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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 223

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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AndrewE Not sure how to go from here. Please help
  • replies: 4

My name is Ben and I'm a 33 year old man and I'm gay.That's the first time I've said that, not a single person has heard me say it, not my friends, not my family, and definitely not my heterosexual partner of 10 years. I am leading a double life and ... View more

My name is Ben and I'm a 33 year old man and I'm gay.That's the first time I've said that, not a single person has heard me say it, not my friends, not my family, and definitely not my heterosexual partner of 10 years. I am leading a double life and I can't do it any more, but I'm too scared to stop. I think I've known for a long time that I was gay, but I refused to accept it until recently. Even now, although I know rationally that it is not a choice, if I could choose my sexuality, I wouldn't choose gay. I feel constant guilt, every minute, that I am living a lie - but that lie remains unknown until I tell everyone. So I don't, because I'm worried I'll be judged for lying. I can hear the responses in my mind of people I know as they find out; shock, disbelief and then judgement. "Why didn't he say so earlier?" "What about his partner?" "Has he always been gay?" I don't even know the answers and I'm not strong enough to deal with knowing that my life is being discussed like this.This constant inner argument is wearing me out. I am not sleeping. I wake up tired and I fall asleep on the bus on the way to work in the morning. The other day on the bus I saw a Dad with his young son and I started to cry because I don't think now that I'll ever have children and I got so overwhelmingly sad. I know this is not rational, I know there are numerous ways for gay men to be fathers, but right then, I couldn't stop crying. When I'm not sad, I am too tired to feel anything. Both my grandfathers died in quick succession around Christmas (while sad, this was not a shock. They were both quite elderly) and all I felt was numb.I am drinking too much, I am eating badly, I have taken un-prescribed sleeping pills and sometimes I take codeine. These help me escape for a while, but I know it's dangerous and I know I shouldn't do it. But it gives me a break. I am so tired and I don't know how to proceed. I think if people peeled back the curtain and saw the real me they would be horrified, I've been lying for so long that some days I believe it. I need help to get to a clear path.I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, I'm sorry if I'm rambling, but saying all this is new for me. I was bought up in a house that didn't discuss feelings and thoughts and it's all coming out in a mess. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Natos Bisexual Woman
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, my name's Nat and I thought that my story might help some of you who might still be learning to understand being bisexual.I never had this crazy urge to be with a woman, I'd been with men my whole life at when I found myself single at 30... View more

Hi everyone, my name's Nat and I thought that my story might help some of you who might still be learning to understand being bisexual.I never had this crazy urge to be with a woman, I'd been with men my whole life at when I found myself single at 30 I decided that I should maybe go and investigate this curiosity that I had of being with a woman. I had no connections to meet a women as I only knew straight people so I went online and started using the 'Brenda' dating app. What I thought would just be a bit of an experience and experiment soon turned into falling madly in love with a woman and finding myself in a committed relationship. Through my experience most people were supported, the funny thing was that the most 'pro gay rights' friends that I knew were the once who took it the hardest! Everyone wanted to put me in a box to define me, I don't even like calling myself bisexual, not that I'm ashamed but i don't feel the need to be defined. Telling my mum was the hardest, she was supportive but we had our testing times. After one year my girlfriend and I broke up as we fell out of love in the end. I am now living with my boyfriend and we have been together for 1.5 years and planning on having kids next year. This doesn't mean that I'm not still attracted to women, though I am faithful and would not cheat on my man. My own personal circumstance is that I've found the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with, it doesn't matter that he is a man or a women, he is a beautiful person.A struggle that I did have in my relationship with my ex girlfriend is that I really missed being sexual with a man at times and in the end my conclusion is that I think for a long term relationship I'm probably better suited to be with a man but if I was ever to be single again I would be open to dating both men and women. Anyway I hope that this might help someone out there. Another big struggle of mine was not having any gay friends and I found it really hard breaking into the LGBTI community though I recommend maybe going online and start dating girls and hopefully make some friends out of that.Either way, don't stress too much about trying to box yourself into a sexuality, you love a person and not a sex and that is a beautiful trait to have.Nat

Leira 50/50 : This is my Life and Love story
  • replies: 1

Hi BB brothers and sisters. I have a problem with my sexuality. You can call me "Leira" but I dont mind if you call me friend. This is just my second post in BB site. The first one, I introduced myself and the list of my problems. I guess I can say t... View more

Hi BB brothers and sisters. I have a problem with my sexuality. You can call me "Leira" but I dont mind if you call me friend. This is just my second post in BB site. The first one, I introduced myself and the list of my problems. I guess I can say that we opened this BB site to help us with our problems especially coping with DEPRESSION and/or Anxiety. I am 47 years old and married and we have 1 boy who is 15 yr s/old. Reading other post which is particularly related to sexuality caught my interest and attention to share my own story. My DEPRESSION and ANXIETY problem was diagnosed in 2005. Like others with same problems I refused to believe the doctor when he told me that this Depression is the reasons why I regularly experience Sadness,feeling tired even when doing nothing, I don't enjoy doing things or activities I loved doing before, becoming anti social. Besides having emotional symptoms, my depression was the reason for having hives or severe allergic reaction, I was having trouble sleeping or relaxing. In 2005, I was 6 years married to my wife and we we're blessed with a beautiful boy. We have a very difficult relationship. That year I been telling myself that she (my wife) wasn't the woman I married to. She was totally the opposite of my ideal woman.Opposite to what my mother being my fathers partners for life. She was the reasons I am so frustrated and so down I cant even stand having to spend time with her and my son. But looking back, its not my wife's fault. I created this monster that in that time and even today is always the reason for my downfall. The idea that marrying my wife will save me from the judgement or doubts from my family,friends and the people around me, that I am not gay was wrong and it should not happen. I know myself very well that commitment to a relationship is my problem. I know that what I desire is a relationship more on a "one night stand". I know very well that seeing a "pretty boy" will get my attention even with my wife is around. Its so complicated up to this point. I refuse to admit that my wife is right to accuse me of loving a guy or was in relationship with a guy even when she see herself a text message in my cellfone. I just refuse to surrender to my wife because I thought I can use her to change me. I blame her for the failure of my grand plan in life I know and I read some stories of a father that until his wife's death he remain very descreet and enjoys being bi sexual. Why cant I have the same life?

Joe_Black1 Strangled by the woman within
  • replies: 24

Hello Forum-World, I’m in a real spot of bother. Not sure if I’m self-destructing or if I’m just lost on the path of “depression alley”. Had some really dark thoughts in the last 48hrs and I'm simply throwing it out here on BB to ‘vent’. I’ve struggl... View more

Hello Forum-World, I’m in a real spot of bother. Not sure if I’m self-destructing or if I’m just lost on the path of “depression alley”. Had some really dark thoughts in the last 48hrs and I'm simply throwing it out here on BB to ‘vent’. I’ve struggled with transgender thoughts since around age 6. School was a mess of confusion, hormones and fear. Enough said, most of you probably had the same or worse. I hated myself and every living thing. Literally despised myself the more I became ‘manly’. I attempted very harmful things along the way to escape. Back in the 70’s growing up in a small town, transgender wasn’t even a word. My thoughts and desires had no name, just pain. Adulthood began with what I do best: becoming, behaving as people expected of me mostly. I joined the Army just as all the males in my family did. I hated it and left. My loving father didn’t speak to me for several days after my return. I have felt that pang of shame and disappointment many times since. To regain my parents approval, I became a manager and worked for many years in jobs I mostly disliked, always fighting my inner demoness in private. I tried women’s’ clothes in private, but that made the feelings stronger and more painful. Now in my 40’s and married with 2 great kids. I have it all.. good house, job, beautiful wife & kids - but inside my inner demoness is slowly choking me. They deserve better than this, better than me. My self-loathing & destructive ways are creeping back and my medication is losing. I drink too much and get very tired or angry. I am filled with fear & hatred. Fear for what I may do and hatred for there is no escape. I see stories of other trans women such as Andreja Prejic moving on with their lives, but I know that can’t happen for me. I made my bed and now I lie in it. I am a married family man and society has strong views on this. My stomach is hurting just thinking about it. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’ve tried therapy. She was a lovely lady who did her best to try and understand my situation. However, I don’t feel like she really gets it. I feel more like I’m just educating her on the “trans condition” for her memoirs… any good therapist recommendations? I want to meet other transfolk to talk, learn & hopefully laugh. Laughing… I think I remember how that goes. Are there support groups for us? I’m afraid to go though: there are only two people who know my condition – my Doc & my Therapist (& you lovely BB peeps) JB beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Winga Coming Out Gay
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I have just come out gay to all of my friends and family and all of the people at school officially and I am looking for some advice on how to deal with the bullying because I have been bullied my whole life for different reasons but now it h... View more

Hi all, I have just come out gay to all of my friends and family and all of the people at school officially and I am looking for some advice on how to deal with the bullying because I have been bullied my whole life for different reasons but now it has become to much.

Rubyjazz My children won't accept my sexuality
  • replies: 1

I have 3 grown up children & for the last 16 yrs they won't talk to me since I've been with my girlfriend for 16 years. I'm dying inside & I don't know how to rectify the situation? I love my children with all my heart & I bought them up very well 1 ... View more

I have 3 grown up children & for the last 16 yrs they won't talk to me since I've been with my girlfriend for 16 years. I'm dying inside & I don't know how to rectify the situation? I love my children with all my heart & I bought them up very well 1 is a school teacher, 1 is a dental hygienist & the other a boilermaker welder. How do I get my children back, I cry most days & even when I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer & had an operation to remove the cancer not 1 child came to see me. Will I die never seeing my children again? This is making me give up on life. I don't have friends or go out due to agoraphobia & don't work due to illness I have no energy or life. I was currently in a mental health hospital & they have suggested ect treatment but couldn't do it as my medication would react to the ECT. I need help. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Sadlou Help with transgender teenager
  • replies: 9

Hi everyone, this is my first time on here and I'm desperate for some help. Our teenage son has recently told us he is transgender. He has been seeing a psychologist but now she is getting worried about him and wants to send him to a psychiatrist. We... View more

Hi everyone, this is my first time on here and I'm desperate for some help. Our teenage son has recently told us he is transgender. He has been seeing a psychologist but now she is getting worried about him and wants to send him to a psychiatrist. We are fine with his decision and will support him all the way our main concern is him not attending school. He is in year ten and has missed a fair bit of last year and heaps of this year. He has a doctors certificate in place which will run out soon but we are really concerned as to what we will do when that happens and how to tell his school and the education department. He is really depressed and apparently too young to take antidepressants. We worry so much about his future with him missing so much school and are trying our hardest to get him there, we have organised for him to attend on a part time basis but even that isn't working. Anyone in the same situation and can offer some advice?

Pagan Lonely & Isolated
  • replies: 2

Hi All...I'm so lonely and isolated. Isolated generally, as in that I have little to no contact with friends or family and also isolated from my true self, in that I've long felt distanced from my sexual orientation of being lesbian.I turned 50 this ... View more

Hi All...I'm so lonely and isolated. Isolated generally, as in that I have little to no contact with friends or family and also isolated from my true self, in that I've long felt distanced from my sexual orientation of being lesbian.I turned 50 this year and worked out that I haven't had a relationship for 15 years. I also have no friends at all, let alone lesbian ones.What's happened? I also stopped working 11 years ago due to a stress injury. I was diagnosed with an adaptive disorder when new management took over at work and did wrong by me. I won workers compensation but lost my way and haven't worked since.Prior to this I had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Other diagnoses I have had/have are PTSD, due to child sexual assault (incest) agoraphobia and eating disorders.I also have disabling physical health problems. Both my knees are wrecked with bone on bone osteoarthritis. I have both severe lower and upper back pain requiring long-term opioid medication. I also have type 11 diabetes, asthma, obstructive sleep apnea (requiring cpap ventilation at night) hypertension, GORD and other GI tract issues.I am also morbidly obese, thus my mobility is poor. I transfer with either a bariatric quad stick, wheelie walker or just recently the addition of a mobility scooter.Sounds bad... but my GP and psychologist haven't given up on me and believe losing the weight would greatly improve my health across the board. I take a lot of medication including the antidepressant, and sometimes a benzodiazepine for anxiety and restless legs.I hope to find some online friends here. I hope you stop by to say hi.

candele What to do????
  • replies: 3

I am a gay, 50yo man, who has been suffering depression all my life as i see it. My self esteem, confidence come and go and gets chipped away, at times from no fault of mine. This is why i have had no work career or established friends during my life... View more

I am a gay, 50yo man, who has been suffering depression all my life as i see it. My self esteem, confidence come and go and gets chipped away, at times from no fault of mine. This is why i have had no work career or established friends during my life.The only true friend ive had passed away from cancer 5 years ago. Since moving to Melbourne on and off 5 years ago things have not really improved. Yes i started a hobby, that im growing into a small business to keep me focused, thou hard with no support. I have joined gay social groups over the years, but i am made feel like that i dont exist as i dont fit in their supposely ` What a gay man should be' I have been told over the years that im a nice guy, and nothing has ever eventuated into anything, like friendship or something more. What to do??????

brooookiee69 Coming to terms with my maybe true self
  • replies: 5

Hello Everyone! I am just recently in a new relationship and my girlfriend is absolutely wonderful and by far the most supportive person I have ever met in my life. She is helping me through this hard time which is of course coming to terms with the ... View more

Hello Everyone! I am just recently in a new relationship and my girlfriend is absolutely wonderful and by far the most supportive person I have ever met in my life. She is helping me through this hard time which is of course coming to terms with the fact that I may or may not be trans. I believe in myself ever since I was young I should have been brought into this world as male and not female.. Although growing up I wasnt aloud to be the "boy" I wanted to be, I was a girl. I am struggling for the fact it is like figuring out whether I was gay or not alll over again and it is so hard! I am finding myself to be a lot angrier in myself and I am starting to take it out on my girlfriend and I do not want that! I cant help it though.. Is anyone going through the same thing? If has anyone been through this that could maybe give me some advice?! Please... Thank you..