Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

Jah-eva I feel like I'm in too deep....
  • replies: 3

Hi, I don't know where to start seems like there is too much but here goes... My partner suffers from severe depression, bad anxiety, she had a lot of attachment dissorders, she selfharms, suicidal, she identifies as an a sexual plus she's on the spe... View more

Hi, I don't know where to start seems like there is too much but here goes... My partner suffers from severe depression, bad anxiety, she had a lot of attachment dissorders, she selfharms, suicidal, she identifies as an a sexual plus she's on the spectrum. She is in therapy and had been for most of her life plus on medication so everything is in place to help her cope. so the issue is me, lately I'm struggling to cope with keeping her up and safe and just living at the moment. It's a real hard spot at the moment. I don't have any friends or family around me as I moved interstate to be with her so being able to debrief and have time to myself isn't happening so that's why I'm here to ask for some coping strategies to deal with this. It's hard for me to be the happy one keeping it all together when really I just want to curl up and cry but I can't cause she needs me to keep her happy and me being down will make her worse.

Bunny_Love_1777 Trying to come out - My head makes no sense!
  • replies: 4

Ok, so i came out to two friends when i was about 12 saying i liked one of the friends (I am female btw and so is she) it was a big thing for a few weeks but they soon forgot about it (seems like i forgot about it coz one friend still remembers it) I... View more

Ok, so i came out to two friends when i was about 12 saying i liked one of the friends (I am female btw and so is she) it was a big thing for a few weeks but they soon forgot about it (seems like i forgot about it coz one friend still remembers it) I am now 17 and i am finally starting to realise i dont think it was just a fase of being Bi. But i still dont know... my brain just seems so all over the place i never know anything its trying to figure out. My main question is, how did you know yor sexuality was/is true. I know not all label themselves but it would be nice to finally work it out.

octavia17 need advice - what am I??
  • replies: 6

I've been confused for a few years now, I'm female and I've had boyfriends and I'm attracted to men, but I think I'm also attracted to women? I like to watch female on female porn and have kissed a few girls but I'm just not sure?? Am I bisexual or j... View more

I've been confused for a few years now, I'm female and I've had boyfriends and I'm attracted to men, but I think I'm also attracted to women? I like to watch female on female porn and have kissed a few girls but I'm just not sure?? Am I bisexual or just curious?

Violet_Eyes The Love Lost
  • replies: 16

Hi everyone, I'm new to this site & last week I tried to end my life again, the lack of support I have by my family is frustrating me. They know I'm on medication for my depression but their opinion is I need to harden up! Well I'm a Transexual & hav... View more

Hi everyone, I'm new to this site & last week I tried to end my life again, the lack of support I have by my family is frustrating me. They know I'm on medication for my depression but their opinion is I need to harden up! Well I'm a Transexual & have been since obviously knowing as a young child & started HRT when I was 16 with no family support where I had to leave home. Although I can walk around in public without people knowing I'm transexual 99% of the time I still find it hard to deal with my gender. I try explaining to my family how hard life is for me & had been since a child but they don't want to listen to my sad stories. I had to move back to my family because I fractured my ankle & being a full time casual worker I wasn't covered for compensation & couldn't afford to keep my apartment because of it. As much as I appreciate my family letting me stay they don't make me feel all that welcome which over a period of time my frustration has built up, they have told me they don't want me here but they know I have nowhere else to go until I can get back on my feet. Being in this environment is toxic & making me feel more depressed to the point where I have been drinking a lot. I know I shouldn't be mixing my medication with alcohol but If you saw the love lost with my family you would understand. We don't drink at home as we don't like drinking around children but I have snuck the odd bottle of wine in my room which makes me feel bad because I love my nephew & niece but I'm disrespecting their home & family house rules. My family except the kids make me feel unwanted, unloved & unappreciated regardless of all the helpful & kind things I do for them, my drinking has become that bad lately that I'm on a dating site where I meet up with random guys and get drunk & I don't even care because all I want is to get away from my family home.beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Violet_Eyes the next steps
  • replies: 2

I finally went to a Mental Health clinic to discuss my depression & alcohol abuse, It was great & my assessor was absolutely wonderful to talk with. Overall I've made the first steps to recovery & contacted alcohol support groups which have suggested... View more

I finally went to a Mental Health clinic to discuss my depression & alcohol abuse, It was great & my assessor was absolutely wonderful to talk with. Overall I've made the first steps to recovery & contacted alcohol support groups which have suggested I should go to Rehab to not only stop abusing alcohol to forget who I am but also to remember the person I was before heavily drinking & reconnect with myself. So it's a start, my family are giving me the silent treatment a bit but maybe that's because of me, who knows I'm just focused on the next step. I woke up feeling weird today with slight anxiety & still feel anxious, surprisingly though I don't feel like a drink but that may change later on in the day.

Nickname_204C26A8-F9A3-4D Is it still a phase 8 years later
  • replies: 1

So I’m 14 now, I’ve been attracted to girls since I was just a little kid, I had little silly boyfriends but I was more attracted to girls, I thought It was just a phase sort of thing. I grew up still being turned on by girls. I was scared at this po... View more

So I’m 14 now, I’ve been attracted to girls since I was just a little kid, I had little silly boyfriends but I was more attracted to girls, I thought It was just a phase sort of thing. I grew up still being turned on by girls. I was scared at this point. I’m now 14 and still very attracted to girls, I’ve had a few boyfriends and it was fun, but I’m not sexually attracted to men. I’m sexually attracted to women, just don’t find men’s private parts normal.. (I’m still a virgin but I don’t like men’s down there so I probably will be for quite a long time) I’m scaredthat if I ask someone if this is wrong I’ll be judged for liking girls more. Am I bi? Is it still a phase? I’m too scared to tell anyone because I just too afraid... Please help.

TRicky34 Crossroads. Which way to go
  • replies: 3

HI, A friend put me onto this site, said it might help to let it out and chat with people who might be going through or have some advice on what I'm going through. I'm 34 M and currently completely and utterly confused about my sexuality, to be hones... View more

HI, A friend put me onto this site, said it might help to let it out and chat with people who might be going through or have some advice on what I'm going through. I'm 34 M and currently completely and utterly confused about my sexuality, to be honest I have been for about 10 years now. I have had multiple girlfriends, but never had a M-M relationship except for the physical. I'm pretty messed up because I'm emotionally and sexually attracted to woman, but sexually attracted to men as-well and the thought of being in a relationship with another male doesn't feel right, thought I'm happy with a physical one relationship (see, I'm messed up). My mind is doing a number on me and it's gotten to the point where at 34 years old, there are nights that I cry myself to sleep, or lock myself in my house and not go anywhere because i believe people "know" when they look at me, lately I've begun to snap at friends, insult work colleagues, and begun being rude to everyone, friends and family included (believe me this is totally out of character). The other week I hit rock bottom and friends/family took turns calling me on the hour every hour to make sure I hadn't done anything "silly". A few friends have told me to try dating a guy and see how it goes, but my concern is that when I do date someone of the same sex, and say, down the line, it doesn't work out and I realize that a relationship with a M isn't going to work, how will the rest of the world perceive me if I decide to date a woman again. To allot of people it's either black or white, yes or no, straight or gay, there is no in-between. My perception is that it's easier for a woman (and I honestly mean no offence here) to try out a F-F relationship and it's OK to go back to a F-M relationship if that doesn't work out, but no one would believe a guy if they new he had been dating another guy and decided to go back to dating a woman. None of this probably makes any sense, and I apologize for that, the brain thinks, the hands type, and it gets muddle up somewhere in between.. I've been told I worry about what other people and what the "world" thinks instead of being myself. But It's so hard to explain to people what is going through my head.. But it's really messing me up atm. A don't expect answers or miracle solutions, but just anyone with any advice would be appreciated..

crushergirl Will I ever stop feeling guilty?
  • replies: 3

5 years ago I left my 20 year marriage and came out. I had an affair with another woman, left my children with my ex husband and began my life as a lesbian. Ive always been gay but only acted on it 5 years ago. My first relationship didn't last a yea... View more

5 years ago I left my 20 year marriage and came out. I had an affair with another woman, left my children with my ex husband and began my life as a lesbian. Ive always been gay but only acted on it 5 years ago. My first relationship didn't last a year and it became very nasty and she was mentally abusive. My second relationship is so much better, we are married and she loves me no matter what. BUT I still feel so guilty for leaving my children behind with my ex husband even though it was the best decision for them as it meant I didn't have to uproot them from their school and their life. They also did not like my first relationship person. They blamed her for losing their mum and they knew she was a bad person. I didn't listen but I soon found out the hard way. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of them, feel guilty for what I did to them and my ex husband who is a good guy. This causes me to be depressed and believe that I am unworthy of anyone's love. My children don't like my wifes children so don't visit anymore now that they are older and independent. Sometimes I wonder if they are punishing me for what I did to them and I often think that they are better off without me. This leads to bad thoughts. I hope that this forum will be able to support me in working through this, finding better ways to think and help me stop feeling so guilty all of the time.

Amelbourneboy Have I done this to my self???
  • replies: 10

How do I start this.. I have been in a gay relationship for 9 years. While not a perfect relationship I have had nothing but 100% support from my partner and vice versa. We both had never been in a relationship before so its first loves for both of u... View more

How do I start this.. I have been in a gay relationship for 9 years. While not a perfect relationship I have had nothing but 100% support from my partner and vice versa. We both had never been in a relationship before so its first loves for both of us. We have essentionally the "ideal" life, both have great jobs, our own house, pets, network of friends. I have had anxiety for 2 years, while it was horrifing at the start, with medication and professional help i have been able to maintain a stable mental health... untill now. Our relationship is not an open one and i dont believe in cheating as my father did this to my mother who now suffers her own demons. I had recently meet some one, was just chatting on line, got to know them and we finally meet. Great person, made me laugh, made me suddenly notice my relationship is non excistant. I am a realistic person, i dont for one minute think there is a future in this new found interest, But all of a sudden my anxiety back. The heart racing, the sick feeling, not eating for days, the tiredness, wanting darkness. Its a different feeling this time, its been combinded with feeling of being trapped in my relationship, not wanting to hurt or cause sadness, but also having this seperation feeling from some one who i only have meet once!!! Worrying if they are happy, or feeling sick thinking of them with someone else. None of this makes sense even to me. I just feel i want to be alone, but is it real or is it just my mind.

justinok HIV dentist panic
  • replies: 4

OK, so with so much ignorance out there already, and being an HIV poz guy, the story this week about the dentist in Victoria really got to me. Don't know how many people heard it but itwas all over the news. The healthcare authorities went nuts and s... View more

OK, so with so much ignorance out there already, and being an HIV poz guy, the story this week about the dentist in Victoria really got to me. Don't know how many people heard it but itwas all over the news. The healthcare authorities went nuts and sent hundreds of people for tests because they had been "in contact" with a dentist who was poz. They had interviews on the news with all these worried people in the street, and it made my blood boil. Unless the guy (or girl) was having sexual contact with the patients or injecting blood directly into your veins, there is no way any of these people would have been at risk. People like me still have to keep their status a secret because ignorant people think they can catch it off me by sharing a cup or having me touch them, and to have something like this happen where a health authority is helping spread the ignornace, is really upsetting. As if we don't feel enough like lepers already.