Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Beesley68 Husband had affair. Left us. No income. Very alone.
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I'm new here. I've been suffering depression and anxiety for years due to traumatic events and losing my parents. I'm 47 and have a 15 year old son. My husband had not been coming home after the football on weekends, drinking a lot and t... View more

Hi everyone, I'm new here. I've been suffering depression and anxiety for years due to traumatic events and losing my parents. I'm 47 and have a 15 year old son. My husband had not been coming home after the football on weekends, drinking a lot and then left us last year for another woman and her family. He has lied about everything and is now wanting a divorce (she is pressuring him) and wants to sell the house. I haven't been able to work due to my depression. I have no qualifications. I'm seeing a psychologist and they have suggested anti-depressants. I'm reluctant to try them. I have no job and worry constantly about how I will support my son and I. How can I pay the bills, a mortgage and feed us. We also have two dogs. I have no family support and am pretty much alone. I can't believe that a person can do this after 20 years. And how he could leave his son and put himself first. I know I have to move on. Most nights I have bad dreams and then don't sleep. I wish I wasn't alive but I love my son and wouldn't leave him. I worry about being homeless and not being able to look after my son.

jojo05 Hate feeling like this
  • replies: 1

Things have been really hard for me since my husband left (i've shared my story on here) all the things i have found out he was doing when we were together and now he has admitted to having a baby with another women has really pushed me to my lowest ... View more

Things have been really hard for me since my husband left (i've shared my story on here) all the things i have found out he was doing when we were together and now he has admitted to having a baby with another women has really pushed me to my lowest ever. I had everything 4 months ago, a husband, a job, a house and a life and now i feel like i have nothing. I gave up my job and my house and moved to another state to live with my family and now i feel like ive made a mistake giving everything up. I did it because i wasnt coping financially and my depression/anxiety was getting worst and really when i thought about it i really didnt have anything anyway, my husband was the only person i had in my life, i didnt have any real friend's and all my family lived in other states. Since i moved here 6 weeks ago i feel as though i cant do anything, pretty worthless actually, its a whole new place and i dont know anyone, dont have a job and my family really dont understand what im going through, i feel as though i cant do anything because i live in their house so i spend a fair bit of time in my room which i like because its my own space but sometimes i even feel as though they dont want me here. I know my mother means well but she makes me feel as though im being lazy, i dont feel mentally ready to jump back into work yet and she makes me feel as though my anxiety is in my head. I do see a councillor and i do have a medical certificate which is allowing me 3 months to adjust to my new life and to get help in the area i really need it but she thinks thats a long time not to have work. My councillor has told me if i was to go and get work it would push me further back and could make my depression worst, which i really dont want. I dont want to sit around doing nothing i do plan on doing some kind of volunteer work and a course in something so i can get out there and meet some people and learn new things but i wish my family would stop pushing me and making me feel as though im doing the wrong thing. All this is new to me i haven't been on my own for 11 years i feel lost and really out of control of my life, its a horrible feel.

Frink Should I fight to relocate my kids, as we agreed before separation?
  • replies: 1

My wife and I had decided to move to Australia where I grew up and my family still live, from New Zealand where we have been living for the past ten years (she is British). We have been struggling in our relationship for a while, and we had a big arg... View more

My wife and I had decided to move to Australia where I grew up and my family still live, from New Zealand where we have been living for the past ten years (she is British). We have been struggling in our relationship for a while, and we had a big argument a week before I left. She was going to follow with the kids, but a week after I left, she decided that she doesn't want to move and wants to separate instead. While she hasn't ruled out getting back together entirely, she doesn't want to give me false hope and I have agreed to see a psychologist about my separation anxiety which has been driving her away. We have two beautiful children (4 and 6), and I really think they would be better off in Australia where I have family support and much greater financial stability. We had severed all ties in New Zealand, jobs, house etc and have bought a house near my family and I have a great job. However, my wife is adamant she won't come to Australia right now, and just wants to stop and look after herself for a while. She hasn't ruled Austrasia out, but also won't commit to anything either. I am in a dilemma, while I really believe the kids would be better off, she is adamant that stability would be better for them, remaining in their routines here as much as possible with friends etc around them. I have taken legal advice which has suggested I would be able to take them to Australia if I wanted to drag the family through the courts, but this feels like it would destroy our family and only the kids would suffer. My other option is to take a job at my old place of work, which is not great but would pay the bills until the end of the year when something else will most likely come up. I want to give my wife the time and space she has asked for, but she seems so unwilling to compromise. We have agreed on shared care of the kids, and she doesn't want to keep me away from the kids. My family in Australia are really pushing me to get the kids to Australia where we can start fresh, but my wife's friends are telling her not to go, and I know she won't unless I get a court order for her to produce the passports. I want to do the right thing by my kids more than anything, but we are fundamentally disagreeing on what that looks like. I also think if I don't fight for it now, then it will be too late once established over here again.

Setting_Sail Cheated and Sad
  • replies: 4

My fiance ( 2 years engaged) ( 8 years BF/GF) cheated on me in 2015 for most of the year and some of the previous year . He has never apologized and i did cop some of the blame ( he advised that he didn't do anything he thought was wrong), December 2... View more

My fiance ( 2 years engaged) ( 8 years BF/GF) cheated on me in 2015 for most of the year and some of the previous year . He has never apologized and i did cop some of the blame ( he advised that he didn't do anything he thought was wrong), December 2015 i found out everything, i was crushed, he has told this girl that he loved her. He has been very sweet and is trying so hard in the relationship since December, but i am angry and sad all the time. When he is at work i spend most of the day crying and curling up in bed with netflix. i keep telling myself that i will heal ( i want to stay in the relationship) I was severely depressed aged 14-18 and i feel that this might be something that is going to put me back in that place. My self confidence has taken a dive since December and i just feel the absolute worst of myself.

desperatelyhopeless Newly married but irritability and aggressiveness are ruining our marriage
  • replies: 3

Hi, I've had depression and anxiety since I was 10years old (I am currently 27). I have been with my husband for 5.5 years and we got married 6 months ago. We went on our honeymoon to Africa in February and bought our first house in March. Since Afri... View more

Hi, I've had depression and anxiety since I was 10years old (I am currently 27). I have been with my husband for 5.5 years and we got married 6 months ago. We went on our honeymoon to Africa in February and bought our first house in March. Since Africa though my depression has come back in full force. I have spent the last 6 weeks unable to go to work and feeling completely worthless and hopeless. My husband, being a logical male, wants to just find a solution to the problem and struggles with the complexity of my depression and anxiety. He tries hard to be supportive and helpful as much as he can but he really doesn't understand why I feel the way I do (which is hard for him), I don't understand why I am the way I am, I wish I did. Anyway whenever I get stressed, anxious or down I become extremely irritable, bitchy and snappy towards him. I don't know why, I just can't seem to control my emotions and I end up snapping at him constantly over really stupid, small things. It's really starting to affect our relationship. I hate hurting him so much, I feel like such a monster. Has anyone had any experience with something like this? Is there light at the end of the tunnel? I am currently seeing a psychologist, naturopath and acupuncturist. We are also booked in for relationship counselling next month. I have tried many different antidepressants with not much success. I really just want to fix this so I can stop hurting him. Any advice would be great.

UsTwo What to do when one has anxiety and the other has anxiety and depression.
  • replies: 1

I'm recently married and 20. Im also pregnant. I have depression, anxiety and have only recently started therapy for years of emotional and physical abuse from family, school and my past relationships. My husband and I have only been together for 10 ... View more

I'm recently married and 20. Im also pregnant. I have depression, anxiety and have only recently started therapy for years of emotional and physical abuse from family, school and my past relationships. My husband and I have only been together for 10 months however the speed of our relationship doesn't phase me he is absolutely without a doubt the person I want to spend my life with. We are both trying to overcome anxiety when it comes to sex. He was a virgin until 27 and I have been repeatedly sexually assaulted and sex was a new concept to the both of us. I feel my depression is causing so much fear and doubt about his sexual attraction to me that I have fabricated fears that cause me to eventually break down in tears and create a worse problem than the initial one. My husband has told me today that he is anxious when he goes to touch me sexually to the point where he just won't, we used to have sex almost every day several times a day and neither of us had problems with our anxiety or my depression. Now though I am very anxious about sex, my body, how he sees me, if he wants me at all and this anxiety is pushing me into a pit of depression that causes me to lash out. His anxiety most likely caused by my own and the depression has caused him to stop seeking intimacy with me. Maybe we could live without sex but the thing that causes me the most anxiety is his daily attachment to porn. I knew he looked frequently I have always know we are very open about that and it has NEVER been a problem, I don't get mad I enjoy it too and we used to incorporate it into our sex life. Now I am so scared and depressed that he isn't touching me anymore but continues his interest in porn that he still wants sex... just not with me. My previous partners have had porn addiction and cheated on me frequently so I do tend to have panic attacks at home while my husband is at work, I try to hide it a lot but now it's affecting our relationship. My anxiety hit me like a bus, the depression has swallowed me again and I am completely lost. One moment we were completely free with each other and held nothing back, I felt safe, sure and comfortable when having sex. Now I'm anxious, depressed, scared of failing and scared of really hurting our relationship when all I am trying to do is fix it. Please give me any advice and help, I am desperate. We both are. -A

ArrowHart Depressed newbie
  • replies: 2

Hi. Newbie to BB. I have been going through a really difficult time lately and I finally decided to join the forum. I constantly feel ready to scream, strangle someone (namely my in-laws,) or doing something to myself... I am from the United States. ... View more

Hi. Newbie to BB. I have been going through a really difficult time lately and I finally decided to join the forum. I constantly feel ready to scream, strangle someone (namely my in-laws,) or doing something to myself... I am from the United States. I moved here because I married an Australian whom I love dearly. However... his family... that's another story. His mom is an absolute nightmare and unfortunately, we have to live with them right now because hubby is struggling to find work. His mom and dad fight constantly because his mom is just a greedy tramp to be honest. She's cheating on him with multiple guys, and uses him to run all of her errands instead of doing it herself. All she does is sit around on her lazy ass and play candy crush or threaten people with knives and baseball bats. If my husband doesn't find work soon I'm so tempted to go back to the US but that will add even more cost on. I like it here but I feel like giving up because nothing is working out right and I really don't know what else to do. I can't afford to pay my credit cards plus pay for an apartment all by myself. I know things would be better if we weren't living with them but it's been a year and I honestly don't know how much longer I can take it...

Claire81 Perfect marriage but he's not feeling it so we have separated
  • replies: 3

I have been with my husband for almost 20 years, since school. We married a few years ago. In the last year I have found out that his feelings for me have changed, he says doesn't want to feel like it as everything between us is really good - most pe... View more

I have been with my husband for almost 20 years, since school. We married a few years ago. In the last year I have found out that his feelings for me have changed, he says doesn't want to feel like it as everything between us is really good - most people would consider he has the perfect life - he just doesn't feel the same so I have had to move out (at his request) to try and sort his head out. More recently we spent a few weeks apart to see if that helped and he had a one night stand. I am not sure how to deal with everything. I don't know if he wants me back, I don't know if I should go back if he wants me to. If anyone else told me this story I would say they are crazy to want to stay with him after all the things he has done in the last year including looking for other ways to satisfy his needs (erotic massages and dating apps, a one night stand). Is he a overall a good person just having some sort of mid life crisis or is he just bad and I should move on? Has the thought of starting a family given him cold feet and the desire to recapture what he thinks he missed out on as we have been together since our teens? We are best friends, there's no animosity. I can't feel angry at him (for the most part - I have angry moments but overall, just sad). I just want our life to be the way it was before. He says there is no reason for it, he's still attracted to me but has a strong desire to go in a different direction. Do I move back home (overseas) and get on with life or do I give it a chance? If we work it out get over this and live happily ever after, it would be a 'blip' in the relationship or do I cut my losses and get on with my life (I'm mid thirties). It seems such a waste to cut our losses - I still think there's so much good in the relationship we can get through it. I am very confused right now as to what to do with my life and how to get through this separation. The chance it could work is the only thing keeping me going. He has a friend who was in a similar situation and the separation worked, now they are happy and have a baby. Is he so focussed on that working for them he thinks it's the only way for us? Has anyone else had a similar experience and how did you cope with it? What was the outcome for you? It's all feeling a bit surreal at the moment. I would appreciate any thoughts from people who have been in a similar situation. Thank you.

Iceym00n Marriage breakdown
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Hi I really need some advice as I don't know we're to turn anymore. My marriage broke down due to my husband joining a lot of sex sites 2 months after we were married! There been some issues in the relationship that have hurt me quite badly which pus... View more

Hi I really need some advice as I don't know we're to turn anymore. My marriage broke down due to my husband joining a lot of sex sites 2 months after we were married! There been some issues in the relationship that have hurt me quite badly which pushed me away from him, I struggle to show physical emotion especially to someone that's caused pain. He kicked me out of our house because I said I was looking for another place, I didn't really want another place I was telling him that in the hope it would help us make more of an effort. It back fired and he kicked me out. The following weeks things got nasty. I found out he had planned a weekend away with a woman he hadn't known since he was a kid. When I spoke to him I wanted to sort things out, he then canceled that booking and went and made a new one at a different place so I didn't know. The next day after his night away that I didn't know about, we had a talk and spoke about getting some counciling while we're separated to see if we can salvage our marriage. It was only 3 days later that I found out by email that he spent the night with her and had lied to my face telling me he spent the night at his brothers.. Apparently he never slept with her and there is a message to prove that! I understand we were separated but it doesn't make the pain any easier. I love this man with all my heart and I struggle to know what to do now when he keeps lieing to me. I want our marriage to work as I feel like apart of me has gone when I'm away from him. The stress is just getting to much and I've found myself thinking of things I shouldn't and wanting revenge against this woman as she knew about me.

millsandboon A year on and a rocky relationship
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Hi! I'm a depression, anxiety, OCD and agoraphobia survivor! 12 months ago I gave birth to the most precious gift..she is the light of my life and I would do anything for her. My relationship however is another story. Although he stuck by me through ... View more

Hi! I'm a depression, anxiety, OCD and agoraphobia survivor! 12 months ago I gave birth to the most precious gift..she is the light of my life and I would do anything for her. My relationship however is another story. Although he stuck by me through my hard times (which I am forever grateful for) there is a part of me that has always believed some of his behaviours back then were partly responsible for the headspace I ended up in. This last year being new parents we have had our ups and downs, some days (when we argue etc) it feels as though there are more downs than ups. We don't fight fair, well I try to but he seems to be getting more manipulative, aggressive and deflecting. We can never have a conversation about our relationship where he answers a question directly, it's always answered with another question or him making some smart remark like "okay, I'm just the asshole" Our most recent argument is about a friend of his. This friend and his long time girlfriend split up just over a year ago and he is now back home with his parents...although he has at times featured heavily in our lives, he still seems to struggle with the concept that we are a family. This argument was about this friends birthday (which is coming up) he mentioned months ago about wanting to go to some gig, my partner and I spoke about it and decided that as I breastfeed and my partner cannot get our daughter to sleep, therefore I don't have the opportunities to be child free etc, that until such time as she is weened and able to sleep no matter who puts her to bed it would not be "fair" for him to go out as I don't get to do similar things. Now this isn't a one time thing, he has been out nights and lunches etc, nights where I have had pick him up drunk with baby in tow...so I'm not just being unreasonable. My partner has also said he doesn't really want to go as the gig isn't really his scene and up until a couple of days ago he wasn't going but as this friend was "dropped" by others last minute he has now decided that he is going. He never mentioned to this friend months ago what we had spoken about and agreed upon together (and the gig has been mentioned several times since) in his words he "never thought he'd have to go, so there was no point" but now I'm the bad one for calling him out on giving me his word and then taking it back because his friend wants to go out. He often says to me I should have known what being a mother was going to be like..what to do or say? xxx