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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 223

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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Gruffudd Little things
  • replies: 5

When I think about what gets to me it is not the big things like when I was beaten up for being gay or having abuse hurled out of a car window because I was holding a boyfriends hand, those things I don't like but can deal with. It's the little thing... View more

When I think about what gets to me it is not the big things like when I was beaten up for being gay or having abuse hurled out of a car window because I was holding a boyfriends hand, those things I don't like but can deal with. It's the little things, the comments, the silence when I walk into the tea room because they think I might be embarrassed by a conversation about straight stuff, when dad tells me how even though he opposes gay marriage he is now accepting of legalisation of homosexuality (20 years on but who's counting?), or today at lunch when I overheard a joke about lesbians being told at a bus stop. I wonder how I could better deal with them. My last boss told me to stop being a victim, but I don't think that is an answer, I resent that it OK to expect me to have to deal with all that. I try to let go of each thing but it all seems to build up. Any ideas?

Paul Support at work
  • replies: 5

Hello, If you're "out" at work as GLBTI or have disclosed that you have depression/anxiety, how did it go? If you could have a "friendly chat" with your boss about how supported you feel, what would you say? Paul

Hello, If you're "out" at work as GLBTI or have disclosed that you have depression/anxiety, how did it go? If you could have a "friendly chat" with your boss about how supported you feel, what would you say? Paul

Gruffudd It's my birthday...
  • replies: 7

Yes, that's right, another birthday... Some days are miracles. I seem to stop and think every year of what it is like for the generations younger then me. It has gotten better but the risks are still 5 times higher and worse than our opposite sex att... View more

Yes, that's right, another birthday... Some days are miracles. I seem to stop and think every year of what it is like for the generations younger then me. It has gotten better but the risks are still 5 times higher and worse than our opposite sex attracted peers. There is so much need for change for trans people. Changes like marriage would send a message that queer people belong in our society. We could take sex and gender out of so many documents because it doesn't need to be there - a name is enough. So for my birthday the greatest gift would be for even a few to reach out to another LGBTI person and offer friendship and support. We all matter. Happy birthday to me.

pika_no_chu I always ask myself, "why me"
  • replies: 7

Hi people, So I just joined this forum and decided to post a thread cuz I really need a place to express those feelings since they have been hidden for so long and I feel like I'm exploding. So after 22 years I figured out that I'm gay (I've never sa... View more

Hi people, So I just joined this forum and decided to post a thread cuz I really need a place to express those feelings since they have been hidden for so long and I feel like I'm exploding. So after 22 years I figured out that I'm gay (I've never said this to anyone btw so this is kinda like a huge moment for me lol). I think I've always known ever since I was a kid. I soon learnt that it is only normal when a boy marries a girl, at least that's how I was brought up in my family. I thought that this funny feeling towards boys would go away as I grow older. I even prayed for this feeling to go away occasionally. I started to get upset because of this at a very young age as the peers around me would always tease and make fun of gay people. Even though they may not really mean it, it still made me feel like an alien around them which got me even more upset. My mum would always criticise on gay people whenever they came up on news or tv shows and said that she would be so so devastated if one of her sons came out to her as gay one day, and there I was, sitting there feeling like she just stabbed me with a knife. I had my first gf when I was 19 cuz I just felt like I had to since all the guys around me were making gf. I had my first sexual exp with that gf of mine and surprisingly I could somehow respond to female body instead of getting really grossed out. We might be connected physically but I didn't feel any mental/spiritual connection at all, it just felt like having sex with a sex doll. I realised I wasn't in love at all, I was just venting my lust on that person who really liked me and it made me feel like a really horrible person. So I have been single throughout my uni years and you know, uni years are the period where people start to hunt for bf/gf like animals in spring. A few girls actually showed interests towards me and friends questioned me like how come I didn't hop onto the chance when it was already so obvious and chose to be single for so long. Well cuz I don't want the same thing to happen again and that my affections are actually towards male. Sorry if I'm whining like some 16 year old, but I'm juz really exhausted recently cuz I've been away from home since 18 and have been moving from places to places all by myself. I'm always feeling like I'm carrying a 10 ton anchor wherever I go while dealing with all kinda big and small in life. I think I need advice if not thx for reading cuz I juz need a place to express this.

missmuppet Lonely Christian Lesbian & depression
  • replies: 8

I feel like i'm in between a rock & a hard place. Trying to find my purpose in life. i spend lots of time alone because ive become so unsure of myself. Bipolar depression & chronic health concerns. i'm.just not happy.i think about cutting my life sho... View more

I feel like i'm in between a rock & a hard place. Trying to find my purpose in life. i spend lots of time alone because ive become so unsure of myself. Bipolar depression & chronic health concerns. i'm.just not happy.i think about cutting my life short quite a lot. i hsve councelor & psychiatrist. they cant seem to give me the right tools to keep me well & i've discovered recently that most of the work must come from me anyway. but i'm.tired of trying to make something of my life. i'm 38 & often the 3rd wheel where my family is concerned. i have no family of my own.Just dont have a reason to keep going. tried to find a partner but it went very badly. i feel flawed.have life threatening disease which at the moment cause great anxiety. cant keep doing this on my own. but find it hard to get out there & make some friends. & my christian beliefs tend to haunt me. it's all just a bit overwhelming.beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

abbeydawn Importance of a label
  • replies: 2

I am in my early 20s, and recently discovered the term 'demisexual'. For majority of my teenage years I wondered whether I was a lesbian, bi or perhaps just straight and those questioning thoughts were due to my constant contact with only girls (I we... View more

I am in my early 20s, and recently discovered the term 'demisexual'. For majority of my teenage years I wondered whether I was a lesbian, bi or perhaps just straight and those questioning thoughts were due to my constant contact with only girls (I went to an all girl's high school. In my late teens I realized that it was not as easy for me to be intimate with someone, which made me feel even more alienated among my fellow peers who seemed to have no problem in identifying how they felt physically about someone else. There is only one person I have ever felt the urge to be emotionally and physically involved, and that happens to be one of my close friends (girl). I developed a crush, or feelings for her after we shared quite a lot of our problems. I have worked very hard and long to diminish my feelings as I value our friendship more and know that she doesn't see me the same way. After doing so I felt more free and let my brain explore "other fish in the sea" and I did happen to like a guy recently, which made me question everything once again. That is what brings me to understand demisexuality as this term describes someone who does not experience sexual attraction unless there is an emotional bond present. From the endless forums I have explored it seems that majority of demisexuals feel confused about their sexuality initially, tend to fall for their friends (and the love is one-sided), tend to feel an emptiness when the topic comes to sex and/or find it hard to be sexually intimate on a casual basis - all of these apply to me very accurately. The small instances that I have experienced in liking someone/being involved with someone have revolved around either not feeling anything due to lack of connection or feeling too much due to the deep bond, and currently the issue of understanding whether I like guys or girls or both. Finding this term helped me figure myself out a bit, and this is just the tip of the iceberg in comparison to the heap of questions, theories and assumptions that are circling in my head. Does anyone feel completely confused about their need for emotional bond? And how does one certainly know which sex they are attracted to? Do my concerns even rely on attraction or purely just the emotional bond shared by two? Thanks for the read and hope someone can relate!

tom12321 new guy here needing some.support.
  • replies: 5

I am a gay male 26 living in sydney. I have been suffering near most of my life. Teased in primary school had ADHD through all of my educational life tried to hide being gay in my early years as i knew since i was 8. ATM i in sex and love addict meet... View more

I am a gay male 26 living in sydney. I have been suffering near most of my life. Teased in primary school had ADHD through all of my educational life tried to hide being gay in my early years as i knew since i was 8. ATM i in sex and love addict meeting which are full on and i am finding it hard to have the energy to attend them. I also got anxiety depression and borderline personality disorder. I consider myself a strong person but lately i have been exhausted from my thoughts and emotions. Mainly i miss my dad and i have tried everything to get his attention. I know i am not to blame for his issues but i feel responsible someway. My psychologist for homework wants me to write a letter saying goodbye and what i am grateful for him for. I know there is nothing more i can do to get him in my life and i have to let him go but i am scared. I am seeking out attention in other guys which i know isnt the answer and a poor substitute for his attention. But its like he is still alive its not like he is dead. I am finding it extremely difficult let go but if i dont its hurting me emotionally. Has anyone here gone through this similar circumstance if so how did you cope.

pja53 Gay, old and and rurally isolated !
  • replies: 10

The BeyondBlue bus was in town the other day. I stopped by first thing, and chatted with a friendly person. Told her that I came out just four years ago after many, many years of marriage and denial of my sexuality, that as an older man living in a s... View more

The BeyondBlue bus was in town the other day. I stopped by first thing, and chatted with a friendly person. Told her that I came out just four years ago after many, many years of marriage and denial of my sexuality, that as an older man living in a small country town I feel isolated as a gay man, and that I am now medicated for mild depression. So this is my first time on the forums. Yes there are the "apps" like grindr and scruff. There's even a couple of gay and lesbian social groups. All good, although at times I still feel out of my depth. Different language, different expectations, different culture sometimes. And sure, I've learnt a lot in the past four years since coming out. But as an older, single, gay man, longing for intimacy and companionship, (rather than simply a "root", sorry !!) it seems as if the door is closed to me. Although I find it VERY, very difficult at times, I "put myself out there" (although find it so difficult making small talk). I have in the past even made the trek to Melbourne. But rarely do guys want to make the trip here, to the uttermost parts of the earth ! lol The lady at the beyongblue van was very kind, helpful, and listened to me in a way that most others don't, or don't fully understand. I cried. Actually, I cried a lot. But thank you to her for listening. I don't honestly see any solutions. I take one day at a time. I force myself to go to work (except for the days that I chicken out and stay home, and hug the pillow). When asked the other day by someone who knows me "How are you?" my answer was simply, "I got up out of bed this morning." She understood. Thanks for reading.

Sadlou Helping depressed transgender teen
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone I'm desperate for some advice. Our son is 16, transgender and depressed. He hasn't been attending school, he has been seeing a psychologist however they are so busy it's very hard to get an appointment and sometimes when we turn up for an... View more

Hi everyone I'm desperate for some advice. Our son is 16, transgender and depressed. He hasn't been attending school, he has been seeing a psychologist however they are so busy it's very hard to get an appointment and sometimes when we turn up for an appointment they aren't there or tell us we don't have one. He was just shutting himself in the study on the computer all day and night but we have since taken that away. Now he shuts himself in his bedroom watching Netflix etc. what I really want to know is should we take things away from him because he doesn't go to school like the computer and seeing his friends or is this the wrong thing to do are we making things worse by doing this? Can you suggest things we can do to try and get him back to school and to cheer him up?

Joe_Black1 My darling wife, I'm so very sorry
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My darling wife, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for coming out to you and hurting you.Very sorry the man you married is a transgender woman on the inside. So, so sorry you look at me like I’m a freak.I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to tell you years ago, b... View more

My darling wife, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for coming out to you and hurting you.Very sorry the man you married is a transgender woman on the inside. So, so sorry you look at me like I’m a freak.I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to tell you years ago, before we had kids. I apologise for ruining our marriage.Even though I won’t go through transition, I’m sorry you can’t ever see me as the man you married again. I never really was that man you married –I’m sorry that you feel deceived. I wish I’d never been born. I’m so very sorry my problems became your problems.There was anger in your voice last night when I came out with my shameful dark secret. I sorry I made you angry! I’m sorry you felt angry that I have depression, when you felt you had more right because of your horrible childhood. Getting awfully good at saying sorry. To our kids, I say a heartfelt sorry. What a shithouse father I turned out to be. And I’d make a shithouse mother too no doubt. Sorry ‘bout that. To you two amazing kids, I can’t tell you how sorry I am – you never had a choice in this. It kills me inside when I think of your reactions when you find out. I’m sorry I’m freaking out and making a scene. So sorry I’m half the man you thought I was – and now a freak of a woman who never really will be. Coming out was supposed to be a good thing, So why do I feel devastated??? I’ve destroyed what I had, who I was, so I could feel a little bit brave? A little proud of myself at last? Fat lot of good that was. What pride? That feeling lasted about 5 seconds. Wasn’t worth it. I’m crying like a baby on my keyboard… Sorry to you too, boss.