Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

Tk98 Realised I'm bisexual
  • replies: 3

I'm a 16 year old guy living in Perth,WA and I just realised that im sexually attracted to either sex which im trying to come to terms with. Last year I thought I was completely homosexual but then i started to have feelings for girls as well not jus... View more

I'm a 16 year old guy living in Perth,WA and I just realised that im sexually attracted to either sex which im trying to come to terms with. Last year I thought I was completely homosexual but then i started to have feelings for girls as well not just boys so I am into both boys and girls. My realisation has shocked me, I have not come out to my family yet, but I don't want to upset them.

644Amy what if i dont want help
  • replies: 49

hii have joined this community today as i thought i needed help.but as i read all the other peoples problems i feel as if im just being a winger as my problems seem very small in comparison. I am a transgender girl andi am just feeling very alone on ... View more

hii have joined this community today as i thought i needed help.but as i read all the other peoples problems i feel as if im just being a winger as my problems seem very small in comparison. I am a transgender girl andi am just feeling very alone on my journey.i get very sad and have thoughts of harming myself and im supposed to ask for help when this happens,but at that time help is the last thing im going to ask for. Is there a solution to this problem.Regards Amy.beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

aly1403 I think I'm in love with my best friend
  • replies: 2

She was the first person I told I was bi and since then I've been getting this feelings about her and then her parents suddenly told her that they're moving to another country in less than a month. Things with her have been a bit weird for a few mont... View more

She was the first person I told I was bi and since then I've been getting this feelings about her and then her parents suddenly told her that they're moving to another country in less than a month. Things with her have been a bit weird for a few months, like she'll be staring at me for a while and then look away when I look at her, or we'll be alone together and she'll snuggle up to me, but then the next minute she has a super mood-swing and suddenly won't even hug or talk to me - the other day she slept over at my place and one minute we were cuddling on the couch, basically on top of each other then the next she's hanging off the end of the bed like she doesn't want to be near me... Ever since I found out that she's moving I've just felt really lonely and upset and then when we're having one of our moments I feel fine but then she has this mood-swing thing and I feel terrible again. I really have no idea what to do and I just want to stop feeling like this.

cuteclaudia transgender girl... loneliness, depression and anxiety
  • replies: 7

hi.. I'm Claudia, a transgirl who lives in the central west of nsw... Since coming out as trans I've lost my family, apart from regular abuse and ridicule by email, however I am married to a usually supportive partner, however I do understand it is r... View more

hi.. I'm Claudia, a transgirl who lives in the central west of nsw... Since coming out as trans I've lost my family, apart from regular abuse and ridicule by email, however I am married to a usually supportive partner, however I do understand it is really hard for her as she certainly didn't sign up for this. For me, I first knew something was different when I was about 9 and by 13 I let my family know I wanted to be a girl... their reaction was to send me to an all boys school and ignore it... lets just say I've blanked that whole part of my life out... especially seeing my brother outed me as wanting to be a girl when I was in year 7, lets just say people weren't as tolerant as most are now so I hid from the world for a long time and have to admit to a lot of issues from that time. Whilst over the past few months I've begun to feel a lot better about myself, the further I go in my transition, the more my partner reminds me I have no one in this world if I don't conform to what they want... which has made me feel very lonely and vulnerable as whilst people tell you they're supportive, not many people really accept you. This has been backed up by my partner's mother, who whilst initially being supportive has become quite aggressive towards my transition. I am regular and purposely being gender as a guy and called my old name by her and her partner even though I no longer pass as a guy... this causes me a huge amount of hurt, embarrassment and anguish. I guess today was worst of it when I was told I was a self centred individual who needs to understand other people have feelings... I'm not sure how hard it is to gender and call a person by the name they want, especially when they know I get very bad depression, anxiety and panic attacks from this... and when verbally abused by people get suicidal thoughts (I don't have much confidence).... To me, if someone wanted to be called something else I would be more than happy to call them by the name they'd like if that made them happy. I'm actually not sure why I'm posting as I don't have a question... but just want to feel someone might read this... as whilst I'm pretty good at putting on a smile most of the time seeing that is what the world expects, inside everything is falling apart and with xmas coming up, I wish I had someone who believed in and accepted me as I already hate myself enough without others making me feel worse.

Jude7 My friend the lesbian?
  • replies: 2

My friend has dated several guys throughout high school and all have been really big "mistakes" as she calls them. At the end of grade 11 she pulled me aside to tell me after all the abuse she went through with boys that she was so affected it drove ... View more

My friend has dated several guys throughout high school and all have been really big "mistakes" as she calls them. At the end of grade 11 she pulled me aside to tell me after all the abuse she went through with boys that she was so affected it drove her into the arms of an older girl. (We we're 16 this girl was 22). I was a little shocked, but i love her and decided whatever she wanted to be or do was her decision even though it took me by surprise. She dated this girl for a few months and then suddenly they broke up without any dramatic conclusion.. they just kind of stopped talking. For the entire year she talked to me about how being with a girl was so much more intimate and special, and i really do believe she was in love. She vowed off men forever because she was ready to "come out". Of course lots of people bullied her... she had dated half the male population of our school! lots of people called her an "attention seeker" and a "slut" for what she did but i held her hand throughout. Almost a year has passed since and the bullying has stopped, she tells me everyday she's happy with everything thats happened... but now just last week she started seeing a guy? I'm so confused because i don't know how to respond and feel like she will get offended by any questions i have. I also don't want to see her get bullied again... Can someone honestly change their sexuality so quickly?

Guest_8326 15 year old boy struggling with transgender thoughts and feelings!
  • replies: 5

Hey everyone,I really need some help. Since I started puberty when I was 10/11 the thought of wearing women's clothing and acting like a girl has excited me. I cant remember what awakened these feelings or if I ever felt like that before Year 5. When... View more

Hey everyone,I really need some help. Since I started puberty when I was 10/11 the thought of wearing women's clothing and acting like a girl has excited me. I cant remember what awakened these feelings or if I ever felt like that before Year 5. When I got into year 8 I started tofeel depressed and anxious all the time in public, the way I looked and how I was tall and hairy and masculine took away all my confidence and self worth. Im really not sure what to do, seeing as I never had these feelings when I was really little and most transgender people do.Im seeing my psychologist once a week but its hard to go to school and want to leave my room when I feel so bad.I need to know if I feel this way because I am a girl (or maybe genderfluid or something?) or if its because of something else. Thanks

nwalmien_naini Need to feel like that im not lost in a world of hatred...
  • replies: 10

Hi,Long story short, I'm gay. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have very religious parents and direct families. I have never heard them speak a kind word about gay people, or even a slight tone of sympathy. I feel like afailure to my parents. T... View more

Hi,Long story short, I'm gay. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have very religious parents and direct families. I have never heard them speak a kind word about gay people, or even a slight tone of sympathy. I feel like afailure to my parents. They always envisioned my five siblings and I to bring our spouse and kids along for family reunions, but I don't think they're going to be happy when I bring a boyfriend and no children. Somehow, I need to live the happy life, but most of the time I feel like that is impossible. And that's when the suicidal feelings come along. I've never attempted taking my life, but I feel like its going to be my only salvation from this pain and depression. Its as if life has set me up as a pawn on a larger battlefield, put in front of others so that they can feel more powerful. This fact taunts me so much, I've even written a song about it. Unfortunately, that song has gotten stuck in my head, and its thoughts aren't pleasant when I think about how much I am lost. I need help and love... Please... beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Believe000 I'm depressed and the cracks are showing.
  • replies: 9

i don't exactly know where to start so I'll see what unfolds on this post. i have suffered from depression since I was basically 13 years of age, falling in and out of it really - I've been through traumatic events in my life that sent me to extreme ... View more

i don't exactly know where to start so I'll see what unfolds on this post. i have suffered from depression since I was basically 13 years of age, falling in and out of it really - I've been through traumatic events in my life that sent me to extreme lows... I got over them on my own... But not completely.What upsets me so much is that I used to be such a positive and happy, bubbly kid... In and out... But now... It's just to hide the pain in feeling all the time... From the horrible things I've experienced... I've now grown to fear life - Im nervous almost all the time, I generally don't show it but I do when I'm alone at night... Or alone at home... Or with strangers... The list goes on... Recently I've hit a massive low in my life... My now ex fiancé was cheating on me when I ended the relationship due to feeling so down so I didn't want to bring him down... Turned out it was just a bridge for him to escape the relationship... And yes I am a gay male...aside from that I feel as if I'm in a tinted glass box where I see out, but no one sees in and sees me... I'm always crying at night and I'm always trying to make others happy, but when I reach out to people when they badger me about getting help... All I get is the cliche words of "you need to see a professional" or "I'm so sorry for you" it only makes it worse and now I've basically been feeling like I'm just non existent right now... My new boyfriend is amazing and he knows I used to suffer from depression but he doesn't know I'm suffering now... And I don't want him to know... I don't want to make him worried or anything. i currently can't afford to see a GP or see any professional... And I've done everything I can to get help... But now I'm sitting around my room or when i horse ride I think... "Why bother? Why bother living, when nothing in my life goes right... Not just even once?" There's more to all this but I don't want to drag this on... beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

hackneyed The thought of him being with anyone but me is soul crushing
  • replies: 14

I'm at the end of the road. I am currently plagued with a myriad of illnesses, so I'm not going into my situation with a very happy attitude. I'd hit rock bottom before I'd even gotten to whatever stage I'm at now, and I was ready to end it all until... View more

I'm at the end of the road. I am currently plagued with a myriad of illnesses, so I'm not going into my situation with a very happy attitude. I'd hit rock bottom before I'd even gotten to whatever stage I'm at now, and I was ready to end it all until by some stroke of luck I managed to meet someone. I'd always pushed my bisexuality (5 on a Kinsey scale) deep down and never acted or really "got in touch" with it. So I met someone online. I don't usually do this sort of a thing because I knew where I was heading and I didn't want to potentially upset anyone with my departure. We started talking, and we got along really well. Had very similar interests and a similar sense of humour. I started getting feelings for this person (he told me as soon as we started talking that he was bi) which I tried to ignore. We continued talking for a month or so and one day he wasn't online at the usual time. This worried me, and I got so worried that I actually started to get nervous. Then when he came online a couple days later I felt so relieved and I told him "I love you, don't you ever do that again". I soon realised what I had said and thought about it... I had fallen in love with him. We had snapchatted and all that sort of stuff and he told me he thought I was cute (something I'm not used to) and I originally wrote it off as "he's just nice, you don't really love him". But then he said it back. This confused me so much, and I asked him in what way and he stated "In a romantic way". I was really lost here, I'd never experienced these sorts of feelings before. This is when I did something I probably shouldn't have. I gave into it. We talked almost every day for 5 months after this. We said the 3 words all the time and it felt good. But here's the issue: he lives on the other side of the planet. The feeling of falling so hard for someone that I couldn't meet due to my illnesses was the most devastating, soul crushing feeling ever. So I told him, I told him my situation and he is still friends with me. He's admitted the romantic feelings, but is currently trying to get with someone he knows. The thought of him being with anyone but me is soul crushing. He doesn't want me to leave him, but I think he's making me worse. I'm so lonely...beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

OliveOyl In need of some support
  • replies: 4

Hi there...I have recently been through yet another break up, and although I thought I was going okay with it, some things have set me right back. I thought I had pulled myself out of depression, but I think I'm in denial at whether it has crept it's... View more

Hi there...I have recently been through yet another break up, and although I thought I was going okay with it, some things have set me right back. I thought I had pulled myself out of depression, but I think I'm in denial at whether it has crept it's way back into my head and my heart. I find myself feeling so negatively, and it's completely exhausting I get so very, very lonely and so very, very tired...I'm a single full time mum and I work full time, it's all so hard. I am in need of just some genuine support.