just the emotional bond shared by two? Thanks for the read and hope someone can relate!

tom12321 new guy here needing some.support.
  • replies: 5

I am a gay male 26 living in sydney. I have been suffering near most of my life. Teased in primary school had ADHD through all of my educational life tried to hide being gay in my early years as i knew since i was 8. ATM i in sex and love addict meet... View more

I am a gay male 26 living in sydney. I have been suffering near most of my life. Teased in primary school had ADHD through all of my educational life tried to hide being gay in my early years as i knew since i was 8. ATM i in sex and love addict meeting which are full on and i am finding it hard to have the energy to attend them. I also got anxiety depression and borderline personality disorder. I consider myself a strong person but lately i have been exhausted from my thoughts and emotions. Mainly i miss my dad and i have tried everything to get his attention. I know i am not to blame for his issues but i feel responsible someway. My psychologist for homework wants me to write a letter saying goodbye and what i am grateful for him for. I know there is nothing more i can do to get him in my life and i have to let him go but i am scared. I am seeking out attention in other guys which i know isnt the answer and a poor substitute for his attention. But its like he is still alive its not like he is dead. I am finding it extremely difficult let go but if i dont its hurting me emotionally. Has anyone here gone through this similar circumstance if so how did you cope.

pja53 Gay, old and and rurally isolated !
  • replies: 10

The BeyondBlue bus was in town the other day. I stopped by first thing, and chatted with a friendly person. Told her that I came out just four years ago after many, many years of marriage and denial of my sexuality, that as an older man living in a s... View more

The BeyondBlue bus was in town the other day. I stopped by first thing, and chatted with a friendly person. Told her that I came out just four years ago after many, many years of marriage and denial of my sexuality, that as an older man living in a small country town I feel isolated as a gay man, and that I am now medicated for mild depression. So this is my first time on the forums. Yes there are the "apps" like grindr and scruff. There's even a couple of gay and lesbian social groups. All good, although at times I still feel out of my depth. Different language, different expectations, different culture sometimes. And sure, I've learnt a lot in the past four years since coming out. But as an older, single, gay man, longing for intimacy and companionship, (rather than simply a "root", sorry !!) it seems as if the door is closed to me. Although I find it VERY, very difficult at times, I "put myself out there" (although find it so difficult making small talk). I have in the past even made the trek to Melbourne. But rarely do guys want to make the trip here, to the uttermost parts of the earth ! lol The lady at the beyongblue van was very kind, helpful, and listened to me in a way that most others don't, or don't fully understand. I cried. Actually, I cried a lot. But thank you to her for listening. I don't honestly see any solutions. I take one day at a time. I force myself to go to work (except for the days that I chicken out and stay home, and hug the pillow). When asked the other day by someone who knows me "How are you?" my answer was simply, "I got up out of bed this morning." She understood. Thanks for reading.

Sadlou Helping depressed transgender teen
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone I'm desperate for some advice. Our son is 16, transgender and depressed. He hasn't been attending school, he has been seeing a psychologist however they are so busy it's very hard to get an appointment and sometimes when we turn up for an... View more

Hi everyone I'm desperate for some advice. Our son is 16, transgender and depressed. He hasn't been attending school, he has been seeing a psychologist however they are so busy it's very hard to get an appointment and sometimes when we turn up for an appointment they aren't there or tell us we don't have one. He was just shutting himself in the study on the computer all day and night but we have since taken that away. Now he shuts himself in his bedroom watching Netflix etc. what I really want to know is should we take things away from him because he doesn't go to school like the computer and seeing his friends or is this the wrong thing to do are we making things worse by doing this? Can you suggest things we can do to try and get him back to school and to cheer him up?

Joe_Black1 My darling wife, I'm so very sorry
  • replies: 5

My darling wife, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for coming out to you and hurting you.Very sorry the man you married is a transgender woman on the inside. So, so sorry you look at me like I’m a freak.I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to tell you years ago, b... View more

My darling wife, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for coming out to you and hurting you.Very sorry the man you married is a transgender woman on the inside. So, so sorry you look at me like I’m a freak.I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to tell you years ago, before we had kids. I apologise for ruining our marriage.Even though I won’t go through transition, I’m sorry you can’t ever see me as the man you married again. I never really was that man you married –I’m sorry that you feel deceived. I wish I’d never been born. I’m so very sorry my problems became your problems.There was anger in your voice last night when I came out with my shameful dark secret. I sorry I made you angry! I’m sorry you felt angry that I have depression, when you felt you had more right because of your horrible childhood. Getting awfully good at saying sorry. To our kids, I say a heartfelt sorry. What a shithouse father I turned out to be. And I’d make a shithouse mother too no doubt. Sorry ‘bout that. To you two amazing kids, I can’t tell you how sorry I am – you never had a choice in this. It kills me inside when I think of your reactions when you find out. I’m sorry I’m freaking out and making a scene. So sorry I’m half the man you thought I was – and now a freak of a woman who never really will be. Coming out was supposed to be a good thing, So why do I feel devastated??? I’ve destroyed what I had, who I was, so I could feel a little bit brave? A little proud of myself at last? Fat lot of good that was. What pride? That feeling lasted about 5 seconds. Wasn’t worth it. I’m crying like a baby on my keyboard… Sorry to you too, boss.

AndrewE Not sure how to go from here. Please help
  • replies: 4

My name is Ben and I'm a 33 year old man and I'm gay.That's the first time I've said that, not a single person has heard me say it, not my friends, not my family, and definitely not my heterosexual partner of 10 years. I am leading a double life and ... View more

My name is Ben and I'm a 33 year old man and I'm gay.That's the first time I've said that, not a single person has heard me say it, not my friends, not my family, and definitely not my heterosexual partner of 10 years. I am leading a double life and I can't do it any more, but I'm too scared to stop. I think I've known for a long time that I was gay, but I refused to accept it until recently. Even now, although I know rationally that it is not a choice, if I could choose my sexuality, I wouldn't choose gay. I feel constant guilt, every minute, that I am living a lie - but that lie remains unknown until I tell everyone. So I don't, because I'm worried I'll be judged for lying. I can hear the responses in my mind of people I know as they find out; shock, disbelief and then judgement. "Why didn't he say so earlier?" "What about his partner?" "Has he always been gay?" I don't even know the answers and I'm not strong enough to deal with knowing that my life is being discussed like this.This constant inner argument is wearing me out. I am not sleeping. I wake up tired and I fall asleep on the bus on the way to work in the morning. The other day on the bus I saw a Dad with his young son and I started to cry because I don't think now that I'll ever have children and I got so overwhelmingly sad. I know this is not rational, I know there are numerous ways for gay men to be fathers, but right then, I couldn't stop crying. When I'm not sad, I am too tired to feel anything. Both my grandfathers died in quick succession around Christmas (while sad, this was not a shock. They were both quite elderly) and all I felt was numb.I am drinking too much, I am eating badly, I have taken un-prescribed sleeping pills and sometimes I take codeine. These help me escape for a while, but I know it's dangerous and I know I shouldn't do it. But it gives me a break. I am so tired and I don't know how to proceed. I think if people peeled back the curtain and saw the real me they would be horrified, I've been lying for so long that some days I believe it. I need help to get to a clear path.I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, I'm sorry if I'm rambling, but saying all this is new for me. I was bought up in a house that didn't discuss feelings and thoughts and it's all coming out in a mess. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Natos Bisexual Woman
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Hi everyone, my name's Nat and I thought that my story might help some of you who might still be learning to understand being bisexual.I never had this crazy urge to be with a woman, I'd been with men my whole life at when I found myself single at 30... View more

Hi everyone, my name's Nat and I thought that my story might help some of you who might still be learning to understand being bisexual.I never had this crazy urge to be with a woman, I'd been with men my whole life at when I found myself single at 30 I decided that I should maybe go and investigate this curiosity that I had of being with a woman. I had no connections to meet a women as I only knew straight people so I went online and started using the 'Brenda' dating app. What I thought would just be a bit of an experience and experiment soon turned into falling madly in love with a woman and finding myself in a committed relationship. Through my experience most people were supported, the funny thing was that the most 'pro gay rights' friends that I knew were the once who took it the hardest! Everyone wanted to put me in a box to define me, I don't even like calling myself bisexual, not that I'm ashamed but i don't feel the need to be defined. Telling my mum was the hardest, she was supportive but we had our testing times. After one year my girlfriend and I broke up as we fell out of love in the end. I am now living with my boyfriend and we have been together for 1.5 years and planning on having kids next year. This doesn't mean that I'm not still attracted to women, though I am faithful and would not cheat on my man. My own personal circumstance is that I've found the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with, it doesn't matter that he is a man or a women, he is a beautiful person.A struggle that I did have in my relationship with my ex girlfriend is that I really missed being sexual with a man at times and in the end my conclusion is that I think for a long term relationship I'm probably better suited to be with a man but if I was ever to be single again I would be open to dating both men and women. Anyway I hope that this might help someone out there. Another big struggle of mine was not having any gay friends and I found it really hard breaking into the LGBTI community though I recommend maybe going online and start dating girls and hopefully make some friends out of that.Either way, don't stress too much about trying to box yourself into a sexuality, you love a person and not a sex and that is a beautiful trait to have.Nat

Leira 50/50 : This is my Life and Love story
  • replies: 1

Hi BB brothers and sisters. I have a problem with my sexuality. You can call me "Leira" but I dont mind if you call me friend. This is just my second post in BB site. The first one, I introduced myself and the list of my problems. I guess I can say t... View more

Hi BB brothers and sisters. I have a problem with my sexuality. You can call me "Leira" but I dont mind if you call me friend. This is just my second post in BB site. The first one, I introduced myself and the list of my problems. I guess I can say that we opened this BB site to help us with our problems especially coping with DEPRESSION and/or Anxiety. I am 47 years old and married and we have 1 boy who is 15 yr s/old. Reading other post which is particularly related to sexuality caught my interest and attention to share my own story. My DEPRESSION and ANXIETY problem was diagnosed in 2005. Like others with same problems I refused to believe the doctor when he told me that this Depression is the reasons why I regularly experience Sadness,feeling tired even when doing nothing, I don't enjoy doing things or activities I loved doing before, becoming anti social. Besides having emotional symptoms, my depression was the reason for having hives or severe allergic reaction, I was having trouble sleeping or relaxing. In 2005, I was 6 years married to my wife and we we're blessed with a beautiful boy. We have a very difficult relationship. That year I been telling myself that she (my wife) wasn't the woman I married to. She was totally the opposite of my ideal woman.Opposite to what my mother being my fathers partners for life. She was the reasons I am so frustrated and so down I cant even stand having to spend time with her and my son. But looking back, its not my wife's fault. I created this monster that in that time and even today is always the reason for my downfall. The idea that marrying my wife will save me from the judgement or doubts from my family,friends and the people around me, that I am not gay was wrong and it should not happen. I know myself very well that commitment to a relationship is my problem. I know that what I desire is a relationship more on a "one night stand". I know very well that seeing a "pretty boy" will get my attention even with my wife is around. Its so complicated up to this point. I refuse to admit that my wife is right to accuse me of loving a guy or was in relationship with a guy even when she see herself a text message in my cellfone. I just refuse to surrender to my wife because I thought I can use her to change me. I blame her for the failure of my grand plan in life I know and I read some stories of a father that until his wife's death he remain very descreet and enjoys being bi sexual. Why cant I have the same life?

Joe_Black1 Strangled by the woman within
  • replies: 24

Hello Forum-World, I’m in a real spot of bother. Not sure if I’m self-destructing or if I’m just lost on the path of “depression alley”. Had some really dark thoughts in the last 48hrs and I'm simply throwing it out here on BB to ‘vent’. I’ve struggl... View more

Hello Forum-World, I’m in a real spot of bother. Not sure if I’m self-destructing or if I’m just lost on the path of “depression alley”. Had some really dark thoughts in the last 48hrs and I'm simply throwing it out here on BB to ‘vent’. I’ve struggled with transgender thoughts since around age 6. School was a mess of confusion, hormones and fear. Enough said, most of you probably had the same or worse. I hated myself and every living thing. Literally despised myself the more I became ‘manly’. I attempted very harmful things along the way to escape. Back in the 70’s growing up in a small town, transgender wasn’t even a word. My thoughts and desires had no name, just pain. Adulthood began with what I do best: becoming, behaving as people expected of me mostly. I joined the Army just as all the males in my family did. I hated it and left. My loving father didn’t speak to me for several days after my return. I have felt that pang of shame and disappointment many times since. To regain my parents approval, I became a manager and worked for many years in jobs I mostly disliked, always fighting my inner demoness in private. I tried women’s’ clothes in private, but that made the feelings stronger and more painful. Now in my 40’s and married with 2 great kids. I have it all.. good house, job, beautiful wife & kids - but inside my inner demoness is slowly choking me. They deserve better than this, better than me. My self-loathing & destructive ways are creeping back and my medication is losing. I drink too much and get very tired or angry. I am filled with fear & hatred. Fear for what I may do and hatred for there is no escape. I see stories of other trans women such as Andreja Prejic moving on with their lives, but I know that can’t happen for me. I made my bed and now I lie in it. I am a married family man and society has strong views on this. My stomach is hurting just thinking about it. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’ve tried therapy. She was a lovely lady who did her best to try and understand my situation. However, I don’t feel like she really gets it. I feel more like I’m just educating her on the “trans condition” for her memoirs… any good therapist recommendations? I want to meet other transfolk to talk, learn & hopefully laugh. Laughing… I think I remember how that goes. Are there support groups for us? I’m afraid to go though: there are only two people who know my condition – my Doc & my Therapist (& you lovely BB peeps) JB beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.