Support at work

[Paul]

Hello,

If you're "out" at work as GLBTI or have disclosed that you have depression/anxiety, how did it go?

If you could have a "friendly chat" with your boss about how supported you feel, what would you say?

Paul

[Clare1]

Oh Paul, if I had the time I could write a book right here!

I have had the most amazing experience over the past four years...I work in a big hospital, started there in 2009 as a man, did all the man things, told smutty jokes, went to work functions and drank as much free beer as I could. I was sharing a house with a gay colleague, and told him of my desire to come out as a woman.

He said "Go for it!" so I approached the management to ask for approval to go to the next Christmas function as a woman, and management said "Go for it!"

And so began my gradual transition within the workplace from Anthony to Clare. I now live and work as my real self, I wear women's clothing, use the women's facilities, and I am blissfully happy. There are 8000 staff there, and almost every day someone will give me clothing, jewelry, makeup, and advice. I have been shown constant respect, kindness and warmth.

And the second best thing about it (the first being the wonderful peace of having my appearance and behaviour match my inner self) is that 95% of the chronic depression and anxiety I have felt all my life has disappeared! I am calm, deeply happy, perfectly at ease with other people, and I now love to dance!

It took me until my Dad passed away to begin the transition, because he would have been contemptuous and discouraging. And I feel so sad when I think of the thousands of people who are unable to make the changes that they need to make, because of the risk of losing those things and people they hold dear.

So I did have a lovely chat with my boss, and she said "Go for it!"

Thank you for raising the question, Paul!

Clare

[Paul]

Wow, Clare, your experience has brought tears to my eyes. I love hearing about workplaces and colleagues who are supportive - it helps remind me that people helping people is what humanity is about.

It's a sobering reminder to hear of what may have happened if you had begun your transition before your Dad passed away. As you say, there are still many who are unable to make the change or even be who they really are because of the risk of losing those close. I guess there is also the risk of losing employment (despite being against the law to discriminate) .

I wonder if anyone here has had a negative experience that they wouldn't mind sharing.

Thanks Clare, you inspire me.

Paul

[Gruffudd]

Hi there, 

I have had good and bad. To be honest the manager who had most issues with sexuality (the pink elephant in the corner of the room) also was the one who couldn't handle mental health all that well (the blue elephant in the other corner of the room). She felt uncomfortable, feared some aspects. I don't question for a second that my mental health effects my work, it does, and it needs to be talked about because with some adjustment and a trigger for me to recognise I need help, I can get back on track. 

So what I did was start to talk about those two elephants...

I put to my manager that I needed to seek support outside of the workplace and the town and that it would help to be able to plan some leave to allow for the travel I would have to do. I told her of the side effects of the medication that was soon after prescribed.  She agreed to me having a day a fortnight, and it meant I could go to an agency in Melbourne that I trusted to treat my sexuality as a given, a basic need, and not something different or strange. This is important because to really talk about the personal things I have to allow myself to trust.

So I started going, it helped to have value placed on being gay, also in understanding how the little things others say and do impact on me. I do need medication sometimes and it makes me feel horrible, so having the understanding that I will be grumpier in the morning helped too. 

I got better again. It does get better. 

Rob.

[Embracing_Tiger]

Hi Paul,

 In general, I have good experiences, but I have spent the most of my working life in a major city. But I find that I get nervous when I change jobs or get new managers. I am out at work, but I find that I automatically assess how "safe" it would be to come out to this new person. 

In terms of workplace culture, I have found that when there is a "boys club" culture created by a group of straight men, I do feel excluded from those interactions, so I end up socialising with the women at work. 

I think, in the past when I first started working, I felt that I had to work really hard and well to prove my worth to my co-workers. In a way, I thought they were automatically judging me negatively because I am gay, so I had to show them my value, that I wasn't afraid to get my hands dirty (literally). This fear was a part of the way I related to masculine gender norms as it was of my sexual identity. 

I am more comfortable being myself at work now. I has gotten easier with age and the increased visibility of LGBTI folks. 

ET

[sidsthename]

Hi Paul, 
I've been extremely lucky with coming out to my colleagues at work. I work at an alternative primary school and had to take a few days off last year to do a trip to NSW for public speaking about mental health (I volunteer with Black Dog Institute) and my colleagues were not only happy for me to have time off but they were very excited for my to be presenting. Since then I've had ups and downs in my recovery and every time my colleagues have bended over backwards to ensure I feel well supported with my mental health.

I do a lot of volunteer work and often arrive at work with rainbows or LGBTIQ event related things and it sometimes means I get lots of questions from the kids, however my colleagues are happy for me to explain what I've been up to, we often say it in simple terms so for IDAHOT; "B's got rainbows on her face because she's celebrating a special day. It's a where we all celebrate the differences people have. We're celebrating tall and short people, people who like girls or boys, people who like to wear dresses or pants....etc."