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New relationship,my girlfriend sufferes from depression.How can I support her and myself?

Community Member

Hi guys I'm new here so I'm try keep it brief. I'm in a gay relationship and have been for about 9 months.im heavily in love with my girlfriend but she has suffered from depression since 16yrs of age.She is now 28 and has been on anti depressants since 16.

i guess I'm asking for advice...and the age old question is this common for somone who has depression.

i find her at times quite distant,face in her phone,dosent talk to me ect.We live 10mins from each other but she dosent wanna ever see me mid week and hang out.at the beginning of the relationship she was all over me and now...id be lucky to get a kiss hello.

And this is starting to affect me,I feel alone in this relationship at times...there is virtually no affection and no intimacy.See I'm normally I pretty super happy goofy person.Sometimes this rubs off on her and things are amazing! But she so withdrawn latley.I try and talk to her she shuts down.

what do I do to support her and make sure I stay happy too? I don't want to imagine my life without her despite how sometimes she makes me cry because of how distant she is.

1 Reply 1

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Alove,

Thanks for posting.

To answer your question - yes, this is incredibly common. I strongly encourage you to have a read of the other posts with people who have partners with depression or anxiety - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/relationship-and-family-issues

I personally have been on both sides of this spectrum; I've struggled with depression and my partner has, so I do see both perspectives. I think it's important to acknowledge how you're feeling and not 'shut it away' as some people can do that. Often when partners are depressed we just want to be there for them and for them to be happy - but we ignore how we are feeling too. It's okay that you're feeling lonely and it can be frustrating when you aren't able to be intimate. Finding avenues and supports can be helpful; ways to keep busy and distract yourself from these feelings like catching up with friends etc.

In terms of supporting your girlfriend though - you mentioned she was on anti-depressants, is she seeing a psychologist as well? This might be a helpful avenue to explore. Also being able to talk to her about what's going on - asking her what might help and being able to navigate the balance between providing her space vs talking about her issues vs doing fun things and distracting her. There is no right or wrong answer.

Hope this helps -