Sexuality and gender identity

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

Nickname_204C26A8-F9A3-4D Is it still a phase 8 years later
  • replies: 1

So I’m 14 now, I’ve been attracted to girls since I was just a little kid, I had little silly boyfriends but I was more attracted to girls, I thought It was just a phase sort of thing. I grew up still being turned on by girls. I was scared at this po... View more

So I’m 14 now, I’ve been attracted to girls since I was just a little kid, I had little silly boyfriends but I was more attracted to girls, I thought It was just a phase sort of thing. I grew up still being turned on by girls. I was scared at this point. I’m now 14 and still very attracted to girls, I’ve had a few boyfriends and it was fun, but I’m not sexually attracted to men. I’m sexually attracted to women, just don’t find men’s private parts normal.. (I’m still a virgin but I don’t like men’s down there so I probably will be for quite a long time) I’m scaredthat if I ask someone if this is wrong I’ll be judged for liking girls more. Am I bi? Is it still a phase? I’m too scared to tell anyone because I just too afraid... Please help.

TRicky34 Crossroads. Which way to go
  • replies: 3

HI, A friend put me onto this site, said it might help to let it out and chat with people who might be going through or have some advice on what I'm going through. I'm 34 M and currently completely and utterly confused about my sexuality, to be hones... View more

HI, A friend put me onto this site, said it might help to let it out and chat with people who might be going through or have some advice on what I'm going through. I'm 34 M and currently completely and utterly confused about my sexuality, to be honest I have been for about 10 years now. I have had multiple girlfriends, but never had a M-M relationship except for the physical. I'm pretty messed up because I'm emotionally and sexually attracted to woman, but sexually attracted to men as-well and the thought of being in a relationship with another male doesn't feel right, thought I'm happy with a physical one relationship (see, I'm messed up). My mind is doing a number on me and it's gotten to the point where at 34 years old, there are nights that I cry myself to sleep, or lock myself in my house and not go anywhere because i believe people "know" when they look at me, lately I've begun to snap at friends, insult work colleagues, and begun being rude to everyone, friends and family included (believe me this is totally out of character). The other week I hit rock bottom and friends/family took turns calling me on the hour every hour to make sure I hadn't done anything "silly". A few friends have told me to try dating a guy and see how it goes, but my concern is that when I do date someone of the same sex, and say, down the line, it doesn't work out and I realize that a relationship with a M isn't going to work, how will the rest of the world perceive me if I decide to date a woman again. To allot of people it's either black or white, yes or no, straight or gay, there is no in-between. My perception is that it's easier for a woman (and I honestly mean no offence here) to try out a F-F relationship and it's OK to go back to a F-M relationship if that doesn't work out, but no one would believe a guy if they new he had been dating another guy and decided to go back to dating a woman. None of this probably makes any sense, and I apologize for that, the brain thinks, the hands type, and it gets muddle up somewhere in between.. I've been told I worry about what other people and what the "world" thinks instead of being myself. But It's so hard to explain to people what is going through my head.. But it's really messing me up atm. A don't expect answers or miracle solutions, but just anyone with any advice would be appreciated..

crushergirl Will I ever stop feeling guilty?
  • replies: 3

5 years ago I left my 20 year marriage and came out. I had an affair with another woman, left my children with my ex husband and began my life as a lesbian. Ive always been gay but only acted on it 5 years ago. My first relationship didn't last a yea... View more

5 years ago I left my 20 year marriage and came out. I had an affair with another woman, left my children with my ex husband and began my life as a lesbian. Ive always been gay but only acted on it 5 years ago. My first relationship didn't last a year and it became very nasty and she was mentally abusive. My second relationship is so much better, we are married and she loves me no matter what. BUT I still feel so guilty for leaving my children behind with my ex husband even though it was the best decision for them as it meant I didn't have to uproot them from their school and their life. They also did not like my first relationship person. They blamed her for losing their mum and they knew she was a bad person. I didn't listen but I soon found out the hard way. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of them, feel guilty for what I did to them and my ex husband who is a good guy. This causes me to be depressed and believe that I am unworthy of anyone's love. My children don't like my wifes children so don't visit anymore now that they are older and independent. Sometimes I wonder if they are punishing me for what I did to them and I often think that they are better off without me. This leads to bad thoughts. I hope that this forum will be able to support me in working through this, finding better ways to think and help me stop feeling so guilty all of the time.

Amelbourneboy Have I done this to my self???
  • replies: 10

How do I start this.. I have been in a gay relationship for 9 years. While not a perfect relationship I have had nothing but 100% support from my partner and vice versa. We both had never been in a relationship before so its first loves for both of u... View more

How do I start this.. I have been in a gay relationship for 9 years. While not a perfect relationship I have had nothing but 100% support from my partner and vice versa. We both had never been in a relationship before so its first loves for both of us. We have essentionally the "ideal" life, both have great jobs, our own house, pets, network of friends. I have had anxiety for 2 years, while it was horrifing at the start, with medication and professional help i have been able to maintain a stable mental health... untill now. Our relationship is not an open one and i dont believe in cheating as my father did this to my mother who now suffers her own demons. I had recently meet some one, was just chatting on line, got to know them and we finally meet. Great person, made me laugh, made me suddenly notice my relationship is non excistant. I am a realistic person, i dont for one minute think there is a future in this new found interest, But all of a sudden my anxiety back. The heart racing, the sick feeling, not eating for days, the tiredness, wanting darkness. Its a different feeling this time, its been combinded with feeling of being trapped in my relationship, not wanting to hurt or cause sadness, but also having this seperation feeling from some one who i only have meet once!!! Worrying if they are happy, or feeling sick thinking of them with someone else. None of this makes sense even to me. I just feel i want to be alone, but is it real or is it just my mind.

justinok HIV dentist panic
  • replies: 4

OK, so with so much ignorance out there already, and being an HIV poz guy, the story this week about the dentist in Victoria really got to me. Don't know how many people heard it but itwas all over the news. The healthcare authorities went nuts and s... View more

OK, so with so much ignorance out there already, and being an HIV poz guy, the story this week about the dentist in Victoria really got to me. Don't know how many people heard it but itwas all over the news. The healthcare authorities went nuts and sent hundreds of people for tests because they had been "in contact" with a dentist who was poz. They had interviews on the news with all these worried people in the street, and it made my blood boil. Unless the guy (or girl) was having sexual contact with the patients or injecting blood directly into your veins, there is no way any of these people would have been at risk. People like me still have to keep their status a secret because ignorant people think they can catch it off me by sharing a cup or having me touch them, and to have something like this happen where a health authority is helping spread the ignornace, is really upsetting. As if we don't feel enough like lepers already.

jim i cant get out of this hole
  • replies: 5

hey everyone, wow where to begin so i am a 33 y/o gay male who has deppression and anxiey i've been reading some peoples problems and i think wow i dont even come close to theres but yet i cant seem to snap out of it i wake up everyday and it just se... View more

hey everyone, wow where to begin so i am a 33 y/o gay male who has deppression and anxiey i've been reading some peoples problems and i think wow i dont even come close to theres but yet i cant seem to snap out of it i wake up everyday and it just seems to get worse i am on daily meds witch im sure is making me feel worse but my doctor says give them time its been 5 months surely some change would be going on. i should be happpy i have every thing i could ask for a boyfriend who loves me a roof over my head food in my belly no job tho but i look every day with no luck, this feeling of overwelmeing just keeps growing its getting to the point where im feeling like offing myself just to stop feeling this way and i have no idea why im feeling this way i know that my problems are minute copaired to some but i just needed to talk to people who have the same issues as i have no friends because of some issues ive had in the past they have all just up and left me witch im sure is my fault hopefuly somone out there understands and can just have a chat with me beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Zoe__lt_3 Terrified of coming out
  • replies: 14

Hi BB Forumites, I’ve reached a point in my life where I cannot deny my true self much longer. I’ve lived in complete denial for ages, which has fed my depression and self-loathing like a sheep to a starving lion. I’m coming to terms with the fact th... View more

Hi BB Forumites, I’ve reached a point in my life where I cannot deny my true self much longer. I’ve lived in complete denial for ages, which has fed my depression and self-loathing like a sheep to a starving lion. I’m coming to terms with the fact that my life has been one big falsehood. And it’s nearly destroyed me several times. I now acknowledge my true inner self and accept that by living the life my friends and family expected, I have wasted much of my life living like I’m actually in someone else’s body, not my own. To have reached this point of acceptance in my mind before even seeing my shrink (first ‘date’ on the 29/8) is a big step in my process of ‘getting to know me’ and perhaps one day healing the deep, dark pain in my soul. I am no longer the person I was last month, last year, or the last decade. I am a lesbian. There, I said it – whew- Now how the hell do I ever muster up the courage to tell my partner? I am terrified of the hurt, shame, embarrassment. Will I be treated like a freak? Will my kids understand and still love me? Will I be able to face my workmates? This seems like such a selfish thing to do – ruin a family because I am no longer who I pretended to be. I long to be openly part of the LGBTI community, but inside I’m crawling with fear, guilt and shame for what it may do to my family! Guilt and shame are so powerful and they are the main reasons I’ve been in denial for so long. Guilt, shame and fear are the emotions that have caused me to self-destruct on so many occasions. I have a long history of self-sabotage and I lay the blame squarely at the feet of my guilt, shame and fear. If I do nothing, and continue living with family for the sake of the kids, I’m very worried about my mental health, but at least the guilt and shame will take a back seat. If I do speak up and come out, I risk losing everything/ everyone I’ve loved. I don’t know what to do! I can’t sleep, I’m so stressed. I’m drinking too much and I’ve even thought of doubling my AD’s so that I’m a zombie and don’t have to think about it anymore. I throw myself on the mercy and guidance of the Forum… Zoe x

RekoSanctum13 Mind Blown Confusion????
  • replies: 2

Okay...... This is the first time I have ever done something like this or let alone talked about this other than to my councillor....... I wanted your guys opinion. I am recently going out with a guy and I love him a lot but I am bi. I have gone out ... View more

Okay...... This is the first time I have ever done something like this or let alone talked about this other than to my councillor....... I wanted your guys opinion. I am recently going out with a guy and I love him a lot but I am bi. I have gone out with a girl for almost a month last year and I absolutely loved her to bits. she made me feel special. and so does my boyfriend now. I like both genders but I am kinda in a bit of a tight spot....... I like to dress as a guy and my boyfriend doesn't know about it....... Even though, he said he wants to be a cross dresser (I believe he is joking) But the strange thing is........ When I dress like a guy and I look at a hot guy I don't look at them in a girls perspective but more of a guys perspective like I've got a gay guy trapped inside of me. I have sometimes thought even when I wasn't in guys clothing that when I see a guy sometimes that "Hey, I want to date that guy but with my male side." I don't want to have a sex change because I like being a girl but my guy side is a bit of a bother...... I like both sides to me but I'm confused....... Is what I feel when I dress as a guy normal?!?!? What do I call this? Do I tell my boyfriend about this?!?! I'm confused........ help.......?

jo85 partner with anxiety/depression
  • replies: 5

Hi new friends! I'm aware that this isn't technically the space for support people but to be honest I feel more comfortable communicating in the queer community because there are some differences between us and the straighties. My girlfriend is not g... View more

Hi new friends! I'm aware that this isn't technically the space for support people but to be honest I feel more comfortable communicating in the queer community because there are some differences between us and the straighties. My girlfriend is not going so well at the moment, and I am trying to be supportive but also struggling with that. I won't go into details, but I think what I'm struggling with the most is a feeling of responsibility for her and her happiness. I wonder if any of you have got any gold tips for me? Thank youuuu.

pirana69 the love of my life is gone
  • replies: 11

I recently broke up with my bf of 2 years due to his bipolar depression. Its heavy in my heart because there is so much love, respect and intimacy in our relationship. He was a kind man with a golden heart. However due to his depression he wasn't abl... View more

I recently broke up with my bf of 2 years due to his bipolar depression. Its heavy in my heart because there is so much love, respect and intimacy in our relationship. He was a kind man with a golden heart. However due to his depression he wasn't able to cope with the relationship challenges that every couple goes through on a day to day basis. Im gutted that he has given up. However i know he didn't intend of any of this to happen. My ex-partner had issues in expressing his anger, communicating and confronting. I was the total opposite of this. I believe that opposites do attract and no excuses of not being together. Sadly i have tried to communicate with him in a calm and understanding approach every time a disagreement happens but he would shut down completely and would result to breaking up. In the past 2 years he had challenged me into breaking up but i knew he wasn't thinking properly and after a few days he would realise he didn't mean too. Because i loved him and understood the illness i gave him chances. After all this we seeked help and see a psychologist, he did go for a few session but just gave up. because it wasnt working for him. I tried to convince him it takes time to find the right therapist. He inherited the depression from his dad's side and as i know all of the family member suffers from depression. Our trip overseas was cancelled and it saddens me that we no longer live together. The break up was mutual and we both understand why we can't be together. I'm devastated that the love of my life is not with me, I know i tried very hard with communicating and seeking help for him but at the end of the day i realised i couldn't fix him. I miss him very much and wish he didn't have depression. I'm so lonely and not sure how i can get over this. I know i have done the right thing. But this sadness in me would hopefully fade away. Its only been a month, i know in time i would be ok. Its very hard as i am missing him very much and the love remains. He need to help himself in order to fix himself. Im not sure if he will do as he gotten used to growing up and just ignoring the pain. I would like to hear your story if you have experience what happen to me. It would give me hope to help me go through this unpleasantness.