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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 223

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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Gruffudd Letters to Matthew
  • replies: 2

Risking oversharing, but it is the time of year when I write to Matthew Shepard. Matt and I are the same age, live out west far away from any big city, and have had to deal with a fair bit of harassment over the years. Matt has taught me that I can o... View more

Risking oversharing, but it is the time of year when I write to Matthew Shepard. Matt and I are the same age, live out west far away from any big city, and have had to deal with a fair bit of harassment over the years. Matt has taught me that I can overcome it by finding joy in being what/who I am and in celebrating others as they are. I never sent any of the letters, and it makes me cry to think that I only know of him because of what happened. I think I write because I want him to know that he is not alone out there. Back in 1998 there was no internet where I lived, the phone line was shared with the neighbours, no point having a mobile because you had to travel into town to use it, and the only way to meet other gay and lesbian people was to risk going out to a run down pub on the last Wednesday of the month where in the main bar there were cowboys and in the ladies lounge us queers. The only thing we had in common was the Congo line when Tina Turner belted out the nutbush. It was fine until closing time and then just a bit scary in the car park or the long walk home. I've been reading through some of those old letters. I would love to tell the kid writing them that it will be OK and some of great things that were to happen, and of course to not let Sebastian go. So I'm wondering about something. Matt is one of the queer milestones of my life. What or who has been a milestone for you?

Clare1 Do gender diverse people (LGBTI or Q) have the right to seek their own happiness without considering the effects on their families or friends?
  • replies: 6

I believe the correct term for someone who has no consideration for the feelings of others is sociopath! And I guess there are one or two LGBTIQ gender variant sociopaths out there, but I haven't met one yet (and I hope I don't). So even though we ma... View more

I believe the correct term for someone who has no consideration for the feelings of others is sociopath! And I guess there are one or two LGBTIQ gender variant sociopaths out there, but I haven't met one yet (and I hope I don't). So even though we may have the right to treat other people any way we like, I can't imagine any of us being so callous and self-centred. I have always thought that we gender diverse people, having been through the years of teasing and shame, tend to be more sensitive, rather than less. I would much prefer to hang with gay, lesbian and trans people than "normal" ones...we seem to be better listeners, easier companions, more able to show empathy. So we are probably more likely to be gentle and sensitive about our own pursuit of happiness than others. And those of us who have enough self love to take the risk of seeking our own happiness might have enough of that love to have some left over for the people in our lives.

Sweetooth123 Confused
  • replies: 4

I'm 16 Yr old male and have liked girls all my life, just recently I have thought what if I'm gay? It's tearing me apart because I don't want that! I love girls and thats what I'm attracted to I feel no conection towards men! Am I just going through ... View more

I'm 16 Yr old male and have liked girls all my life, just recently I have thought what if I'm gay? It's tearing me apart because I don't want that! I love girls and thats what I'm attracted to I feel no conection towards men! Am I just going through OCD or am I in denial! It's really frustrating because is making me less motivated and making like a drag

Chinee08 20 year old female and confused with my sexuality
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Hi people I am a 20 year old female and confused with my sexuality. I have never been in a relationship or dated with anybody. I know that i am attracted to guys but recently i realised that i am attracted to girls as well - but this changes all the ... View more

Hi people I am a 20 year old female and confused with my sexuality. I have never been in a relationship or dated with anybody. I know that i am attracted to guys but recently i realised that i am attracted to girls as well - but this changes all the time there are time when i dont feel attracted to women but the attraction to men are always constant. I do not know if i am bisexual or just willing to become sexually involved with women. I do not know how can i ever explore my sexuality. I have not told anybody - i have a brother starting to transition and he has some prejudice with bisexuals. I do not know if this right but I dont think I should explain myself or my sexuality to my family as i am still the same person. I am really clueless of what to do

SourceShield Thats so gay!
  • replies: 4

I knew when I was 4 years old.I just knew...I didnt know the right word for it but I was already aware enough to recognise feelings that would arise in me when I was around other boys. I was also a very sexualised child. We grew up in a neighborhood ... View more

I knew when I was 4 years old.I just knew...I didnt know the right word for it but I was already aware enough to recognise feelings that would arise in me when I was around other boys. I was also a very sexualised child. We grew up in a neighborhood like many, where sex abuse wasnt openly talked about, but neither was sexual health.I grew up as a child believing that many of the feelings I had were wrong and just so gay!We know enough now to understand sex, sexuality, and gender etc in ways that do show progress for us crazy humans and yet being gay is still seen by many as a curse or something to hide and why wouldnt they?Much of the world is deciding whether we can marry who we want to, and in some places gay people are killed for being gay, and it is illegal to be born the way they have.Why wouldnt people want to hide out in a closet?I am one of those gay guys that was never really in the closet, I went through a "hetero phase" but I am gay. 100%.I have been with women, in sexual relationships but now I couldnt go there. I love my female friends but I love being a man.I am a gay man, and I see that as a blessing.Now.Wasnt always this way, as mentioned life can be tough but I am happy with my "shoes" - you know that saying, walk a mile in another persons shoes etc etc etc, when I think about it...I wouldnt want to walk around and experience life in any other way. I first experienced depression when I was 11 years of age. My first attempt at completing suicide. My beloved grandfather had passed away...I wanted to die.I had no idea that the word for it was depression but blend that with teenage hormones and my teens were hellish for me and my family.I got kicked out of home at 16 yrs and found religion...I believed that the church could turn me hetero, being gay in my hometown at that time was evil!But no luck for me...born queer and I live my life now happily so.We need to stop pushing for 'straight acting" to be a mark of gay nirvana.Stop gay bashing within the gay community. That means that we accept all those in our awesome sex spectrum. I'm not a way-out butch bloke but neither am I overly fem...thats me.Just be okay with you and be sincere and genuine about it.Being Gay Is CoolJedi

Gruffudd Little things
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When I think about what gets to me it is not the big things like when I was beaten up for being gay or having abuse hurled out of a car window because I was holding a boyfriends hand, those things I don't like but can deal with. It's the little thing... View more

When I think about what gets to me it is not the big things like when I was beaten up for being gay or having abuse hurled out of a car window because I was holding a boyfriends hand, those things I don't like but can deal with. It's the little things, the comments, the silence when I walk into the tea room because they think I might be embarrassed by a conversation about straight stuff, when dad tells me how even though he opposes gay marriage he is now accepting of legalisation of homosexuality (20 years on but who's counting?), or today at lunch when I overheard a joke about lesbians being told at a bus stop. I wonder how I could better deal with them. My last boss told me to stop being a victim, but I don't think that is an answer, I resent that it OK to expect me to have to deal with all that. I try to let go of each thing but it all seems to build up. Any ideas?

Paul Support at work
  • replies: 5

Hello, If you're "out" at work as GLBTI or have disclosed that you have depression/anxiety, how did it go? If you could have a "friendly chat" with your boss about how supported you feel, what would you say? Paul

Hello, If you're "out" at work as GLBTI or have disclosed that you have depression/anxiety, how did it go? If you could have a "friendly chat" with your boss about how supported you feel, what would you say? Paul

Gruffudd It's my birthday...
  • replies: 7

Yes, that's right, another birthday... Some days are miracles. I seem to stop and think every year of what it is like for the generations younger then me. It has gotten better but the risks are still 5 times higher and worse than our opposite sex att... View more

Yes, that's right, another birthday... Some days are miracles. I seem to stop and think every year of what it is like for the generations younger then me. It has gotten better but the risks are still 5 times higher and worse than our opposite sex attracted peers. There is so much need for change for trans people. Changes like marriage would send a message that queer people belong in our society. We could take sex and gender out of so many documents because it doesn't need to be there - a name is enough. So for my birthday the greatest gift would be for even a few to reach out to another LGBTI person and offer friendship and support. We all matter. Happy birthday to me.

pika_no_chu I always ask myself, "why me"
  • replies: 7

Hi people, So I just joined this forum and decided to post a thread cuz I really need a place to express those feelings since they have been hidden for so long and I feel like I'm exploding. So after 22 years I figured out that I'm gay (I've never sa... View more

Hi people, So I just joined this forum and decided to post a thread cuz I really need a place to express those feelings since they have been hidden for so long and I feel like I'm exploding. So after 22 years I figured out that I'm gay (I've never said this to anyone btw so this is kinda like a huge moment for me lol). I think I've always known ever since I was a kid. I soon learnt that it is only normal when a boy marries a girl, at least that's how I was brought up in my family. I thought that this funny feeling towards boys would go away as I grow older. I even prayed for this feeling to go away occasionally. I started to get upset because of this at a very young age as the peers around me would always tease and make fun of gay people. Even though they may not really mean it, it still made me feel like an alien around them which got me even more upset. My mum would always criticise on gay people whenever they came up on news or tv shows and said that she would be so so devastated if one of her sons came out to her as gay one day, and there I was, sitting there feeling like she just stabbed me with a knife. I had my first gf when I was 19 cuz I just felt like I had to since all the guys around me were making gf. I had my first sexual exp with that gf of mine and surprisingly I could somehow respond to female body instead of getting really grossed out. We might be connected physically but I didn't feel any mental/spiritual connection at all, it just felt like having sex with a sex doll. I realised I wasn't in love at all, I was just venting my lust on that person who really liked me and it made me feel like a really horrible person. So I have been single throughout my uni years and you know, uni years are the period where people start to hunt for bf/gf like animals in spring. A few girls actually showed interests towards me and friends questioned me like how come I didn't hop onto the chance when it was already so obvious and chose to be single for so long. Well cuz I don't want the same thing to happen again and that my affections are actually towards male. Sorry if I'm whining like some 16 year old, but I'm juz really exhausted recently cuz I've been away from home since 18 and have been moving from places to places all by myself. I'm always feeling like I'm carrying a 10 ton anchor wherever I go while dealing with all kinda big and small in life. I think I need advice if not thx for reading cuz I juz need a place to express this.

missmuppet Lonely Christian Lesbian & depression
  • replies: 8

I feel like i'm in between a rock & a hard place. Trying to find my purpose in life. i spend lots of time alone because ive become so unsure of myself. Bipolar depression & chronic health concerns. i'm.just not happy.i think about cutting my life sho... View more

I feel like i'm in between a rock & a hard place. Trying to find my purpose in life. i spend lots of time alone because ive become so unsure of myself. Bipolar depression & chronic health concerns. i'm.just not happy.i think about cutting my life short quite a lot. i hsve councelor & psychiatrist. they cant seem to give me the right tools to keep me well & i've discovered recently that most of the work must come from me anyway. but i'm.tired of trying to make something of my life. i'm 38 & often the 3rd wheel where my family is concerned. i have no family of my own.Just dont have a reason to keep going. tried to find a partner but it went very badly. i feel flawed.have life threatening disease which at the moment cause great anxiety. cant keep doing this on my own. but find it hard to get out there & make some friends. & my christian beliefs tend to haunt me. it's all just a bit overwhelming.beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.