What to do????

[candele]

I am a gay, 50yo man, who has been suffering depression all my life as i see it. My self esteem, confidence come and go and gets chipped away, at times from no fault of mine. This is why i have had no work career or established friends during my life.The only true friend ive had passed away from cancer 5 years ago. Since moving to Melbourne on and off 5 years ago things have not really improved. Yes i started a hobby, that im growing into a small business to keep me focused, thou hard with no support. I have joined gay social groups over the years, but i am made feel like that i dont exist as i dont fit in their supposely ` What a gay man should be'  I have been told over the years that im a nice guy, and nothing has ever eventuated into anything, like friendship or something more. What to do??????

[white knight]

Hi candele, welcome to Beyond Blue forums

I dont know if I will be of any help. At 50yo you would likely know all the theory but unable to put it all into practice.

Apart from the practical things like dating sites (some swear by them others dont) and social media (Facebook) there are some self help things to consider.

And we all at some stage need to prop ourselves up in order to gain confidence. Post separation from my first wife I stared into a mirro every day for several minutes and spoke to myself "you are a good man, you deserve a good woman, there is nothing wrong with you". Sad isnt it candele, but you do what you have to do. If confidence is lacking it must come from within.

Finally one thing I'd like to mention. Society dictates what is a success and what is failure. 50yo seems to you really old to not be successful in consolidating in a relationship. Yet you likely have so much time left in the world. Time, your age etc should not play a part in your thinking.

I think I'd have just as much difficulty if I was gay as you are having, just to find friends.

Take heart - it's not your fault.

Tony WK

[justinok]

Hi candele, sometimes I think we're luckier than straight people having social spaces where we can meet other gay guys, then on my cynical days I am reminded of how shallow this scene can be. All social groups have their cliques, and it can be hard to find your way in.  In my experience, a gay man can be all kinds of things. What kind of a man do you think you are, and/or what do you want to be?  What are your hobbies/interests?  

[candele]

Hi Guys, things are really tough over the last month. Just started seeing a psychologist, hoping to improve my quality of life, of what is left of it. Being my age and realising, that i have be depressed since early childhood. I dont know where my journey will take me, as been pretty much alone all my life.

Hope to share my thoughts with you and reading posts from all over.