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Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Rain_Wizard So much loss
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, I've been meaning to come on here and talk about my current situation. I'm just gonna jump straight in. So, i lost my mum to Cancer in July, when she got diagnosed, she was given about 5 months to live, so me and my family set out to do ... View more

Hi everyone, I've been meaning to come on here and talk about my current situation. I'm just gonna jump straight in. So, i lost my mum to Cancer in July, when she got diagnosed, she was given about 5 months to live, so me and my family set out to do so much with her, go to the beach, have a family dinners etc etc, anyway, she passed away after 5 weeks and didn't get to do anything with her. The last week, she was asleep, as her body just shut down. The positive i take out of this is, we got to say our goodbyes, got to say sorry for anything etc. About 2 weeks ago, my family lost a father figure to Cancer, he wasn't blood relation, but we had known him for about 30 years, the majority of my life and he became somewhat of a father figure and such an important part of our family. During this time, me and my partner had to put one of our cats down, her body was shutting down and was in pain. Then a couple of days ago, a family friend passed away with Cancer, i just saw him about a month ago and he looked fine, getting on in age, but was still getting around and looked healthy, he was a great man. I also do contract work, and got my new contract about a week ago and my pay has gone down, quite a bit, we struggled the last 2 years (due to COVID) and was looking forward to getting a pay rise and the possibility of having a holiday to kind of process every thing that has happened. When my mum passed away, my work was very sympathetic and said i could take as much time away as i needed, but due to our financial situation, i got to take a week off and i had to go back. So here i sit at my computer and all i feel is numb, i don't feel suicidal, but i don't really feel much at all, i don't care about my job, i don't really care about much TBH. Christmas is coming up and i don't care much about it. I will go with the flow, do lunch and dinner, physically i will be there, but mentally i won't be, if everyone gets what i mean. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent and talk about my past 6 months. Thanks.

RedheadBeth Loss of an old friend to suicide
  • replies: 4

My close friend took his life on Monday. It wasn't his first attempt but I did hope he would keep reaching out when he needed it. We've known each other since we were 12, almost 2 decades. We had a pact together that we made when we were young that i... View more

My close friend took his life on Monday. It wasn't his first attempt but I did hope he would keep reaching out when he needed it. We've known each other since we were 12, almost 2 decades. We had a pact together that we made when we were young that if we weren't married by the time we were 30 we would get married to each other, so neither of us had to grow old alone. We've always stayed in touch over the years but the passed year and a bit, since his last failed attempted at suicide, we've spoken every day. He has felt suicidal for a long time but he always spoke to me about it, we had a promise we would reach out to each other when we got to that place and until Monday we'd both kept that promise. I keep going through being upset and missing him and being angry - angry with him for following through this time and being angry at all of the people posting on his social media that weren't there for him (even though it's none of their faults but he put out multiple cries for help and silence). I don't know what I want from this forum but I just have a massive void and messaging his number will never be read by him.

Mich_pete Practical help
  • replies: 1

I have had to deal with all the financial stuff from late brother he died suddenly without a will. Thankfully he didn't have any major assets or expenses, but I had to organise a funeral from another state. The one big thing I found was the same comm... View more

I have had to deal with all the financial stuff from late brother he died suddenly without a will. Thankfully he didn't have any major assets or expenses, but I had to organise a funeral from another state. The one big thing I found was the same comment you are only a sister? Not a wife or a child of the deceased this made it a very cold sad situation. I had to junp thru a few hoops to take charge of the arrangements. So now I'm trying to get to know my little brother and to try and figure out what was going on in his head. I was wondering if anyone else has had to deal with the same things? It has helped me to work thur my sadness and grief and create memories but now I'm finding that it's catching up with me. But hardest thing is that I feel like that someone is missing out as I don't know if he had anyone special somewhere out there?

Pepper13 Multiple loss
  • replies: 2

In the last couple of years I have lost my beautiful mum, my aunt, my cousin and my best friend. My marriage broke down and I'm now a single mum to two gorgeous children. Last week we had to put my dog down. I now help my dad out a lot. I'm not reall... View more

In the last couple of years I have lost my beautiful mum, my aunt, my cousin and my best friend. My marriage broke down and I'm now a single mum to two gorgeous children. Last week we had to put my dog down. I now help my dad out a lot. I'm not really sure what I'm doing here but I just feel a bit overwhelmed and I guess I'm just looking for some support.

GettingThereButLookAnothe Big Brother, Turbulent family relationships, grief is weird.
  • replies: 11

My brother just died a little over 2 weeks ago. I've had a few deaths the last few years, it's always a strange feeling. But, this is... I don't have the words. Those first two weeks I was mostly numb. These last few days, less numb. The arrangements... View more

My brother just died a little over 2 weeks ago. I've had a few deaths the last few years, it's always a strange feeling. But, this is... I don't have the words. Those first two weeks I was mostly numb. These last few days, less numb. The arrangements have been an absolute nightmare. There's been family drama I really hoped we could all move past so we can focus on him. My brother had problems that hid his glorious heart. Unfortunately due to years of him being in and out of my life, some quite traumatic; we grew apart. As much as I loved him, and wanted to be able to have him in my life, I couldn't. Seeing him destroy himself and hurt the people we loved. I was always hopeful, but it was too hard. Everytime I did see him, I hugged him, and told him I loved him. Today I had a funny moment: My friend asked what was happening with him. I had a moment where I was confused, almost like I'd forgotten. For so long I was used to that question being about something he'd done or help he might've been getting or where he was staying. (In a way it was about where he was, because of the family drama... decisions haven't been finalised) Then my brain caught up to the question and, well "He Dead". I told my two friends I was talking to and we had a laugh. Now I'm up late and he's back in my head. There's occasional chuckles at something he did, said or would do or say. But there's alot of tears. I knew before but, now my emotions are just about ready. I knew this something of emotion would come and go. But it's so fast it hits like a tsunami. There's the warnings, the tide goes out, everything dries up, and then it comes right back devistating and flooding. (And you know it's gonna happen all over again) Writing all this has been good. I'm calmer now. I know his struggles are over. And though it's gonna hurt for all the people who care, it'll get easier. I don't know how many people can relate to this, and I don't know if it'll help. But we all experience different things in different ways. No one can tell you how you feel about someone or something, except you! Unfortunately, there's no answer sheet, you have to do your working out. Don't be afraid to think and talk about death. Don't be worried about appropriate.

Meowingat3AM Grieving an internal organ that will be removed soon
  • replies: 3

I am having my gallbladder removed within the next 36hrs and I'm just feeling this huge sense of loss and grief. I have been through substantial health and disability issues for almost a decade now but this will be the first major surgery I have had ... View more

I am having my gallbladder removed within the next 36hrs and I'm just feeling this huge sense of loss and grief. I have been through substantial health and disability issues for almost a decade now but this will be the first major surgery I have had and it's removing an internal organ. I've been through so much medically yet needing to have my gallbladder removed, I just feel like I've failed. I feel like regardless of how faulty my body has been over the years, to need an internal organ removed, it just feels like new level of ill health has been unlocked. It's a line that once crossed, opens the door to other complications and issues. I could mentally wrap my head around years of physical therapy and various procedures and treatments aimed at making my body more functional with its original parts but now for some critical internal functions to be expected to be functional with an internal organ missing - I just can't help but feel this is the beginning of the end for my health and mortality. My surgeon was shocked that I was sitting in my wheelchair in his office so calmly, as most patients similar to me would describe the experience as the worst pain they've experienced, even worse than childbirth. I just feel a huge sense of grief and loss. The idea of losing my gallbladder is bringing up feelings of grief that I will not feel whole anymore. I have had people (not my surgeon) say 'oh getting gallbladder out is common, so and so recovered fine, so you'll be fine'. My own mother has had her gallbladder removed yet my intuition keeps telling me that my surgery and/or life post surgery will bring with it a plot twist. I've had general anaesthesia multiple times before and spent more time in a hospital room/ward than most 'apprentice' doctors or nurses do (I know they have their own respective titles, I'm just too tired right now and my brain refuses to grant me access to my fancy thesaurus). Yet there's just something about.... I just figured it out.... (Joys of having studied counselling and able to self induce CBT..) I'm freaking out over this surgery because it's the first medical situation I've been confronted with where I cannot 'rehab, replace and/or restore' the faulty part of my body in question. It will be gone for good ... I feel melancholy A sadness... Grief

Charlotte_Y Lost everything that meant something to me
  • replies: 2

Hello. I’m new to these forums. I’m 37 years old and have recently started living on my own again post separation. I’ve moved into a property which I don’t. I miss my previous home which I loved so much. Shortly after moving in, my cat was diagnosed ... View more

Hello. I’m new to these forums. I’m 37 years old and have recently started living on my own again post separation. I’ve moved into a property which I don’t. I miss my previous home which I loved so much. Shortly after moving in, my cat was diagnosed with Cancer and was palliative for two months before I had to put her to sleep. The experience of seeing her deteriorate and then saying goodbye to her was very painful and I miss her every day. Furthermore, I’m having issues with my new neighbour who is anti social and disrupts my sleep every night due to undue noise. He has also vandalised my property but I’m too afraid to complain as I feel it will make the situation worse. When I’m there I feel overwhelmed with grief and almost paralysed. I quit my job due to burnout and am struggling with the loss of this, as I defined myself and my self worth through it. I don’t know how to ‘begin again’. I have never felt so lost and alone.

Layla_Maree Pregnancy Loss
  • replies: 5

I've misscariaged twice now, I grieve over the loss more than I expected. The second time around wasn't any easier. I feel anger, guilt, spite, jealousy, relief over and over again. I can't pick or decide on exactly how I feel which is exhausting. I'... View more

I've misscariaged twice now, I grieve over the loss more than I expected. The second time around wasn't any easier. I feel anger, guilt, spite, jealousy, relief over and over again. I can't pick or decide on exactly how I feel which is exhausting. I'm finding it hard to hear and digest "it's so common" " at least you know you can fall pregnant" although those saying it mean well. I also said goodbye to my dog of 14 years late last year. I didn't get to grieve for him like I would've preferred as I knew I was pregnant at the time and didn't want to stress myself out too much. Now the pregnancy is over I'm grieving for him too. =(

Georgiesad Just had the most horrible miscarriage experience
  • replies: 2

Hi guys I just had the worst pregnancy which all feels like a whirlwind and I’m grieving, angry, sad, feel guilty and feel like I’m just cycling through these feeling constantly. Please help me. 3 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. Other than some... View more

Hi guys I just had the worst pregnancy which all feels like a whirlwind and I’m grieving, angry, sad, feel guilty and feel like I’m just cycling through these feeling constantly. Please help me. 3 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. Other than some light bleeding my blood test where showing good things and Dr said everything was progressing as it should. I was meant to have an ultrasound on Monday at 7weeks and imagined being scanned by the dr and seeing this little fluttering heart beat on the ultrasound. Not.what.happened. My dr immediately ordered another set of bloods and in receiving results Tuesday rang and told me I would need immediate surgery laparoscopy to look inside my stomach as he thought it was may be an ectopic pregnancy. He said that if it were he would need to remove my whole tube. As luck has it my tube was ok and I ended up having a curettage. it all happened so fast I think I was in shock now I’m at home so sore from the incisions in my tummy from the laparoscopy and no longer pregnant. im so sad and angry and lonely and lost. My husband wants to help but I find myself angry at him too.

MISSY1997 my dad is gone
  • replies: 2

My dad passed away on the 10January. it was the most saddest thing i have ever seen. the hospital didnt allow me to go and see the weekend before and didnt give me an exemption. On the Monday i received a call at 8:20am from the hospital saying they ... View more

My dad passed away on the 10January. it was the most saddest thing i have ever seen. the hospital didnt allow me to go and see the weekend before and didnt give me an exemption. On the Monday i received a call at 8:20am from the hospital saying they are giving me an exemption as he deteriorated over night, i went straight away. He was or looked like sleeping or pumped up on pain medication. he didn't open his eyes he didn't speak didnt squeeze my hand. the doctor came around 10 and said he was dying and that t could be an hour, 2 hours a day or 3 everyone was different. my dad hated hospitals and didn't want to be in there. i spoke o him held his hand and said i was sorry for everything i upset him about growing up. i told him i would look after mum and be strong for him now that he couldn't. (he told me that in November when he was last in hospital). At around lunch time, he opened his eyes fully waved at my mum and looked at me then drifted back off to sleep. my mum and i kept talking to him asking him to squeeze our hands if he could hear us, he never did. At 3pm the nurse came in. at 3:50 the nurse came back in saying they needed to move my dad to the next room because a stem cell patient was coming into the room he was in. thinking nothing because he was asleep all day i said ok. when they started to wheel his bed out of the room his eyes opened wide, the widest ive ever seen. i asked them why now if they were shut all day. they told me because they were moving him and he could probaly feel it. they assured him t would be ok and continued to the next room. his face looked strained and his mouth to the side, i yelled something is wrong help him. they got him in the room he was staring at nothing and then his eyes turned to me and looked straight at me. i was a mess telling him it was ok and that i would look after mum and be strong from him, the nurse trying to treat him. he took to big breaths as he looked at me, his face so scared and forehead worried. i kept holding his hand and telling him it was ok. its ok dad. he left us. Im trying to be strong and hold it inside but i feel like I'm drowning, and a burden to everyone. i need help Im a mess.