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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 223

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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dgh71 Will it ever be my turn?
  • replies: 9

I am hurting pretty badly at the moment. I came out two years ago when I was 41 and after 2 years I am still no closer to having a partner, of having any sort of encounter with a person of the same sex. I dont want a casual hookup but would rather ha... View more

I am hurting pretty badly at the moment. I came out two years ago when I was 41 and after 2 years I am still no closer to having a partner, of having any sort of encounter with a person of the same sex. I dont want a casual hookup but would rather have a loving relationship...but therein lies the [roblem....no one likes me at all in that way in the slightest. because i want to have a relationship, any sort of sexual activity would come about after getting to know the person...but by the time I get to know them, they turna round and say that I am now in the 'friend zone'. How on earth am I ever supposed to find someone to love me if I just get shoved in that hole everytime? I even tried to organise a one night fling with one of them and I still got rejected. All around me I see people falling in love with their soulmates and I cant even get someone to share one night with, even just for a casual hookup I am really scared that no one will ever even want to hold me hand or just tell me that they love me. I know i am a good person..all my friends tell me I am the nicest guy ever....yet no one wants me at all. Ever I dont begrudge anyone their happiness at all..I am genuinely happy for them but i just wish the happiness could be spread in my direction for just once. I ask so little of God or the Universe or whatever you want to call it, but even my siple requests are totally ignored and it feels like God does his damnedest to make sure the things I so wish and dream of DONT happen. he finds every conceivable way to shove it up me whenever he can....and then I realise that even God doesnt want me or even care about me ...for if he did he would have given me something to cling to...but he doesnt...he is too busy looking after everyone else. I have been to counselling and have been doing positive affirmations everyday for over six months now and really really trying to feel better about myself..but all that ever happens in reality is me getting the rough end of the stick all the time whilst always doing everything to be there for everyone else. I want my turn

Just_me_again Sexuality? I dont know...
  • replies: 3

This is my first post. I dont really know what to do or say so I'll just start where ever.I meet a girl in the year above me during drama elective and we started talking. We because pretty good friends after finding out we had a lot in common. Drama ... View more

This is my first post. I dont really know what to do or say so I'll just start where ever.I meet a girl in the year above me during drama elective and we started talking. We because pretty good friends after finding out we had a lot in common. Drama was shut down due to lack of intrest from other studwnts but we continued to talk. She seemed upset one day so i tried to help her out and somewhere in the conversation she told me she got a girlfriend. Now I'm trying to be happy for her and help her out but im finding it hard to talk to her without wanting to cry. I'd been thinking about my sexuality for a while and i wasnt sure. But now I'm even more confused as I didnt realise the extent of my feelings for this girl. Although ive never been in a relationship ive been interested in guys before so i thought i was straight. This girl has completely confused me and i dont know what to think. I dont have anyone to talk to as I dont have family to talk to and ive never been close enough with anyone to discuss this. The only person i could talk to is her but i dont want to cause friction in her relationship as shes been suffering bad anxiety and depression and im aware that this relationship is helping her recover. But now im left asking... what about me?? Im so happy for her and i dont want any trouble for her but what am i supposed to do? I cant pretend forever. I know i should tell someone but how can I begin to talk about this when i dont even know what i am. Im getting desperate now and really need some advise. According to her ive been getting worse. She knows im bad with coping with depressive thoughts and i usually just begin to ignore everyone and everything, leading to depressive states that can last up to a month. I need help but i dont know what to do. I would really appreciate any advise that you can give. Thank you...

SwansFan Labels
  • replies: 6

Anyone feel dissatisfied with the whole gay/straight dichotomy? Ever since I "came out" -- something I still can't even say without the air quotes -- I haven't felt any real reassurance or comfort. I thought once people came out, it got a lot easier ... View more

Anyone feel dissatisfied with the whole gay/straight dichotomy? Ever since I "came out" -- something I still can't even say without the air quotes -- I haven't felt any real reassurance or comfort. I thought once people came out, it got a lot easier for them. But I still feel confused. I don't feel a connection at all to the gay community. I have no gay friends. I know I'm more gay than I am straight. But then again, I don't necessarily want to be with a dude. I don't particularly see myself with anyone to be honest. I'd say I'm asexual but that doesn't feel right either. I know labels aren't the best thing -- you are who you are and all that -- but sometimes I wish one applied to me....

ewart The Insecurities That Depression Feeds On
  • replies: 5

I have a diagnosis of Psychotic Depression which was a bit of a shock. I was a competent professional for many years but now a pathetic shell of a once proud person. I care full time for my elderly Mum (94) which gives me purpose and satisfaction alt... View more

I have a diagnosis of Psychotic Depression which was a bit of a shock. I was a competent professional for many years but now a pathetic shell of a once proud person. I care full time for my elderly Mum (94) which gives me purpose and satisfaction although it is getting harder as her needs become greater, but I'll stick it to the end. I am a 60 year old gay male who left a very long term relationship a couple of years back. I live in a very small country town nowadays after many years in FNQ. I met someone here a couple of years ago and still see the person on a fairly regular basis. This person feeds my insecurity of me needing to be cared about. He is much younger than me and I have become emotionally attached to a pointless relationship albeit a wonderful person. I guess I have kept his interest by providing financial assistance of a substantial amount which I can't afford. Can't believe I have arrived at this point in my life. A raft of insecurities that torment me daily makes life challenging. Funnily enough, I dont need or seek pity, I have a supportive loving family who try hard but don't understand me and I don't expect them to. Once an energetic and outgoing man, now a social recluse. Mental health, so impotant, so misunderstood. Thanks for listening whoever you are. Do your best everyone.

Matisse_ Why is 'comming out' so hard?
  • replies: 6

So, I'm sure I'm bisexual and have been my whole life. I'm totally okay with liking both genders, gender doesn't matter to me. In fact I wouldn't mind calling myself a pansexual to be more precise! I'm usually an outgoing person and isn't usually ner... View more

So, I'm sure I'm bisexual and have been my whole life. I'm totally okay with liking both genders, gender doesn't matter to me. In fact I wouldn't mind calling myself a pansexual to be more precise! I'm usually an outgoing person and isn't usually nervous, except I've always been good at keeping secrets. I want my friends and family to know I'm bisexual but I have a feeling that it would be awkward with my family, though they would be totally accepting of it, I have a feeling it will start off rocky- with my friends too. And I don't want to be the talk of the town that I'm bi. I just want people to accept it and not bother over it but I'm, to be honest, a little scared. I don't want girls thinking that I will like them just because they are a girl and that touching me is gross or something. What's some advice to give me confidence, should I except something or nothing at all? Have you been in a similar situation because I really want to stop keeping this a secret, help.

Paul How do you identify?
  • replies: 3

I'm wondering if some of our topics are difficult for people whose triggers are sexuality, labels and the thought of someone finding out about them. Seeing as this is a safe place for us all to express how we feel; How do you identify? "Straight but ... View more

I'm wondering if some of our topics are difficult for people whose triggers are sexuality, labels and the thought of someone finding out about them. Seeing as this is a safe place for us all to express how we feel; How do you identify? "Straight but experimenting and confused" is completely OK we don't mind or judge! Is sex or sexuality a trigger for you? Would you like to share further thoughts and feelings about your triggers or bad experience? Paul

Gruffudd Genderbread - on a scale of...
  • replies: 5

So this seems to be a useful thing for some, interesting too... There is no answer that is right or wrong, but sometimes it can be good to do this and know that there are plenty of others out there who identify your way. 1. Gender identity is what yo... View more

So this seems to be a useful thing for some, interesting too... There is no answer that is right or wrong, but sometimes it can be good to do this and know that there are plenty of others out there who identify your way. 1. Gender identity is what you are on the inside it is what is in your head. So on a scale of 1 to 5 where 1 is Female and 5 is Male, and there in the middle is Genderqueer, where would you be? Me, I'm a 3. 2. Then there is gender expression and that is what you do, how you are in the world. On the scale of 1 to 5 where 1 is Feminine and 5 is Masculine and in the middle is Androgynous, where would you be? Me, Im on 4. 3. We are up to biology, the physical stuff you were born with. On the scale of 1 to 5, Female is number 1 and Male is 5 with Intersex in the middle. There I am a 5. 4. Now for orientation, who you are attracted to. It can get complicated next to gender identity so just go with what seems to fit for you. On the scale of 1 to 5 we have heterosexual at 1 and homosexual at 5 with Bisexual people in the middle. Where would you be? I feel like I'm a 5 but then some days I'm not even on that scale at all.

TheStarlightCrow Coming Out Take 2
  • replies: 13

I came out as transgender to my mum when I was 16. She didn't take it well. I was told that I'm confused. My dad said we needed to get away from our rural town and away from all the drugs that are present here. I've never touched drugs in my life, de... View more

I came out as transgender to my mum when I was 16. She didn't take it well. I was told that I'm confused. My dad said we needed to get away from our rural town and away from all the drugs that are present here. I've never touched drugs in my life, despite being surrounded by chronic users. For 6 years, I've swept it under the rug, kept it hidden deep inside a part of myself that I only unleash in the safety of dreams, because then I can't consciously keep it locked up. I've bided my time, waited until I can be sure I can support myself, regardless of what the reaction would be. It was going well. I got a part time job and began taking control of my Social Anxiety Disorder. My brother said something to me that made a crack in this mental plan I was so reliant on. I was sitting at my computer, gaming. He sat on the edge of my bed with that lop-sided grin of his and asked if I wanted to have my birthday party at his block. The conversation went as expected. "You were meant to be a boy," he then said to me. My heart froze, raced and skipped a beat all at the same time. What did he mean by that? I asked him this, of course. He simply repeated himself, still grinning. I'm not sure if he was joking or being serious. That one statement gave me hope, fear, anxiety and strength, in varying levels. So now, two days away from turning 22, I feel like I'm that 16 year old again, mustering the courage to thrust myself into the unsavory spotlight of being different from what everyone has thought, has known about me all my life. I've learned my lesson. Take it slow. Be calm. Be sure. Prepare. And don't let them take my right to be who I really am. Is there anybody else here, in rural WA in particular, that faces or has faced a similar situation?

Paul What do you "use" to escape?
  • replies: 8

Hi All, Some of us use alcohol, drugs and sex to escape painful emotions or to delay feeling them or even to try to make them go away. Do you use anything (not asking you to blurt about illicit substance use in open forum if you don't want to) to esc... View more

Hi All, Some of us use alcohol, drugs and sex to escape painful emotions or to delay feeling them or even to try to make them go away. Do you use anything (not asking you to blurt about illicit substance use in open forum if you don't want to) to escape? Does it work? Paul

Paul Have you told anyone you are Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Transgender or Intersex?
  • replies: 2

Keeping a secret about your sexuality can be the source of so many emotions and confusion. These are governed by how we see ourselves and how we predict others will judge us or how others have reacted. Having depression or anxiety can make this huge,... View more

Keeping a secret about your sexuality can be the source of so many emotions and confusion. These are governed by how we see ourselves and how we predict others will judge us or how others have reacted. Having depression or anxiety can make this huge, scary and confusing! (even not having depression and anxiety can!) Have you got a secret about coming out that burns you up and you'd like to get off your chest in the anonymous forum? I can promise you that no one is going to try and change you or make you try on a sequened vest and chaps. Paul