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Grief and loss

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Gracieester Sibling estrangement
  • replies: 1

My sister will often hurt me by cutting off contact with me for months at a time. When she does answer my calls she says I have done nothing, get over it and move on. I am left bewildered, sad and so miserable. I never know what has caused her to be ... View more

My sister will often hurt me by cutting off contact with me for months at a time. When she does answer my calls she says I have done nothing, get over it and move on. I am left bewildered, sad and so miserable. I never know what has caused her to be like this toward me. Just now she has cut off contact with me for twelve months. She won't answer the phone and returned an unopened birthday present to me. Please, can anyone help me. I am 69 and my sister is seven years older. She has a husband who spends his time in another part of the house and she has no friends to speak of. Thank you

Lou-ie Shouldn’t have died in iso
  • replies: 2

My Dad died of cancer in late 2021. Dad should have died surrounded by people who love him but sadly he died alone in a COVID isolation hospital ward.He died alone because of extreme/illogical COVID rules that prevented his loved ones being with him.... View more

My Dad died of cancer in late 2021. Dad should have died surrounded by people who love him but sadly he died alone in a COVID isolation hospital ward.He died alone because of extreme/illogical COVID rules that prevented his loved ones being with him. And because I wasn’t smart enough to preempt an extra COVID test I should have done. And because of useless ScoMo not achieving a faster vaccine roll out. And because of all the selfish people who didnt get vaccinated earlier. Like anyone who looses a loved one I miss him so, so much. But he was 77 so I can reconcile he had a reasonably long life. Not long enough, sadly there’s so much he’s missed just in the last 7 months, but at least 77 is not 40 or 20 or 10.What I can’t come to terms with is his lonely end. And knowing it was partly my fault… to explain in brief… I live interstate and had an end of life permit to visit him via hotel quarantine, but it turned out that because I visited him, when he got critically sick at the end, they put him in an iso ward. Then said he couldn’t have visitors until I returned one more negative COVID test (I’d already had 10 negative tests over 2 weeks but they wanted another). My negative result came in 20 hours later and 10mins after he died. In retrospect I could and should have anticipated that extra test may have been requested. And in retrospect, when I was told it was required, I firmly believe if I’d been quicker with my thoughts/words I could have negotiated an exception. But I didn’t. And he died alone. He deserved better from me.I feel so guilty and regretful that I didn’t do better for him. And im also angry and disgusted with ScoMo (‘it’s not a race’) and those who were so selfishly slow to get vaccinated. If our vaccination roll out had happened at a reasonable pace there would not have been interstate travel iso rules at that time. I know others have suffered more than Dad and my family in relation to COVID iso rules, it’s been so tough for so many. One day the real cost of COVID will be realised, not only the death rate and the financial costs, but the far reaching mental heath impacts of isolation. For my part, I just can’t seem to stop being upset and angry about what happened to Dad.

Mr.G Sudden loss of only brother.
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, Recently I suddenly/unexpectedly lost my younger brother. My only brother the person I grew up with, after taking his own life in April 2022 he was aged 29. I’m a 33 year old husband and father of 2 great kids (Son 11 & Daughter 9) Offic... View more

Hi everyone, Recently I suddenly/unexpectedly lost my younger brother. My only brother the person I grew up with, after taking his own life in April 2022 he was aged 29. I’m a 33 year old husband and father of 2 great kids (Son 11 & Daughter 9) Officially diagnosed at 30 with ADHD, OCD, Border insomnia, Anxiety, PTSD & Depression. Diagnosed as a child with dyslexia. (Medicated for ADHD) 2015 We lost my dad an ambassador for Beyond Blue. To this day I don’t believe I processed/delt with it the right way, the pain is not any less, still finding myself overwhelmed with grief and sadness. My brother had finished university shortly after, gaining employment as a graphic designer, around 12 months later being made redundant due to COVID. Spending the last 2 odd years, job hunting, doing bar work and so on. He appeared to deal with it well, if and when he was in a rut, spoke to mum (They were super close) and his 2 best friends. Anyway obviously the black dog was lingering in the shadows. (No Note) We were notified Monday afternoon, I couldn’t / wouldn’t believe it. I really struggle with emotions/feelings, like BAD. This on top of being a very proud man who self-paints the portrait of “The Man” is a “strong provider”. Trying to be the Rock to support my wife, kids, mum and my 96-year-old nanna. Feeling like I couldn’t and can’t grieve the loss of my brother in front of them without creating more pain…. April was the wife's and my birthdays, this year we just passed on them… But I’m really struggling, I’m just really sad like all the time. Struggle to get going in the mornings, Struggle enjoy anything, becoming withdrawn from friends, distant from my kids, short fused, arguing with my absolutely awesome wife over nothing. Like I really just want my life back, I want to enjoy the time I have with my family be motivated but I guess I’m lost or stuck or both and don’t know what to do now…. Final hurtle we have to cross/deal with is, 1st of September… It was a shared day. Thanks for the vent. Shanon

Earthlyme Early days if loss if my mother ❣️😥
  • replies: 2

Hi there everyone, just want to thank everyone for all your kind and caring words all around Australia it's only been a week since my Mumma has passed away but it feels like a life time allready. I am missing her Love,talks,cuddles and words of wisdo... View more

Hi there everyone, just want to thank everyone for all your kind and caring words all around Australia it's only been a week since my Mumma has passed away but it feels like a life time allready. I am missing her Love,talks,cuddles and words of wisdom daily. Yes I have comfort in knowing she is up with Jesus Christ but I wish I could touch her, I just want to say that I taped her voicemail so wen I need to hear her voice I can , makes me sad but makes me laugh as my mum had a good sense of humour and her voicemail is funny. Anyway just touching base and prayers go out to all who are greiving a loved one , God Bless y'all 🙋

mouse0801 Trying to find an answer
  • replies: 2

Im 19f and lost my dad to suicide two months ago. mum found him, i got that call and now i’ve lost faith in the world. it was unexpected, a complete shock to my family. i have two siblings and my mum now, we are very close family and my parents were ... View more

Im 19f and lost my dad to suicide two months ago. mum found him, i got that call and now i’ve lost faith in the world. it was unexpected, a complete shock to my family. i have two siblings and my mum now, we are very close family and my parents were together 30years. im left with so many questions, he didn’t say goodbye. no note, not even a message. i don’t understand how he could of done that. and i feel sick thinking about the pain he must of been in. how did we not know, i could of done something why did you leave me. im in shock most days, i forget and go on as i have moved out and living with my bf since the start of the year. and then i call dad, and wonder why he isn’t picking up. my whole world crashes done for a spilt second before i shut it off because it’s too hard to feel that. im scared now, of how much that hurts and how i become numb, i don’t care about anything damn it all. and how i could hurt the people i love by spiraling out. but i can’t because i don’t want to hurt my loved ones . i want to hurt myself because i feel like it doesn’t really matter,. but then i get moments with the loml that everything feels ok and that the weight of knowing my dad, who was my whole world. who i trusted the most , will not be there for the rest of my life and i know i can still be happy. but it’s this constant battle that i feel is getting worse. my mental health was good before, some aspects of anxiety but normal. i would go to my dad and he would help me rationalise it, and remind me that it would all be ok. so im scared of how i feel, and think now. all i need is to get one last hug, for him to tell me everything will be ok. maybe even just a bloody goodbye. i struggle to talk about it, to really tell people how much im hurting, because it’s easier to not have to except it. i don’t know how i can live with this. i need my dad and now he’s gone. he did this to me

Dean_Dharug Grieving Mum and a Partner I never had
  • replies: 3

I hope here is the right place to put this. I (27m) lost my mum about 1.5 years ago to cancer; I am an only child and she was a single parent, so I have been left alone in the family house to kinda just “deal with it” and “get on with life”. I have b... View more

I hope here is the right place to put this. I (27m) lost my mum about 1.5 years ago to cancer; I am an only child and she was a single parent, so I have been left alone in the family house to kinda just “deal with it” and “get on with life”. I have been completely unable to do that - unable to touch her things, throw anything away of hers or even use some of the shared items - to the point that I have had to buy duplicates of some stuff. Very recently (within the past few months) an ex I still cared deeply for moved in with his current partner-of-a-few-years; I fell to pieces as, not only was the man I loved sharing his life with someone else, but he was (in general) living the life I had always dreamed of, whilst I was stuck here in this seemingly endless hell. I reached my breaking point and talked to him about what “we” were; we were close and felt like a couple in all but name, but one day he just shut me out and became cold and distant. I don’t know what happened or why, but I knew what we had - so I stuck by him through the years. It was immensely painful at times, but I told myself it’d be worth it and he’d eventually come around and see I was always here for him and we’d go back to how we used to be. …That wasn’t how he saw it; he stated that he was “careless and immature” with his emotions and didn’t put proper forethought into them. As a result, what we had was “more than a friendship, but not quite a relationship”. He says that some life stuff happened and he shut a lot of people out (he says it’s a recurring problem he has) and that, when he sat down and thought, he “realised I could never take a gamble on someone I had never met before halfway across the world” (he lives in the US). He said he had a crush on me, but it never would’ve worked. Since then, a (mutual) friend has told me that the ex confided in him a bunch of reasons why we never would’ve worked - distance not being one of them. He told me that the ex I had in my mind was a fantasy, and he doesn’t exist like that. He told me that he’s been polite to me ever since he shut me out - so that he wouldn’t be the “bad guy”. I feel I’ve hit rock bottom, and I’m doing all I can to try and work my way through this, but it feel impossibly hard, working without a direction or goal. I’m aiming to start cleaning up the house, but I have no idea how to start with mum’s stuff. Likewise, I’m trying to take care of myself, but it feels pointless without my ex as the finish line. Any advice welcome.

Earthlyme Loss of my beautiful Mumma
  • replies: 10

I just recently loss my beautiful Mumma to cancer, 2/7/22, two months ago they told us it was terminal my mum turned 74 on the 1/7/22 and passed at 5:19 am in the morning, my mum was my confidant and was the only person that understood me, I feel so ... View more

I just recently loss my beautiful Mumma to cancer, 2/7/22, two months ago they told us it was terminal my mum turned 74 on the 1/7/22 and passed at 5:19 am in the morning, my mum was my confidant and was the only person that understood me, I feel so sad and heartbroken, I have comfort in knowing she believed in Jesus Christ and up in heaven celebrating but I'm never going to be or feel the same again. I lost my partner Rod 4 years ago to cancer also and just starting to get my life a little better and in some form of reality now this, my mum gone. She fought the good fight .she was a amazing inspiration woman. I'm so lost n lonely , this world feels so cold now. I will never stop loving and thinking of my Mumma, thank you for letting me vent in this forum. GOD bless you all

Socs Socs
  • replies: 2

Hi, I was diagnosed with PTSD about 2years ago. It all started after they found my older brothers remains in July 2018, he was a missing person since June 2001. After 17years they found him and I didn't deal with the bad news very well. The first 2ye... View more

Hi, I was diagnosed with PTSD about 2years ago. It all started after they found my older brothers remains in July 2018, he was a missing person since June 2001. After 17years they found him and I didn't deal with the bad news very well. The first 2years was the most difficult and I was getting help from a psychologist. They found the person who was responsible and at least we have closure. Early 2021 I was crying out for help from the inside. I was admitted to a Mental Health Facility for 2 weeks. I'm on medication for my PTSD and I am coping with the support services. It's not perfect but I accept we all have good and bad days. Thanks to whoever is reading my story I appreciate it very much because I'm a loner.

Nikki85 Newbie struggling with the loss of my mum
  • replies: 6

Hi my name is Nicole. I am 35. I am a mother to 3 gorgeous sons. They are 9-8-3. I'm currently struggling with the loss of my dear mother. She was only 56 :(. My mum passed away 11-11-2019. Yet another emotional wave is crashing. Missing my mum so mu... View more

Hi my name is Nicole. I am 35. I am a mother to 3 gorgeous sons. They are 9-8-3. I'm currently struggling with the loss of my dear mother. She was only 56 :(. My mum passed away 11-11-2019. Yet another emotional wave is crashing. Missing my mum so much. Feeling like I am only here because I have to be, not because I want to be. I'm feeling defeated. I'm feeling done. I struggle to get out of bed. Because sleep is the only time I feel nothing. Wish I could just sleep the rest of my life away. Feeling like I am on auto polite. On the verge of tears. Constant pain in chest. Knowing a part of me is missing. I know we aren't meant to live forever. But I didn't expect my mum to be gone so soon. This is one of the worst pains. I just want my mum back I miss the old me. I have no motivation. Trying to work out how to survive the new normal. How do you live without the one who gave you life?... This pain is seriously like no other.

Jack_Falco Loss of a child and relationship breakdown - I am doing a 90 day sobriety challenge to cope
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, this is the first time I have posted here. My poor baby never came into this world. My ex-girlfriend, who I was with for three months was pregnant with my baby, and she wanted an abortion, and she had it. This happened over a month ago n... View more

Hi everyone, this is the first time I have posted here. My poor baby never came into this world. My ex-girlfriend, who I was with for three months was pregnant with my baby, and she wanted an abortion, and she had it. This happened over a month ago now. I grieve every day for my baby and I grieve for my relationship, secondly. It's so intense writing about this here. I don't want to offend anyone, but I'm really looking for support/advice. The poor baby. While my ex-girlfriend was pregnant she smoked and drank. I was absolutely horrified at her indifference. The poor baby never did anything to anyone. Before she was pregnant I felt we had a really nice connection and was enjoying getting to know her. But, I guess time pacifies everything. Everytime I think about missing her, I think, she chose to abort the baby I wanted to have and she treated it really terribly while she as pregnant, then I have absolutely no inclination to call her. I just want to acknowledge that I can vent here and express my opinions, but I recognise that my baby will never be able to, which absolutely breaks me heart. I feel incredibly selfish. Whenever I have a relationship breakdown, I quickly go onto internet dating. I don't want to do this. I want to take 90 days off from dating, and also 90 days off from alcohol. Since the abortion, I have been drinking more and mixing alcohol with medication. I look forward to speaking to you all here and supporting you too. If any of you have been through this, if you are comfortable, please share with me. I feel very alone with this. To the baby who never saw this world, I just want to say I'm sorry, I will always love you, please forgive me.