Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Pinned discussions

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

Marcello71 Out at last
  • replies: 5

Hello everyone, I'm a typical man lilke everyone else but was born and raised in Malaysia. I came to Australia 11 years ago to study, finished my studies and been working since. I got married before I came to Australia, which was expected by my famil... View more

Hello everyone, I'm a typical man lilke everyone else but was born and raised in Malaysia. I came to Australia 11 years ago to study, finished my studies and been working since. I got married before I came to Australia, which was expected by my family ie to be a good son, brother, uphold the family name etc. I knew about my sexuality ever as long as I could remember. I have suppresed my feelings, sexuality, married with kids, I thought I done it well. Living in Australia opened my percerption and views about my sexuality. I started to explore my sexuality and started to like being with another man. I realised that nothing is wrong being gay (where it is not accepted in Malaysia) and I do can live my life as a gay man. But since I was married I thought I can keep it low and seek for pleasure whenver I need but everytime I do do it I feel guilty. There were weeks and days that I gone by sleepless and cried deep inside me for leading a double life. There were time I considered ending my life but again that does'nt solve anything. This was going on for couple of years , so September last the I came out after five sleepless nights and talking to a friend of mine who supported my decision to come out. I came to my wife and family members. No one took it well but slowly my side of family accepted me for who I am. My wife and her family took it hard. My wife and I visited a councillor and talked about the issues. Her emotions are up and down every now and then. All I want is a good life and I can carefor my kids and run my life that I wanted. The divorce is end of this year and I don't know what to expect during the process. What are my responsbilities for my kids? I need help as I done know who to approach. I need some guidence please.

Alumian Separation Anxiety
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, a bit about me before I start: I'm 22, gay and I've had this problem pretty much for as long as I can remember. So as the title of the thread suggests, I suffer from separation anxiety and to say the least, I'm extremely worried that it'... View more

Hi everyone, a bit about me before I start: I'm 22, gay and I've had this problem pretty much for as long as I can remember. So as the title of the thread suggests, I suffer from separation anxiety and to say the least, I'm extremely worried that it's going to damage or even cost me my relationship. I've recently found an amazing and supportive guy and I've discussed my problem with him and he's reassured me that he's going to help me any time I have any kind of anxiety related thoughts. This is my fourth relationship now and it just doesn't seem to be getting any better. Long story short, times when I'm not around him I start thinking stupid things that make no sense like he's angry at me (despite him just saying he loves me) or that he's in danger (for example, when he drives back to his house after seeing me, but it also happens in situations where I know he's perfectly safe such as him just going to the shops with his family). He wants me to tell him when ever I feel like this but I'm afraid that one day he's just going to say he's had enough, despite him saying he's never going to leave me just because I love him and care about him that much. I suppose the easiest way I can summarise my anxiety is I'm perpetually afraid that I'm going to lose him. I have previously seen a psychologist about it when I was in my previous relationship and we -thought- that I had gotten over it so we concluded our sessions together, but it turns out that I just fell out of love with that guy so the problem wasn't really solved. But it's odd because sometimes I'm perfectly alright, for example when he's at work or when I'm at work, I don't have any anxiety related feelings what so ever. Things that I tend to do which are triggered by my anxiety are things like, first of all like I said, thinking illogical thoughts, I find myself with an upset stomach, panicking and getting very emotional to the point where sometimes I just feel like crying just because he's not there. So for obvious reasons, you can see why I want to get to the bottom of this. Can anyone give me any pointers to coping with separation anxiety?

Petotje thinking about my younger years...is the grass greener on the other side???
  • replies: 1

Hi All, A little story first...20 years ago I fell in love with a woman, my first love, my soul mate but the family disagreed and I cut myself loose from my then lesbian friends because according to my grandma that was just a foolish teenage act?! We... View more

Hi All, A little story first...20 years ago I fell in love with a woman, my first love, my soul mate but the family disagreed and I cut myself loose from my then lesbian friends because according to my grandma that was just a foolish teenage act?! We always kept in touch - she was my everything. Anyway, she met a nice girl, married her. I met a nice boy, married him. Everything was going great until we decided moving to Australia. Her marriage ended and in 2009 disaster happened, she committed suicide. My world ended that day. The first year was horrible. It was there and then that something broke in my marriage. I'm gently trying to crawl out of the closet. My husband and I are still together but it doesn't feel like we're a couple. We're more friends. and yet I'm so afraid to open my mouth and say it's over. I'm with every vain in my body a lesbian. Scared of his reaction... I know if I want something to happen I need to act... I think I played every scenario in my head and still...What do I do? We have an apartment, a good savings account, he arranges everything tho - don't know anything about our banking accounts. The only thing I want is stay friends, don't have the courage to fight...

Robbo_ I don't know what to do with my life
  • replies: 2

I am 21 year old, I am unemployed and living with my parents. Feeling really depressed. I used to have someone to talk to but they're not around any more so I thought I'd post.I'm gay and I'm not out. I first realized it in high school. My parents ar... View more

I am 21 year old, I am unemployed and living with my parents. Feeling really depressed. I used to have someone to talk to but they're not around any more so I thought I'd post.I'm gay and I'm not out. I first realized it in high school. My parents are religious Asians so I never told them. At first I didn't wanna admit it to myself, or tell anyone. So in high school I became that guy that had no friends and pushed everyone away. I did so because I thought if I allowed people to get close to me, they would see me for who I really am. I pushed everyone away and kept to myself. I have completely stuffed myself up. Slowly since high school I've started getting really anxious when I'm around people. I find myself getting really uncomfortable in social situations, I can't even make eye contact with anyone without freezing up and completely humiliating myself. I have trouble keeping a conversation going. This has caused me to have troubles finding a job, being at school, getting an education. Everything pretty much.I completed year 12 and got a certificate luckily. Those last 2 school years were the hardest time in my life but I made it through. After that I tried to study IT and Chefing but didn't have as much luck. Studying those two courses required me to go to a new school and be around new people and I wasn't able to do that. I thought if I kept my eyes on the price (which was completing the courses) I could do it but very slowly my lack of social skills got in my way. I had to drop out of both. Now I am 21 years old, unemployed with very minimal experience in hospitality.I have been trying really hard to get a job but everyone just wants experienced people and good social skills and I just don't have any of those. I wish someone would just give me a chance. I would start at the bottom if I have to. I just need a chance. I check online regularly for jobs, it's become part of my routine. I sent out resumes almost everyday, I get phone calls at least once a week and attend interviews but I guess I'm just not good enough.My last job was an apprenticeship at a restaurant, It was hard on my first year, I didn't speak unless I had to.I was left alone and I did my job. Very slowly after my second year I made a friend at school and things got better. I eventually became friends with my workmates after only a year and I think it was because of that friend. She taught me how to be myself again. Now she's gone. I'm unemployed. I'm back where I started. Help?

foreigner_in_AU feeling sad...
  • replies: 5

Hi all,, I hope you can help me. I feel sad very often and I don't sleep well. It's hard for me because I haven't told anyone about this, also, I migrated to Australia and my family is not here, I feel I never adapted completely to this country even ... View more

Hi all,, I hope you can help me. I feel sad very often and I don't sleep well. It's hard for me because I haven't told anyone about this, also, I migrated to Australia and my family is not here, I feel I never adapted completely to this country even I have been here for more than 7 years. I have been taking anti depresants and I exercise most days but still feel sad, well I am gay and don't have a partner, this is also affecting I think. Cheers

gibby3794 my last 3 years
  • replies: 11

i have been suffering depression and anxiety since February 2011 (brought on due to moving away from my home town) but i have only recently been diagnosed, i am now wishing i did not let it get to this point and decided to get help earlier (i am now ... View more

i have been suffering depression and anxiety since February 2011 (brought on due to moving away from my home town) but i have only recently been diagnosed, i am now wishing i did not let it get to this point and decided to get help earlier (i am now seeing a psychologist) and possibly getting medication, it seems that ever since i moved everything has gone wrong, all of a sudden i ended up to my eye balls in debt with about 10 different debt collection agency's ringing daily to the point where i am now scared of answering my phone.i have also realized since moving that i am actually gay and while friends and co-workers dont have any issues with it as within my group of friends there are a few of us that are gay, lesbian and bi, and my work colleagues are all fine with it to as we have 4 people within the company (including me) that are gay i still have not had the courage to tell any family members about my sexuality, depression, anxiety or much about myself to be honest, i am close to most of my family but can not bring myself to tell them and every day i dont it is eating away at me making things worse.i used to love going to work but the last 2 months i find myself dreading going and the only reason i have not quit is because of financial stress.i have also gone out and brought expensive things (like a $1000 tv) ect thinking if i buy this i will love my life and feel great but it doesnt work, the novelty of the things i buy wears off then i have to sell them to pay bills or stuff and am still paying them off, so i end up worse off having a debt for something that the novelty had worn off and item has been sold. i also have bad tendencies to get angry at people really easy and instead of dealing with it like a normal person i either start yelling and screaming or just dont say a word and get in my car and drive very unsafely. and so far none of my methods have helped at all, infact they make things worse so please people do not do what i do as it just makes things worse..i dont even know if this makes any sense or why i am writing it but here i am so yeahh.. thanks for reading

Tk98 Realised I'm bisexual
  • replies: 3

I'm a 16 year old guy living in Perth,WA and I just realised that im sexually attracted to either sex which im trying to come to terms with. Last year I thought I was completely homosexual but then i started to have feelings for girls as well not jus... View more

I'm a 16 year old guy living in Perth,WA and I just realised that im sexually attracted to either sex which im trying to come to terms with. Last year I thought I was completely homosexual but then i started to have feelings for girls as well not just boys so I am into both boys and girls. My realisation has shocked me, I have not come out to my family yet, but I don't want to upset them.

644Amy what if i dont want help
  • replies: 49

hii have joined this community today as i thought i needed help.but as i read all the other peoples problems i feel as if im just being a winger as my problems seem very small in comparison. I am a transgender girl andi am just feeling very alone on ... View more

hii have joined this community today as i thought i needed help.but as i read all the other peoples problems i feel as if im just being a winger as my problems seem very small in comparison. I am a transgender girl andi am just feeling very alone on my journey.i get very sad and have thoughts of harming myself and im supposed to ask for help when this happens,but at that time help is the last thing im going to ask for. Is there a solution to this problem.Regards Amy.beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

aly1403 I think I'm in love with my best friend
  • replies: 2

She was the first person I told I was bi and since then I've been getting this feelings about her and then her parents suddenly told her that they're moving to another country in less than a month. Things with her have been a bit weird for a few mont... View more

She was the first person I told I was bi and since then I've been getting this feelings about her and then her parents suddenly told her that they're moving to another country in less than a month. Things with her have been a bit weird for a few months, like she'll be staring at me for a while and then look away when I look at her, or we'll be alone together and she'll snuggle up to me, but then the next minute she has a super mood-swing and suddenly won't even hug or talk to me - the other day she slept over at my place and one minute we were cuddling on the couch, basically on top of each other then the next she's hanging off the end of the bed like she doesn't want to be near me... Ever since I found out that she's moving I've just felt really lonely and upset and then when we're having one of our moments I feel fine but then she has this mood-swing thing and I feel terrible again. I really have no idea what to do and I just want to stop feeling like this.

cuteclaudia transgender girl... loneliness, depression and anxiety
  • replies: 7

hi.. I'm Claudia, a transgirl who lives in the central west of nsw... Since coming out as trans I've lost my family, apart from regular abuse and ridicule by email, however I am married to a usually supportive partner, however I do understand it is r... View more

hi.. I'm Claudia, a transgirl who lives in the central west of nsw... Since coming out as trans I've lost my family, apart from regular abuse and ridicule by email, however I am married to a usually supportive partner, however I do understand it is really hard for her as she certainly didn't sign up for this. For me, I first knew something was different when I was about 9 and by 13 I let my family know I wanted to be a girl... their reaction was to send me to an all boys school and ignore it... lets just say I've blanked that whole part of my life out... especially seeing my brother outed me as wanting to be a girl when I was in year 7, lets just say people weren't as tolerant as most are now so I hid from the world for a long time and have to admit to a lot of issues from that time. Whilst over the past few months I've begun to feel a lot better about myself, the further I go in my transition, the more my partner reminds me I have no one in this world if I don't conform to what they want... which has made me feel very lonely and vulnerable as whilst people tell you they're supportive, not many people really accept you. This has been backed up by my partner's mother, who whilst initially being supportive has become quite aggressive towards my transition. I am regular and purposely being gender as a guy and called my old name by her and her partner even though I no longer pass as a guy... this causes me a huge amount of hurt, embarrassment and anguish. I guess today was worst of it when I was told I was a self centred individual who needs to understand other people have feelings... I'm not sure how hard it is to gender and call a person by the name they want, especially when they know I get very bad depression, anxiety and panic attacks from this... and when verbally abused by people get suicidal thoughts (I don't have much confidence).... To me, if someone wanted to be called something else I would be more than happy to call them by the name they'd like if that made them happy. I'm actually not sure why I'm posting as I don't have a question... but just want to feel someone might read this... as whilst I'm pretty good at putting on a smile most of the time seeing that is what the world expects, inside everything is falling apart and with xmas coming up, I wish I had someone who believed in and accepted me as I already hate myself enough without others making me feel worse.