Lonely & Isolated

Pagan · ‎26-07-2015

Hi All...

I'm so lonely and isolated. Isolated generally, as in that I have little to no contact with friends or family and also isolated from my true self, in that I've long felt distanced from my sexual orientation of being lesbian.

I turned 50 this year and worked out that I haven't had a relationship for 15 years. I also have no friends at all, let alone lesbian ones.

What's happened? I also stopped working 11 years ago due to a stress injury. I was diagnosed with an adaptive disorder when new management took over at work and did wrong by me. I won workers compensation but lost my way and haven't worked since.

Prior to this I had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Other diagnoses I have had/have are PTSD, due to child sexual assault (incest) agoraphobia and eating disorders.

I also have disabling physical health problems. Both my knees are wrecked with bone on bone osteoarthritis. I have both severe lower and upper back pain requiring long-term opioid medication. I also have type 11 diabetes, asthma, obstructive sleep apnea (requiring cpap ventilation at night) hypertension, GORD and other GI tract issues.

I am also morbidly obese, thus my mobility is poor. I transfer with either a bariatric quad stick, wheelie walker or just recently the addition of a mobility scooter.

Sounds bad... but my GP and psychologist haven't given up on me and believe losing the weight would greatly improve my health across the board. I take a lot of medication including the antidepressant, and sometimes a benzodiazepine for anxiety and restless legs.

I hope to find some online friends here. I hope you stop by to say hi.

Jacko777 · ‎26-07-2015

Hi Pagan,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, I am really glad you have posted, you can talk here any time and you have started a new journey of being less lonely and isolated. You certainly have some stuff going on there mate and I am sorry to hear you are faced with all these issues. Despite all that you sound positive and eager to become less isolated and stay focused on recovery. Has your GP helped you with a plan to lose weight? Sounds pretty important.

Others on here will have advice and support, the great thing about this site is that we all have different experiences and when sharing our thoughts we could be a part of someone else's solution. So if you feel like it you could pitch in wherever you come across someone in the forums that shares a similar experience.

Getting to know my true self is a journey and a passion for me and it never ends. It's something you can do wherever you are, endless information in books and on the net. Do you meditate? I have learnt a lot about my self through meditation and it helps me to train my brain to focus on the positive and off the negative.

Jack

BKYTH · ‎29-07-2015

G'day I can certainly identify with the isolation you speak of. You have your portfolio of diagnosis's as many of us have. My sexuality was destroyed as a child by the clergy in the various institutions I was placed in, and as a result any form of intimacy, emotional or otherwise, is impossible for me. You say in the first paragraph that you have little contact with friends while in the second paragraph you say you have no friends at all. I suspected the later might be the case and was going to ask you for clarification until I reread your post. Like you I also have significant health issues. I only mention these things about myself so that you can realize that there are others who are in somewhat similar positions to yourself and can appreciate how difficult it must be for you. Clearly it would help if you could lose some weight but given the condition of your knees and back most forms of exercise would be impossible for you. Has your GP given you advice as to how you can lose weight given your circumstances? Is it possible to have more contact with your family? If so that would be a good thing to do. Loneliness and the desire for a relationship and all that goes with that is a common problem for a great many people who are isolated regardless of ones sexual orientation. It seems that most of the health issues you refer to are related to your weight so if that can be addressed to some extent then you need to do whatever is necessary to do so. For myself I set daily goals to achieve in whatever area it is that I am addressing and I am realistic about what is possible for me given my situation. I also focus on what it is that I can change and accept those things that I can't. The psychological and physical issues I live with ( I avoid the expression "suffer from") are not good or bad or right or wrong as such determinations are meaningless. Jack mentioned meditation. I have been doing it for many years and find it very helpful. Whatever you are confronted with is just what it is. Get all the help that is available. Do what you need to do. Acceptance is a great alley. Philip.