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massive self doubt and worth, with new relationship.

Ausko
Community Member

Getting straight into it.
i have been seeing a girl since early March, we are not dating however not by my choice.

i am trying to better myself for this girl and for many others in my life, i have noticed that i become obsessed in a sense with my partners, they become the only person i really want to talk to about anything.

i am however constantly feeling as though i am not enough, or on the verge or loosing her and because of this i am finding it hard to even enjoy my time with her even tho thats all i want to do. she doesnt need to see me every day or even every week, and i am used to this happening and when i dont see her i am constantly thinking that she is lying to me or wanting to be away from me beceause she honestly doesnt like me. i know that a big cause of my mentality is that i have been hurt so many times before ( being cheated on and being left for someoene else ) but i honestly dont know how to shake these thoughts and its bringing me down to the point i dont even want to get out of bed.

keep in mind its not her fault and i dont blame her. she is a girl used to long distance relationships and she has also come out of a long term relationship like myself but she doesnt want to be labeled.. this is also what gets me all her friends and family know of me and who i am to her but she still doesnt want to commit. is it because i am not good enough for her?

i know i might be going on a tangent i sometimes dont really know what im even typing and i dont even know why ive come to this site. but i feel horrible for weeks and i dont want to go to anyone else.

2 Replies 2

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Ausko, thanks for coming to the site, but from what I read is that she may not want to start a long term relationship after leaving one, however I said long term, well that's not what you really know, nobody knows until you start a relationship, because it could last forever, or maybe only 6 months, no one can tell you, you don't know nor does she.
When you have been cheated on before, then that's what goes through your mind all the time, it's a bad experience where you may have been deeply in love with her, and in turn she cheated on you and broke your heart.
At the moment you are only hypothesizing, doubting your wishes and not giving her enough credit.
People we love do make up lies so they can protect us, or not wanting to get you upset, my ex-wife did it all the time and yes I did too so there wouldn't be an argument so she would give me the silent treatment for days.
It seems as though your confidence needs a boost as well as your self esteem, but I want to put yourself into her shoes and try and see how she would be thinking, and if she thinks like exactly what you have told us them she might have doubts in wanting to see you everyday.
If you love her then you have to take each day as it comes, until you feel comfortable to plan ahead, and to assume (which is a word I hate to use because it's so vague) that she is doing this or that is a mistake and a great way to end a relationship. Geoff.

Wednesday
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Ausko,

You poor thing, relationships are wonderful but also really difficult sometimes. When I read your post I was almost hyperventilating you sound very stressed. Of course we can't put everything we have into one person or expect one person to fulfil all our needs.

Can I ask do you normally feel this anxious? Have you had times before where you wanted to stay in bed?

My gut feeling at this stage is that she is overwhelmed and still working through her own stuff.

I'm really pleased you came to the forum it's a great place to chat and work through things. there are many people with lots of experience to help out. There is also the chatline 1300 22 4436 available 24/7.

You're a good person and it's very important that you look after yourself. Do you have some pleasant things to look forward to?

I seem to be asking a lot of questions here so I'll give you a break. Come back and chat anytime.

I'm really pleased you came to the forum it's a great place to chat and work through things. There are many people with lots of experience to help out. There is also the chatline 1300 22 4436 available 24/7. Have look around the site there is some interesting information too.

Take good care of you.