Immediate support
Immediate support

Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Plummy Losing My Husband of 50years
  • replies: 4

I lost my darling husband to a Rapid Degenerative Alzheimers in October 2020. He went from an active smart busy man to dying within 18 months. He was diagnosed as having some form of dementia or Parkinson’s, after numerous tests and visits to doctors... View more

I lost my darling husband to a Rapid Degenerative Alzheimers in October 2020. He went from an active smart busy man to dying within 18 months. He was diagnosed as having some form of dementia or Parkinson’s, after numerous tests and visits to doctors and specialists, (who could not find any reason or clinical issue to cause his symptoms), in May 2019 and after him deteriorating day by day, was admitted to a nursing home on Christmas Eve 2019 as I could not longer care for him or get him out of bed. The last 4 months of his life were devastating with him no longer knowing his family, only being able take liquids and slowly fading away. We as a family made the decision to not have a feeding tube implemented thinking he would pass within a few days. Unfortunately he didn’t pass for three weeks which was the most traumatic time of my life. I moved into the nursing home for the last 6 weeks of his life and slept beside him in a recliner chair holding his hand. For the last two days of his life I lay beside him in his bed cuddling him and holding his hand until he took his last breath. He was gasping for breath for the two days before he died. I feel I was traumatised by his death… just feel so alone since he passed away.

shorti Still grieving my mum
  • replies: 2

I lost my mum 17 years ago and yesterday I got completely emotional wishing she was back. Earlier in the year I had my first baby. I just wish my mum could meet my baby. Yesterday I started to look at baby photos of mine to compare my daughter to mys... View more

I lost my mum 17 years ago and yesterday I got completely emotional wishing she was back. Earlier in the year I had my first baby. I just wish my mum could meet my baby. Yesterday I started to look at baby photos of mine to compare my daughter to myself at the same age and saw all the photos of mum holding me. All this brought back memories and is what made me upset. Mum would of loved to become a grandmother and I feel that I'm missing out on so much that she's not here. I just don't know how I'm going to move on.

bigfatpj I've lost everything
  • replies: 1

Hi my name is Paul and I'm 38 and 3 months ago the love of my life, my beautiful wife passed away from natural but undetermined causes my nice car broke down 8 months ago and the car I was borrowing lost its clutch so now I walk. My late wife's famil... View more

Hi my name is Paul and I'm 38 and 3 months ago the love of my life, my beautiful wife passed away from natural but undetermined causes my nice car broke down 8 months ago and the car I was borrowing lost its clutch so now I walk. My late wife's family excluded me from the viewing and cremation I feel like I've got no hope for the future and I'm struggling to keep going any more I'm not coping well barely eating or showering. I'm just miserable all the time I can fake it around people but it's exhaustive and I don't know what to do next. Anyone got some advice?

jyou Trying to make sense
  • replies: 4

Hi there, it is nice to see others thoughts if you can..I previously lost a good mate to suicide 5 years ago.I was a mum to very young kids and kept so much of my grieving to myself and didn't get to speak to anyone about my true feelings of grief. M... View more

Hi there, it is nice to see others thoughts if you can..I previously lost a good mate to suicide 5 years ago.I was a mum to very young kids and kept so much of my grieving to myself and didn't get to speak to anyone about my true feelings of grief. My husband was even closer to him and decided to head off on planned fishing trips so the mates could grieve together. I soldiered on as a busy mum and tried to brave feelings. Bloody tough, but I got through.Plenty of emotion along the ride and I broke completely once my husband come home for a cuddle and cry (me crying!) Now of this week, we have had a friend pass away - suicide. Not as close as previous mate, but I was absolutely distraught when someone told me about the death. I thought I would be ok, but completely broke down when told. I think I was reliving and still this week, reliving the grief from my mate from 5 years ago.... is that normal to react so emotionally.... I think I may need to talk to someone directly about my previous grief I didn't deal with.

Doolhof Dealing with GRIEF and LOSS
  • replies: 19

Hello Everyone, I would like to open up a discussion about grief and loss, how it affects you, how you cope with it, and what you have found helpful. You may have a poem you find comforting you might like to share with us all, a book that has been es... View more

Hello Everyone, I would like to open up a discussion about grief and loss, how it affects you, how you cope with it, and what you have found helpful. You may have a poem you find comforting you might like to share with us all, a book that has been especially beneficial, advice from people, wisdom you have learnt through your own experience perhaps. Maybe you need a place to share your grief and loss experience. My sense of grief has been heightened recently with the anniversary of a child's death and the upcoming 1st anniversary of a family member's death. I have found sharing on this forum has helped me immensely, as people here understand have compassion and empathy. Long walks, writing down how I am feeling, connecting with people, gardening, reading books when the thoughts are too sad to take and other times accepting the memories has helped. Please feel free to use this space to share your thoughts if you are comfortable to do so. Sending you all kind thoughts as you deal with thoughts about your grief and loss. Regards form Dools

Cass310321 Mental Health & My Dog
  • replies: 3

A year ago I survived Domestic Violence after realising I’d been mentally and emotionally abused for 2 years. Unfortunately due to my loneliness in the relationship I had gotten a Labrador puppy just a month earlier. The domestic violence lead to hos... View more

A year ago I survived Domestic Violence after realising I’d been mentally and emotionally abused for 2 years. Unfortunately due to my loneliness in the relationship I had gotten a Labrador puppy just a month earlier. The domestic violence lead to hospitalisation, homelessness, coming to realise I was a drug addict thanks to my ex, quitting my job to go to rehab and then also finally after 8 months of begging for help, finally getting a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, CPTD, insomnia, substance abuse and I already had suffered depression for 20 years as well as anxiety. it’s been a year since my world fell apart. I’ve worked tirelessly to keep my puppy. I’ve worked so hard to train him each and everyday. We live in a 2 bedroom flat with a small backyard where he gets bored. We have no money and I need to work. But he will destroy the place while I’m at work. And I know I’ll be tired when I get home as I am still considered to be in a crisis situations despite it being a year on. I have such guilt that it’s just him and me and he whines out of boredom despite me walking him twice a day. The breeder I purchased him off made us sign a contract saying that if he needs to be rehomed he must be taken back to her to get a good home which is good. But if I do give him up how do I live with myself? If it wasn’t for him I’d be dead a million times over this past year. But if I didn’t have him I wouldn’t have any anxiety about working, I’d be able to focus on my recovery and wellness and exercise and health. But for so long it’s been either me or him and I alway choose to have his needs tended too first. I see him as a child. I don’t know what to do, and borderline personality can’t be fixed with a pill. It’s lifelong. I don’t know how we will survive financially for the next 10-14 years if I can’t work due to my anxiety over leaving him. I m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. His 15 months old now and 37.5kgs. The vet can’t believe his size. And it’s caused problems such as him pulling me to my knees 5 times over the period of 3 weeks injuring my meniscus. I’m scared I’ll never run again. And I used to run and weight train before Covid for mental health.I even did a half marathon. As I said, it’s either him or me and I never choose myself so I suffer.

Amandam Struggle
  • replies: 1

Hi I don’t know if this right place to post this or asks for assistance but here goes, I lost my father 20 months ago to suicide and then my mother 4 1/2 months ago to suicide also. I decided after my fathers passing to study through tafe nsw but aft... View more

Hi I don’t know if this right place to post this or asks for assistance but here goes, I lost my father 20 months ago to suicide and then my mother 4 1/2 months ago to suicide also. I decided after my fathers passing to study through tafe nsw but after my mothers passing I can’t seem to function or seek right resources I’m looking for individuals feedback or opinions on the following question How is mental health marginalised in your community in the following areas of work and life:Political

Earth Girl Is it normal not to cry much when your pet dies?
  • replies: 6

Last year around this time, my cat passed away because he was very old. When I saw him dying at home, I cried a little bit, but I wasn't a wreck. My parents were also sad, but I don't think they cried. I went to work because otherwise I would have be... View more

Last year around this time, my cat passed away because he was very old. When I saw him dying at home, I cried a little bit, but I wasn't a wreck. My parents were also sad, but I don't think they cried. I went to work because otherwise I would have been at home by myself with my cat dying which would have been hard. All day, I felt really weird. When I got home, my Mum told me she made an appointment with the vet to put him down. When we got there, and this is going to sound strange I guess, we probably seemed quite happy. When my Mum saw the vet she said "Here is a very old, little Grandpa" and the vet asked us how long we had him for and I said since I was in year 5. At the time I was thinking more about how I was happy that my cat lived a long, happy life rather than the fact that I was losing him and I think my Mum was thinking in the same way. The vet took him to the other room to see another vet to organize things and then came back out and put him back on the table and Mum and I were patting him as the injection was going in and then he passed away. The vet then asked if we wanted some time alone and I said I would so she went to the next room and closed the door and as Mum and I were talking, I heard her quietly laugh and say to the other vet "I think I would have been worser off." The next day, Dad wrote an email to my sisters to let them know that he passed away and my older sister was sad, but she wasn't broken (I think she thought of it in the same way I did as well), but my younger sister was extremely upset. I think his passing actually affects me more these days than it did on the day. I sometimes have dreams about him and wake up crying and when I think about him, it makes me emotional, like right now. Only just a few days ago, I told my parents what the vet said and they said "She just meant she would have been more upset if it was her" and I said I know, but it felt like she was also saying that I didn't care much about my cat and my Mum said "if she meant it like that, she wouldn't have that job, she would get fired." I'm still not sure though because I've had people bully me straight to my face several times and my parents couldn't even tell they were bullying me or when they could, they would just make excuses for the person and laugh it off. Also, the vet didn't think I would be able to hear her.

Gracieester Sibling estrangement
  • replies: 1

My sister will often hurt me by cutting off contact with me for months at a time. When she does answer my calls she says I have done nothing, get over it and move on. I am left bewildered, sad and so miserable. I never know what has caused her to be ... View more

My sister will often hurt me by cutting off contact with me for months at a time. When she does answer my calls she says I have done nothing, get over it and move on. I am left bewildered, sad and so miserable. I never know what has caused her to be like this toward me. Just now she has cut off contact with me for twelve months. She won't answer the phone and returned an unopened birthday present to me. Please, can anyone help me. I am 69 and my sister is seven years older. She has a husband who spends his time in another part of the house and she has no friends to speak of. Thank you

Lou-ie Shouldn’t have died in iso
  • replies: 2

My Dad died of cancer in late 2021. Dad should have died surrounded by people who love him but sadly he died alone in a COVID isolation hospital ward.He died alone because of extreme/illogical COVID rules that prevented his loved ones being with him.... View more

My Dad died of cancer in late 2021. Dad should have died surrounded by people who love him but sadly he died alone in a COVID isolation hospital ward.He died alone because of extreme/illogical COVID rules that prevented his loved ones being with him. And because I wasn’t smart enough to preempt an extra COVID test I should have done. And because of useless ScoMo not achieving a faster vaccine roll out. And because of all the selfish people who didnt get vaccinated earlier. Like anyone who looses a loved one I miss him so, so much. But he was 77 so I can reconcile he had a reasonably long life. Not long enough, sadly there’s so much he’s missed just in the last 7 months, but at least 77 is not 40 or 20 or 10.What I can’t come to terms with is his lonely end. And knowing it was partly my fault… to explain in brief… I live interstate and had an end of life permit to visit him via hotel quarantine, but it turned out that because I visited him, when he got critically sick at the end, they put him in an iso ward. Then said he couldn’t have visitors until I returned one more negative COVID test (I’d already had 10 negative tests over 2 weeks but they wanted another). My negative result came in 20 hours later and 10mins after he died. In retrospect I could and should have anticipated that extra test may have been requested. And in retrospect, when I was told it was required, I firmly believe if I’d been quicker with my thoughts/words I could have negotiated an exception. But I didn’t. And he died alone. He deserved better from me.I feel so guilty and regretful that I didn’t do better for him. And im also angry and disgusted with ScoMo (‘it’s not a race’) and those who were so selfishly slow to get vaccinated. If our vaccination roll out had happened at a reasonable pace there would not have been interstate travel iso rules at that time. I know others have suffered more than Dad and my family in relation to COVID iso rules, it’s been so tough for so many. One day the real cost of COVID will be realised, not only the death rate and the financial costs, but the far reaching mental heath impacts of isolation. For my part, I just can’t seem to stop being upset and angry about what happened to Dad.