Sexuality and gender identity

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 212

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

Andrew125 Afraid to talk. First time I'm speaking up
  • replies: 7

Hi, This is the very first time I'm speaking up about how I feel and so far nobody knows whats going on. I feel so stupid for speaking up because my problem is by no means as bad as someone else's. But the truth is I'm drowning and I don't think I ha... View more

Hi, This is the very first time I'm speaking up about how I feel and so far nobody knows whats going on. I feel so stupid for speaking up because my problem is by no means as bad as someone else's. But the truth is I'm drowning and I don't think I have the strength to keep my head above water anymore. I'm a gay man living in regional australia (came here for work) but at 31 years of age I feel like my life is done and dusted. It all started 2 years ago when I began having feelings of suicide. But in the last 6 months, those feelings just won't go away no matter what I do and they are getting worse. I'm drowning in debt and no matter how much I try and negotiate with the collectors, its not enough, ever. One collecter told me to borrow money from family and go hungry. I can't make friends because people just seem to be so rude and I'm constantly hearing "I only want friends who don't have baggage" or look a certain way. I've been trying for the last 2 years to establish my own business but I can't seem to get it off the ground. I feel like I have no potential and my future feels so bleak. I feel like I am just existing and not living. There are people in my job who make me feel bad every day even though I have done nothing to them. So in that instance I feel like I am being punished for just being me. I'm already underweight (53kg's) and my appetite is non-existant. There are days that I cannot bring myself to eat food or even get out of bed. I just feel so useless, helpless and alone. I'm finding that I am drinking much more these days (most nights its a whole bottle of red before bed) and yes the truth is I actually feel good about myself when the wine kicks in. I suddenly feel confident and ready to deal with all my troubles. But when it wears off, I'm back at square one. I keep wishing every night that I close my eyes and not wake up but as soon as I wake up, the nightmare begins. I'm so sorry for speaking up but I just can't bring myself to tell anyone, not even my doctor, family or friends. Yet at the same time I'm worried that I'm probably making all this up in my head. I feel that I am nothing more than a burden to society and it's people. Am I depressed or am I just making a fuss over nothing because I have no idea.

rabbits My daughter
  • replies: 2

This is about my teenage daughter. She has always been the most wonderful and caring individual I have ever met. Then a few months ago things started to change, she lost her temper frequently, was often rude, dismissive and nasty to her brother (some... View more

This is about my teenage daughter. She has always been the most wonderful and caring individual I have ever met. Then a few months ago things started to change, she lost her temper frequently, was often rude, dismissive and nasty to her brother (something she has never been). She began breaking rules, answering back, causing fights and being disrespectful in many ways. Now, some of you might think this is normal for a teenager, but as a mother you just know when things are beyond the usual scope of teenage hormones. Still she wouldn't tell me what was going on, and I didn't want to pressure her so I didn't push the subject, trusting that she would come to me when she was ready. Of course, she eventually did. My darling daughter came to my room, told me she had to tell me something..... told me she didn't want to tell me.... told me she was scared things would change..... then eventually told me she was bi. Then she broke down chanting "It's so bad, so bad, so bad". For months I knew something was going on in my daughters life. I knew she was struggling with something, hurting about something, and when she finally came out and told me she was bi..... My God! I was so relieved. She was OK! No-one had hurt her! She didn't hate me (or her brother)! She was bi! That was it! My gorgeous, fabulous, wonderful daughter was going to be just fine! So I had to ask: "Why is it bad?" "It will make things so much more difficult" she responds. I then had the true privilege of one of the most honest, intimate and trusting conversations I have ever had with another human being. That one conversation has taught me so much about inner strength, the importance of being true to oneself, the value of standing up for who you are and what you believe in, while protecting yourself from bigotry and ignorance. I am so proud of my daughter for being herself, for having the courage to explore who she is, and having the wisdom to love herself as she takes this extraordinary journey.

Stranger All new to this
  • replies: 2

Heyy People! When i was a kid my mum would always be "thats so gay... but nothing wrongs with that!!!" And then about 2 years ago, my sister came out! my sister and i are really close, shes like my best mate! But my mum has always been really weird a... View more

Heyy People! When i was a kid my mum would always be "thats so gay... but nothing wrongs with that!!!" And then about 2 years ago, my sister came out! my sister and i are really close, shes like my best mate! But my mum has always been really weird about it! Then about 2 months ago mum turned to me and said "If your gay, dont come out. I dont need another one!" Then turns and says to my friends that she wants to be a civil celebrant and marry same sex couples... 1st WTF? conflicting stories much? and 2nd, i like chicks! i like dudes 2 but more attracted to chicks. and i have no idea how to well come out to her. and my dad, well he's a ministers son so that would go down sooo well!! To top it off. Everyone has always told me "You always copy your sister, when are you going to become your own person?" well HELLO i am my own person aren't i? I do my own shit, Infact shes the one who jumps in my ideas!!! BUt that doesn't really bother me. I was always one of the boys, and i loved being one of the boys, soo much less Drama, then my mate always told me, "your a dyke in disguise" "wow your the gayest straight person eva" Sometimes i just wanna be like... And me being the stubborn mule i am i would always denie it. Full knowing that i was. and ive only just started telling my friends that hey im into girls. But it just seems like there think im following the crowd, just trying to fit in. I dont fit in anywhere else why would i try and fit in, i this aspect? Why would i want to be called a lier? WHy would i risk losing my family! I know this isnt like something huge in the eyes of other people, but this is ruling my life! and im over just thinking, Just forgrt about what other people say, Coz i cant do that!!! Any ways thats my rant over!

coastie501 Not sure
  • replies: 6

Where do I start off..... I am 35 gay and been with my partner (who loves me unconditionally) for 10 years ...Some times feels like 100 years. We don't fight much or should I say that he doesn't, even thought I can get angry,tired or I guess depresse... View more

Where do I start off..... I am 35 gay and been with my partner (who loves me unconditionally) for 10 years ...Some times feels like 100 years. We don't fight much or should I say that he doesn't, even thought I can get angry,tired or I guess depressed and just want to be left alone, or so I feel at times. I have a good job/boss/parents/family and a few good friends (that I have not just pushed away). I like many before me have thought/planned/attempted suicide. I don't know exactly why, but sometimes I feel that it would end the feeling this way. My cousin took his life a few weeks ago, it shocked us all...leaving us asking ourselves heaps of questions.... mainly why. He had a great wife, new house, great job, great boss, loving family and great mates. This has left me lost and pissed off at the same time and makes me question myself more both in a good and bad way. I really don't want to speak with my partner/family/friends and don't have a regular GP and just wanted to see how others have found help (without having religion preached until I go blue) Thanks all

Scotty2013 It's a dogs life
  • replies: 8

This is not about a mental crash from living in the fast lane. Right now I don’t really trust anybody yet I feel emotionally needy, I will meet a guy now online and expect he will love me and will I get hurt i hate it!!!!. But I’ve become a master at... View more

This is not about a mental crash from living in the fast lane. Right now I don’t really trust anybody yet I feel emotionally needy, I will meet a guy now online and expect he will love me and will I get hurt i hate it!!!!. But I’ve become a master at masking my feelings, I am sick of it and wearing my heart on my sleeve, perhaps I should I do the opposite?.... I don’t think I am capable of a happy, fully satisfying life. My anger and resentment knows no bounds. If i try to talk about it with a health care professional I am never completely honest what's the point?, they will just view me as the stereotypical screwed up gay. Thanks Rant over TC.

21_act_f_student 21 year old female student at breaking point
  • replies: 20

I have no idea what to do anymore and how to be? I am a 21 year old female i have an autistic brother and a sister with bipolar schizophrenia. My parents have been controlling my whole life setting goals and wanting to achieve something, a career a f... View more

I have no idea what to do anymore and how to be? I am a 21 year old female i have an autistic brother and a sister with bipolar schizophrenia. My parents have been controlling my whole life setting goals and wanting to achieve something, a career a family etc. They suggested for 2013 I move in with my 18 year old sister land live in apartment with her whilst we both study at the ssame university. We often fight at times and have different morals in life, I was concerned about her sleeping with her supervisor at work enforced my parents and it all went wrong. My sister told them about my personal life i have been seeing a bisexual 22 year old man, my parents said to me they were disgusted by me and my choices and why I continue to hurt them. let me clarify I am 21 years old enrolled in masters have a bachelor degree started university at 17, whilst having a part time job and part time classes at cit. I believe I am bisexual, I cried over the phone once trying to tell my mother I couldn't tell her, she says open how she feels about gay people it's not normal, disgusting, a bad lifestyle. I never want to hurt my family with seeing a bisexual 22 year old man. They can't believe an educated woman would make such a stupid decision etc. I also applied for Finland for semester 2 exchange and found on a Friday night through email I wasn't accepted due to high demand in exchange students. I was crying and At that point in life I wanted to kill my self, I was intoxicated from a bar event that night and if I hadnt had my bisexual 22 year old man to talk to me I think I would of done something incredibly stupid. I'm afraid of my sanity, I never knew what normal is what is crazy, due to witnessing the mental break down of my older sister and having an autistic brother. my parents are giving me two choices 1. Seek medical help, get medicine, figure what mental illness I have slowly be forgiven by them but they will always remember all the trouble I caused or go with the 22 year old man never speak to them, I would be nothing to them. I still don't understand why I am being punished for sleeping with a bisexual man and my sister is sleeping with her supervisor from work and nothing said to her. Below is the email Hello Eem Mum & I want you to break off any kind of relationship you have been having with Male. Not only is a risk to your health, as he is a male bisexual, it is stupid and not appropriate. Not something we would have ever expected from you. We are disappointed. Please delete all your facebook details on him. You posting details reflects badly on the whole family. If you don’t want to do this and become the person that you should be. Then you are by all means you free to leave the family and the apartment anytime. I will not be financially or other ways supporting you from then onwards. You will be the black sheep of the family. Over 3 years it cost us over $80,000 to support you and this is the thanks and respect that we get. I suggest you get health checks and tests as may be required particularly if you had any unprotected sex with a bisexual. Don’t know what s going through your head. As we suggested seek medical counselling as soon as you can, as per our previous email. You may be having early stages of some sort of psychological or other mental health problem. The early you address it the better the outcome. Get to a doctor and get assessment and support. The future is simple - do the right things, study and work, and you will get somewhere in life. Concentrate on study and work for now. You said to me that you want to find a guy to settle down when you were here. But you also said some very inappropriate and worrying things when you were here also. We are concerned for you but will not tolerate stupidity and non-compliance to our advise. I want you to reply to my email (s). You can phone if you wish. I will be coming there by next weekend to meet and talk to you and A####. We have quite a few issues to sort out. I want to see a email reply or phone call very soon.

preichst Anxiety is about to ruin a relationship.
  • replies: 2

Hello out there. I’m currently struggling with what I think is anxiety. I’m up and down all the time and can barely concentrate on work or study at the moment. I’m also in a wonderful relationship that I feel I may jeopardise if I don’t get myself to... View more

Hello out there. I’m currently struggling with what I think is anxiety. I’m up and down all the time and can barely concentrate on work or study at the moment. I’m also in a wonderful relationship that I feel I may jeopardise if I don’t get myself together. One minute things feel great and secure the next I feel terrified of being completely alone and hurt again. I can’t control my feelings and I can’t control my thoughts. Any sense of happiness feels momentary and elusive. I don’t know what to do and I’m terrified about how I will be if this relationship ends. I feel alone and I shouldn’t.

Murmur New and...feeling nervous.
  • replies: 7

Hi. Um...not sure where to start. I have been on many forums like this in the past. None were Australian so maybe it'll be easier to find support closer to home. I'm not a big fan of talking about myself but I'll try, just to give you an idea. I am 3... View more

Hi. Um...not sure where to start. I have been on many forums like this in the past. None were Australian so maybe it'll be easier to find support closer to home. I'm not a big fan of talking about myself but I'll try, just to give you an idea. I am 33. Female. Gay (though not feeling much admiration for anyone right now). Artist. Currently studying design. I have a rare genetic disorder and I look "normal" but am in constant pain and too bendy. It takes too long to describe my illness. Maybe I'll talk about it sometime, it is a horrible thing. I have suffered depression, anxiety,panic disorder since I was 9. My parents are hippies who don't believe in psychologists. They left me to my own devices most ofthe time as they were too busy being intellectuals, and my mum was always sick. I have self-harmed since 14 and I have managed not to for 2 years but seem to have started again. I have tried to die...let me see...5 or 6 times now. I am told I am very talented but I don't see how that is relevant when I am not enjoying my life at all. I have just started seeing a new psych and she is lovely. Not sure if she is anything else. As you can probably see, I am very bitter and jaded. I feel very alone, I have always felt very alone, I don't believe I have what it takes to keep friends, let alone anything more serious. Sorry I'm talking in such a stilted way, I'm a bit of a control freak so this is my way of not losing it. Anyhow...yep, I've seen all sides of the mental health industry, and have actually been told by many professionals that I fall into the "too hard box" I'm not sounding very likeable right now, and that's weird because apparently I'm very funny. Oh well. Anyhow....I joined to BB tonight because...because.....I don't know. I need solutions, and care.

JoJo13 My partner died by suicide
  • replies: 2

Hi im new. Ill try and make this quick. I moved to Australia 7 yrs ago from uk. I have 2 boys 5 and 8 years. March 2011 I left my Husband and in the May I met my soul Mate Lee, she was female. In January this year (2013) she committed suicide. She ha... View more

Hi im new. Ill try and make this quick. I moved to Australia 7 yrs ago from uk. I have 2 boys 5 and 8 years. March 2011 I left my Husband and in the May I met my soul Mate Lee, she was female. In January this year (2013) she committed suicide. She had an extremely troubled past. I am devastated. So I'm going through a divorce with my not so understanding ex husband trying to sort finances. My career as a possible Police officer has gone out of the window, my mother wont talk to me as i am disgusting for being with a female, I have no family other than my boys. I've met a new girl and she is lovely but its all very full on for me. She is moving states to be with me and adores me totally and its kinda freaking me out. She says im her soul mate, she loves me, we have only spent about 10 days together in a 2 month period. Ok so maybe im being harsh because I know i fell in love with Lee straight away. I don't know if i feel the same... I think its just too soon. But im not sure. I'm worried about having to look after somebody else's emotional well being. And invading my space and getting close to my boys. My boys loved my ex partner but she became violent towards the end and my boys were worried. I want to get back into work or study but don't know what to do, counselling and Healing has crossed my mind and ive made enquiries and completed a short course. But im a single parent on centrelink benefits, money is tight and I cant seem to think further than tomorrow, let along commit to study for the next 2 years. I feel I just cant be bothered... with work, relationships, talking. Negativity from people annoys me, and i lack patience with my boys. Yes I have a few friends who have been there for me but they all have their own lives. I still get to the gym and smash out 2 hr classes, it seems to be the only thing that lifts me. I try not to drink during the week but did tonight and fell asleep with the boys at 9.30. My ex partner's son is 23 and in remand centre and had put me on the visiting sheet as his mother. He takes drugs and ive refused to offer him a home because of my 2 young boys. He has nobody, I know he not my responsibility but his mother is dead, no father etc. Im seeing him next week and I know he will ask me for money. I just want to shut down, and that's unlike me, I keep pushing through, trying to stay positive but it feels the world around me is so negative and selfish. I started meditating, but i cant even be bothered to do that anymore. I seem to sit on facebook or want to sleep or clean and sort. ??? Any advice, chat appreciated.

Jake Where do I go from here?
  • replies: 2

Hi, i'm relatively new to the entire mental health situation and would really appreciate some advice, i think it would be nice to get advice from as many different people as i can. I am currently struggling with rather heavy anxiety and am at a high ... View more

Hi, i'm relatively new to the entire mental health situation and would really appreciate some advice, i think it would be nice to get advice from as many different people as i can. I am currently struggling with rather heavy anxiety and am at a high risk of developing depression if it continues. My mental state at the moment is depressed by I am not jumping to conclusions right away. At the moment i have very few people i can confide in due to the complexity of my problems. Firstly, I'm eighteen years old and have recently (past 6 months) been hit with the realisation that i'm bisexual, which was rather a shock as i thought i was straight for almost 17 years. This occured when i fell in love with my best friend, who isn't aware of this love, and my mental state has been deteriorating rapidly since then. I am seeing a psychologist regarding these isues (also including generalised anxiety not relating to what i just mentioned) and progress is slow at the moment, and i am feeling a bit helpless. I have faced anxiety my entire life and i'm now at the moment where i'm sick of oretending things or okay. I struggle to get through the 2 weeks of school between each appointment and am just seeking some comfort in the words of other people. All i am really interested in is if people have had any similar experiences, and whether it would be best to continue pretending and acting to be happy for the sake of my friends and family or act how i truly feel, even though i do not want to appear attention seeking. I would appreciate it if anybody has time for some comforting words, thanks