Sexuality and gender identity

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 216

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

3TreeFrogs Fetish sexuality and mental health
  • replies: 3

I'm in a situation where I have no-one to talk to. A dear friend has confided in me some of their desires some of which are taboo. Before we could talk about it fully we argued via IM and I said some regrettable things, now they have blocked me and a... View more

I'm in a situation where I have no-one to talk to. A dear friend has confided in me some of their desires some of which are taboo. Before we could talk about it fully we argued via IM and I said some regrettable things, now they have blocked me and are largely ignoring me in common social circles. I'm also struggling with my own desires and self loathing. This person was the only person I fully confide in. I'm so sick with guilt. This is on top of 15~ years of poorly treated depression and anxiety that has only recently been looked at as bi-polar. I also suffer ADD that has followed me into adulthood. As a result, I am reasonably emotionally intelligent and articulate. But I am also prone to being emotionally fragile, immature and naive. By immature I mean lacking a fully adult mentality. I have no idea if its safe to talk to my Psychiatrist about this, I don't want anyone to get in trouble. Id rather talk it out with my friend because it would be good for both of us. I have had a chance to apologize in person but the response was something like 'This isnt the place for that, its a party'. Sadly if he remains silent to me for much longer I will have to find a someone to talk to about it because since that event I've barely left the house and have been an emotional wreck. I can't imagine what would have happened had I not started medication a few months before all this. How to get access to a mental health professional that is sex positive regarding fetishes?

minionstu84 Finding Me
  • replies: 3

I'm 30 years old and I've been with my partner for nearly 8 years. I've never been happier. I found my soul mate, the love of my life very early and we're inseparable but up until this moment I've struggled with finding the real me. I've never been a... View more

I'm 30 years old and I've been with my partner for nearly 8 years. I've never been happier. I found my soul mate, the love of my life very early and we're inseparable but up until this moment I've struggled with finding the real me. I've never been a massive fan of labeling people or peoples preferences like gay, bi, straight - we're all human and we all deserve to love and be loved. I honestly think my personal acceptance of being gay was a lie all those years ago. I told myself I was to feel better but I think it's only now I am truthfully accepting it. For so long I have disliked the word "gay" when people used it to describe me, I closed up and shut down. Felt embarrassed and my body temperature would rise through the roof! Over the past few weeks I've begun to really surprise myself. I suffer from anxiety and my emotions and mood can turn faster than a cake lover running towards a bakery. I've always been a little hermit crab. Staying in, messing around on the computer but lately I've taken a real positive approach to who I am. I'm actively trying to make like minded new gay friends (it's very difficult), going out a little more and have started to feel strongly towards helping those who are struggling to accept they are gay or in need of guidance. The real challenge for me and where I feel I need help is that my job prevents me from really being me. I sometimes feel like I'm an actor. I act the part of 1 person 90% of the day and the other 10% I'm hiding who I really am and boxing away my emotions, feelings, relationship to protect myself. I worry how others will judge me if they really know me and worry how they will look at me. I shouldn't worry about the things I can't control but I do and it's a downfall. I have considered attending a town LGBT get together but back out when I think of how I would be judged or looked down upon by those who have no fears in the world. I feel I'm revealing and finding the real me but there's still work to be done and I would love any feedback, help or guidance. I don't want to proudly walk the streets wrapped in a rainbow flag (that's just not me) but I want to do my part to help my community become more accepted, become a role model for people wanting advice but I find all this so challenging when I can't fully find myself to start with.

rebel_girl Confused...
  • replies: 7

Hi, I'm not really sure where to start.. I am 28, and I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years. I have been attracted to women over the years, but never thought much of it, I kinda thought it was like that for most girls. From time to time, I would ... View more

Hi, I'm not really sure where to start.. I am 28, and I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years. I have been attracted to women over the years, but never thought much of it, I kinda thought it was like that for most girls. From time to time, I would think about it more closely, about whether I might be bi or lesbian but as I'm in a relationship, I dismissed my feelings and thoughts. Recently, I have been finding it harder to dismiss. I have decided I want to talk about it, but don't have anyone who has been through anything similar. I am unsure what my next step should be... How do I know if what I'm feeling is true? rebel_girl

LEO571 Devastated and lost
  • replies: 5

My partner of 3.5yrs and I have separated, I've tried desperately to fix our problems and to try work through them as a couple, but she wasn't interested, looking back, I think it was only me trying to hold us together. She has two small children fro... View more

My partner of 3.5yrs and I have separated, I've tried desperately to fix our problems and to try work through them as a couple, but she wasn't interested, looking back, I think it was only me trying to hold us together. She has two small children from a previous marriage, she left him for me and I tried to be the person she needed. Supported her and her children without question. I made sure that I was available every day to help her in anyway she needed, apparently she never even noticed. Now Im left feeling utterly used and questioning if she ever really loved me and was I just financial support. Does this excruciating pain ever end????

-_ It's finally starting to take it's toll...
  • replies: 4

Sadly my first post has to be a unhappy one however my boyfriends anxiety and seasonal depression, alongside our moving across the country to California is starting to take a toll on me psychologically. I am beginning to think I am too sensitive, nee... View more

Sadly my first post has to be a unhappy one however my boyfriends anxiety and seasonal depression, alongside our moving across the country to California is starting to take a toll on me psychologically. I am beginning to think I am too sensitive, needy or blindly selfish to function in a way that won't negatively impact me. My boyfriend has admitted he has extreme anxiety which results in him isolating himself in the bedroom and sleeping hours at a time to get rid of the buzzing. And in reference to his seasonal depression, God forbid he get a stuffy nose or else the world should be set on fire. The past year it seems that all I have learned is to build blanket forts on the bed for him and avoid him if I have the smallest f needs, like being told I am loved and being given some form of physical affection like a kiss or a hug once a day - but alas that seems to much to ask and ends up making me feel selfish just for asking. I am walking on pins and needles days at a time feeling invisible hands choke me all because of his inconsistent behavior that leaves me wondering if I should chock it up to his anxiety or if I did something wrong and he just wants to leave. You'd think after a year of living together I would figure it out by now. Needless to say its gotten to the point where once a 3 day bought of depression starts, I start thinking of all the things he is going to say to end the relationship, or that he is not happy anymore and has been with someone else. Then one day he will snap out of it and ask for sex or attention like he was never mentally absent. It's far more difficult to balance than I thought, especially for someone as sensitive as I am who desires a one daily second of affirmative intimacy. What's worse is my frustration in trying to understand why if he is so aware of his illness, why he can't be aware enough to do things to alleviate my worry and/or concern. I've convinced myself I should be happy that he is willing to show me his true colors, but it's so not fair when our roommate walks in the door and he becomes a completely different, bubbly person around them. I assume it's because he puts on a show, regardless I wish sometimes he would give me a break and put on a show for me. I hate feeling like a great boyfriend one second and a useless piece of annoying trash the next. And it's pointless to talk to him, because no "I feel" statements make a difference. I feel like I have to suck it up or be ready for an argument.

brett_s83 Gay and struggling
  • replies: 4

Hi I'm a 30 year old male and have been in a same-sex relationship for about four years. I came out to my family just over a year ago finally having the guts to do so. I came out thinking that it would make things easier but unfortunately things seem... View more

Hi I'm a 30 year old male and have been in a same-sex relationship for about four years. I came out to my family just over a year ago finally having the guts to do so. I came out thinking that it would make things easier but unfortunately things seem to be worse. Nobody in my family wants to meet my partner and generally don't talk about my sexuality. I feel that they tolerate me but don't accept. This frustrates my partner greatly as I have met a number of his family members and I enjoy their company. The entire situation becomes further strained when my partner drinks and vents his frustration in an aggressive manner. I also have a lot of stress at work and don't seem to be able to achieve what I need to. All of this leaves me feeling worthless and unable to accomplish anything. I feel anxious at various times throughout the day from getting ready for work through to coming home to a partner drinking and ready to pounce. I don't know how to manage this. Please help!

Amelia I wish there was another word.
  • replies: 7

I have recently figured out that I'm - for lack of a better word - "bisexual". Is there anyone else who doesn't feel like this is quite the right word for them? Yeah, okay, I am attracted to both genders... but it's not about their gender, it's about... View more

I have recently figured out that I'm - for lack of a better word - "bisexual". Is there anyone else who doesn't feel like this is quite the right word for them? Yeah, okay, I am attracted to both genders... but it's not about their gender, it's about personality. I don't fall in love with men or women - I fall in love with people. I feel like "bisexual" implies that I'd have sex with anyone, you know? Anyway, it probably doesn't matter that much but just something I was thinking about. Also, it is difficult feeling this way in a small community. I am not open about my sexuality here. My family know, and a couple of close friends... but I would like to experience living in a bigger city where there are more people who feel this way. Though I think it would take a bit of getting used to, saying "Hi... I'm bi!" Even writing it here feels quite weird, because it's new. Anyway. Guess I just wanted to have a go at poking my toe out of the "closet"... PS. I have no idea how to flirt with girls. Anyone have any tips? (grin)

Scotty2013 GLBT No wonder we are depressed seriously
  • replies: 5

I dont want to make this political about Gay Marriage but hell, no wonder so many are depressed I mean really for the last 15 years people have said maybe 'in a YEAR..after year. things will be totally different for us all.... So when you don't get t... View more

I dont want to make this political about Gay Marriage but hell, no wonder so many are depressed I mean really for the last 15 years people have said maybe 'in a YEAR..after year. things will be totally different for us all.... So when you don't get to have a normal love life, and kids, you begin to wonder why am I even here...what's my purpose...why bother doing anything if I'm going to come home to an empty house for the rest of my life?. At least straight folks have a purpose and a reason to do something with their lives Marry and have kids and a plan... they have people depending on them. They have partners to share a life with and an incentive to work hard so they can enjoy those special getaways together and plan things properly. Why bother doing anything, when i always feel second class?, I'm tired of it not getting any younger either , I dont want to be 60 and still feel like this??, NZ has done it , It's like i dont want to go on another year feeling second class, please hurry up!! people die! .......Thanks TC

DaneSaysYay can one change their life.
  • replies: 4

howdy, i had a moment last week where i met someone socialy after not really going out of the house for a long time.the kind of thing that smacks you in the face with intense emotions, makes you fluster skip a heart beat, want to be a better person, ... View more

howdy, i had a moment last week where i met someone socialy after not really going out of the house for a long time.the kind of thing that smacks you in the face with intense emotions, makes you fluster skip a heart beat, want to be a better person, beyong lust and trivial things....hopefully its not just me and the other humans have such feelings... my story is one of anxiety and depression most of my adult life, and disability bad chioces etc.. i am allmost 40, not going to live forever but am very focused theese days that if i survive long enough i will find love and ease thetorment of my life.. so they just created another label?i hope not, i think sexuality is fluid in some and changes, you may say im bisexual....geeze i hate that word, a word that makes me think of promiscurity, i wish there could be another name.... hey i just love one human deeply at a time and want real conection and love. enigma? maybe in todays climate. without writing a novel, i have to kids to a tormented woman, who is unhappy unstable and whatever, i still love my kids id do anything for anyone even the haters, i aslo have no job bad diabetes and the depression and anxiety and a load of social isolation and loneliness... its funny how you can be surrounded by people and buisy but not share kindwords, a few years back i spent considerable time in hospital, got sic\k got better, relationship fell apart and got into looking up suicide on the internet, for awhile thinking this and that like it was my ticket out and i was real cool with killing myself, but I didnt die. but im still alive and focused on health and my goal later in the year. i want to be myself i want a boyfriend i want my famiy to accept me and not laugh when i tell them, i want to have love that takes my breath away,,, dont want to be a loser.. how do i change my life to get my self into the position i need.. im in limbo, the heart hurts, its groundhogday..D. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Kikki Gay or Bi......why am I making it so hard for myself?
  • replies: 10

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and have sat here crying hysterectivally after watching some inspiring online clips by Analiese and Shane. It was very inspirational and I think it brought up many home truths for myself about self hatred and the wa... View more

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and have sat here crying hysterectivally after watching some inspiring online clips by Analiese and Shane. It was very inspirational and I think it brought up many home truths for myself about self hatred and the way in which society views people and the way I view myself. I have been questioning my sexuality for the past 7 years after growing up believing I was straight until I hit my mid twenties. I now feel like I have been in a bad dream for this past 7 years and that I will wake up one day with a clear answer. Yet this may not happen....am I gay or bisexual or what? I feel like I actually dont fit anywhere and that makes me really sad and lonley. I dont know whether to search for a male or female partner as I have been in relationships with both sexes and neither felt right. When I was with my male partner I thought about being with a female and then a few yrs later when I was with my female partner I thought about being with a guy. Luckily, I am surrounded by some many amazing family and friends who are so supportive but have no idea really what I am experienceing. I just want it to stop. I have since been diagnosed with depression a few months again after hitting rock bottom and not being able to function. As a health profresssional myself, I was good at hiding the symptoms from myself until eventually I couldnt anymore. I mean I care for other right? I'm not the one that needs help.....so I thought. Anyway I don't want to bring u down with my woes, but just to say that I'm not sure where to go from here. I want to be the carefree happy person that I once was and know that I am the only one who can change this. But how I ask? cheers.