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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 223

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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Paul Pets and Depression
  • replies: 7

For a lot of GLBTI folks, our pets are family. (Yes Maggie you're Daddy's girl) Sorry - my cat gave me a look! I saw a very moving animation on facebook the other day. It is of a girl sitting in her bedroom on the floor with her head on her folded ar... View more

For a lot of GLBTI folks, our pets are family. (Yes Maggie you're Daddy's girl) Sorry - my cat gave me a look! I saw a very moving animation on facebook the other day. It is of a girl sitting in her bedroom on the floor with her head on her folded arms which are resting on her knees. She's clearly upset. Her cat walks in and pushes its way through her folded arms and gives her a big snuggle. It's so beautiful. Do you have a pet that provides you comfort when you're feeling down? Paul

Paul Being Brave
  • replies: 5

"Living a brave life means living the life you want and even if it's not always perfect or you have made mistakes along the way, you were brave enough to try." - Tabatha Coffee -

"Living a brave life means living the life you want and even if it's not always perfect or you have made mistakes along the way, you were brave enough to try." - Tabatha Coffee -

Paul Sex on premises venues - how is your mental health affected?
  • replies: 3

SOP (Sex on Premises) venues such as a gay men's sauna, a sex club or a "back room" at a club or pub... I've found that sometimes a visit can be therapeutic and other times it can be challenging to keep myself from being negatively affected. If I mee... View more

SOP (Sex on Premises) venues such as a gay men's sauna, a sex club or a "back room" at a club or pub... I've found that sometimes a visit can be therapeutic and other times it can be challenging to keep myself from being negatively affected. If I meet someone and we have a nice chat, a great cuddle and kiss and not necessarily anything else it can stave off feeling lonely. Other times if I find the crowd to be pretentious or no one takes a second look at me it can be really difficult not to feel rejected and it can affect my mood and even lead to a depressive episode. What are your thoughts (even if you don't visit SOP venues) would or does it affect you and in what way? I know that some people just seek sex - I wonder how this affects emotional well being. Are STI's a trigger or concern? Paul

Gruffudd So what is your cultural background? How does sexuality fit?
  • replies: 2

Just some curiosity on my part. When I was a teenager in the Phillipines my sexuality wasn't acknowledged and didn't exist, except for the night out ten pin bowling when I ditched the sunrise methodist church youth group for the Manila fairy queens. ... View more

Just some curiosity on my part. When I was a teenager in the Phillipines my sexuality wasn't acknowledged and didn't exist, except for the night out ten pin bowling when I ditched the sunrise methodist church youth group for the Manila fairy queens. oops. I would do it again though. My father is Welsh and at times is most unhappy that I am not fulfilling what he sees as my life purpose - breeding. Shame. My brother said I am probably out of the will. On the other hand I found France to be heaven when I passed through there...

Embracing_Tiger Not man/woman enough ... and finding "me"
  • replies: 5

Sometimes, the thought "I'm not man enough" grates through my mind. It happened a lot more in my teenage years when I was discovering that my sexuality wasn't straight, but it still happens. It probably didn't help that I went to an all boys school. ... View more

Sometimes, the thought "I'm not man enough" grates through my mind. It happened a lot more in my teenage years when I was discovering that my sexuality wasn't straight, but it still happens. It probably didn't help that I went to an all boys school. Boys weren't supposed to be attract to other boys, only girls. Boys/men are supposed to like footy. Men are supposed to be strong, stoic ... never show weakness or emotions (unless you won the grand final, but even then ...). I used to agonise over why I couldn't be like everyone else. I hated myself. I plunged into the deep black hole that is depression. But I couldn't let anyone know that I was drowning on dry land, real men don't do that. Why couldn't I just be normal? It would so much easier! After nearly 15 years, when I was at one my darkest times, did I admit I needed help. The fear of violating this idea of masculinity stopped me from getting help for so long. I am me. It has been a hard journey, one that I am still on. I've had to redefine what masculinity/femininity is to me, but in moments of doubt that negative thought rattles it's cage. Sadly, sometimes I feel other gay cis-men think that I'm not man enough. I am me, and that's okay. Sexual, gender and intersex diverse people often find it hard to conform to the binary gender norms. How have gender norms impacted you and your mental health?

Paul Summer's Coming and Body Image.
  • replies: 5

Summer is on its way. That usually means beach or swimming, wearing cooler and perhaps more revealing clothing (than slippers and trakkie daks). Body image is the way we see ourselves and the thoughts/feelings that go along with it. How do you feel a... View more

Summer is on its way. That usually means beach or swimming, wearing cooler and perhaps more revealing clothing (than slippers and trakkie daks). Body image is the way we see ourselves and the thoughts/feelings that go along with it. How do you feel about your body? What's the part you like the most? What's the part you dislike the most? How does body image impact on your emotional health? Paul

M6100S Had sex with my (strait) best friend
  • replies: 4

I have had the worst anxiety the past week because me and my best friend were really drunk and slept together (both girls). We have been close for about 6 years and I have felt attracted to her in the past but never thought it would go anywhere becau... View more

I have had the worst anxiety the past week because me and my best friend were really drunk and slept together (both girls). We have been close for about 6 years and I have felt attracted to her in the past but never thought it would go anywhere because she insisted on being 100% hetro. The morning after when I woke up I just felt terrible, like what have I done, then 3 days later after having the worst sadness/ anxiety I went over to her house and told her how I felt. I said that I wished she wasn't strait and that I had romantic feelings for her. She said that she was drunk and it was a stupid mistake and it meant nothing to her. I feel awful, heartbroken and rejected. Now we are not really friends, we don't talk and it's awkward. Any advice on how to get through this would be great. Thanks

SwansFan Coming out
  • replies: 9

Hi guys, Basically I've been struggling ever since I realised I was gay -- a couple years ago. At first all I could think of was that my life wasn't worth living, no one would accept me, I didn't want to be this way etc...My whole perception of mysel... View more

Hi guys, Basically I've been struggling ever since I realised I was gay -- a couple years ago. At first all I could think of was that my life wasn't worth living, no one would accept me, I didn't want to be this way etc...My whole perception of myself underwent a radical transformation. Thankfully, I'm in a much better place now. I've sought help from my GP and psych, and the meds I've been on have helped immensely. I went from having daily panic attacks to being able to now effectively control them, or at least keep them at bay. My friends and family (those who I've told) have been extremely supportive. For some reason I'm still so hesitant to open up to others, especially people I've known for many years. I feel that they have this idea of me in their head and that telling them would shatter that image of me. Kind of self-absorbed I know haha. Most days I'm good. But I do feel every now and then inferior to a lot of my friends. (I just attended a wedding, and while I was so happy for the couple, I also felt incredibly sad, because I felt I'd never experience that feeling). Society's come a loooong way in recent years I know, but you still can't help but feel somewhat of an outsider. And the thing is, I've never been someone who's craved relationships or who's needed the intimacy or anything. I just fear that I'll never fully accept myself and won't allow myself to explore what, and who, is out there for me. I tend to take a very defeatist, dismissive stance regarding my own potential love life, because I feel I'd be be doing everyone a favour by being alone. Anyway. Thanks for listening. Appreciate hearing from anyone. Take care

Lanno Unsupportive Family
  • replies: 10

More and more recently, my girlfriend has been bullied by her parents. The are very religious, and very homophobic. We are lesbians, and have decided that the best thing for her to do is to move out to get away from them, and instead live with me and... View more

More and more recently, my girlfriend has been bullied by her parents. The are very religious, and very homophobic. We are lesbians, and have decided that the best thing for her to do is to move out to get away from them, and instead live with me and my housemates, who are my old high school friends. My girlfriend has intense anxiety, and is on medication but hasn't been able to find a psychologist that is the right fit for her. Our relationship is good, and her moving in will be a great improvement for her mental health. The problem is that her parents have a strong Greek background, meaning they really don't want her to leave them. Her parents have been emotionally manipulative, and it's really damaging. She hasn't been able to come out to them, so she has to say she's moving in with friends. She doesn't know how to tell her mum that she is moving out, and knows that once she leaves her parents, they will divorce. I guess what I'm asking is for some advice to make her transition as easy as possible because I know she's really anxious about the impact this will have on her family and herself), and for suggestions on how she can tell her mum. Maybe even for support organisations? I can't find any that seem to offer the right services. Thanks in advance.

Gruffudd What have you done today to make you feel proud?
  • replies: 5

There are moments when being my gay genderqueer self is the best feeling I have ever had. Often they are little things, some are big. They are good to remember on days when others make me feel bad for being who I am. What have you done today to make ... View more

There are moments when being my gay genderqueer self is the best feeling I have ever had. Often they are little things, some are big. They are good to remember on days when others make me feel bad for being who I am. What have you done today to make you feel proud? Tonight I came across a photo of me from when I was 15. In it I am in Wales and with my great uncle. It reminded me of a day when he, who was then in his 70's, took me for a walk along the old disused rail line that leads up towards Nantgarw. As we walked he said that he had seen me looking at the boy over the road and he knew that look. He then told me his story, how when he was a teenager he began working on the trains and fell in love with an engine driver. It turned out that the driver felt the same way. The story ended in tragedy during the war. My uncle wanted to tell me that it didn't matter that I was different and that I belonged somewhere and that he wanted me to be happy. Even now the memory in that photo makes me feel good about being gay and so proud of my great uncle.