Thats so gay!

[SourceShield]

I knew when I was 4 years old.

I just knew...I didnt know the right word for it but I was already aware enough to recognise feelings that would arise in me when I was around other boys. 

I was also a very sexualised child. We grew up in a neighborhood like many, where sex abuse wasnt openly talked about, but neither was sexual health.

I grew up as a child believing that many of the feelings I had were wrong and just so gay!

We know enough now to understand sex, sexuality, and gender etc in ways that do show progress for us crazy humans and yet being gay is still seen by many as a curse or something to hide and why wouldnt they?

Much of the world is deciding whether we can marry who we want to, and in some places gay people are killed for being gay, and it is illegal to be born the way they have.

Why wouldnt people want to hide out in a closet?

I am one of those gay guys that was never really in the closet, I went through a "hetero phase" but I am gay. 100%.

I have been with women, in sexual relationships but now I couldnt go there. 

I love my female friends but I love being a man.

I am a gay man, and I see that as a blessing.

Now.

Wasnt always this way, as mentioned life can be tough but I am happy with my "shoes" - you know that saying, walk a mile in another persons shoes etc etc etc, when I think about it...I wouldnt want to walk around and experience life in any other way. 

I first experienced depression when I was 11 years of age. My first attempt at completing suicide. My beloved grandfather had passed away...I wanted to die.

I had no idea that the word for it was depression but blend that with teenage hormones and my teens were hellish for me and my family.

I got kicked out of home at 16 yrs and found religion...I believed that the church could turn me hetero, being gay in my hometown at that time was evil!

But no luck for me...born queer and I live my life now happily so.

We need to stop pushing for 'straight acting" to be a mark of gay nirvana.

Stop gay bashing within the gay community. That means that we accept all those in our awesome sex spectrum. 

I'm not a way-out butch bloke but neither am I overly fem...thats me.

Just be okay with you and be sincere and genuine about it.

Being Gay Is Cool

Jedi

[white knight]

Hi SS, hope you are well.

Great post, god to see you express yourself as yourself.

The main reason for my reply is the - "evolving factor" Its my wording. Take sexual discrimination. In the 60's when I was growing up and the 70's when I first went to work, sexual discrimination was rife, too bad if you were a female. In the defense services us men were terrible towards female recruits. Slowly this has changed. Apart from some well documented and media scrutinised reports, this type of behaviour has decreased....otherwise there are consequences.

But it takes time. And consider, that a 59yo guy like me grew up with the ancient attitude that today is unacceptable. At time us older people still find it hard to change...catch up to the modern and correct attitudes of today.

Now this is so relevant to your post. Attitudes have changed immensely towards gay people. I mean take the early 70's when I was in the RAAF. Gay people had to live in the cupboard and we were paranoid of them, including me. Fast track 42 years and I'm in awe of them, their struggles and their kindness when ever I meet them. In fact I'll go one step further...the mancho aussie male, the men I've worked with that can be ruthless and uncompromising is not the type of guy I'd share my mental struggles with. But a gay guy, with softer, caring heart? sure would.

But as a society although we have come a long long way in a seemingly short time, we have a way to go. I think by the time 2030 comes along we will be at a supreme point of equality. No matter what we do now we wont be able to speed up this time requirement IMO. But we can try.

Hence the relevance of your post. Fear not, Mr and Mrs Average is fast becoming both heterosexual or gay. We are learning to love each other regardless.

Any out their that disapprove are not worth the space in our minds.

Tony WK 

[geoff]

dear Jedi, hi and firstly can I say that it's good for you to post your comment, but it should be no different to anyone else posting a comment, so I'm going to take it this way.Before I reply any more can I say that many people have posted a comment in this 'sexuality and gender identity', but then they just disappear off the radar, which is a shame, although I must say that there are a couple of people who visit the site and join in the conversations and not necessarily about gay, lesbian or bi comments, but also trying to give advice in other areas.So what I am saying is that it would be good for to visit the site when you feel as though you want to, because depression doesn't differ from any person or sexuality.Back in the 60's when I was only young, being gay was always about teasing that person, but don't forget depression was also taboo, and now 55 years later, how everything has changed so much all for the better.You can't be what you outta be, in other words what your family and/or friends expect of you, and in your case how you feel sexually, that it's only normal to be straight, doesn't and can't determine that you feel this way, if you know what I'm trying to say.I'm not a religious person, but I would never think the church could ever change your thinking, and even if anybody tried to force you to change, then that's abnormal and would be a waste of time.It's your life and no one should try and change it, however this would be different in other circumstances, but your sexually is how you felt for a long time.Personally I know of several chaps who are gay, and they certainly don't pose any threat to me, and why would they, they know where I stand in my thoughts and they laugh the same, they have ideas the same as all of us, and what happens behind the door is of no business of mine, just as it is for people who have a straight relationship.It's another step forward when any celebrity or sports person comes out and says that they gay or lesbian, but still I don't think that I know of any that have said they are bi, so this is the next hurdle that has to be overcome. Geoff.

[Gruffudd]

Hi Jedi, that was so gay, thank you...

So I figured out that I was different when I was 5. The debate on changing the NSW sodomy laws was all over the television. I saw a 4 corners documentary and knew that I was like them. I could see how much they loved each other and that made me feel good because that would be the future. 

Mum said I was a bit young and would probably grow out of it.

So I made friends with a "Tom Boy" at school, she was the best, more butch than me and totally fearless. We had the best time and planned our same sex weddings together.

Then when I was 11 I fell in love with a boy for the first time. We went out for a year and a bit. There was so much fear for both of us about being found out and what others would say or do. I thought then that I'd be kicked out of home for sure.

Mum said I was still young and would grow out of it.

Then there was high school, that is where I learned the labels from the other kids. There was some unpleasant stuff that happened on the way home from school. 

Depression and hospital time followed. In there I met another boy, best therapy ever!

Mum was getting the point by then.

Now.

I came to the realisation back then that I really only know what it is like to be gay; I don't have anything to compare it to. When I am so gay and forget the rest, I am at my happiest. It is fabulous to hear the story of others being themselves too.

 Rob.

[sidsthename]

Hi SourceShielf,  

We need to stop pushing for 'straight acting" to be a mark of gay nirvana.Stop gay bashing within the gay community. That means that we accept all those in our awesome sex spectrum. 

Very wise words. 
I loved reading your story and couldn't help laughing at "best therapy ever".

I was very lucky to go to a school which was accepting of LGBTIQ so I actually came out as lesbian before coming out as mentally ill (it took a few more years of denial before I finally sought help), but I knew for a long time I was gay.

I remember when I was 12 the OC was on tv and they had these two characters Alex & Marisa in a lesbian relationship and when they showed the ads for it mum decided I couldn't watch that one episode (I ended up reading the synopsis online instead) and I remember thinking "wow. there's someone on tv who represents me and what i think and feel."
It was an incredible moment. 

 I am so happy being myself and being open with others about who I am. I am so glad others feel the same way.
:)